Autopsy of a Mind

Chapter 104: Talk to a Friend

Sebastian had fled to the bathroom and didn't return until fifteen minutes later. He was buttoning up his shirt at the corner of the room and watching me closely. I pulled the cover up to hide my lips and tried to ignore his gaze on me. 

"Are you trying to unsettle me?" I asked. 

"Not even in my dreams would I think I could unsettle or frighten you." He shook his head. "I'm looking at you and trying to think."

I glared at him and slowly pushed the cover down. "Is that so?" I slid out of bed. 

"We're getting late," he told me. "Rush or we will be late for the first class." I hastily went to the bathroom and got ready. 

"Next time," he said suddenly as we pulled out of the parking spot. "Next time when you want to kiss me or do anything scandalous, could you do it out of bed?" he pled. 

My mouth hung open in shock. "What? I thought you were rational and knew how to stow down your excitement and lust," I said hurriedly. 

"Yes, but when it comes to you and the bed... I didn't think it would be this grave." He huffed. 

"You learned how to kiss on the internet, you didn't think it would be a small peck or something, right?" I asked, shocked. 

"I thought you were pure, but you turned out to be lusty. Lusting for my body!" he argued. 

"Lusting for your body!" I exclaimed. "That's how grownups kiss. Not my fault you liked it too much." I rolled my eyes. 

"You're supposed to enjoy when someone you like kisses you on their own accord. It usually means that they like you too." He spared me a glance. "Don't feel pressured. As long as you are experimenting on me and not going around kissing random men to find out how you feel, I am okay."

I looked out of the window, trying to hide the blush that crept up my cheeks. "I won't go around kissing people," I hissed. I wasn't completely crazy. 

"No, you can do as you want. But I don't want to freeze up or feeling wretched afterward."

That made sense. 

"I won't kiss others, okay?" I didn't know it is was possible to actually like kisses, as pointless as they were. There was no outward pleasure to the whole thing, just a show of affection or intent. When I had no such intention towards anyone, why would I go around kissing people I didn't know? 

Yes, I didn't know any other men. 

We got out of the car at the university and Sebastian walked ahead of me. "I'll go to the washroom," I informed him quickly and fled. The phone was pressed in my ear the moment he was out of my sight. 

Dr. Knight picked it up within two rings. "Is something wrong?" he asked, a layer of panic in his voice. 

"No. No. I have done something very wrong," I said. My breath came in short spurts. 

"What did you do?" his voice was calmer. He probably guessed that it couldn't be anything too bad, considering I was calling him so early in the morning. 

"I kissed Sebastian," I cried. No, not tears, just the loud panicked voice one makes when they don't know what to do. 

"When?" he asked shortly. 

"Last night. In bed." There was silence. "Uh, it didn't go anywhere, I promise."

"I thought you weren't going to jump into anything." He sounded more amused than I would have liked. 

"I thought so, too. But Sebastian guessed the conversation we had and well, he said he liked me." I paused. "He said I could slowly realize how I felt about him and I was so curious that I couldn't handle it. So I kissed him. The internet said that if I kissed someone I liked, it was good."

"There are other ways, too, Evie," he told me. 

"I know! But those matched up but I practically see him all day long so they don't count. So, I took a shortcut and kissed him." Again silence. 

"So, did you like it?"

"Yes..." I sounded guilty. 

"So, what is the problem?" he asked, now sounding very confused. 

"I don't know what to do next," I admitted. 

"Evie, do you have friends?" he asked. 

"No."

"I think you need to have a chat with friends... not Sebastian. Someone else that you know and like. Talk to them and I am sure you will find out what to do."

"But what of my self-esteem and inability to accept affection?" I asked, panicked. 

"I think you need to talk to someone more than talking to your therapist about it. Give it a try. Think of it as homework. You have to socialize with people anyway. Why not start today?"

I wanted to cry. "Okay, but how do I make a friend so fast?" I asked. 

"I have not the slightest clue," he admitted. "As your therapist, I cannot help you in a professional capacity to figure out. If you were having problems accepting his affection of admitting you like him, I could have done something. But you seem to be feeling awkward after accepting everything. As a professional, I can't talk to you in a friendly manner, okay?" 

"I understand," I grumbled. "I don't have anyone to talk to, you know?" I sighed. 

"It's okay, Evie. Start making connections. We can talk about this in the next session, too. Will you be okay until then?" he asked. I paused and thought about it. 

The feeling was not unpleasant and the awkwardness would fade if I screamed about it to the world, so I gave my answer. "Yes." We exchanged greetings and I hung up quickly. 

When I reached the professors' common room, I saw doctor Singh sitting in the hall, sipping on coffee as he read the newspaper. 

"Evie, how are you doing this morning?" he asked with a brilliant smile. 

"Well. And you?" I asked. The bulb went off in my head. "Dr. Singh, do you consider me your friend?" I asked. He was surprised for a second before he broke into a fit of laughter. 

"Of course, Evie!" he said. 

"Do you have time during your lunch break?" I asked. He nodded pleasantly. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Sebastian come out of his office and clammed up. "Okay, you are the only one I am close with. I have important matters to discuss with you."

"What matters?" Sebastian asked, interrupting our conversation.