Taming the Queen of Beasts

If you enjoy music while you read, try "Hold Me Now" by Red. It's what I listened to while I was writing this chapter!

*****

RIKA 

His parents left a few minutes later, but Rika barely registered it. Gar had stumbled downstairs from speaking to his mother and thrown himself into her arms. She'd gathered him in, holding him, stroking his back, whispering for him to speak. But he'd barely made a sound until minutes after the door had closed behind his parents and they were truly alone.

His breathing didn't get easier, it got shorter, and faster. And he began to shake.

"Gar?" she whispered, her hands in his hair. "What's—"

"I can't breathe," he said hoarsely, pulling away from her and towards the couch, where he dropped into the seat, and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands on the back of his head, sucking at the air like there wasn't enough oxygen in it.

Rika rushed to his side, but he flinched when she leaned over his back. And then it registered.

"You're having a panic attack," she said quietly. Gar shook his head, but she ignored him. "I get it, it's okay. I get them too sometimes. Just breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. I'm here. I'll put one hand on you, but I'll take it away if you don't want to be touched."

But when she reached for him, he took her hand in both of his, bent his head over it and started breathing as she'd told him.

Knowing that nothing was going to get in his head while he was in this space, she just sat with him, one hand on his thigh the other gripped tightly in his fists.

And when his chest was finally no longer heaving, and he was starting to blink and look around a little, then she spoke in a low, soothing voice.

"I'm here," she whispered, leaning on his shoulder. "I'm here."

"This whole thing is fucked up. It's too much."

"I know," she said, screwing up her face against the tears that wanted to come, but she wouldn't let them. He'd been strong for her when she freaked out. Now it was her turn.

"I can't lose you too, Rika. I can't!"

"You won't have to. I'm here. I'm here, Gar. And I love you. We'll get through this."

"We can't know… the humans…"

"That's what I'm here to take care of, remember? Just keep breathing, Gar. I promise, no matter who else we lose or what happens, I'm not leaving you."

"You might not have a choice," he growled, but he finally looked up at her because he was breathing almost normally.

Their eyes locked and she swallowed, Elia's words about how he needed to know he was loved, and loveable, echoing in her head.

"If we don't have a choice, then our only choice is to walk in and fight, or to run and hate ourselves for it later and still die anyway, right?" she said quietly. Gar grimaced, but she made him keep her eyes. "Right?"

He reluctantly nodded, but his eyes were haunted. "I'm just… it's too soon. I can't lose you yet."

"You won't, Gar," she whispered. "I'm yours."

He leaned in and kissed her, a high, thin whine in his throat. But they yanked apart when the door flew open and three Protectors rushed in—as Anima, completely unconcerned to find them in a clinch.

"Are you packed?" the leader, one of the former Equine, asked.

Gar nodded.

"We need to know for sure if you're flying or running. They're starting to gather."

Rika looked at him and he stared at her a minute, then they both stood. And Rika felt an odd combination of proud and protective as Gar shed his fear and self-pity like a coat he no longer needed, and stalked across the room to pepper the messengers with questions from his position as Alpha.

*****

GAR 

Gar had spent the previous two hours with every ounce of his attention on the problems at hand.

The birds were gathering, ready to transport those who would be flying, but there were limited numbers of hammocks, and some had to be kept back here with Elreth and Aaryn in case there was a need for speedy travel from anyone on this side of the City.

The debate on numbers for flyers—and the proportions of Protectors to Guards took almost an hour. He and Tarkyn both working to keep their anger in check as they fought for their own people.

In the end, a fist of Guard Lieutenants were chosen, but the rest of the number would be Gar and Rika, and a team of Protectors skilled in tracking and knowledgeable of humans. They would fly ahead to the Great Plain, find out exactly where the humans were and make a plan of attack while the others travelled on foot.

Their goal was to delay the humans before they came off the desert, when they were still tired and probably running low on water.

Rika wasn't as confident that they would be thirsty as she explained they had technology which helped them both transport, and keep water clean in larger numbers. But she agreed that getting them before they'd finished crossing and were still in the extreme climate would be the best plan.

"That would give me a chance to run ahead of the forces, like I'm fleeing you. It will make it far more believable when they pick me up."

Gar growled. He wasn't ready—at all—to accept that their best plan was for Rika to go into the human ranks alone. But he and Tarkyn had already agreed that until they knew exactly where the humans were, their numbers, all plans were subject to change.

"What we need is another human—someone they don't know that I could bring with me. Another prisoner that I'm freeing from your tyrannical reign," Rika said, flashing a grin.

But Gar went very still. "The only other human in Anima is my mother and she's… already got a job to do."

Rika frowned and took his hand, her eyes apologizing that she'd made light of something that was so painful for him. But he just squeezed her hand and moved on. There wasn't time. He couldn't let himself sink back into the emotional hole. Things were moving far too quickly.

As they went in search of Elreth to see if she'd received anything knew that they needed to consider, Rika stayed at his side, squeezing his arm.

"We'll just have to pray," she said simply. "What was it you said? Accept what we can't control?"

Gar growled as if he was angered by the idea, but in truth, it left him trembling.Â