Autopsy of a Mind

Chapter 103: An Impulsive Kiss

The kiss started off innocently enough. I trapped him under me, my lips lingering on the corner of his mouth. He remained frozen in his spot and I felt a sliver of disappointment pass through me. I pulled away and looked at his face. His eyes were screwed shut and his fists at his side. 

I suddenly understood what he meant when he said it was upsetting when I froze up under his touch. I pulled my palm away from his cheek and guided it to his fist. With a pull, I wound his hand around my waist and pressed my lips on his once again.

It took him a few seconds to understand what I was trying to say. He gripped my waist and pulled me in, kissing me like he was meant to. There were many of them and they were feather-light and wet. They felt like little bug bites with a soft touch instead of a sting or a pinch I had expected. I heard a muffled moan and pried my eyes open. 

The room suddenly appeared pitch black, not allowing me to make out my surroundings. I couldn't see his face either. The moment of panic should have set in, but I felt oddly welcome and safe. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I felt the warm weight of his hands on my waist and the feeling of his strong legs under mine.

He pulled away and stared. "Satisfied?" he asked with a small smile. I shook my head thoughtfully. "You haven't confirmed yet?" he murmured in a quiet voice. He pushed my hair aside, and I delt more bites continue to go from my lips to the sensitive skin of my neck. He spread his legs and rolled us over. 

I lay, flabbergasted as he pulled away and smirked. "Time to sleep," he whispered into my ear and pushed away from me. His hand left my waist and he sat to the side. He pulled up the blanket and wrapped me into a burrito. 

I could see that his body wracked with a shuddering breath and I couldn't help but notice more. 

Where did he learn it? I had to ask. "How do you kiss so well?" I asked. 

"I learned in my spare time," he admitted freely. When I didn't reply, he glanced at me and explained. "You can watch courses on the internet. Don't ask. I was curious." He groaned again, his hand craddling his head as he mumbled something under his breath. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered, sure that he didn't like it. His head snapped to me and he shook his head vigorously. 

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he said vehemently. "It's my first time, so I stopped before I did something bad." I frowned. 

"Bad?" I asked. 

"Yes, I don't want to start anything on my own accord when you are still figuring out your feelings and boundaries. It was wrong of me to..." I could hear what came next. He was sorry for kissing me so passionately. 

I liked it though. I enjoyed it too much and now I was feeling a little bit of anticipation. He had been confident once I assured him it was okay and I was hoping he wouldn't regret it. I really hoped he wouldn't regret it. 

"Do you regret it?" I asked in a small voice. 

"No. Absolutely not. I want to kiss you. All the time, really."

"I didn't know that," I mentioned. "I'm glad I wasn't the only one who enjoyed it." I chuckled nervously.

"I enjoyed it a little too much if you ask me." He chuckled. 

He settled down on the bed and I waited for signs of happiness to bloom. A small smile had crawled on his lips and his eyes had small folds on the side. He liked it, I told myself in an unbiased manner. 

It was hard for me to believe, but he liked it. That's what Dr. Knight had asked me to do. 

I wasn't sure Dr. Knight would appreciate me jumping into the act when I returned home, but I did what I instinctively wanted to. I wriggled to get the cover out from under my sides and scooted closer to him. 

"Sorry, can I hold your hand as I sleep?"

He looked at me with pure terror. "Aren't you scared I will misunderstand and take advantage of you?"

"Absolutely not. I have faith in your integrity," I smiled. I wrapped my fingers around his and turned to face him. The chill of the room faded away and I found my eyes getting heavier. He looked at me incredulously but didn't say a word. 

After a while, I heard him murmur. "Sleep." I didn't need to be told twice. 

I woke up in a haze of warmth. I could feel my hands wrapped around something hard but the smell of mint and something else made me snuggle in closer. The object stiffened, making me know that it was not inanimate. But from how lifelessly it lay in my grasp, I didn't think it was alive and well. I squinted as light invaded my senses and turned away into the bed. 

"Wake up," Sebastian said, his guttural voice shocking me. I pushed my head up, hitting what seemed to be his chin, and quickly rolled away when the top of my head was invaded by a sharp pain. 

When I looked over, I could see him clutching his chin and a look of pain in his eyes. 

"Sorry, I was surprised," I apologized quickly. He nodded and slid out of the bed. As he walked away, I lay mortified. The kiss had been impulsive, the holding of hands intentional, but my body had betrayed all sense and shifted close enough to him during my sleep. 

I had not slept with someone for so long that I didn't know my sleeping habits. When I was younger, I would snuggle into my mother or father when I had nightmares and they would have to wake me up in the middle of the night because I was wrapped around them like an octopus and they could hardly breathe.