Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Book 2: Chapter 30: Quests and Queries

Five days later I stood in an enormous warehouse on the northern side of Minnova. Everything was still going to plan. The [Tinkers] had accepted our designs, and the lauter tun was due at the end of the week. The stouts were merrily bubbling away and we’d had zero bad batch scares. Bran was over the moon with the news that Opal’s parents were willing to meet with him. Balin had brought back some more dungeon materials, none of them useful, and Annie had almost managed to convince an additional Master Brewer to our side.

A buzz of activity unfolded before my eyes as various gnomes of every shape and hair colour ran to and fro assembling fermentation tanks, moving boxes, checking equipment, and tightening screws. I had a meeting with Copperpot here in a few minutes, and I’d come a bit early to ‘inspect’.

My inspection had revealed that Copperpot was taking this seriously. All the equipment was of tip-top quality, and it shone with that inner light that could only be found in expensive new things. He also had two boil kettle setups rather than one, with spaces laid out for lauter tuns when they finished. He also had over 30 fermentation tanks. I wanted this facility.

While I twiddled my thumbs waiting, I gave my ongoing quests a quick check.

Quest: Guildsman

Get into the Brewers Guild! Do you have what it takes to get enough members on your side?

Members Persuaded: 4/16 Dwarves

Rewards: [Thick Skin]

Inactive Quest: All’s Fair in Love and War 1/7

You’ve discovered your first other Chosen, now sabotage them!

Chosen Sabotaged: 0/1

Rewards: [Karmic Reversal + 1]

Quest: Dwarven Influencer Part 7/10

The dwarves need your help. Influence 1,000,000 dwarves with your otherworldly alcohol knowledge.

Dwarves Influenced: 370,325/1,000,000

Rewards: [Pete’s Poor Manasight]

Quest: Gnomebody to Love Pete

Own the first Gnomish Brewery!

Completed: 0/1 Breweries

Rewards: [Friend: Gnomes]

Quest: More Brews Part 1/5!

You’ve completed your first new beer. More! MORE!

Invent eight new drinks. Mixes don’t count.

Drinks Invented: 4/8

Rewards: +0.2 Strength.

More Brews bugged me. Why hadn’t pruno counted as a new drink? Why had ginger-ale not counted as a beer for my initial New Brew quest, but did for the More Brews quest? Was it because I counted ginger ale as a ‘drink’ but not pruno? The answer was probably intent, according to my conversation with Barck.

I'd tried making cola but it had failed to activate the quest. My hindbrain apparently didn’t consider it a real drink. Also, my dwarven tongue found the taste vile. So had Beatbox, so a gnomish audience was out. Maybe I could foist it and the accompanying diabetes epidemic on the human lands.

Anyways, the drop in quest frequency was just another indication that I was rapidly outgrowing Minnova. I hadn’t gotten a single new quest from Barck besides Love and War, and even Tiara’s business quests had begun to drop off. The quests were my biggest ‘cheat’ in this world, and I really needed to start farming them.

“Ah, Pete! You’re here. Good. How is it?”

Copperpot was approaching with his beanie already up and spinning. It was probably a cooling function given that the boil-kettle testing was making it damn hot in here.

“Sorry, I arrived early and took a look around. It’s great! Honestly, I’m a bit jealous!” I said.

“That’s just the inventor in you talking. The charm of a millenia old facility cannot be matched by any amount of chrome, no matter how shiny.”

“It’s really shiny, though.”

“Not as shiny as all the gold we’ll be making with it!”

We both rubbed our hands with glee at the thought of all that gold.

“But honestly, any concerns?” Copperpot asked.

“I noticed a distinct lack of ductwork. Since yer essentially rippin’ this place apart and building from scratch, you really need an air purification system.”

Copperpot snapped his fingers and a familiar face popped up beside him. Lillyweather gave me a bashful smile and I returned it. The skip had returned to her step, and a quick glance down revealed that she now had full control over her enchanted prosthetic leg.

“Lillyweather, please take a note that we need improved air circulation in here. I’d like what they’re using at the university labs,” Copperpot dictated. Lillyweather nodded and scribbled furiously on a notepad.

I held up a finger. “I know about Archis Academy, but what’s tha university? You mentioned it the last time we met and I meant to ask.”

Copperpot looked far off into an imaginary distance and smiled, like a gnome remembering a fond memory. “It’s simply the scientific research wing of Archis Academy. Those who lose interest in magic and no longer want to pursue it, but are still interested in learning go there.”

“Doc Opal went too, right?”

“Most of those with medical or research Titles do.” Copperpot nodded. "Back to business, are those lauter tuns of yours about done?”

It was my turn to nod. “Aye. They should be finished by the end of tha week.”

Copperpot clapped his gloves together. “Good good. Now, let me introduce you to the future first gnomish brewing company!”

Copperpot took me in amongst his workers, introducing me to each in turn. There were way too many names, way too fast. I already had so many names to remember that Copperpot’s team flew right over my helmet.

When we were done, Copperpot took me back outside to talk. The section of Minnova we were in was a major shipping center, and carriages full of goods passed to and fro, destined for the Grand Market or further.

“Now, Pete. I don’t want to be impatient, but a lot is riding on this. Are you absolutely sure that you'll have an amazing new brew for me by the end of the week?” Copperpot gave me a serious glower, the effect of which was completely lost by the ridiculousness of his slowly spinning beanie.

I choked back a chuckle. “If this was meant fer dwarves it'd be an illegal weapon, because it’ll knock yer socks clean off!”

Copperpot smirked. “Indeed. A drink capable of removing a dwarf from their socks would immediately be banned.”

I drummed my fingers on my belt buckle. “You mentioned that a lot was ridin’ on it? I can't imagine this facility was too expensive fer a company of yoursize.”

Copperpot nodded. “That’s true. Liquidity is the issue. Some of the funds that I had earmarked for our expansion into the Mine Corporation mines was put into this endeavour instead. My family board of directors has voiced their concerns. If this flops entirely there’s a chance we could lose our opportunity to transfer control. If we are successful, the bank will loan us any further funds we may require in the meantime.”

I sucked in my breath. “You didn’t need to do that, Copperpot!”

Copperpot reached up to pat me on the shoulder. “I believe in your capabilities, Peter Roughtuff, and you were right. This is a chance to make history. What are some mines to that?”

“Gold is gold.” I intoned, invoking the second meaning.

Copperpot nodded. “See? This is one of the reasons I like you. You appreciate what really matters. Bring me something incredible Pete.”

“I think you’ll like it. I really, really do.” I really, really, really, hoped so! “I should go check on it right now! Thanks for the tour!”

“Ahhhh, one more thing.” Copperpot put up a finger. “This hasn’t exactly been quiet. The Mine Corporation likely understands what’s at stake and would love to see our plans go awry. I’m hoping they won’t have realized your importance in all this, but please be careful for the next week. Perhaps take that big strapping golden brother of yours when you’re out in public.”

I felt an icy hand grip my stomach as I imagined dystopian corporate hit squads coming after me. Dystopian corporate hit squads with magic.

By the Unholy Yams of Yearn! At least I wouldn’t need to worry about snipers with all the low buildings around here. Instead, I needed to worry about some passerby spraying me with a monster acid capable of melting my flesh down to the bone in half a second.

Copperpot must have sensed my agony. “Lillyweather, how about you escort Peter back to his brewery? Lillyweather has a way of calling for help installed in her limb, as well as a short-term shield, so you’ll be safe with her."

Lillyweather stepped forward with a small smile. “Of course, Professor. Are you heading to the Thirsty Goat, Pete?” She twisted her prosthetic foot from side to side in the dirt. “We could grab a coffee or some cakes at Joejam’s on the way, if you’d like.”

“You children go have fun, I have to get back to work. So long, and remember; incredible.” Copperpot patted me on the shoulder and made his way back inside the warehouse.

Lillyweather gave me a blinding smile.

“Do you want to lead the way, Pete?”

—

“Professor Copperpot is really excited about this project. Honestly, I am too.” Lillyweather gestured expansively. “Imagine! The first dwarven brew crafted by gnomish hands!”

We were almost halfway back to the Goat, and Lillyweather had been talking non-stop the entire way. She had a nervous edge to her tone, and I could feel her building up to something.

I regarded the small gnomess, with her mousey hair and pink cheeks and felt my stomach churn. She had her head tilted down and was doing that ‘peeking through eyelashes’ thing while she waited for my reply. She still reminded me of my daughter, though it no longer hurt to look at her. No, I was suffering in a different way, with a feeling I hadn’t felt since high school.

I wasn’t a fan of this, oh dear Gods no. I thought I’d been free after I got married, but it was all rushing back. The awkwardness, the fumbling, the jostling around the issue.

She was going to ask me out. And I was going to have to reject her.

“You know, some gnomes have probably tried brewing beer in secret before. It isn't really fair to claim we're first.” I pointed out.

Lillyweather stopped for half a step, then resumed walking. “Well, it will be the first official brew, and that’s more than enough! Everyone in the university knows that an achievement doesn’t mean much if nobody knows you did it.”

I winced. That was academia all right - Edisons and Teslas all over again.

Lillyweather continued talking, “There was this one time, one of the grad students did this big project and asked one of the senior Professors to review it. The project was a huge success, but the Professor got all the credit since his name was on it. It wasn’t even on purpose, but nobody believed a grad student could have done it all on his own. I found out because a friend of mine’s sister knew him and it absolutely crushed him. He quit and went to become a barista. Not that the traditional gnomish career of Barista isn’t amazing anyway, but what a loss to the world of research!”

We were approaching Joejam’s and her voice was beginning to quaver. When we were within a hundred meters or so, she blurted out.

“Pete, would you be free to - to - um - “ she pointed vaguely towards Joejam's.

“I can’t.” I sighed. I continued firmly, but politely. “I have a lot to prepare. I really appreciate you walking me back, Lillyweather, but I just don’t have time for anything else right now.”

Lillyweather’s smile turned sick and she stumbled over her next words. “Oh, ok. I - I - if you’d like, we could get a drink together another - another time? What are you doing… next Arday?”

I went over my schedule in my head. “That’ll be past our crunch, so I can absolutely set aside some time next Arday to have drinks with a friend.” I gave a small sad smile with the last word.

Lillyweather twitched. “With - with - a friend.”

I nodded. “A good friend.”

She smiled again, but it had lost a lot of its lustre. Her eyes brimmed. She wiped her forearm across them and laughed, a tinkle of mournful bells. “You’re a great friend, Pete. Not just good. Everybody knows that.”

My stomach felt heavy, but I couldn’t string her along like this. I hated people who did that. Romantic gamesmanship could go and bugger Aaron’s Fancy Freckled Arse.

We continued the walk back to the Goat in silence. I politely didn’t notice her occasional sniffle. When we reached the door she gave me a simple farewell. We shook hands and she went on her way.

I took a deep breath before I crossed the threshold. Ugh, I had not been emotionally prepared for that today. I -

There was a *Bi-dang* and a notification popped up. The sound was off, and it was a little different from my usual notifications. There was a fuzzy purple outline to the blue box and the writing was cursive instead of the easy to read blocky font I was used to. It read:

Quest: True Love

In another lifetime you found and lost what many can only dream of. Can you do it again?

True Love Found: 0/1

Rewards: True Love is its own reward

A moment later there was another *Bi-dang!*

Quest Updated: True Love

Ugh, fine, whatever. Jerks. I'll make you regret this!

True Love Found: 0/1

Rewards: [Access to the Karma Store]

That… that had to be a quest from Yearn. Could she do that? Could all the Gods do that and they just hadn’t bothered yet? I’d been under the impression that only Barck and Tiara could give me quests. Maybe the others weren’t giving quests because they didn’t want me to win the game? And what was this Karma Store!?

My mind was whirling with questions and emotions as I stepped through the door and straight into a bushy red haired dwarf on the other side. He’d been chatting with Aqua, who was dwarfing the counter, and hadn’t noticed me coming in. He looked like a lumberjack, and smelled like one too. It was a face I hadn’t seen in over a year.

He turned a baleful frown on me that morphed into a giant grin. “Pete, m’boy! How are ya doin’, eh?” Then Sam, the [Maestro] of Minnova Reform Mine, engulfed me in an enormous hairy hug.