Redo of a Romanceless Author’s Life Devoid of Love; Another Chance at Youth

Chapter 138.

Chapter 138. Checking Out After a Free Breakfast. (1/3)

When I woke up in the morning I was greeted by an unusual scene.

My posture on the bed had been awful. My arms dangled off the side of the bed. My left cheek was buried in the soft fluffy pillow. It wasn’t a breast. I confirmed it wasn’t some sort of stereotypical development you’d see in a story.

Did I feel slightly sad? Not at all. I was comfortable as hell in this position.

Even with the red-haired girl who had a pillow on my stomach. Or the other girl who had a pillow on my back with her right leg dangling over the edge of the bed on her back with her mouth wide open.

Honestly, we all had horrible sleeping postures. It wasn’t pretty like a story. Reality knew how to crush a man’s dreams. I mean, they were both cute still, but they by no means looked like two princesses with the way they slept.

Alicia had her left arm sprawled out over my right leg. Rosa had her arms wrapped around both her pillow and my waist.

If they’d been directly using me as a pillow it definitely would have been uncomfortable, but with the pillows there it didn’t feel bad. It was like I’d been enveloped in cotton candy.

I checked the time on my phone and realized it was 6:00 AM. The hotel offered free breakfast in the morning. I naturally wanted to go grab some. I didn’t know how long these two stayed up last night, but I wasn’t going to care about their sleep when there was free breakfast on the line made without us having to do a thing. I’d be sure to at least get my money’s worth out of it.

These two girls were mandatory to achieve that objective. 

Operation: Cheap Bastard.

That was what I dubbed it in my mind as my gaze sharpened.

I was a man ready to kill for that free food. I made sure to leave extra room in my bag just for that free food. I’d feast like a king for the rest of the day on cold fried eggs and toast if I had to.

My life as a starving high schooler and university student wasn’t for nothing. What did I learn best throughout my education? When free food presents itself, you eat like you’ve never eaten before. Such days were rare and unpredictable. You never knew when they would come again.

“Rosa, Alicia, wake up. We’re going to war.”

I forcibly stood up, completely ignoring their complaints as I did so.

These two clearly hadn’t weathered the storm of free breakfast at a hotel the same way I had with my mother as a helpless child in days of yonder. She’d shove food down my throat even when I could eat no more. She’d wrap up plates of food and bring them back to the room making an unknown number of stops in the process. Yes, that was the sort of hell I experienced as a child.

If I vomited it back up, she’d smile sinisterly and say, “So you have more room now, right?”

PTSD. Some might say I had another form of PTSD from such hellish endeavors. But I developed a hidden superpower as a result of such training. When I heard or thought of the term ‘free food,’ my stomach would expand severalfold. I would suddenly be able to eat far more than the normal man. I’d be able to eat enough to get me through several days without the need to eat again. My stomach may have been defective when it came to dessert, but free food was what took its place.

With yesterday’s shocking revelation I started to understand how my hidden superpower truly worked. Sugar had simply been replaced with free food. The mysterious origin of how my useless superpower came into existence suddenly came to light. So that was why! It was my mother’s fault all along!

I suddenly recalled the times my mother brought me to all-you-can-eat buffets to condition me and a shiver ran down my back. 

‘Mom, I’m full.’

‘If you can still talk, are conscious, and not foaming at the mouth, you’re not full enough. Keep eating.’

As a child, I’d cry internally whenever we had that awful exchange.

This is my stupid hero superpower origin story.

Why is it so depressing? Can’t I at least spice it up a bit? Maybe add in some lasers and cool robots or something? Maybe even a mech or two? Why’d it have to be so bland and boring?

Haaaaaah. There’s no point crying about it now. I must make haste and embark on my quest of gluttony. To leave no egg or toast behind.

I left the two sleepy women behind in the room and departed to the battlefield. I would fight the good fight until I vomited blood.

When I arrived at the main lobby where the food was located, my eyes narrowed as I seized up the competition. There was a large woman and an elderly man with one foot in the grave.

Hohoh, so these are my first opponents. Some may dismiss the elderly man and focus on the large woman, but I was sure that his old man was a veteran. I approached the counter where all the food was and prepared three plates. I filled each one up with a bunch of egg rolls and toast along with potato bites.

I snuck back to our room with the three plates in hand. If they wouldn’t go to the food, I’d bring the food to them. On my return trip, I wolfed down everything on my plate like a starved animal. When I entered the room I held out the plates under their noses and allowed the aroma of food to wake them from their sleep.

Their noses twitched when they smelt breakfast and they slowly opened their eyes.

“Breakfast is here. Eat up. I’ll be returning to the lobby for more. We don’t have much time before we have to check out and head to school. Make sure to eat your fill. The food is all free. If you want more make sure to come down to the lobby. But… only come if you’re truly prepared.”

The two of them received their plates in a drowsy fashion.

I didn’t wait for them and immediately returned to the lobby.

I filled up my plate again, took a seat in the corner, and faced the wall. I tore the egg rolls apart and shoved toast in my mouth. I chewed and swallowed before I picked up five to six potato pieces and tossed them all into my mouth.

I made quick work of my second plate of food and returned for a third. Once I finished my fourth plate, there was no more. After five minutes, hotel staff appeared and filled up the steam pans.

Since I’d returned to the lobby, the old man had made two trips to refill his plate while the large woman made three. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d underestimated the old man, but I suddenly realized it. The large woman had filled up one plate at a time… however, the old man was… dual-wielding plates. It was as I’d suspected… he was truly a wise old sage who’d weathered countless battles inside this lobby. He was... experienced. He didn’t even look slightly full.

I accepted the challenge and approached the counter while he was there. I picked up a second and third plate and filled them all up at once.

The old man who saw this said, “Hoh? Santoryu? Is this the fabled three plate style I’ve heard so much about? Boy, don’t tell me you were hiding your true prowess? I thought the two plates you left with were for others, could I be wrong? Are you sure you can handle the legendary three plate style at once, young boy?”

I nearly burst out into laughter, but I just barely kept a straight face.

“Old man, worry about yourself.” I turned away cooly and returned to my corner while fighting the urge to fall to the ground holding my gut while laughing. I didn’t think there was an old man who’d play along with this charade.

Santoryu, he really went and said it! Hahahahaha! I’m dead. I’m seriously dead. Old man, please, you’re going to kill me here.

When I eventually settled my riled-up inner demons, I took a deep breath and held it in. In a single breath, I devoured everything on my three plates in under two minutes before I let out a thunderous belch that sent shockwaves flying out in all directions. The Heaven shook, the ground quaked, and those around me trembled in their boots at the awakening of the ancient beast that lay dormant within my body.

The black hole that was my stomach, dedicated solely to free food, was an abyss so deep even the mightiest of gods dared not approach.

Okay, okay, jokes aside, everything was a complete exaggeration. Well, the fact that I still had plenty of room for more wasn’t though.

The old man returned to the counter at the same time as me. He said, “Hoh. So you aren’t all talk, but have bite as well?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Whatever, I’m just here to eat my money’s worth. I don’t have time to waste on dual-wielding small fry. The only opponent here for me today is the chef.”

“Did you really think dual-wielding was my only trick, boy?”

“What do you mean?”

He scooped food and filled up both his plates. It looked exactly the same as before, however, this time he did not lift his plates up from the counter or return to his seat. He instead picked up the food on his plate and ate it directly at the counter.

“What! It can’t be!”

“at’s ight oy! Mai ultmate muuv, The Origin!”

Gross. Seriously gross. Seeing the old man talking with his mouth full. I quickly filled up my plate and retreated back to my corner. That old man was definitely senile.

While I ate the food I’d taken with me I suddenly heard a commotion behind me.

“Old man, how many times have we told you not to eat at the counter! It’s gross. Also, stop talking with your mouth full.”

“Bt The Origin! The Origin! I hab du shw dat oy iz plaze!”

I turned around and saw hotel staff with his arms under the old man’s forcefully dragging him away.

Thank you, hotel staff. Your hard work is appreciated.

I covered my face with my right hand and let out a sinister smirk. It worked. Provoking him into self-destructing that is. Now, my only real competition for breakfast in this lobby was gone. Farewell, old man. It was nice knowing you. If you were in your prime, I’m sure you wouldn’t have fallen for such a cheap provocation. It was true what they said, old age was the bane of great men.

Who was it that said that? Nobody, at least nobody I knew, I just pulled it out of my ass on the spot.

“Hahaha… hahahaha… HAHAHAHA!” Diabolical laughter escaped my lips inadvertently as I mused to myself over the old man’s undoing.

“Shut up! I’m trying to eat!” The large woman nearby scolded me.

I stood up from my seat and reflexively bowed toward her, “Ah. Sorry. My bad.”