The Returner

Chapter 18: What a “soya powder” family (5)

“He hasn’t come out?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“......Yes, ma’am.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“For the whole month?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“It seems that way.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

Seo Ah-Young just couldn’t believe it. It had been a month already since Yi Ji-Hyuk went home. And it also had been a fortnight since the surveillance duty was handed over to the Support and Management department. But now, she had to hear this report about the target not leaving his house for the entirety of the month.

With a dazed face, she asked.

“Is it possible for a human being to not come out of his house for a whole month? Did he paint the walls with honey and gold or something? Is he a hikikomori?!” (Seo Ah-Young)

“Judging by his willingness to leave his room, he doesn’t seem to be one of those socially withdrawn person, at least. Besides, we saw with our own eyes that he’s not really that sort of a character, to begin with.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“That’s right. There’s no way a person willing to throw down after a few verbal spats could be a hikikomori. I mean, he’d seek out someone to talk to, just to loosen that annoying mouth of his. So, then. Why isn’t he coming out of the house? Is he a security guard or something?” (Seo Ah-Young)

A guy capable of beating up a Goblin with bare hands guarding a house. One thing’s for sure, he’d protect it really well. Wasn’t this, like, on the level of the military defending a key installation?

“From what little info we could gather, besides the time he spent sleeping, the rest of his day is being heavily invested in... a video game and surfing the web.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

A low voice of a girl leaked out from behind Choi Jung-Hoon, then.

“The invasion of privacy. Breaking the law regarding the promotion of information, communication network use, and protection of information.” (Gah-Yun)

Seo Ah-Young shouted out loudly in reply.

“What the heck are you even talking about? Stop making stuff up, will you?!” (Seo Ah-Young)

“...But, it’s a real, actual law, ma’am.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Really?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“Yes.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“And why would a law have such a long name like that....?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“Uneducated. Clearly lacks enough knowledge of laws, unfitting for the actual age group. Klutz level, increasing. The probability of successful marriage, decreased.” (Gah-Yun)

“Fine, fine!! I’m an old spinster, okay?! Hell, have you ever tried to introduce me to a guy, even once?” (Seo Ah-Young)

Meanwhile, Choi Jung-Hoon was sweating buckets trying to stop Seo Ah-Young from chucking the computer monitor at the young girl.

“Responsibilities and rights of a marriage, belong to the individual in question. Blaming others, not logical.” (Gah-Yun)

Seo Ah-Young breathed in roughly and tried to cool her boiling blood. There was literally nothing to gain from arguing with a girl with such an evil mouth. Besides, there was something else much more important.

“Okay, so, let me get this straight.... He’s playing a video game and surfing the web the whole day, basically living completely carefree, is that right?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“That’s correct.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Does he have a high ranking in that game?” (Seo Ah-Young)

There had been cases where ability users fell into the deep quagmire of gaming addiction and become junkies in the process. The thing was, if the abilities earned within the game world were better than what they had in the real world, they would end up deriving greater satisfaction in the virtual space, instead.

Of course, this wasn’t the case with Yi Ji-Hyuk.

“Well, it’s really difficult to stomach how terrible he is, actually.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

Since Choi Jung-Hoon was also something of a gaming enthusiast himself, he was well aware of what the meaning behind Yi Ji-Hyuk’s current ranking was.

“Then, why is he acting this way?!” (Seo Ah-Young)

Seo Ah-Young began pulling out her hair.

The problem wasn’t him being addicted to games and browsing the web. No, the actual problem was him not leaving the house at all, not even once. Because, him not leaving the house meant that he wouldn’t be able to find a chance to utilise his abilities.

It was true that a person blessed with brand-new superpowers would be very keen to use those powers. And these folks, having experienced their powers many times now, would naturally end up applying them to their everyday lives.

Not one person on the list of individuals the KSF was interested in broke this mold. But for the first time ever, someone had done exactly that.

“Is he really an ability user?” (Seo Ah-Young)

“A non-ability user can’t possibly hope to kill a Goblin with bare hands.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“But, but, the measuring equipment failed to produce a decent number, no?” (Seo Ah-Young)

It wasn’t possible for a regular civilian to fight against a monster without firearms. More importantly, an ability user’s Ether values would always be captured by the measuring equipment.

These two undeniable facts were colliding with each other right now.

Since this was the first time for such an event, it was difficult to figure out what to do here. Well, there weren’t any guidelines to follow, that was for sure.

“For now, continue with the surveillance. However, only for another fortnight. If we don’t discover anything of interest by then, we cut him loose completely, even if it’s regrettable.” (Seo Ah-Young)

“But, that is...” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“We can’t afford to waste our manpower like this continuously, you know. I mean, we are running short on time and people as it is.” (Seo Ah-Young)

“That’s true.” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

Although Choi Jung-Hoon replied so, there was this lingering bitterness in his mouth. His intuition, formed from interactions with countless ability users until now, told him that Yi Ji-Hyuk was definitely no ordinary man.

“If all else fails....” (Seo Ah-Young)

Seo Ah-Young’s eyes shifted towards Doh Gah-Yun’s direction.

“We’ll just have to force him out, then.” (Seo Ah-Young)

Seeing Seo Ah-Young’s meaningful smile, Doh Gah-Yun nodded her head.

“A villainous smile. Fits character perfectly. Harmonious to evil image.” (Gah-Yun)

“Hey you, follow me outside!!” (Seo Ah-Young)

“Declined. Unwilling to fight against a buffoon.” (Gah-Yun)

“You’re so dead!!!” (Seo Ah-Young)

Choi Jung-Hoon groaned out internally.

‘All ability users are nutjobs. Every single one of them...’ (Choi Jung-Hoon)

*

Around the same time, a certain nutjob was busy searching for some sort of an error, an explanation, around him rather than trying to find it within himself.

“This is so weird.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk was busy staring at the computer screen with a face full of questions. Already, a month had passed by since his return to this world.

He should’ve been done with adapting to all the little things by now. So, he should’ve regained most of his skills from the past as well.

But, just what on earth was happening?

Yi Ji-Hyuk could see very emotional and intense reactions against him on the monitor.

– Why don’t you just quit playing altogether?! Why are you insisting on this sh*t, and making everyone go crazy here?! Are you a ‘meser’?! (TL note at the end of the chapter.)

– I can’t even get mad anymore.

– Seriously, matching is all messed up. Even though I’m a bottom dweller, how does it make any sense for me to be matched up with this loser?!

– Maybe he can’t move his arms so he’s playing with his feet? Then I might understand.

– Maybe, he doesn’t even have feet so he’s playing with his tongue, instead.

– Oh, so I was playing against Nick Vujicic until now! I’m moved.

“So weird.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Honestly speaking, he had already piled up some amount of decent skill in the past. So, how did him utterly failing at this game right now make any sort of sense? No matter how much the current players had gotten better, and no matter how much the game he played in the past had evolved into something almost unrecognisable, wasn’t this just way too much?

However, he had some idea as to why.

“My hands have become trash.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

His mind was up on the clouds, yet his hands were meandering at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

He knew exactly what to do, yet his hands weren’t moving as he wished.

– Ani!! (TL note at the end.)

“Ani-tiating” had begun. Inside this game, “ani” didn’t mean “stop”. No, it simply meant that... it was now the time for deal some Geuk-deal, instead. (Sigh. TL note at the end...)

– Stop choosing a sorcerer or an assassin, and just pick a big guy and play as a meat shield, already. Can’t you really figure out what role you must play after seeing your own dang skills? Anyone can see you’re nothing more than a meat shield!

*SFX for blood pressure increasing suddenly*

A vein popped out on Yi Ji-Hyuk’s forehead.

How dare he suggest to the true sovereign, who had stepped on to the peak of all magic – and was even called the Bringer of Apocalypse back in Berafe – not to select a sorcerer character?!

Although he had rarely, if ever, chatted to anyone online, Yi Ji-Hyuk found this unacceptable, so....

– Hey!! Anyone can fall into a bit of slump while playing, so what’s the big deal?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

...And the replies were even more swifter.

– A bit? Bit? BIT?! A BIIIIIT?!?!

– Were you living outside Korea for a long time? You seemed to not know Korean all that well.

– I told you, didn’t I. He wasn’t deliberately getting massacred. That was his actual skill.

– Really, can anyone’s skill be that rubbish? Maybe your eyes are stuck up your nostrils or something?

‘What rotten sons of b*itches.’ (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk despaired at the sudden change in the Internet culture.

Was there really no god and no devil in this world?

Of course, he did learn a thing or two during the past month.

What with him being under the constant barrage of insults and abuse for the whole month, he was now properly sufficient in all the derogatory slangs, mockery, and swearing that had spread to all corners of the web during the past five years.

If there was a Trait concerning swearing words, he’d be at the counter stop by now. (TL: Lol. This one is on me. A Monster Who Levels Up reference.)

– Well, looks like you don’t need me here, so if you don’t stop being a*sholes, I’ll leave. (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

– Pllllleeeeeeaaaaassssse!!!!!!

– Good sir, you made a wise decision. Your absence aids us in winning. We won’t report you to the mods, so just plant a Ward by a well or something and stay there. (TL: Another note, at the end.)

– Finally!! Maybe we can start playing properly now!

– A ‘geh-eedeuk! ? ? geh-eedeuk!

But, this wasn’t what Yi Ji-Hyuk wanted...

– I’ll do my best. (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

– No, don’t do your best and just stop already, you f*ck!

– What a disgusting tryhard.

– Don’t you have any morals?

– I’m just gonna throw this match.

“ARGH, seriously now, these a*sholes!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk threw away his mouse.

What a group of rotten a*shats. I will learn some hacking skills and find out where you all live!! (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Tsk.”

He heard someone click her tongue so he turned around to look, only to find Ye-Won staring at him with a crumpled face as she was about to go past the open doorway.

“.....What now?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Mom wants you to answer the phone.” (Ye-Won)

“Uh?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

When he looked at the phone sitting on the desk, he could see two missed incoming calls. He must’ve missed them while immersed in the heat of the game.

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ye-Won didn’t reply, instead choosing to take a glance at her brother with the kind of eyes one used to look at disgusting worms, before turning on her heels to leave.

‘And why is she treating me like this?’ (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

He had no idea, but he was also disinclined to find out. So, instead, he called his mom.

“Hi, mom.”

– “Son!! You were playing that d*mn game again, weren’t you!”

“N, no way. I wasn’t playing...”

– “I’ll be asking Ye-Won later, you hear?”

“I played only one match.”

– “Why don’t you do it in moderation before I chop off your arms and legs?”

“S, sure.”

Was his mom ever this violent before? In his memories, his mom was gentle and kind, and then... There was a time when he distorted the truth a tiny little bit, and asked her for some pocket money to buy supplementary textbooks. She got all regretful and stuff, asking him why he did what he did while throwing a chair at....

Oh, she was like that from the beginning, his mom.

– “If I hear a report of you playing more games later today, why don’t we do a science experiment together to find out how strong a LCD screen can be, okay?”

“Why would you experiment on that?!”

– “Well now, we are living in a world where even the elementary school kids are dropping bricks from the rooftops to find out more about the effects of gravity. So, it’s only right that my son also partakes in scientific experiments, no?”

“Hul.”

– “If you don’t want to see your computer being smashed to bits, then stop playing the game. I’ll see you later.”

After ending the call, Yi Ji-Hyuk formed a carefree smile.

That sure was a really adorable threat, indeed. If he was Yi Ji-Hyuk before the Berafe experience, then he might have trembled in fear, switched off the computer and grumbled alone in silence.

However, the current Yi Ji-Hyuk was a different man now.

Just who was Yi Ji-Hyuk!

He was Berafe’s feared Bringer of Apocalypse!!

Wasn’t he a sorcerer who stood at the very top of all magic, and a conqueror who destroyed an entire world? So, such a threat didn’t even manage to tickle him in the slightest.

Yi Ji-Hyuk smirked, and....

....Quietly exited the game.

“My monitor is precious, after all.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Of course, he wasn’t quitting today because he was caving in to mom’s threats. No, he was quitting because he was getting annoyed at receiving constant abuse in the game, not to mention he was also getting slightly bored with it as well. Definitely not because of mom’s threats.

Definitely not....

While putting his feet up on the desk, he then switched to the internet browser. It wasn’t like there was nothing to do because he stopped playing that game. Well, he was only human after all, so playing the same game for one month straight was obviously not possible. So, he commenced with his second bad habit now, instead.

*SFX for nonstop chewing of snacks*

Gulp,gulp, gulp!

Yi Ji-Hyuk giggled while looking at the monitor.

His hands continued to shove potato crisps and cold drinks in his mouth, while his lips and tongue were like a pair of furiously-operating machines that crushed the said crisps and delivered them down to his belly.

Even then, his eyes remain firmly rooted to texts appearing on the computer screen.

His second bad habit was reading various webnovels.

This was his habit even before he got kicked to Berafe. However, he found himself enjoying these novels even more than before. While he was away, the trending genre had become the so-called ‘modern fusion fantasy’, where monster raids happened in the modern world. The ones Yi Ji-Hyuk loved reading the most among them were novels about the ‘returners’.

His situation being what it was, he could immerse himself into those stories the best. It was also easier to sympathise with the main characters of those novels, as well.

Others would find them nothing more than tales of pure fantasy, but for him, they were the tools of his trade, so to speak.

The ‘genre’ had shifted somewhat in his mind here. These novels were stories about monster raids happening in the modern world, yet to Yi Ji-Hyuk, they somehow had become tools of learning for him.

For instance, the hero of the novel Yi Ji-Hyuk was currently reading, had finally returned to Earth from another world after 50 years of hardship on the other side. But then, he was deliberately choosing to go down the rough road even back on Earth out of some stupid reasons.

“Kekekekek!!”

Although they were only novels, just thinking about others suffering through untold hardships after their return to Earth – while he was kicking back and taking it easy – made him very, very satisfied, indeed. Really now, this was the only way to live, wasn’t it?

Gulp, gulp, gulp.

“Kyahahah!!”

Yi Ji-Hyuk chugged down a can of Sprite and shook his body in excitement. Now this was the cold drink. Now this was the true amalgamation of technological advancement humanity had made so far!

The thing was, no matter how high he had climbed up to the peak of magic, he still had no way to learn how carbon dioxides could be dissolved into water. He was totally clueless when it came to all things science, actually.

While he was still stuck in Berafe, he missed the bubbly drinks so much, he tried mixing in fruit essences to a certain type of limewater found in the northern regions there. The end result was catastrophic.

What he wanted to create was a fruit-flavoured cold drink, but what he ended up with, was a pale imitation of some sickly-sweet stuff reputedly being forced down the throat of those blameless North Korean people.

If he wanted, he could have lived like a king in Berafe. He could’ve amassed absolute power over there.

“But, what’s the point? They don’t even have a computer there.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

A modern man enjoying his life in a backwater medieval world? A modern man, who couldn’t even find something to keep himself occupied in a rural village, and couldn’t live without a smartphone? Him?

There was no need to look high and low for a fantastical tale. ‘Cuz, that s*it was the fantasy, right there.

The modern world was a paradise.

One could try out various delicious things when starving. And not to forget, there was all this culture and entertainment available to a common man.

“Besides, I have my computer, too.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Ah, this wondrous creation, a fruit born out of humanity’s ingenuity.

Unfortunately, it seemed that not everyone shared a similar sort of thought process as he did.

KWAHNG!!

The door to his room was violently kicked in.

“M, mom?!”

Mom entered Yi Ji-Hyuk’s room and she took a long, hard look at the surrounding areas of his desk. Unfinished packets of crisps and empty PET bottles were piled up on top of the desk in the most messy way possible, while snack crumbs were decorating the floor like fallen snow.

“Is this a room of a human being, or a godd*mn pigsty?!” (mom)

Well, if a pig heard her, then it might try to protest that its species were actually a lot cleaner than others might think. Too bad, there was no pig here to voice its dissatisfaction out aloud, only a lone creature that seemed to be even worse than a pig.

“But, it looks fine...” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Are your eyes a pair of knotholes?!” (mom)

Mom was trembling hard, as if she might throw that handbag in her hand at any moment, before she sighed out grandly.

“Fine, we’ll drop it. Clean your room later, but for now, get yourself ready.” (mom)

“Are we going somewhere?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“We are going to buy you new clothes.” (mom)

“But, I told you I don’t really need them.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“I don’t want to you come up with bullcrap later on, so just get ready, will you?” (mom)

“No, wait. I really don’t...” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“You know, my son can be so strange sometimes. He can’t seem to understand all that well, unless he’s getting beaten up. Strange, no?” (mom)

“I shall get ready, madam Park.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“That’s right.” (mom)

Mom then shouted out while walking to the living room.

“Ye-Won! You get ready, too! We’re going out!” (mom)

“But, why me too?!” (Ye-Won)

“Looks like you don’t want to buy new clothes, huh?” (mom)

“I’ll be ready in a jiffy, mother.” (Ye-Won)

Hearing the sudden shift in Yi Ye-Won’s tone of voice, Yi Ji-Hyuk could only click his tongue.

Just how can anyone be that fake?

What?

I’m also the same?

No way.

< 18. What a “soya powder” family – 5 > Fin.

(TL: A “meser” seems to be a Korean gaming slang term derived from another slang, “mez”, which is a shorthand for “mesmerise”, a form of crowd-control spells from MMORPGs like Everquest. A meser/mezer is the character reserved for CC duties, it seems.)

(TL: “Bottom dweller”. Korean raw: ??? Simhaechoong. Literally means at the bottom of the ocean. Loosely means he is a bottom ranked gamer.)

(TL: Nick Vujicic: He is a Serbian-Aussie Christian Evangelist and a motivational speaker born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterised by the lack of all four limbs.)

(TL: “Ani” = ??. The word itself means “no/stop/don’t” and stuff. “Ani-tiating” is a combined word of ani and intiating. Long story short, it means it’s time to pour online hate on someone.)

(TL: Geuk-deal: another Korean gaming slang term. Means dealing a massive, critical damage by any means necessary in one shot. The word has found popularity outside the gaming community and now is commonly being used in everyday lives.)

(TL: Planting a Ward: anyone familiar with strategy games might recognise this one. Basically, any weapon/base/tool used to defend and monitor a strategic point in the map is called a Ward, such as the Sentry Ward from Warcraft that can detect invisible enemy units. Here, someone is telling the MC to go plant a Ward in a well – which is not an important point and thus no one cares, so he will be out of sight for good.)

(TL: Geh-eedeuk: ???. Literally means “a big profit/benefit/bonus”. Also a pun, as “Geh” could mean a dog.)

(TL: ? ?: A Korean internet slang which means “really”.)