Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Chapter 10 - Your mother must see an increase in prices whenever she buys groceries!

Jing Huan blinked and finally realized — this means that he wants to take on the Yao King BOSS alone?

Jing Huan didn’t waste time last night either. After turning off his computer, he went to find videos of players in other servers killing their way through hidden quests.

Only one word can be used to describe it: difficult.

Five server battle players just barely killed the target after emptying their inventory of their potions. When the BOSS fell, the ground was already littered with corpses, and the only standing player had critically low HP. It was a very tragic sight.

Where on earth does this Yearning For get his self-confidence from to feel like he can take on the Yao King alone?

And he even asked Jing Huan to afk on the spot?

Who are you looking down on.

“Gege, wouldn’t that not be too good…” With a sneer, he turned on his mic. “I can’t let you kill the monster alone!”

Xiang Huaizhi was checking whether there were any missing potions in his inventory and failed to hear the mockery hidden within the girl’s tone. “It’s okay, prepare your trans card.”

Transformation cards are necessary items for PK. It could transform a player into a summoning beast for a limited amount of time and temporarily upgrade the player’s attributes.

Each card had different effects. Nine-tailed Immortal Fox was the most suitable card for Fairy Fox Caves; it could increase a player’s speed by 15%.

Jing Huan had just used his card when his friend message suddenly flashed.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: [Nine Chivalrous Heroes Live Broadcast Room Link: Yearning For’s former wife, broadcasting Illusion’s Yao King quest live. ]

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Meimei… come have a look.

Jing Huan had just entered the stream when he heard a cloying loli voice.

“Everyone should have already heard about what happened between me and Yearning For right? So don’t poke my sore spot in this stream anymore.”

It was a very familiar voice. Jing Huan looked at the mic queue in the stream. Sure enough, the owner of this stream was Immortal Mengmeng.

He couldn’t help but find it amusing. After using Yearning For’s name in the title of the stream to get more views, she wouldn’t let people mention him after coming in?

“What kind of person is Yearning For? How do I say this… When we first got together, he was very considerate. Every day, he would log in to my account, help me do my dailies, and also take me around to admire the scenery, and set off fireworks for me…” Immortal Mengmeng answered the audience’s questions slowly. “Let’s not talk about our offline meetings anymore, or else I’m gonna start crying… You guys are asking about Xiao Tianjing?

Immortal Mengmeng laughed, not hiding the disdain in her tone, “She’s a female swindler. She cheated an elder from our guild out of his equipment, she has a pretty horrible character. Everyone in the server knows about what she did, and they’re all yelling for people to hit her. Maybe after they kill the Yao King, people will start initiating compulsory PKs against her again.”

Jing Huan had only heard it once before, but he hadn’t really thought much about it. Now that he listened to it several more times, he realised that Immortal Mengmeng’s voice really was very sweet.

It could be said to be the dream voice of otakus!

Jing Huan stared resentfully at his own voice changer. Although it did turn his voice into a female one, it wasn’t coquettish enough at all! With this voice, even Lu Wenhao probably wouldn’t fall for it, let alone managing to seduce Yearning For with it.

In the game, the Yearning For had already brought him to Mount Luojia. A dense black mass of people were following behind their party, and it was so crowded that even their game IDs couldn’t be seen.

He closed the stream and pinched his throat. “Gege, a lot of people are following us. I’m so nervous…”

Yearning For continued moving forward and ignored her.

Xiang Huaizhi was the worst at knowing how to coax little girls, so he simply stayed silent.

Jing Huan propped his chin on his hand. “Gege, did you collect all these potions for me? They’re all so high quality, you must have taken a long time to collect them all ba. Aren’t you busy?”

“Do you work or are you still in school?”

“Gege, how long have you been playing this game for?”

“Gege…”

“A few years.” Xiang Huaizhi replied with a very general answer and interrupted her.

Jing Huan grit his teeth.

No wait, what’s the meaning of this? You take other women out to admire the scenery and set off fireworks for them, but you wouldn’t even say just a few more words to me?

What, do people with un-sweet voices have no human rights?

They finally arrived in front of the Yao King. Xiang Huaizhi said, “Leave the party and click on the NPC to get the attribute bonus.”

“Okay, Gege.”

The Yao King was spider-shaped; it was so dark and swarthy that people would feel uncomfortable just looking at it.

Jing Huan left the party and clicked on the NPC to take a look. He couldn’t help laughing.

Idle Pavilion took first place in the contribution of materials. He could feel the pain of those people even from across the screen.

After receiving the attribute bonus, he returned to the party again.

Just as Xiang Huaizhi wanted to ask her if she had taken the attribute bonus or not, he saw someone in the party talk.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Wow, 50% attributes bonus [starry eyes]! Thank you to all the major guilds for the support, of whom Idle Pavilion contributed the most materials. Thank you Idle Pavilion for the generous contribution you made for us~ [heart]

Xiang Huaizhi: “…”

That’s kind of asking for a beating.

[Current] Peachy Fate:…

[Current] Saw a Deer Deep in the Forest: ???

[Current] Chunxiao: [smile]

[Current] Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: Do you have a problem?

“Starting.” Xiang Huaizhi was worried that the people from Idle Pavilion would initiate a compulsory PK against her on the spot. After throwing out this sentence, he started the battle straight away.

Unlike killing BOSSes and PK, players would be forcibly pulled into a battle scene. The map the system arranged for them this time was a gloomy and eerie cave.

It fit the Spiderman design pretty well.

Jing Huan had his knees crossed like a grandfather. “It’s so dark inside, I can’t see anything clearly… Gege, what do we do now?

Xiang Huaizhi was not in a hurry. He studied the BOSS’ attributes first.

Sure enough, it was just as he had thought.

Since they were taking on the BOSS with two people, the difficulty of fighting it would certainly be greatly reduced. In a case where the team did not have healers, warlocks, sealers, supports, or DPSes at the same time, the system would definitely set weaknesses for the BOSS.

The weakness of this giant spider was that it couldn’t heal, had weak physical attacks, and had no support skills.

On the flip side, the spider’s magic damage was very high, was resistant to sealing, and even knew how to seal.

“Hide well.” As soon as Xiang Huaizhi spoke, the spider suddenly lowered its head and spit out a mouthful of spider’s web.

The cobweb was aimed at Jing Huan. Xiang Huaizhi frowned, but just when he wanted to tell her to avoid it, the other party had already jumped up and dodged the cobweb.

Xiang Huaizhi breathed a sigh of relief and began to survey the nearby terrain.

They were too unlucky — they just had to be assigned to the Gloomy Cave map.

Gloomy Cave is a straight-line map; it was spacious and empty inside with nothing aside from some rubble.

That meant that there was no place in the map where Xiao Tianjing could hide.

Jing Huan also realised this. The cobweb remained on the ground for six seconds before it disappeared. If they were carelessly sealed twice, then they wouldn’t be able to survive.

He picked up a grape, took a bite, and the sweetness began spreading in his mouth. “Wuwuwu Gege, what should I do? There’s no place to hide at all…”

The BOSS had already started a magic attack that would strike their whole party. Xiang Huaizhi leapt up to avoid a fireball, then drew out a long sword and started attacking the BOSS’ face, starting the fight with a critical damage hit. “It’s okay, try your best to hide, we’ll restart when we die.”

In the stream, Immortal Mengmeng laughed happily at their misfortune.

“See everyone, Yearning For is the one dishing out all the damage, Xiao Tianjing only knows how to circle round and round… Their party will probably get wiped out in less than ten minutes ba.”

“Xiao Tianjing’s plays? Of course she sucks. In the past, our elder was the one helping her play her character. If she had operated it by herself, she’d even die in instances.”

“I wasn’t paying attention when I got killed that time. I didn’t even add a mouthful of milk, otherwise I wouldn’t have been killed by her.”

“She may have been able to heal a little if she was playing a Mount Putuo, yet she actually switched to a Fairy Fox Cave, a sect that relies on skill even when just healing teammates… It’s really dumb of her ai.”

As soon as she spoke, Xiao Tianjing, who was dodging the BOSS’ skills, suddenly turned around and threw out a blood pool in the southwest direction.

Other healer sects’ healing skills had set targets, so it wouldn’t MISS. Only Fairy Fox Cave skills needed to predict the position of teammates. Once it misfired a little, it was tantamount to wasting the skill. This required a high level of player awareness. After all, in a PK context, teammates would constantly move around and wouldn’t stand in place waiting for a sip of milk.

Immortal Mengmeng smiled. “Look…”

Before she finished speaking, she saw Yearning For fall from the sky and step right on the blood pool, recovering a small portion of his HP.

Immortal Mengmeng’s smile froze, and she only spoke after some time passed, “… She’s really lucky. Yearning For must have jumped over after seeing the blood pool.”

But soon, she was struck speechless.

Ten minutes later, every blood pool of Xiao Tianjing’s had been thrown precisely below Yearning For’s feet.

One could say that Yearning For was good at catching the skill if it had just happened once or twice, but when it occurred over a dozen times… Nobody could divert their attention from a fierce battle with a BOSS to catch blood pools.

But what surprised her most was that even though the battle had started a long time ago, Xiao Tianjing’s HP bar had always been full from start to finish!

[Current] Peachy Fate: What the fuck? Isn’t she too amazing at throwing blood pools?!

[Current] Don’t Know where Feelings Started from:… She turned on some hack, didn’t she?

[Current] Transforming into Wind: So is Yearning For good at receiving, or is Xiao Tianjing good at throwing?

[Current] Melted Snow: Aren’t Xiao Tianjing’s movements the most amazing?! Isn’t it too exaggerated to not even lose a drop of blood?

[Current] Affectionate in Silence: What’re you bragging about? Isn’t that normal? She has a speed boost of 15% you know. If it wasn’t because Yearning For has to deal damage, his HP wouldn’t drop either.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: God Xiang’s damage is too fucking sick…

The people outside couldn’t tell clearly, but the people inside could.

Lu Hang stared at the game interface and exclaimed in admiration.

Xiang Huaizhi ate another mouthful of delicious blood from the blood pool and could not help but raise an eyebrow. “Thank you.”

Jing Huan said sweetly, “You’re welcome, Gege.”

Throwing blood pools actually wasn’t difficult for Jing Huan. He has always been very accurate at predicting the path of skills, and his line of sight was mostly focused on Yearning For.

Needless to say, although he was a slag guy, he was really good at operating his character. He could deal out the maximum damage while avoiding most of the BOSS’ skills.

If it had been anyone else, they probably would have been beaten down by the BOSS long ago and even a hundred mouthfuls of blood wouldn’t heal them back to life.

Half an hour later, the BOSS finally went mad, which also meant that BOSS had only 5% of its blood left.

“Be careful,” said Xiang Huaizhi, “It’s about to unleash an ulti.”

Right after he spoke, the spider spirit suddenly leapt up high, and numerous small spiders flocked over in a densely packed mass!

The crowd watching the battle from the outside flared up instantly.

[Current] Really Like Lulu: Fuck?! Isn’t this skill’s animation too disgusting?! I’ll kill the artists of NCH!!

[Current] The Wind is Freer than Me: What skill is this? I’ve never seen it before ah?

[Current] Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: The official website updated the BOSS data two minutes ago! This is the spider spirit’s ultimate attack. When a mini spider hits a player, it can seal them and cause three times the damage!

[Current] Affectionate in Silence: Haha, then isn’t that the end of their party?

“Fuck, that’s against the rules ba? They’re not giving players any time to prepare at all ah! ” Lu Hang smacked the table.

“It’s all right.” On the contrary, Xiang Huaizhi was very calm. “Now that we know what it’s like, we can just restart after the party is wiped out, it doesn’t matter.”

After a few seconds, the spider army disappeared, and the players could finally see what was happening on the map.

Only to see Xiao Tianjing bending over with her claws stabbed firmly into the soil… she had made a magic shield just barely big enough to accommodate the two of them.

This was what the players deemed as the weakest shield skill of Fairy Fox Caves — it had a very small scope, a long casting time, and could only be propped up at the caster’s feet.

For most players, if they had the time to set up this shield, then it would be better for them to just get out of the way instead.

But now, with this weak skill, Xiao Tianjing had securely protected Yearning For.

This meant that Xiao Tianjing had to jump behind Yearning For before the BOSS released its ulti, as well as cast four seconds in advance before she could have leapt over.

The current channel was quiet for a moment, and Lu Hang was slightly agape. He remained silent for half a day.

Only the corners of Xiang Huaizhi’s mouth lifted, and he said softly, “Beautiful.”

Jing Huan came back to his senses, only feeling that his fingertips were tingling slightly.

He hasn’t played such an exciting instance in a long time, it was really hard work. He only thought about giving it a try when he went to block the ulti at the last minute.

Fortunately, his gamble had paid off.

Holy shit, I’m really amazing, Jing Huan thought.

With how well he plays, why would he still need Yearning For? He could have taken on the BOSS alone okay?

“Ah.” He felt his heartbeat, and even his tone was tinged with happiness, and he cheered without really meaning it, “Gege praised me!”

Yearning For leapt lightly, raising his sword with both hands, and stabbed straight into the top of the spider’s head. The spider struggled as it howled twice, then fell to the ground with a thunderous crash——

[System news: Congratulations to Xiao Tianjing, Yearning For, for succeeding in sealing off the rioting Yao King and gaining the title of “Yao King Killer”. ]

The moment the spider spirit fell down, a big treasure box burst out beside them.

Ignoring the exclamations and doubts of the crowd, Xiang Huaizhi said, “Go and pick it up.”

Jing Huan was stunned. “Ah? Me?

“Un.”

The most exciting moment after killing a BOSS was opening up the rewards offered.

Jing Huan quickly moved his character to the treasure chest and sat down violently——

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: I, a faithful believer, am willing to be vegetarian all my life: all I wish for is for the GMs to give me a divine artifact, beast spirit, Enchanting Pearl, divine artifact recipe, dragon claw seal… [beating a wooden drum]

[Current] Yearning For: …

[Current] Peachy Fate: …

[Current] Chunxiao: …

[Current] Really like Lulu: …

After going through the process, Jing Huan moved the mouse expectantly and gently left-clicked——

【Congratulations on successfully sealing the Yao King “Spider Spirit”! After the Spider Spirit packed its bags and went home, it left behind “fragrant steamed bun (low-grade potion, can be used to restore 100 HP)” x1. Chivalrous Hero, please smile! 】

Jing Huan: “………”

Jing Huan: “Ah??”

Jing Huan: “???!”

Jing Huan: “GM, your mother fuc…”

Xiang Huaizhi: “Cough.”

Jing Huan was about to start cussing when he forcibly swallowed down all the words he almost blurted out. He changed his tune while feeling both angry and aggrieved, “… Your mother must see an increase in prices whenever she buys groceries!”

After saying that, he thought it wasn’t enough. “It’ll all be damn expensive! Their prices will all multiply like crazy!!!!

The author has something to say:

GM = Game Administrator.

—

Juurensha: Oh nooooo, Huanhuan, you weren’t kidding about your bad luck…I guess that’s why you need Yearning For!

Zryuu: I would’ve cussed so bad if I was Huanhuan. Smile your ass GM!!! Also, I’ve been very productive recently… so I’ll upload more often during my productive streaks