The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Chapter 458: Stirring Shit!

But no matter what, only silence remains. Should I try my luck with the last two? 

I guess I'll simply consider this scouting. The next building we visit is actually quite freaky. It is entirely pink. Pink walls, pink roof, pink blinds, pink door, pink doormat, everything!

[So, who exactly lives here?]

"The Water Princess, master."

[Say, do they pick their title, or is it chosen based on their own characteristics?]

"The latter, master."

That actually explains a lot. So, they first get a name that represents them well, and then they just slap water on it, sounds as simple as boring really.

[So, what are we dealing with here?]

"As much as I'd like to help, the only thing I truly know about her is that she loves the color pink."

Yeah, no kidding. I simply knock and wait. It takes a few tries but eventually someone does answer.

"Go away, I'm busy!"

[Busy with? I have some things to discuss with you!]

"Busy redecorating! Now leave! You are disturbing my Feng shui!"

What the Hell? What's with all of them?! No matter how much I bang or shout she just ignores us. Only one remains. I'm still hoping for a miracle, they can't all be insane, right?

For once, the house is normal. It seems very similar to the one of the Water Queen. I nervously knock. As long as this one is normal I'll have 2/5 of the mages on my side. A young-looking woman opens the door. She is giving a girl next door vibe. She is the first one that doesn't try to ignore us too.

"Hey, there! You are the one that is living at the Water Queen's place, aren't you? Also that man's friend, right? What can I do for you?"

[It's like this, I want to discuss information gathering and defense plans in order to be able to easily survive the war. How should we?]

"Oh, I don't mind doing all that but I'll need you to do something for me really fast."

[That being?]

She goes back, inside and comes back with a cute white dress. I can't help but wonder why she is giving me this.

"If you manage to make that naked-obsessed guy wear this we can talk!"

She doesn't change her kind expression at all! I do think that my naked friend's obsession is kinda silly for sure. But, he would be traumatized by such a request, not because of the crossdressing but because these are clothes. 

[I can't do that, actually, I simply won't. Pick another condition.]

"Then we are done here, have a great day!"

She simply closes the door too.

"Thatmaster.don't take it personally, they are simply"

[Oh, no. I will take it personally! They want to screw with me? They want to ignore us? Alright, let's go!]

"Where?!"

First, I need something big. I use my scouting ability. It takes me a few minutes but I do manage to find what I'm looking for. In one corner of the city, there is a wood transformation industry. I simply swagger there.

"Master, why are we here?"

[You'll see haha.]

Then I sneak around and pick up an entire heavy wooden log. One guy sees me but I gesture to him to remain quiet and he does. We exit as subtly as one can possibly while carrying such a huge thing.

People glance at me weirdly in the streets but I don't care. At some point, a guard finds me suspicious and approaches, but my disciple convinces him to follow from behind. Soon enough we are back at square one, aka the Water Empress's place.

[Hello! Are you there?]

"I told you I am but a servant that"

[You know what? Screw all this. Open the door and we can talk in a civilized manner!]

"No way, get lost!"

I know for a fact that simple wood works amazingly once buffed with divine energy. It is battering ram time! At that point, I don't even mind the guard looking at me with complete shock, bite me!

[Alright, you give me no choice.]

I swing the wooden log with as much momentum as I can!

*BANG* *CRASH*

The entrance door simply explodes in splinters. That's when the woman from earlier appears panicked and in shock.

"AH?! You?! Why are you destroying my house!"

[No worries, you are just a small servant. I'm sure the owner doesn't mind you not giving your life to defend the property.]

"Wait, stop! I'm the Water Empress! I am, just stop! Please!"

[Hmm, I don't know. I don't really trust this servant. Crazy how she has the balls to claim that]

"I'm sowwy! It won't happen again I swear! I won't try to fool you anymore!"

[Good, follow me. We are going to meet the others too.]

Soon enough I'm in front of the magnificent flowers. On the way there, my disciple kept nervously looking between me and the Head-Mage.

"Master, what's our plan here?"

I simply shout toward the colorful building. 

[If you don't come out I'll burn this place with you in it and I'll definitely burn all of these flowers of yours!]

"Master, these are protected by a barrier there is no way that"

I simply grab one. In face of divine energy, it proves useless in a direct confrontation. With the flower in my hand, I start playing that one game. You know the one where you remove a petal every time.

[She'll come out. No, she won't. She'll come out, no she won't. She'll]

"Master, what are you doing?!"

[If she doesn't come out I'll destroy her whole garden. Let's see how long she'll keep hiding.]

From inside comes the voice of the Water Fairy.

"You wouldn't dare!"

[Please, I just went to trash that one's house lol. I'm perfectly capable of destroying one more, this one included. Alright, let's start this and]

"Wait! I'll come out! Just, don't touch my garden!"

[Perfect! Two more to go.]

We are now in front of this disgust-inducing pink room. How do I deal with this one? Easy!

[If you don't come out I will literally, smear shit on your walls! Let's see how the Feng shui after all!]

We are still ignored. I am a man of action so I locate some farm where animals are being fattened for human consumption. Then, I very politely ask a baffled farmer for lots of fecal matter. I carry it in a wheelbarrow that he lends me.

It probably helps that two of the City Head-Mages are right behind me. I see both of them tense while thinking that their punishment wasn't so hard after all compared to this one. They are also choking a little from the heavy smell for that to use.

Now that I'm back, It's time to stir up shit for real!