Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 555: There's No Plus or Minus in Love!

On TV, the host explains unhurriedly:

"Now, the trend in Edo is 'Love Sleep,' a romance simulation game whose unique feature is that the game time is synchronized with real-time. It greets you 'Good morning' when you wake up and bids you 'Good night' in the evening."

"Because the game is too lifelike, there are increasingly many boyfriends in Edo who can't seem to tear themselves away from these digital lovers..."

Shinpachi, frowning slightly in front of the TV, sighs, "It's troubling, isn't it? If you can't distinguish between game and reality, and your life gets invaded like this, you'll never get a real girlfriend."

Saying this, Shinpachi turns his face tenderly towards a black-haired, single-ponytailed, slightly blushing, cute girl in a pink yukata displayed on the TS screen beside him, "Right, Miss Hyaku?"

"Hehe…" The game character, Miss Hyaku, nods with a giggle.

Sitting not far behind Shinpachi, Otae covers her mouth, her eyes brimming with tears of pity. Nearby, Katsura, Kawaki, and Kagura look on with expressionless, sad faces.

"I want to share some of our happiness with them." Saying this, Shinpachi picks up a cake from the ground and tenderly offers it to the TS screen, "Open your mouth, ahh~."

"Ahh~"

"It feels like we're third-wheeling, so I'll take my leave," Kawaki tentatively comments.

"Anyway, I wish them eternal happiness; remember to invite me to the wedding," Katsura says, pulling open the sliding door.

However, before Katsura and Kawaki can step out, Otae, getting up, grabs them both by the hair.

"Where do you two think you're going?!" Otae, with a stern face, repeatedly slams their heads into the floor.

Thud, thud, thud...

"Where has your brother run off to, huh?" Kawaki, his head stuffed into the floor, responds weakly, "He's probably been swallowed into a dimension between the game and reality!"

"But... he looks happy, doesn't he? If he's happy, let's not disturb them!" Katsura, face-down on the floor, weakly adds, "Congratulations, Otae. At this rate, Shinpachi will eventually marry and have children in another world. I'll come to the full-moon party..."

"What kind of world is that? If it's not the real world, it's completely useless!" Otae roars with bulging veins, then covers her face in frustration, "They said they would introduce me to a girlfriend, but suddenly he brought that, and since then, it's always been like this."

"Don't worry, aru," Kagura stands up, pointing a finger comfortingly at Otae, who's kneeling by the door, "Sadaharu also mounts his toys when he's in heat; he'll stop once he's had enough, aru."

"That won't work!" Otae retorts emotionally, "Because Shin-chan is in heat all year round!"

"Indeed…" Katsura, pulling his head out of the floor, nods thoughtfully.

"What exactly do you all think Shinpachi is?!" Kawaki, also extracting himself, sits down at the doorway, legs crossed and hand propping his cheek, devoid of expression.

"Can love games turn a man like that?" Otae looks up and asks Katsura.

"Don't look at me like it's obvious I have the answer, it pisses me off…" Katsura's forehead veins bulge in frustration, "I don't know, I don't play Galgames!"

"A Galgame, huh," Kawaki muses, "is a game where lots of pretty girls appear, and the goal is to win their favor."

As Kondo, quietly listening, starts to explain, Kawaki retorts, "Why does this guy act like he's always been part of the conversation? Why does he have that 'I've always been here' look?"

"Otae, since when did you start keeping pets?" Katsura asks.

Ignoring Kawaki and Katsura's banter, Kondo, focusing intensely on his TS screen, continues, "For unpopular men, this is the only way they can experience love without getting hurt."

"That's not very convincing coming from you, aru," Kagura remarks.

"Simply put, the less popular the man, the easier he gets addicted," Kondo continues unabashedly, "For a super S-grade Cherry Boy like Shinpachi, it's impossible to predict how deep he could go."

"I don't want to be lectured by a super S-grade stalker, aru," Kagura snipes again.

"Even I, who has played through various Galgames, got addicted; the destructive power of these games is indescribable," Kondo pulls out his game console and turns the screen towards everyone, "This is my girlfriend, Sayo-chan."

"I am Sayo~," the girl with long black hair on display greets everyone with a smile.

"You're thoroughly corrupted," Kawaki comments blandly.

Just then, Otae snatches the game console from Kondo's hands, tears in her eyes and a look of grief on her face, and throws it into the yard, shouting, "How could this happen... is Shin-chan going to stay in that world and never come back?"

Watching his game console crash into a rock in the yard, Kondo cries out, "Ah—Sayo-chan—!"

"Have you tried getting in touch?" Kawaki asks Otae.

"Yeah, I thought about seizing the game console..." Otae turns back to see Katsura, who has quietly approached Shinpachi and is trying to pick up the game console.

As Katsura's hand almost touches the console, Shinpachi swiftly grabs it and hugs it to his chest, his eyes bloodshot, his expression fierce.

"What are you doing?! Please don't touch Miss Hyaku!!"

"That's the situation..." Otae continues.

At this point, realizing he's under the scrutiny of Kawaki and Otae, Katsura spreads his hands in resignation.

"Even their deepest spirits are eroded; they've completely turned the game into their lovers," Kondo speaks again from the yard, picking up his game console, "To make contact with him, you must first enter the same dimension."

"So what exactly should we do?" Kawaki asks impatiently.

"Do I need to say it?"

...

In a restaurant in Kabukicho, Katsura and Kawaki look expressionlessly at two game consoles on the table.

"Sorry, I refuse," Katsura immediately throws the console in front of him at Kondo, saying flatly, "My time isn't so plentiful that I can afford to play these games. Goodbye."

Watching Katsura turn and leave without hesitation, Kondo chuckles softly, "Well, one day you'll understand the power of Galgames, though maybe not today..."

Before Kondo can finish, Katsura runs back, panting, and sits at the table.

"It seems you've understood after all..." Kondo folds his arms and chuckles with his eyes closed.

"Understand my foot!" Katsura yells at Sadaharu and the editors, who are busy dating their game consoles, "Why are even girls getting obsessed with this game?!"

"Galgames aren't just for men or women, old or young."

"Stop lying!"

"So, you've noticed," Tsukuyo's voice suddenly comes from the side.

"What?" Katsura looks at Tsukuyo, who arrives unnoticed, her cigarette pipe in hand.

"That game," Tsukuyo glances at the Yorozuya members engrossed in their games, "they've all been submerged in that game these days, so Yoshiwara's security can't be guaranteed. So I hope..."

"I refuse!" Katsura raises his hand in refusal immediately, "No way I'm playing that game!"

"Then there's another option," Tsukuyo coldly looks at Katsura, "Join them fully, with your two billion cannonballs to bring them back to reality."

"Don't joke!" Katsura shouts, "Where did you get such a nonsensical method?!"

"Can I do it?" Kawaki raises his hand, "I can take care of this kind of thing; please consider it. It might be a bit much for one night. Give me a few more days, and I can do it. As for the payment, around two billion should do."

Ignoring Kawaki's offer, Tsukuyo tells Katsura, "Anyway, you only have these two options: either enter the game to pull them back to reality or use your 'beep—' to pull them back."

"Don't say such awful things!"

...

About ten minutes after Tsukuyo leaves, Katsura still sits with his hands clasped, his face expressionless.

"Well, right now, you both don't have a choice," Kondo states gravely, "To save them, you'll have to enter the same dimension as they are!"

At that, Katsura glances at Kawaki, who's just edited his name into the game and smirks disdainfully before standing up.

"I won't choose either method; I can't get addicted to that stuff, I can't enter that world," Katsura walks towards the Yorozuya girls, "But, I'll use my method to pull them out."

"Don't mess around here! At least find a hotel!" Kawaki hastily advises.

"Shut up! Who would do such a thing here!" Katsura turns back and yells, then stops, takes a deep breath, and, with a smile, asks, "So, ladies! Instead of dating that thing, how about... you date me today?"

All the Yorozuya girls immediately look up as if awakening from a dream, incredulously focusing on Katsura.

"If you're coming, throw away your game consoles and follow me."

With that, Katsura turns and slowly walks towards the door.

Two seconds later, all the Yorozuya girls cheer and throw their game consoles aside, rushing after Katsura.

"Can we go to a movie, Katsura-sama?"

"Yeah, yeah—" Katsura responds reluctantly.

"Can we go shopping, Katsura-sama?"

"Yeah, yeah—"

"Can we go to the amusement park, Katsura-sama?"

"Of course."

Watching Katsura being surrounded and led away by the crowd of Yorozuya girls, Kawaki asks Kondo, "Hey, what's going on? Didn't you say they could only be saved by entering the game world?"

"Maybe... it's a special case?" Kondo responds uncertainly.

...

Outside, Tsukuyo leans against an alley, listening to the cheerful voices of the Yorozuya members, and murmurs as she exhales smoke, "He's a... remarkable man."

Just then, Katsura's voice comes from the side.

"Aren't you coming, Tsukuyo? If you are, remember to throw away that game console."

"I haven't even started playing yet!" Tsukuyo, her face red, shouts back, then turns to the air beside her, "Can you vouch for me, darling..."

Katsura: ...

Yorozuya members: ...