A Barbaric Proposal

Chapter 58 | Swear on Her Heart

Looking at Rienne, Black cocked his head.

He looked so genuinely caught off guard, that it was obvious he had zero inkling of the truth until right this moment.

[Rienne] “Even if you’re not alright… that’s okay. I was the one who lied.”

[Black] “I definitely thought it was fine at first. If you had another man’s child, I really thought it would be okay.”

Suddenly, Black’s voice lowered to a whisper.

[Black] “All I wanted was you, Princess, so I viewed the child as being the price I had to pay for deciding to come too late. It didn’t matter whose kid it was, I was planning on raising them as my own anyway. Having you was all that mattered, so keeping the kid around was fine. But…….”

His frown deepened.

[Black] “I guess I wasn’t as okay with it as I thought I was.”

[Rienne] “……? I don’t understand….”

[Black] “After you said it was all a lie, it felt like something got lifted off of me.”

Black held up his hand, pressing his palm against the left side of his chest, tapping against it.

[Black] “Around here, I think. It’s…..”

Black stopped talking as his words trailed off, like he was trying to find the right way to describe how he was feeling.

As he thought about it, his face sunk into deeper confusion. He really had no idea what name he could put to this emotion of his.

[Black] “Maybe you could call it, freeing.”

[Rienne] “…….?”

Slowly, a very wonderful smile tugged at Black’s lips.

[Black] “It feels like my heart’s become so light, I can’t control it.”

[Rienne] “I think that means… you’re happy?”

[Black] “It would seem so….Are you in any pain right now?”

Rienne pulled back in confusion. He asked her so suddenly, and she had no context for what he meant by that question.

[Rienne] “No? I already said I didn’t lose a child, so……”

[Black] “Then I’ll take that to mean it’s okay.”

Before she knew it, his face was right in front of her.

She felt his familiar weight pressing down on her as their lips overlapped. The moment the taste of him she knew so well hit her tongue, she felt like she was going to burst into tears.

…..Now she knew what this feeling was. It was greed.

She wanted to hide those parts of their past from him purely out of her own greed.

She wasn’t doing it for him, but for herself. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to take it away from him—it was that she didn’t want to take it away from herself.

She didn’t want to lose him. She wouldn’t lose him……

So she would bury what her father did in her heart. Even if she had to suffer from the guilt for the rest of her life, she would stay quiet.

[Rienne] “Hah….w, wait…..”

But the kiss was too intense and long.

Rienne whispered out, her soft lips begging for air.

[Rienne] “S, slower…..”

[Black] “Yeah.”

Yeah, he said, but she couldn’t believe such a simple answer. It was a straightforward word, but Black’s eyes looked like he wasn’t entirely in control of himself anymore.

With eyes like that, could he even hear her right now?

Black quickly swallowed up her lips again, affectionately biting down on them as he pulled Rienne from lying down in the bed and up onto his lap. Keeping her in his tight embrace, he had her settled down on his leg.

[Rienne] “Wait, slower…..”

[Black] “Yeah.”

[Rienne] “You’re not listening…..”

[Black] “Yeah.”

[Rienne] “No……”

[Black] “Yeah.”

……What’s the point in answering me anymore?

Their kiss was intense enough to steal away her breath, and it made her whole body shiver with excitement. She wanted to hold onto him as much as she could, but alas, her arms were starting to feel heavy.

[Rienne] “……It hurts.”

In the brief moment their lips fell apart, Rienne softly murmured. It didn’t exactly ‘hurt’, but after such a long, heated kiss, her lips were starting to tingle.

[Black] “….You’re hurt?”

And luckily, those words had the power to stop Black.

[Black] “Where?”

Taking the chance, Rienne pressed both of her hands against the sides of Black’s face, making direct eye contact with him.

[Rienne] “My lips. You bit them.”

[Black] “Ah….”

Seeing a small bite mark at the edge of her lips, Black’s expression stiffened. Somehow, all his little reactions seemed so lovely to her that it made her heart ache.

[Rienne] “Let’s save the rest for later.”

After Rienne said that, Black shook his head, but eventually he smiled.

[Black] “Until when should we wait?”

[Rienne] “Um….tomorrow?”

[Black] “You won’t feel hurt tomorrow?”

[Rienne] “I don’t think so.”

If it’s tomorrow then….

Then I should feel better. My heart should be stronger, too.

His feeling of desire was always so strongly transmitted to her, that it felt like it was going to crush her, but if it was tomorrow, then she might be able to withstand it.

[Black] “Are you still scared of me?”

[Rienne] “No? What makes you think that?”

[Black] “I’m concerned that I may not have come off as a very good person in the beginning.”

[Rienne] “. . .”

Rienne watched as he frowned, his eyebrows narrowing downwards. In particular, her eyes were focused on the scar she knew to be etched into him.

He really doesn’t know.

How much I love these things about you—how grateful I am towards you, but also sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering I’ve caused you.

So whenever she was around him, she unintentionally felt like she was going to cry.

[Rienne] “If anyone could see what you do to me, no one would spread that rumor that you prefer men.”

Rienne murmured, a soft laugh escaping her as she ran her hand against Black’s cheek.

[Black] “The other rumors aren’t true either………..Most of them, at least.”

The words Black tacked on at the end lacked so much confidence that Rienne couldn’t help but laugh again.

[Rienne] “I know.”

[Black] “That’s a relief.”

Black pulled Rienne into his chest with one arm, repositioning her and laying her back in bed.

[Black] “Do you want to sleep more?”

[Rienne] “No….I don’t know if I can sleep.”

[Black] “Then, what do you want to do?”

She didn’t even have to think about the answer.

[Rienne] “You should go wash up.”

Black lifted up his arms, as if checking himself out.

[Black] “……Am I dirty?”

[Rienne] “No, but you should still wash up before getting into bed. So go get cleaned up and bring a blanket back when you’re done. Oh, and a pillow, too.”

And then, I’d like it if you could hold me while I rest. In a way that’s very kind and warm. So that I can forget about everything else but my desire to stay with you.

[Black] “Wait.”

Black leaned down, leaving a kiss on the tip of her nose.

He was being considerate of the fact that her lips hurt, so he decided to kiss her nose instead , and that fact made her want to cry again.

[Rienne] “Hurry back.”

Rienne closed her eyes, murmuring softly, and Black let out a strange noise from between his teeth.

[Black] “……..I can’t go when you say things like that.”

Rienne slightly parted her worn lips, quietly smiling, and Black didn’t take his eyes off of her until it had completely disappeared.

The feeling of his persistent and intense gaze on her was no different from his kiss.

_^*

* * *

_^*

Though Rienne said she wouldn’t be able to sleep, she slept so soundly that she didn’t even dream. By the time she woke up, it was no longer dawn, but rather the late morning.

As her eyes fluttered open, the first thing she saw was Black’s face.

[Black] “Did you sleep well?”

Her eyes were too wide to say no.

[Rienne] “Yes.”

She was lying down in bed, wrapped up in Black’s arms, just like she did back then.

When she woke up, she could feel how tightly he was holding her and the light pressure on her body that came with it, so it was strange how she managed to sleep so sweetly.

[Rienne] “When did you wake up?”

[Black] “When I usually do.”

And what time was that supposed to be?

[Rienne] “Have you been waiting for long?”

[Black] “I don’t know. I’m not bored enough to be keeping track of the time.”

Black held out his hand, running his finger tips against her eyelashes as they blinked rapidly, as if she were happy to see him.

As her lashes brushed against his fingers, he smiled softly.

[Black] “I’ve never seen eyelashes this long.”

[Rienne] “Is that so?”

[Black] “I wanted to touch them, but I held back because I was afraid I’d wake you.”

[Rienne] “Why didn’t you?”

As if she’d said something very ridiculous, Black’s face twisted into a frown as his eyebrows furrowed.

[Black] “……Don’t you want to sleep more?”

[Rienne] “I think I’ll be okay. I’ve slept for over a day at this point. I should wake up now.”

[Black] “You can sleep more.”

[Rienne] “That would be too lazy of me.”

[Black] “Isn’t that fine?”

……It was very strange. Why did he want her to sleep so badly? Wasn’t he waiting for her to wake up all this time?

[Rienne] “Why are you so interested in putting me back to sleep?”

[Black] “So I can go back to what I was doing.”

[Rienne] “And what was that?”

[Black] “I was enjoying the view.”

[Rienne] “……?”

As brushed his hand against the side of her face, lingering around her eyelashes, Black’s hand slowed to a stop.

[Black] “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life.”

Badum.

Those words echoed in her chest, like something was pounding inside of her.

[Black] “And the lazier you are, Princess, the more I get precious times like this. So laze away. For me if no one else.”

[Rienne] “. . .”

Where…..Where did he learn to talk like that? He can’t have learned it on the battlefield.

[Rienne] “I think you were lying.”

Rienne was surprised by the sudden words that came out of her own mouth.

[Black] “I’m not lying.”

[Rienne] “No, I’m talking about something else. You said you weren’t very good at this sort of thing because you didn’t have much experience.”

[Black] “. . .”

[Rienne] “I think you were lying. Sounds like you have a lot.”

Black’s expression darkened, as if he were troubled by something. But after swallowing hard, he pressed his lips against the top of Rienne’s head.

[Black] “I want to say that’s a lie.”

[Rienne] “Oh, as I thought.”

[Black] “Just pretend you didn’t hear that. I’ll figure out how to get better.”

[Rienne] “…….? Are you not already good?”

[Black] “I want you to think that.” ⁽¹⁾

Black muttered, his words vaguely trailing off into nothing. As he did, he gave her a kiss on her forehead. The sensation of his warm breath against her skin made her indescribably happy.

If she had to hear that someone else had experienced this before her, she would only end up feeling really bad.

[Rienne] “I don’t want to hear anything about that. It’s not good.”

Rienne held up a finger, pressing it against Black’s cheek.

[Rienne] “I don’t want to take any issue with the past, especially if it’s something I don’t need to know about. But it’s different to hear you say it yourself. So don’t say that.”

Black replied with a frown, as if her words were stabbing him somewhere sensitive and it was causing him pain.

[Black] “I agree, but I have my own reasons.”

[Rienne] “But why do you feel the need to flaunt your past?”

[Black] “I don’t want to be rejected again.”

[Rienne] “…….?”

[Black] “You were the one who said those who were not skilled couldn’t be with you, Princess……”

[Rienne] “Ah, stop.”

Rienne quickly covered Black’s mouth.

Come to think of it, that was a little comment she’d made offhandedly……to hide her true feelings. She didn’t think he would take it so seriously.

So how could she fix this now?

[Rienne] “….That’s not it.”

[Black] “What do you mean?”

She could feel his lips smoothly moving underneath her hands. She couldn’t really hear him since his voice was muffled, but strangely, she felt like she could feel his words.

[Rienne] “It’s not like that.”

The more she talked, the harder it was to make eye contact with him. Rienne turned her head away, muttering under her breath and avoiding his gaze.

[Black] “Tell me what you mean.”

[Rienne] “I’m……not a very good judge when it comes to who is skilled and who isn’t.”

[Black] “…..? Then why did you turn me away back then?”

[Rienne] “It was because I didn’t want to sleep together.”

[Black] “. . .”

[Rienne] “If we had….. you would’ve immediately noticed.”

[Black] “What?”

[Rienne] “Truthfully, I have no experience in that realm.”

Rienne could feel the embarrassment practically radiating off of her. She couldn’t take it anymore, wriggling her way out of Black’s arms and trying to get up.

[Rienne] “Anyway, I need to go. I’ll use the bathroom first.”

[Black] “Where do you think you’re going?”

But it was pointless.

Black very easily pulled Rienne back, even as she tried to escape, locking her up in his arms. He was holding her so tightly, she could barely breathe but it was amazing how comfortable she felt.

[Rienne] “Please let go of me. I’m so embarrassed.”

[Black] “No way.”

[Rienne] “Wha…..”

[Black] “I can’t sit still after hearing that.”

[Rienne] “It’s not that big of a deal…..”

[Black] “You may not think so, but I do, Princess.”

[Rienne] “Does this…..make you happy?”

[Black] “I don’t think I can find the right words to express it.”

Black stayed in that position for a while. His body was so stiff that he didn’t move in the slightest, almost like he’d turned to stone.

Or rather, his body wasn’t stiff. It was more like he was holding himself back, trying to stop himself from moving like crazy.

[Black] “Every day since I came back to Nauk, I kept thinking about all my regret, feeling like I was too late.”

After a while, Black finally spoke.

[Black] “I should’ve come back sooner. I should’ve realized what I wanted sooner—that I didn’t want it to be taken away from me.”

[Rienne] “Is….that so?”

Rienne, who already knew what it was, felt like something in her heart was being cut loose. Feeling her throat seize up, Rienne dug deeper into Black’s embrace—until there was no room left to get any closer.

[Black] “If I had just come sooner, you wouldn’t have had the chance to put any other man in your heart, Princess. And the time it would’ve taken you to get used to me would’ve been shorter. I kept thinking about that.”

[Rienne] “For him…..I never……”

[Black] “I still can’t believe it. That what belonged to me was never actually taken away in the first place.”

[Rienne] “…….?”

Rienne raised her head, looking up at Black.

What was he talking about?

What did he mean, what belonged to him was never taken away? He lost everything that was rightfully his, and was forced to run and leave behind his name.

[Black] “Because it’s been mine all along.”

But what he was talking about was not his crown nor his status.

It was Rienne herself.

Uttering his final words, Black lowered his body and kissed Rienne’s chest.

It was on the left side, right where her heart was. It wasn’t a sensual kiss nor did it feel dirty or vulgar. It felt genuine. Like he was burning a reverent oath into her heart.

[Black] “I’ll never forget it or lose it.”

[Rienne] “. . .”

[Black] “Never.”

And until Black finished his kiss, Rienne held her breath and merely waited. It was the first time she realized that her heart was capable of making such intense sounds.

……Yes. I’m glad I didn’t tell him.

Whether it was greed that was prompting her, or something else entirely, she would keep things exactly like this.

Never again would she take anything from this man.

The moment Black pulled away from her, Rienne held onto him, pulling him back in.

And the kiss that was meant to be saved for tomorrow started today. The two of them stayed in their bedroom until the sun was sitting high in the sky—causing some concern for those who were waiting for them to come into work.

* * *

T/N: (1) The implication here is that Black does have some experience, but that in his mind, it’s not enough to prove an adequate lover for Rienne, so he wants to show off. Wasn’t sure if that came off as obvious in the translations, but it was pretty clear in the raws, so I’m writing it here.

Ah, they’re so cute, I hate them (>/////<) And is that a blush I spot there, good sir?