Victor of Tucson

Chapter 10: Alone

“It’s a shame, but it’s the reality we live in, Victor.” Vullu was trying to sound composed, but Victor could see the pain in his eyes. He felt guilty for making the older guy feel like he had to comfort him. Vullu should be dealing with his own grief, not trying to console someone he hardly knew.

“Yeah. It sucks. Anyway, I’m sorry for your loss, Vullu.” Victor moved to his corner of the cage and put his face toward the corner post, resting his forehead on the iron. He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything other than Yrella’s twitching corpse.

“She was your friend, Victor. Just so you know. She joked a lot, but she told me she was glad Yund threw you in our cage.”

“Jesus, man. I don’t wanna hear that! What good does it do anyone? She’s fucking gone!”

“She’s not gone if we carry her with us, Victor. Your relationships with the people you meet shape you, you know. Knowing she was fond of you changes the paths you will walk, whether you realize it or not. So, it’s good that you know.” Victor gently banged his forehead against the iron post, feeling the way it vibrated his skull.

“If you say so, dude.” He heard a cell door clang, and he looked up the aisle to see Ponda walking away from a cage toward the exit. “Hey, Ponda,” he called.

“What, kid?” The big furry man glanced at him as he strode by.

“When’s the next fucking fight? I need to get five done as soon as possible.”

“I wouldn’t wish too hard, kid. Boss saw you massacre that guy, you know; he’s gonna try to make some money off you. Your next match might get a little uglier if you get my meaning.”

“Chingado! Of course, he is. Well, I don’t care; when is it?”

“Four days, and it’s at the Nail, so you might get more than one fight. Boss’s stable is running light.” Ponda didn’t wait to see if that answer satisfied Victor; he kept walking, slamming the door behind himself.

“Well, I got ten points to spend. Any advice, Vullu?” He turned and slid down onto his ass, folding his legs in the position that Yrella had taught him.

“I know it might seem counter-intuitive, but you might want to put some points into will and intelligence; they help with Energy manipulation. It might help you figure out a cultivation drill if you increase those attributes.” Vullu sat down, laid back, and closed his eyes, apparently done talking. Victor looked at his status sheet and decided to put two points each into intelligence and will, bringing them to an even ten. Then he dumped his other six points into strength. His berserk skill said it would double his strength and speed for the duration - might as well capitalize on that. He knew that if Yrella were there right now, she’d nag him to try to figure out his cultivation method, so he rubbed a knuckle into his forehead, trying to focus, and then he took a deep breath and looked into his Core.

As he studied the throbbing red star, he began to make out details about it that he hadn’t noticed. The pulsing almost seemed like breathing, and as it swelled and contracted, he saw little waving tendrils of Energy that existed only briefly. As he studied those tendrils, his mind began to wander, and it went where it always seemed to go since the pit fight - Yrella. He saw Yrella smiling, her eyes lighting up. Then he saw her scowl when he complimented those eyes. He remembered her laughing when he lost over and over at dice. He remembered her standing next to him after the first pit night, drinking warm ale like it was Christmas dinner. Then he remembered her getting killed, and all of his memories began to run red in his mind.

Victor jerked out of his memory of Yrella when he noticed his Core was pulsing more rapidly and brightly, then he felt something subtle at the edge of his awareness, and he tried to track it down with his mind. He traced his pathways, and then he became aware of the Energy outside his body. He could feel the warmth of it as it drew near, slowly changing from bright, yellow Energy into red, angry Energy that slipped into his pathways, drifting slowly toward his Core. Was he cultivating? What had triggered it? Had it been him thinking about Yrella? Victor blinked back tears as he thought how happy she’d be if she knew he’d figured something out.

He determined that he needed to prove his hypothesis, so Victor started reminiscing about things that pissed him off. His old gold standard had been his parents' deaths, but that had grown dull over the years, no longer the cutting blade that filled him with rage. Instead, he thought about the pit fights; he thought of that friendly otter-woman. He thought about how he never learned her name or even bothered to learn what her race is called. He dealt with those otter-people every day, and he hadn’t bothered to find out what they’re called. What a self-centered asshole! He felt his Core throb, and a wave of hot rage surged through his pathways.

Victor remembered what it felt like to be helpless while that wizard asshole had dragged him through the streets and sold him to his place. He remembered his dismissive, snobby attitude and how he’d made him feel as helpless as a little kid. Victor imagined breaking out of his spell and beating the shit out of him, and his Core pulsed. This time he was ready for the surge of rage, and he watched it as it cycled his pathways, drawing ambient Energy into him as it circulated back to his Core. He was doing it! Victor spent the next hour dredging up painful memories, really examining them, and soaking in the rage that boiled out of his Core. He was startled out of his meditation when a System message appeared in his vision:

***Congratulations! Your Core has advanced to: Spirit Class - Base 2***

He studied his pulsing, burning Core and could see that it was larger and the flames more violent than when he’d started. He began to take deep breaths and think calming thoughts, but it took a good half an hour before his vision was no longer tinted red, and he could breathe without wanting to snarl.

“You figured something out, didn’t you?” Vullu asked. Victor looked at him; he’d sat up in his corner. He sat, watching Victor, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah. Seems I need to focus on shit that pisses me off, and then my Core starts to pull Energy from around me, converting it to rage Energy.” Victor sat back, feeling exhausted and, for once, able to close his eyes without picturing Yrella.

“Is that healthy?”

“I don’t fucking know, man. I doubt it, but I’m kinda fucked anyway, right? Not like I can take this Core out.” Victor couldn’t help snapping, his frustration rapidly reigniting his anger.

“No, I suppose you can’t. Not with the resources available to us, that’s for sure. How do you feel now?”

“A little annoyed at the twenty questions, but I was feeling better. I can close my eyes without thinking of, well, you know.” Victor shrugged and sighed deeply, laying back and throwing an arm over his eyes. “Anyway, I gained a Core level, so that’s something. Let’s talk more in the morning; I’m wiped, bro.”

“Alright, Victor.” It sounded like Vullu laid back down, but Victor didn’t open his eyes to check. He just focused on the blackness behind his eyes and tried to drift into it. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

For the first time since he’d been brought to this world, Yrella didn’t wake him up the next day. Victor and Vullu went through their routine like usual, and when they returned to their cages in the afternoon, Victor spent another few hours steeped in memories that filled him with frustration and rage. When he finished, his Core was hot and dense, and he felt like it might level again soon. He was spent and slept again, not chatting with Vullu and not playing dice. This cycle repeated for two days. On the third day, Victor’s Core leveled again, and he noticed he had over three hundred Energy points available to him now. He opened his eyes, breathed deeply, and painstakingly began the process of pushing all his rage-attuned Energy into his Core, slowly coming out of the fury his cultivation drill seemed to induce.

“Your Core leveled again.” Vullu didn’t phrase it as a question, so Victor didn’t answer. They’d not spoken much over the last few days - something was off with their dynamic that Victor didn’t think could be fixed. The piece that made them connect had been Yrella. Maybe that wasn’t true, but Victor believed it, and so did Vullu, which made it true enough. His rage contained, and his vision clear again, he exhaled slowly and looked at Vullu. The Cadwalli was a dangerous fighter; Victor knew he held back a great deal when they sparred. He looked miserable, though, and Victor wondered what the old guy had to live for if he ever got out of here. Did he have a family? He’d known Yrella outside this place; had they built plans together for when they might someday be free? Were those plans dead now?

“You doing alright, Vullu?” He didn’t know where the question had come from, but Victor was glad he said it. Sometimes stupid things escaped his mouth, but this had been right - he could feel it.

“I think I’m going to leave, Victor. I earned my freedom a while ago; I’d been staying to help Yrella pay down her debt.”

“Oh? Well, shit, man. I can’t blame you. I’d wanna get out of here too.” Victor was screaming inside his mind, but he managed to keep it out of his voice.

“Really, Victor? I’m worried about you, but my heart is broken, and I think I need to seek out loved ones.” Victor’s mind spasmed at this latest statement. Was he a complete bonehead? Had Yrella and Vullu been, like, together the whole time? He thought they were something like friends or partners in crime; he hadn’t noticed romance between the two. His mind flashed back to how Yrella used to sleep with her head on Vullu’s thigh, and he groaned inwardly. He was an idiot.

“Vullu, you’ve been through hell, bro. You should get the fuck out while you can. I’ll fight my way free; I’m determined. If nothing else, I’ll do it for Yrella.” Victor knew it was bravado, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t stomach the idea of Vullu sticking around this place because he was worried about him. Vullu studied Victor for a few long moments, and then he stood up and started kicking at the cage door, making it rattle loudly with each blow of his hoof.

“Victor, I’m not going to forget about you. Keep working on getting out, and I’ll see what I can figure out from the outside.” The exit door slammed open, and Ponda came waddling down the aisle.

“What?” he barked.

“I’m checking out, Ponda. Take me to Yund.”

“Har, we was betting on when you’d do this. Urt’s gonna be happy.” While Ponda fiddled with the cage door, Vullu stepped over to Victor and held out a hand. Victor took it and, for maybe the last time, gripped his sparring partner’s hand, wincing at his iron grip.

“Take care,” Victor said. He wanted to say more, but he didn’t trust himself. He’d almost choked up on “take care.”

“Remember what I said - keep working for it. I’ll try to help you out.” With that, he strode out of the cage and down the aisle with Ponda, and when the heavy door slammed shut, it felt more final than ever before. Victor sat down, looked at his empty cell, and wondered what he could have done to change things, what he could have done not to be alone.