The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 380: Brownies, Knights, and Stinky Cheese.

The Silver Sorceress nodded respectfully to the Baron and Baroness, then turned to Ben. "My service to you is you is now finished. When I think of a suitable favor your Baron can do me in return, I will inform you." Without waiting for a response, she stepped from the open window, eight stories above the cobblestones of the courtyard, and dropped out of sight.

Billy turned to Ben, "What's this about a favor?"

Ben shrugged. "She had the skills I needed for this adventure. She didn't want gold, just an owed favor. The Fae are odd that way. She'll probably want a pillow made from owl feathers or something silly. The main thing is we have the experts we need to get the job done."

Billy nodded his head. "Yeah, that works. Consider it your job to introduce our new experts to our crazy professors and ensure they finish that teleporter. Work with Georges and Suzette; they're both up at the keep now, working on things. Ozzy is off of butchering and can go with you. I don't care how we do it, I want that keep finished."

"Speaking of which," Ben said, "A small wrinkle has popped up. All the other Legion Keeps have a shrine to Ares in them. But Rowan will have a larger shine to Hermes because of the shielding on the walls. I've been contacted by a priest who told me the war god might be a bit peeved about that."

Billy was waiting for the punchline or explanation, then said, "Seriously? I know the gods are real people in this game, but we have to worry about who gets their nose bent out of shape over the size of their shrines in one keep?"

Ben nodded, "It's all about pride and respect. Giving too much to Hermes in a place normally reserved for Ares could cause problems. The obvious answer is a huge shine, an 80-foot tall statue of Ares, or something else impressive, but I'm not sure we have time."

Billy lit a cigar and puffed for a moment, thinking, but Layla had the first idea. "Boys and their pride! It sounds like people on ACME's board of directors arguing about who gets a chair closer to the head of the table. It's all about what they like and how you appeal to them. I think I know how to handle this."

Suzette was glad to get back to her tavern. She'd barely been there a day when Ben had grabbed her for his secret mission. As she'd walked from Gadobhra to Sedgewick, she shifted her glamour back to the Lonely Barmaid and overworked mayor of Sedgewick. She needed a large cup of coffee, so she decided to talk to Rory first. The brownie clan had been hard at work with little direction from her.

She waved to the people in the tavern and gestured to Rory to meet her in the kitchen. When she entered, he was kneeling, hat in hand and eyes down. That was the first thing she had better address. "Rory of Clan Brindleberry, know and understand that I am pleased with you and your clan, and you are a welcome part of my household. Please attend my words and use all the cunning I know you have in abundance."

Rory had barely taken a breath in relief when she continued. "Stand up and cease your bowing, scraping, or treating me as my station in the Fae Realms demand. Simple courtesy will suffice when I use this glamour, and we are in my lands in the mortal world."

He stood nervously and nodded, eyes still on the floor.

"Rory, you are to treat me as if I was a mortal and you were in my employ. That means you look me in the eye."

He looked up, one eye open, the other closed, obviously nervous. "Not to go against the countess's wishes, but it don't seem right, your grace."

"None of that; call me Suzette or Miss. I have a role in this town, two, actually. I am its mayor, but I am also the tavern keeper here. You may also hear stories about a lonely barmaid. All of that is me, and I walk as a mortal in this town. So, serving me properly and obeying my wishes means treating me differently while we are here. And that goes for all of Clan Brindleberry. That starts with you."

He sighed and then looked her in the eye. "It's hard, miss, I will tell you that. But I can see the point. Part of a masquerade. I'll spread the word that we need to fool the mortals and act accordingly."

"Good, grab a seat then, and let's talk about your clan. We'll start with your living quarters. What can I do to help?"

Rory hoisted himself up on a chair and sat, legs dangling. "Oh, don't you worry about us. There's plenty of room in this old tavern. Full of secrets it is. We found the dungeon and the little brewery downstairs. A few young ones live in the empty barrels as they love the smell. They have to watch out for the rats that keep coming from the dungeon and the mortals that come down for their quest to kill rats, but other than that it's a decent spot. The families with young ones found some secret hidey holes in the kitchen cabinets; some are living in the linen closet on the 2nd floor. The rest of us curl up in the main room, by the hearth, after the last customer leaves and our work for the day is done."

"What about your goats and wagons?"

"Oh, it was easy to fit them in. There's a lovely pasture filled with cattle to the North. Those bovines are mean, bad-tempered, and stubborn. The goats fit right in with them, and there's a Shepherd who will watch over them. We rolled our wagons into the livery stable and hid them up in the hayloft. Easy-peasy, done quick, and we got to work serving up coffee here in the tavern. Your other servants made us fill right at home when we said we'd come to serve you here. The only bit of disagreement we had was the price of the beverages. We aren't used to selling and were charging a full copper coin at first, but the old alchemist set us straight. Said a lot of rich adventurers came here for the dungeons and would pay more as long as they judged our coffee was worth it. So we upped the price of a large mug or pot of tea to a full silver. And he was right; they spend money like a drunken badger on holiday and tip us on top of that. We'll have someone manning the samovars and teapots whenever the tavern is open."

Suzette was relieved to hear all of that. "Excellent. I'll have to think about your living situation. As far as I know, I can't alter the quests that lead new players to the dungeons. Maybe I can find a better spot, and we can move some of the barrels to it."

"As you wish, Miss. Don't worry about us; I'm sure your hands are full."

The two of them left the kitchen. Rory started informing the rest of the clan of the new rules, and Suzette to find her two alchemists and send them home for the day. They'd worked non-stop while she was on forced vacation in the Fae Realm. Hopefully, the rest of the day would be uneventful.

Outside of the little town of Sedgewick (or perhaps it was a Hamlet?) was an enchanted fairy ring of the type traditionally used by the Lords of the Fae for traveling between their realms and those of the mortals they favored. Mortals tended to avoid such rings, even if they could see them. It was general knowledge that mortals who attempted to use such rings might disappear forever, spend a century in captivity, or even end up thousands of years into the future. But there were exceptions to every rule.

Today, two such exceptions appeared within the ring of large, blue-speckled fungi and began walking to the town. The first was a Fae knight in full plate armor. His fanciful helmet was shaped like a bunny with large antlers, proclaiming him to be the Knight of the Jackalope, one of the Legendary Beast Lords. The armor sported many decorations that might remind a person of the fierce, horned rabbits, from the oversized pink boots and animal-claw gauntlets to the long armored tail attached to the back of the armor that sported a fluffy ball on the end. His gait was unusual, made of small hops and leaps as he danced down the road. His companion, a much smaller person carrying a large pack, often begged him to slow down.

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The other traveler was a normal human, nothing more, and was nothing much to look at. He was dressed in simple work clothes of decent tailoring but did have on a tabard that proclaimed him to be a squire to the Fae Knight of the Jackelope, for that was what his companion certainly was. He carried no weapons and had only a large wrench hanging from his belt. They made their way into town, the squire making no noise, the Knight clanking along in his metal armor, and the large broadsword on his back clanging against his armor with each step. A large lizard followed the two of them, curiously looking around. It was three feet long with a ridge of spikes down its spine and a distinctive ruff at the throat. Obviously well-behaved, it ignored the squirrels that taunted it from the trees.

The squire seemed nervous as they entered Sedgewick. "Remember, as a Knight of the Fae, it is beneath you to engage with the townspeople. That's why you have me. We don't want any misunderstandings, right? The big Knight thought about this and mumbled something in his helmet. The squire sighed. "Remember what you said when you asked me to come along? We don't have much time to waste and a long list to complete. You keeping quiet will help us accomplish our tasks fastest." The Knight nodded.

The two walked into town, the squire waving to people and smiling. The knight pointed to a tavern and patted his belly, sniffing the air. The squire also sniffed the air and agreed with the knight. "Might as well get lunch. The food smells great. And I think taverns are where adventurers go to find things out. Stories always start in taverns." The squire started walking to the tavern, and the Knight began skipping along behind him, creating a huge racket as his armor rattled and clanged. The squire turned and scowled. The Knight hung his head and began moving quietly, taking small steps like he was sneaking, but it was obvious to the few people watching that he wasn't having as much fun doing it that way.

They entered the tavern, and the squire realized his error. The tavern was full, and the Knight was large. His antlers scraped the ceiling even when he ducked. He solved the problem by moving chairs out of the way and having the large man sit on the floor. Many eyes were upon them. The barmaid came to their table, eyeing the Knight. "Welcome totally normal and weary travelers who certainly aren't a Fae Knight and his trusty squire accompanied by a strange hound. Can I bring you food and drink?"

The squire had relaxed but stiffened as the Knight spoke. "Larry smells cheese! Can Larry have some cheese, please?"

Suzette wished that the Fae Lords come with instructions. Every single one of them was different, with strange titles, habits, and ways of doing things. It was tough to figure them out and nearly impossible not to offend them. Everyone in Sedgewick had taken to either ignoring them entirely or treating them as 'Just a totally normal guy.' Luckily, the Fae loved to go along with the play-acting. It was like they shed some mantle of responsibility and could relax when they pretended to be a mortal. At least 'Larry' had brought along someone to help him deal with the locals.

"Sure, Larry. We have cheese. Would you like a Plowman's Lunch? It's today's special. You get half a loaf of bread, an apple, a quarter pound of cheddar, pickled onions, and a slice of ham."

The big guy in armor nodded his head vigorously. "Larry thinks that is a tasty lunch. But no pickles. Larry doesn't like pickles. One lunch for Larry, one lunch for Squire Squeak, and one lunch for Larry. Three lunches. No pickles."

Squire Squeak spoke up. "Can we have those to go? We have a busy day and can eat as we go. Sir Larry has many quests to do on his list. Have you heard about any quests in this quaint little town?"

Suzette smiled and bowed. "Sure. I'll pack up your lunches, and you can be on your way. And yes, there are a few quests. I have a rat problem in my cellar that I need help with, and Bettys needs some help making a special kind of cheese."

Both the Squire and his Knight leaned forward eagerly. "What kind of cheese?"

Suzette leaned towards them and whispered. "A special kind of very stinky cheese. The most stinkiest cheese, ever!"

The Squire's eyes narrowed, not quite believing her. "I'll have you know that Sir Larry and I are experts in Stinky Cheese. We'll take both quests, but I'll be the judge of how stinky this cheese is." He looked to his knight for confirmation.

"Quests are fun. Larry likes Stinky Cheese."

The lizard barked loudly, excited to start the adventure.

The Fae Knight and Squire Squeak took their bag of lunches, minus the pickled onions, and started down the stairs to the basement. A teenage boy with a peg leg was eating his lunch at the next table. "You sure that's a good idea, letting one of the you-know-who wander around down there? They don't think like normal people."

Suzette wasn't worried. "They seem pretty tame as far as I can tell. Maybe a little lost. They can kill some rats for me, and then I can help them with their quest. That keeps it even. You can't just do favors for the fae. Either they decide you offended them, or you owe them."

Runt shrugged. "None of my business, and you know them the best. I was getting my weird feeling again, the one I get before shit hits the fan. Is there any more pie? I can smell a fresh pie coming out of the oven."

A group of adventurers entered the tavern, looking the worse for wear and claiming a band of outlaw squirrels and a rabid woodchuck had assaulted them. Suzette got them large mugs of beer to calm their nerves and then was busy serving food and beer non-stop until the announcements appeared before her.

The Quest: Rats in the Cellar has been permanently completed by Sir Larry, Knight of the Jackalope. All the rats have gone home and promise to be good.

The Quest: Rats in the Cellar Part 2 has been permanently completed by Squire Squeak. The 'Large Rats' have pledged not to attack players until they enter the dungeon.

The Quest: Rats in the Cellar Part 3 has been permanently completed by Clan Hopping Hamster. The name of the Dungeon, formerly known as 'The Bunny Barrow,' has been changed to 'Happy Hamster Hollow.'

The Knight of the Jackalope bounded into the room, his ears bending to negotiate the ceiling. "We are ready for the Stinky Cheese quest. Questing is easy!"

Suzette smiled nervously at the two of them, then whispered to Runt. "Run out to the field and tell Rolly that a couple of 'special customers' are on their way to milk sedge beasts for the start of the quest. Then, warn Betty that they'll be coming to help her make cheese. Help me out, and I'll have two whole pies ready for you at dinner."

Runt was out the door, running hard to the pastures in search of a Shepherd as Suzette explained the next quest to Squire Squeak. "To make stinky cheese, you must start with stinky milk; take this bucket and find the shepherd to help you milk a stinky cow."

The Knight and Squire left the tavern, the Knight asking his squire, "What is a cow? Don't you get milk from moles?"