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Chapter 226: Loki (3)

Loki admitted that he had always resented Odin's favoritism, but when he became the target of the favoritism, he felt guilty and fearful. Now, this fear has turned into deep confusion because an extraterrestrial scanning device told him that he wasn't even an Asgardian.

Odin's reputation was not built on sitting on the throne. He conquered the universe, flattened the Nine Realms, and his footprints traversed every branch of the World Tree. All his enemies trembled under his thunder. From the perspective of the conquered tribes, Odin was definitely a tyrant.

Odin could also be called a racist. He showed no mercy to anyone outside the Asgardians, at least in Loki's understanding.

So the question remained, if he wasn't Odin's biological son, and not even an Asgardian, why was Odin suddenly so good to him?

Loki leaned against the head of the bed, with one arm on his forehead. He even felt that his question was ridiculous. He couldn't believe that he would one day question why Odin was so good to him.

In the living room of the apartment, Thor finally figured out the electric clothes rack and successfully hung up his work clothes. At this moment, he heard the bedroom door of Loki's room, and saw Loki standing in the doorway of his bedroom.

"What's wrong with you?" Thor asked, very puzzled.

"I want to ask you a question." Loki looked at Thor and said, "I got the position of a full god before you, and I can freely enter and leave Asgard, I haven't been deprived of my godly powers, nor have my weapons been taken away. I even have the spare energy to mock you..."

"When you learned this fact, did you think Odin was biased?"

"Of course!" Thor stared at Loki and said, "I really don't understand how you could be the first to get the position of a full god. Do you have any military achievements?"

He grabbed the collar of his work clothes and shook it fiercely, as if venting. He said angrily, "Whether it is divine power or military achievements, I am stronger than you. How could the father of the gods..."

He breathed heavily through his nose, paused for a moment, and then suddenly deflated, saying, "Okay, I figured it out. I got into trouble, right? He was angry, so he banished me here, and then gave you the position of a full god, so you could come over and mock me..."

Thor raised his arm and said, "Very good, he succeeded. Now, my daily concern is whether I can buy an extra case of beer with my salary next week. I am no different from these ordinary mortals, and even more destitute than them. I can only order small portions of fried chicken..."

"You won, okay?" Loki stood by the door, looking at Thor's expression, speechless.

"Why hasn't your rather intelligent brain succeeded in persuading you that he really is just a one-track-minded idiot?" Venom asked him.

"The medical report shows that there are some problems with your brain." Venom's tone suddenly became a bit cheerful, and he said, "Luckily, I know a great psychologist who might be able to solve all the confusion and questions in your mind. After all, it's better than doing nothing..."

"Psychologist?" Loki's tone was a bit puzzled. "Asgard doesn't have that profession."

"Believe me, it will be effective."

Half an hour later, Schiller took a new medical record from the shelf and asked, "Name?"

Loki was a bit distracted, and Schiller asked again before he answered, "Loki."

"Last name?"

Loki hesitated for a moment and said, "Odinson."

"You have a peculiar way of pronouncing this surname. According to your current level of English, it shouldn't be a pronunciation error. Do you have any opinions on this surname?"

"So, psychologists for you humans just keep asking questions for me to answer?"

"If you feel you need treatment, please cooperate with me instead of planning to take over. This is not a business negotiation, you don't need to fight for control, and I am not your enemy. You don't need to use rhetoric to interfere with me." Schiller wrote and drew on the medical record without looking up.

"This is novel." Loki put his hands on the table, leaning slightly forward, with a confident posture.

"You seem to be used to this way of speaking, wanting to take control in every conversation, which is beneficial in most cases, but may not always work."

Loki opened his mouth and said, "No, not always, at least when facing..."

He shook his head as if he didn't want to say that name.

"Why won't you say your father's name?" Schiller saw Loki's fingertips move slightly when he heard the word "father," and then he heard Loki say, "Because he may not be..."

"Not what?"

"He may not be my father." Loki's tone was deliberately light, but his neck muscles trembled, and his whole shoulder became stiff. Schiller glanced at him.

"How did you feel when you said that?" Schiller looked at him. "Perhaps the answer you want is hidden in there."

The trembling of Loki's fingertips spread to his back, followed by his wrist and forearm, but it disappeared in an instant.

"You seem unwilling to admit this fact, but also feel that you have no reason not to admit it, but you just don't want to admit it. Why?"

"I don't know," Loki's voice sounded somewhat hoarse.

"Although I don't need you to reveal all your secrets, you can't just say nothing. Especially at a time like this, you must have a lot to say, a lot of questions to ask."

"What, are you still fantasizing about a better listener than me? Maybe I should call Strange and have him ask if Odin has woken up..."

"No, no..." Loki denied.

"Every time you mention Odin, you seem a little afraid. Why?" Schiller tilted his head and looked at him.

"No one is not afraid of the father of the gods."

"Listen, this isn't an exam. I'm not asking you to find a perfect answer to my question," Schiller said somewhat helplessly.

"When I ask you a question, you can ask yourself the same question and give yourself an answer in your mind. If you're willing to tell me the true answer, the therapy will be more effective. If you don't want to, that's okay too."

Loki was silent for a long time, but still lowered his shoulders, exhaled a breath, and said, "I am indeed afraid of him, because of his authority and power, and more importantly...I am not Thor."

"Thor, of course, can be unafraid of him. No matter what he does, the father of the gods will clean up the mess for him, just like this time..."

"...but I can't." Loki's fingertips rested on the desk, leaving a shallow reflection. He looked at his fingers and said, "I can't make mistakes like Thor, especially not such stupid ones."

His lips moved and then he said, "He won't tolerate me."

"I must maintain reverence." Loki's voice began to break free from that complex emotion. His thoughts seemed to return to the right track and he became more engaged.

"I am not particularly important to the father of the gods. I can't even be sure whether I am as important to him as the brave Asgardian warriors."

Schiller held the pen in his hand, changed his posture, and said, "Because the loved ones you care about are unwilling to give you definite feedback, you can only continue to lower your expectations and convince yourself that as long as he doesn't show obvious hostility towards you, you can get by."

"But this is not a solution, especially when there is a contrasting example. Self-deception cannot last long."

Loki held his eyebrows with one hand, somewhat dazedly said, "But the problem now is that during this time, I have become the object of favoritism, and then I just realized that maybe what he did was right, because I am not his biological son..."

Schiller shook his head and said, "A concept has caused some confusion. Whether or not there is a blood relationship, and whether or not he is biased, may not have a direct relationship."

Schiller explained, "On the surface, the logic is that if you are not his biological son, then it is only natural for him to treat you poorly. But the problem is, if you are not his biological son, how did you become his son?"

"The background story may be complicated, but one thing is certain, your father must have picked you up from somewhere. We don't know what he was feeling when he picked you up, but the fact is, even though he knew you weren't his own, he still raised you until now."

"If his purpose in raising you was to favor your brother and neglect you, then why did he even bother picking you up?"

"Well, let's assume there was some kind of benefit to raising you, maybe something that would drive him to pick you up and raise you, even though he didn't want another son. That's why he showed favoritism and neglected you."

"If that's the case, then you don't need to worry about it anymore. Just find out what the conspiracy is behind it and then find a way to get revenge."

Schiller propped his chin with one hand and looked at Loki. "When you learned this fact, you should have thought of this possibility. So ask yourself, what are you still worrying about?"

Loki fell silent.

His gaze started to become calm, and he said, "I tried to convince myself that he was treating me well during this time, with small favors. I deduced many possible conspiracies and even had several plans to investigate my true identity. Now, I should have appeared on the Rainbow Bridge..."

Loki's eyes moved downward as if he was thinking. He said, "But when I was about to put these plans into action, when I tried to take a step in the opposite direction, I found..."

His voice had lowered to the extreme, like a stone blown off the edge of a cliff by the wind. He slowly clenched his fist and said incredulously, "I don't seem to want to do that."

"Why do you think that is?"

Loki shook his head and looked at Schiller. "You're the doctor, aren't you?"

Schiller twirled a pen in his hand and said, "That's a common misunderstanding about psychologists. Most of the time, we are just listeners and not responsible for giving answers."

"Or maybe many people already have the answer in their hearts, but they don't want to admit it. That's why they come to the doctor, hoping to get a different result. Sometimes we see this, but we don't expose it because not everyone can handle that kind of stimulation."

"Do you think you can?"

"I..." Loki tilted his head and murmured, "I think I can..."

"Well, maybe you've already realized it." Schiller looked at Loki and said, "Your resentment towards Odin's unfairness and your jealousy towards Thor cannot conceal your desire for family affection."

"Whether or not family affection truly exists, you have been deluding yourself for so many years, and blood relations are an important pillar of this self-delusion."

"Now that this pillar has been shattered today, you realize that your instinctive action is not to uncover the truth, to seek revenge on these people righteously, but to frantically search for another pillar..."

"You suddenly realize that you are weaker and more prone to compromise than you thought. You are immersed in some illusions you have created for yourself and do not want to wake up. You are not as smart, decisive, or ruthless as you thought, and even the potential mind-blowing conspiracies and hatreds have not made you determined."

"As long as those supposed family members give you a little sweetness, you are willing to desperately search for reasons that can deceive yourself and get by..."

"You find that compared to the infallible gods, you are more like the ordinary people you have always looked down upon."

"Or perhaps, compared to ordinary people, you are more like a dog chasing after a tiny piece of meat..."

"Enough."