Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

Volume 1, Chapter 1: My friend’s little sister is only annoying towards me

[ ? Hanamichi’s rebellion, our anuses, the one kicking you is the friend’s little sister ? ]

When I came home from school and entered my bedroom, what immediately entered my line of sight were thighs. A girl with whom I was very familiar was lying on top of my bed, casually tapping her legs to the rhythm. She had selfishly borrowed the newest release of a shounen manga from my bookshelf, and she looked like she was in a good mood.

Her name is Kohinata Iroha. She’s a first-year student at the school I attend. My Kouhai by one year. Bright golden yellow hair, bulky headphones around her neck, and a fluffy, expanding hairstyle that makes you think of an emperor penguin. As protection from the heat and humidity, she was wearing a short-sleeved, in-season uniform with a short, refreshing skirt. She had taken off her socks, and her pure white legs were so, so shiny. Though she’s a bit more dolled up than the average high school student, she doesn’t wear any excessive piercings and such, so you couldn’t exactly call her a gal either. One thing is for certain, though: She’s a high school girl through and through.

[ ? The ass in a burst while prostrating, charmed by the visible panties! Grandiose? ? ]

Surely if she showed a cheerful smile in the classroom, every single boy would probably think something like—

—Ahh, this girl is surely in love with me… Something like that.

And this girl, who was capable of leading unfortunate boys to such a terrible misunderstanding, was currently occupying my bed for some reason. Not to mention… Not to mention: That.

[ ? Though the respectable virgin woman he wouldn’t mind, but only the little sister he wouldn’t find—— ]

“Shut up already! Why are you rapping like that!”

I yelled at her in frustration, and at the same time I cut the power supply to the high-res component stereo. Now that the din in front of me had ceased and it had gotten quiet, the girl finally noticed me and turned around.

“Ohh, it’s Senpai. Really~ If you’re going to come in, then at least knock.”

“It’s my room. And keep the volume down; it’s a bother. Why do you even wear those if you don’t use them?” I asked the girl as I pointed at the headphones around her neck.

When I did, the shape of her mouth loosened.

“Ah, you’re asking me that? You’re really asking me that? This is as if you’re rushing down a route in an adult game, and it’s a really important reason, you know? Wow, you’re trying that hard to capture my heart, I see~ I can’t help it then, can I? You see, these headphones are—”

“No, I care less about that than picking up a 1-yen coin from the ground.”

“Ahaaaah☆! Here’s a guy who’s apathetic to the very core!!”

Tap, Iroha tapped me on the forehead while laughing.

—Shut it already…

While I focused all of my brainpower and energy on thinking about how I could get her out of my room, Iroha casually attacked first.

“Still, Senpai, even though you should’ve expected me to arrive first, you still haven’t learned how to knock, huh? What would you have done if I was in the middle of changing? Aha! You were aiming for that, weren’t you?! Police officer! This is him!!! Police officeeeeeeeeeer!”

“Yeah, let’s call the police, Ms. Intruder. Or should I call first?”

“Oh? You think you can win against me in the courtroom?”

Iroha let out an arrogant laugh and narrowed her eyes as she looked at the phone in my hands.

—She’s always like this when she smells a competition.

The girl called Kohinata Iroha is a foreign substance that was somehow born on this planet, and she’s never satisfied until she’s beaten me.

“In the first place, calling me an ‘intruder’ is taking it a bit too far~”

“……!”

She rolled back and forth on the bed in a sort of rhythm. In response, something shook left and right. Three of her uniform’s buttons were unbuttoned, which caused it to become very loose. Because of that, I was able to see those overflowing fruits.

—Huge.

I was caught off guard by that surprise attack and had to avert my eyes. When I did, Iroha let out a giggle, “Nyufu~”, and narrowed her eyes like a cat that had just spotted a toy. She then took out the leather string that was around her neck. She started playing with a silver key that was attached to this string.

It was a spare key for this house.

“It’s obvious who’s in the right here~”

“That still isn’t a free pass to just come and go whenever you want. And why do you have that key in the first place?”

“I know that, once you force me out, you’re just going to roll around on the bed and try to get a good sniff of my lingering scent, right? I know that!”

“Who would do that? There won’t even be 1% of your smell left, idiot.”

Psssssssss

“Kyaa?! Hey! I’m still here, you know?! Isn’t spraying that on me a pretty horrible thing to do?!”

“Hmm? If you don’t want any more febreze sprayed on you, you’d better go back to your room now.”

“Muuuu, y-you! Using a weapon is unfair!”

Iroha rolled off the bed and fell to the floor after I suddenly sprayed her with a can of deodorizer. She puffed out her cheeks as she looked at me with eyes still half-closed.

“Is this how you treat your little sister?!”

“You’re not my little sister in the slightest.”

“I’m the little sister of Senpai’s friend. That basically makes me your real, blood-related little sister.”

“That makes you nothing more than a casual acquaintance at best.”

“…Ha! If Onii-chan and Senpai married, I’d become your official little sister… But Iroha-san doesn’t actually care who’s on the receiving end of the marriage, though!”

“H-Hey, calm down. Don’t go imagining anything weird. Especially involving the people around you. Or you’ll seriously end up in the compost bin.”

What she said had sent a shiver down my spine, so I entered lecturing mode.

—Sheesh, she’s always blurting out stuff like that in the spur of the moment.

Kohinata Iroha isn’t just my Kouhai. Just as she said, she’s also the little sister of my friend. During my middle school years, I got pretty close to my next-door neighbor, Kohinata Ozuma, and she came along with him as part of the set. That spare key she was flaunting was actually one I had given to Ozuma. Unlike Ozuma, who lives together with his parents and little sister, I live alone. If I were to collapse, or if some sort of trouble happened, I might end up dying if there were nobody to help. With that in mind, I had a spare key made and gave it to my trusted friend in case of emergency.

“…Ughhh, to think that it would be misused like this…”

“Ahahaha, this is so fun~ You really are cute when I tease you.”

“It’s not fun for me at all, though…”

In the meantime, Iroha continued to use that proof of friendship as a plaything. She pushed it into her breasts and took it out again, probably trying to provoke me.

—This damn brat, someday I’ll make you tremble in fear.

Just when a vein on my forehead was about to pop out of anger…

Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt

Something at my thigh vibrated. When I took out the smartphone, I checked the name of the caller—

“…Hey, I have some urgent business. Can you please leave right now—”

“Okaaaaay, I’ll keep quiet~!”

“…Did you not understand what I just…?”

Even though I was a bit worried about her response, I pushed the button on my phone, answering the person who was calling me.

“Ah, hello? Ooboshi here.”

「Hello there~ It’s been a while, Akiteru-kun~」

“Oji-san… No, President Tsukinomori.”

「Addressing me in such a formal manner makes me very sad, you know? Oji-san’s gonna cry…」

He spoke in a dundee voice like the people in a bar on the outskirts. And he also spoke with a young boy’s verbal expression, which didn’t fit his accent at all. This was Tsukinomori Makoto: My father’s older brother and a valuable connection. Since both of my parents were overseas, he acted as my overseer here, so he sometimes called in to ask how I was doing. But lately, it’s not just been that—

“…So I assumed that you called me because of that other thing…”

「Oh, ohh, on point. I did give it some consideration.」

“Really…!”

「After high school graduation, we can disregard your academic background, and can offer you a place here at our company without a need for the entrance exam — at least that’s what I would like to say, but you’re making light of society with such a bold request.」

“Guh. W-Well, I was aware of it. So that’s a no, then?”

「I didn’t say that, did I?」

“Then…!”

「Then let’s add a condition with benefits. For my cute nephew, I would even have the resolve to pull the skin off of my fingers. The person beneath me who’s responsible for human affairs is a firm career woman, you see. Once we can tease out her sexual desire hidden beneath that iron mask, it’ll be easy.」

“Strip, but in that sense… no, that certainly wouldn’t be any good from society’s standards. Especially recently.”

「Ha ha ha !」

“This isn’t something to laugh about, though…”

Though of course I’m thankful for it. There’d be no meaning behind it of the person essential for it lost his seat as the company president. The owner of this dandy-sounding voice, and the man who rocked a sexy beard as his profile picture in this app that we’re using — Tsukinomori Makoto — is the acting president of a major entertainment company called Honey Play Works. It’s one of the largest industry leaders in Japan, and not to mention it holds a competitive market share worldwide. As both my uncle and the company president, he had offered me a certain backdoor. That was—

「But it seems that you’ve really grown up, since you’re trying to get a job through your connections like this.」

“I just calculated the most efficient method. And this is probably the fastest method, too.”

「But if you don’t manage to bring in something competitive, you won’t find a place inside the company, you know?」

“I don’t care if you have to cut me off when you decide I’m no longer useful. I won’t make you regret it.”

「Nicely said. I really like that, you know.」

After he let out a teasing giggle, President Tsukinomori continued.

「But it won’t be unconditional, of course.」

“…!”

So it’s here. Of course, I was suggesting a condition. I knew very well that I wouldn’t be getting anywhere without that. Our society functions via principles of equivalent exchange.

「Now, for the first question. Akiteru-kun, you don’t have a girlfriend, do you?」

“…………………Excuse me?”

「What kind of response is that? Don’t tell me; you’re just a high school kid, so you’re not doing anything that could cause an uproar, right?!」

“N-No, that’s definitely not the case! I don’t have any interest in girls!”

“……!”

Uh, oh. Iroha, who was still playing with the key, suddenly perked up when she heard that.

She’s not thinking something like “This is the perfect chance to trouble Senpai,” right?!

“………Nnn! Nnn…!”

Can you shut up while I’m in the middle of this call?! — I tried to tell her via eye-contact. In response, though, Iroha’s spoke up.

“Fuhehehehe~ Seeeeenpaiiii~”

“Idi— Don’t hug me from behind like that. Let go of me.”

「…Is there somebody with you? Somehow I feel a despicable, couple-like rosy atmosphere from your end of the call…」

“I just recently picked up a cat (Fast talking).”

「Ooooh, that’s nice. What breed?」

“Eh? Uhm…”

…Shit, I have no idea about different cat breeds. But there’s no doubt that Oji-san knows his cats. He’ll see through my lie the moment I say it out loud. And if I keep quiet, he’ll definitely find it suspicious.

…Should I tell him about Iroha? …No, that’s the one thing I can’t do. If an outsider saw this situation where a girl is whispering those sweet sounds into my ears, everybody would agree that she was probably my girlfriend. And no matter how hard I would try to explain the situation, it’s pretty obvious that Oji-san wouldn’t be satisfied with my explanation.

“Hey, Senpai. You would be in a lot of trouble if they found out that you were with a girl, right?”

“…If you know that, then let go of me, idiot.”

When Iroha suddenly softly whispered that into my ear, I answered in a similar manner. Maybe it’s because she was enjoying the thrill of the situation, but her mouth turned into something like（Φ ω Φ）

and…

“This feels like cuckold play. It’s so exciting~”

“Where did you learn that term, you female high school student in active service?”

“I looked it up in your search history.”

“So you looked at my smartphone without permission?!”

「Akiteru-kun…?」

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry, my cat suddenly jumped up and scratched my smartphone! Hey you, stop it already!”

「It seems to be quite the wild cat you have there. Are you disciplining her properly?」

“Yeah, I’ve been trying my hardest to discipline this gir— female cat!”

Oh man, that was close. I was barely able to stop myself from saying the word ‘girl.’ Iroha was still pushing the soft feeling of both her breasts and arms against my back. Coupled with the sweet aroma emanating from her, my rational thinking was severely impaired.

“Fufu, I wonder who’s being disciplined right now.”

“…Ugh.”

“Senpai’s face when I’m teasing him like this is so cute~ It makes me feel like a molester.”

“Not just ‘like.’ You’re actually acting like a molester now. Just quit it already. My future depends on this phone call.”

「I seem to be hearing some other voice in the background. I even heard words like ‘molester.’ Don’t tell me, you—」

“N-No, you’re wrong! It’s just… not molest… it’s a Norwegian forest cat breed! The word you heard was ‘forest.’”

「Ohhh, I see. They’re a breed that plays a lot with their owner.」

“No, she’s just troublesome.”

「Ha ha ha, what a tsundere cat owner. Please treasure her.」

“W-Well, I’ll try to keep her in control. Haha… Hahahahahaha.”

「Hmm, I seem to have just been called to meeting. Anyway, I’m glad that Akiteru-kun doesn’t have a girlfriend.」

Alright! —I did a victory pose.

It seems like I successfully deceived Oji-san in the end.

…Well, it’s not like the annoying girl still clinging to my back is actually my girlfriend or anything.

「But it’s still too early to relax. You did meet the primary criteria, but the real deal starts now. I’ll try to tell you the rest of it soon, so please wait a few days.」

“Ah, yes. I’m sorry for bothering you when you’re so busy.”

「It’s all for my cute nephew and my daughter. Something as trivial as being bothered is no big deal in the grand scheme of things.」

“I’m really thankful for tha— Wait, did you just add in some words that I didn’t hear before?”

「Well then, see you!」

—Beep.

“…He cut the call.”

…Was it just my imagination, or did he use a particular word that he hadn’t used earlier in the conversation…? Well, it’s not that important, I guess. If it gets me going in the direction that I want to go, then it’s fine.

…No, not yet. I can’t rest just yet.

“Fu… Fufufufu~”

After the conversation with Oji-san ended, Iroha separated her body from mine and returned to reading manga on my bed.

Yes, that’s the type of girl she is. What she did just now wasn’t anything like affection, and neither was it any cute. She just thought that the sight of me looking troubled would be funny. And because of her weird relationship with me, being her brother’s friend, she likes to tease me even more. According to my friend, Iroha’s older brother Ozuma…

“Doesn’t she only treat Aki like that?”

She comes and goes as she pleases with that spare key. And I’m the only person she annoys like this, for some reason.

—Kohinata Iroha.

In order to receive the promised job from President Tsukinomori, I have to keep a close eye on Iroha and prevent her from being a bother. It can’t go on like this. I’ll have to sever our current relationship right now.

“Hey, Senpai. I’m a bit thirsty now.”

“We have some 100% calorie-free tomato juice in the refrigerator.”

“Yaaaay! You’re the master of being considerate! I love you!”

“……………”

In one fluid motion, she happily jumped up from the bed and left the room. I let out a sigh in response.

—Well, that can wait until tomorrow, I guess.

Back then, I was too careless. I didn’t realize that Iroha’s mouth was forming a grin as she ran downstairs.

*

「…And then that happened. What do you think?」

「Just what I’ve always thought. Aki really likes Iroha. After all, you wouldn’t have prepared that tomato juice ahead of time if you didn’t.」

「That’s just the drink that I like. It’s just a coincidence that we both like it.」

「And because you believe that, Aki, it really makes you look like a ‘Protagonist,’ you know.」

「What do you mean?」

「…I wonder. Saying it out loud would be bad thing to do in a rom-com, so I’ll hold off on that.」

「What are you blabbering about? I’m begging you, please just keep her contained at your home so that she won’t be a bother to me anymore. Okay?」

「Yeah, yeah.」