The Red Hand

Chapter 238 – Why You Don’t Soak Cats in Water.

"Are you happy with yourself?" Kana glared at Mika as the girls used a hose and buckets to clean off in the garden. "You got to do your stupid cheese thing, and as a result, we got caught in the crossfire." She sighed as she rubbed her face with a towel.

{It was funny to be sure, but I'm not sure it was worth it...} (Kana)

"Hey! You guys egged me on!" Mika protested as she doused herself with water to remove the glitter. "And anyway Naomi was the one who made the comment about the cheese when she showed me that video with the cat, and you and Yumi wouldn't stop making comments about how funny it would be to do that to the kitty at home!"

{She said that it would be funny if somebody did it to Akagi! How was that not a hint to do it for real?!?} (Mika)

"Mika always has to drag us down with her, doesn't she?" Yumi shook her head as she tossed her towel into a basket.

"She who was laughing hysterically as said cheese smacked Akagi in the face!" Mika pouted. "Ya'll are mean! I did something funny for you, and all you do is sass me!" She stuck out her tongue.

"Don't worry, Mika. I had fun." Akagi smiled as she sat on the rock. "It was great pelting you with those balloons. I had too many left over after my last barrage and no idea what to do with them." She'd made far too many for her prank against the RRT and was worried they'd just go to waste. "So thanks!"

“Glad I could be of help...” Mika rolled her eyes.

"So, something that begs answering. Onee-chan, why did you just let her hit you with that cheese?!?" Kana scowled. "I know you could've easily dodged it, and yet you just sat there and got smacked in the face by it! Did you just want an excuse to mess with us?!?" She wouldn't be surprised if that was true.

{Onee-chan can move faster than the human eye can see, so she 100% let that happen for kicks!} (Kana)

"What do you mean?" Akagi tilted her head and flicked her tail cutely. "I was taken completely off guard. How could I dodge something that came at me so fast like that?" She smirked.

{It was simply impossible for even me to avoid, I swear!} (Akagi)

"If a Demon Lord couldn't dodge a piece of cheese thrown by a high school girl, then I don't think they'd be much of a threat." Naomi sighed as she flicked her hair to dry it off. "Just admit that you allowed Mika to do that just to cause us misery."

"How could you accuse such a cute face of lying like that?" Akagi gave kitty eyes and took a cute pose. "MEW! I would never do something so heartless and evil! MEW! Am good kitty MEW!"

"I'd be more inclined to believe you if I didn't know what kind of evil you got up to on a daily basis." Kana rolled her eyes.

{You're little kitty facade isn't fooling anyone, least of all us.} (Kana)

"I mean, she is the Demon kitty after all." Yumi giggled. "Evil is her default mode."

"Such mean people!" Akagi protested her treatment. "I defend myself against an unprovoked and unstoppable assault, and I'm treated like the villain!" She fake cried.

"Again, this is you we're talking about here." Kana shook her head. “Villain is your middle name.”

"Yeah, you're anything but innocent." Mika laughed. "Cute as all hell, but definitely not innocent."

"Yumi?" Akagi looked to the Priestess for support.

"Nope." Yumi shook her head. "Evil kitty." She gave a thumbs down.

"Yeah, and evil kitties should be sprayed with the hose!" Miji grabbed the hose off the ground and shot water at Akagi, getting her all wet.

{EVIL KITTIES MUST BE WASHED!} (Miji)

"Wait, no!" Yumi panicked and grabbed the hose out of her hands and turned it off. "Don't do that kind of stuff, Miji!" She scolded her.

{It might've been funny but that's not very nice!} (Yumi_

"Oh, no." Alice stepped back slowly. "The kitty got wet... We're all doomed."

{Say goodbye to the neighborhood...} (Alice)

"Why? It's just water, and she can just dry off instantly." Mika didn't see the problem since Akagi wasn't really the kind of person to dislike getting dirty or wet.

"Cats don't like water." Alice replied. "And Mama is currently in cat mode..."

"Yeah, but she's not actually a..." Mika's words trailed off as she saw the sorry sight of the drenched Akagi sitting on the rock. She looked sad and was crying. "WHY?!?"

{Great... NOW I'M FILLED WITH UNYIELDING RAGE TO SMITE THE ONE WHO MADE THE KITTY SAD!} (Mika)

"Eh?!? Is she actually upset?!?" Kana exclaimed. "Why are you sad about getting wet?!?"

{WHY?!?} (Kana)

"Miji! Go apologize right now!" Yumi yelled at her sister. "You don't just squirt people with a hose!"

"I-I'm sorry, Akagi..." Miji apologized.

{But it was funny...} (Miji)

"Mew..." Akagi let out a quiet and sad meow, which broke everyone's hearts.

{WHY DO I FEEL SO SAD?!?} (Naomi x Kana)

"Good job, Mika!" Naomi poked her in the side.

"Eh?!? Why me?!?" Mika swatted at her. "I didn't use the hose on her!"

"You started this whole series of events. Thus you caused this." Kana nodded confidently. "Go apologize to her too." She pointed between Akagi and Mika.

“I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do!” Mika refused and as they argued with each other, Yumi spoke to Akagi telepathically.

{Did you really have to go this far with the drama routine? The girls and Miji feel really bad now...} (Yumi)

{It was very necessary, yes. Now watch this.} (Akagi)

While they weren't paying attention, Akagi hopped off the rock, walked over to the girls, and stood between them before shaking the water off her body and drenching the girls.

*SWISH* *SWISH* *SWISH* *SWISH* *SWISH* *SWISH*

"WHAT?!? NO! STOP!" Kana tried blocking the water with her hands, to no avail.

{I JUST GOT DRY!} (Kana)

"YOU'RE A CAT, NOT A DOG! WHY ARE YOU SHAKING OFF LIKE ONE?!?" Mika yelped as she was covered in water.

"NOT AGAIN!" Naomi cried out as she was drenched.

"HAH! That's what you get!" Akagi snickered. "So next time you idiots have some grand plan about pranking me, remember that my guns are bigger than yours!" She cackled as she tackled Mika to the ground and started rubbing her wet hair against her.

{BAD KITTY SNUGGLES! I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS!} (Mika)

"Stop! I'm going to smell like wet cat!" Mika protested but Akagi was simply too powerful, and after throughly snuggling Mika, she hopped between the girls, covering them in hair and making them smell like an animal that was left out in the rain.

"MEW!" Akagi meowed in triumph as the girls sat on the ground, very annoyed.

"Really?" Kana glared at her. "Was that really necessary?" She sighed.

{DON'T MEW IN TRIUMPH YOU STUPID CAT!} (Kana)

"Did you and Miji plan this with her?!?" Mika glared at Yumi, accusing her of being a co-conspirator.

{Traitor!} (Mika)

"No. Miji doing that was completely unexpected." Yumi shook her head.

{Though I won't deny that this ended up being very worth it!} (Yumi)

"I just thought it would be funny..." Miji shrugged. "And I guess it was!" She giggled.

{But now I want kitty snuggles...} (Miji)

"It was very funny, Miji." Akagi snickered. "Good job! You're my number one accomplice!"

"Yeah! I'm an accomplice!" Miji cheered, not knowing what that word meant.

"Hurrah..." Naomi sighed. "I guess that means I'll need a bath now..."

{I'm not looking forward to washing my hair again...} (Naomi)

"Oh, stop being a bunch of drama queens." Akagi snapped her fingers and cleaned the girls off completely. "There. Happy?" She rolled her eyes.

"At least I don't smell like cat anymore." Mika sighed, glad that she didn't need to wash that smell out of her clothing.

"So what did we all learn?" Akagi asked with a big smile.

"Never try and bully Akagi." (Kana x Mika x Naomi)

"Good girls!" Akagi nodded as she shrank, turned, and leaped into Yumi's arms. "For your part in this, Yumi. I think I'm owed some snuggle time." She nuzzled in happily.

"Oh great. Now I'm going to smell like cat." Yumi chuckled.

"So you don't like my snuggles?" Akagi snickered as she was held.

"I never said that now did I?" Yumi sighed. "You're just such a handful sometimes, I swear."

"But that's my most redeeming quality!" Akagi declared proudly that she was a pain in the neck. "Who else do you know turns into something this cute after a hard day's work? I mean, come on! You guys get exclusive access to the world's most fluffy creature! Isn't that worth all my bullshit?!?" She thought it was an amazing deal.

"Hmmmmm." Kana thought for a moment. "I'd be down to get rid of the fluff if it means less headaches." She said as she stood up.

"Yeah. Me too." Naomi agreed. "Tis a hard choice, but one that must be made for the greater good."

"Fluff is nice, but not when it does things like this." Mika giggled.

"What about you, Yumi?" Akagi looked up at her for an answer. "Do you want me to become normal?"

{I don't think that's possible...} (Yumi)

"No." Yumi shook her head. "I suppose I'll take the kitty." The Priestess said as she pet Akagi on the head and rubbed her ears. "I have a bad feeling that if you didn't have this, then you'd find something even worse to do with your time. So kitty will do."

"Well, I have always wanted to build a throne made of skulls." Akagi said as she was pet. "Maybe I could get started on that with all the extra free time from no cat?" She thought for a moment. "Either that or I just transform into people and record them doing funny things for the internet. I think Kana would love it if I wore that dog onesie like Silfana and posted it for the world to see!"

"Don't you dare!" Kana hissed. "I take it back! Kitty should stay!" She sighed. "Onee-chan, why must you hold even me hostage with your antics?"

"Because it's fun?" Akagi tilted her head. "Not to mention I like seeing you idiots squirm! It tickles something deep inside me."

{That... I know what THAT means...} (Kana)

"I have a bad feeling that if she didn't just mess with us like this, she'd probably do something really bad just to see our reactions." Naomi gave a wry smile. "So kitty it is!"

"Yeah. I don't want to be turned into cheese and made to run from the rats." Mika shook her head vigorously. "Kitty is best! Don't leave us!"

"MEW!" Akagi meowed triumphantly once again as she managed to turn the tables on everyone and force them to declare their desire for Catkagi to stay. The fact that this was basically done at gunpoint did not affect their eventual decision, or at least, Akagi didn't think so.