The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 145: Fool's Gold

So much gold!

The bag that McTeeth found sitting in the fourth-floor room of the tavern turned out to have a treasure trove inside. He'd never imagined anyone in this little town could have so much!

Obviously, they stole it from someone. No one in this town deserved to have so much money. He'd better take it and try to find the rightful owner. It was the right thing to do!

He kept grabbing handful after handful, expecting the bottom of the bag to be filled with copper or silver, but it was all gold! And now it was all his!

He'd never had a scheme pay off so quickly before. The guild had been helpful with his plans, and time and time again led to bags of coins dropping into his hands. But those bags held mostly copper and only a few bright, shiny silver coins.

Annoyingly, some of that coin also went to Rufus. But the crafter had run off to play blacksmith and was nowhere around. For once he didn't have to share his earnings with the dirty black mailer.

McTeeth had talked loudly about helping some of the others set up tents, then snuck back for a little 'sneak and grab'. Now he just needed to sneak out and be seen at the camp doing work. Perfect alibi.

He'd pushed hard for the move to Sedgewick. There was one dungeon known to be near the town and more would surely be found in the nearby ruins. Despite the rarity of dungeons, not many of the guilds had thought to head north. They were all sure that dungeons would become common in the more populated parts of the world. No one wanted to move away from the big cities. Hunting areas were everywhere, but quests were concentrated in towns; and the best quests, especially for gaining special classes, were given out in the capital and the four large cities ruled by the dukes. Sedgewick was a couple weeks travel from anywhere.

McTeeth had pitched the idea of their small guild dominating a tiny area of the world with a low-level dungeon and building a real guild house in the far north. He personally wanted the guild to head into dungeons because the more coins and magical items they had, the more he could eventually put into his deep pockets.

In a big city, his friends would spend their money and sell off the items too easily. Here? No one to buy them and not much to spend money on.

And yet somehow, beyond all expectations, someone in the tavern had so much money that they left bags of gold just lying around! He was so glad he'd decided to do some snooping. The door to this room had some sort of magical protection, but whoever was last in the room hadn't triggered the spell. He'd been able to walk right in after picking the simple lock.

The gold went into his Rascal's Pouch of Treasure Troves. It was one of his favorite items. It looked like a non-descript coin pouch of the smallest size, but it could hold up to 10,000 coins, and a dozen items that weighed less than a pound. Perfect for small thieving. Its only drawback was it took some time to put this many coins in the bag. But his high DEX of 10 and his Nimble Fingers skill helped.

After he finished stowing the gold, he opened a window a crack and arranged the curtains to hide that it was unlocked. He'd be coming back again, most likely by the roof. For now, he was going to just head downstairs using stealth and his Cloak of The Disregarded to leave the building.

He was halfway down from the third floor when he bumped into two women running up. They stopped and glared at him. He was quick to point back upstairs and say "I didn't find the privy on the next floor. Is it downstairs? You know, don't bother, I'll find it."

Neither woman moved. Which was bad. The shorter one was staring daggers at him, and her fingers were twitching. The other one held a stuffed raven in front of her. The damned bird let out a squawk and glared at him from glass eyes. "THIEF!! MCTEETH HAS THE GOLD AND IS RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS."

McTeeth reversed course and ran back up the stairs. His new plan involved a window, and getting out of town. A thousand gold solved all problems, but only if he got away.

Which wasn't going to be difficult, really. He already had an open window. He raced back up the stairs. On instinct he dodged to the left, and part of the doorframe on the landing lit up and exploded. A painful splinter hit him in an arm and his cheek. But that was better than getting hit by that spell.

From below one of the women was yelling about an axe, and cursing at him. Belatedly, he figured out she was actually cursing him! His stomach knotted and he threw up his lunch.

You have been cursed with Titania's Terrible Tremors!

For one month, or until this curse is removed, you will suffer from one of these effects each day. Each affliction lasts 1-3 days:

-Food Poisoning

-Muscle Tremors

-Hay fever

-Gout

-Large and numerous boils.

-Warts, lots and lots of warts.

Not good, but with this much gold, it would be easy to get uncursed. He didn't hear anyone behind him as he pushed the window open and jumped to the roof.

And almost became street pizza as he momentarily lost his footing. Who was insane enough to make a roof this steep and covered in slippery slate shingles?! He got his balance, saw a lower roof to leap to, and started moving to that edge. That's when a voice spoke behind him.

"Careful, really slippery up here. If you fall, I'll have to clean it up."

Standing ten paces away was the girl from the stairs. He noted she wasn't worried about slipping herself. She must be the barmaid from downstairs, the one there was a story about?

"Thanks ma'am, no worries. I'm still looking for that privy. I'll just be on my way."

She pouted, "But you're leaving with all my gold. I worked so hard for it! All of the people in town saved for years to get enough to buy the tavern from the evil baron. Won't you please help us? Give back the money, be a hero. I know you have it in your heart."

McTeeth actually considered it for a second. Thoughts of leading a revolt against the Baron flitted through his brain, maybe settling down with a hero's reward of the hand of a lovely, lonely barmaid.

Then he snickered and shook his head a bit to clear it, while looking at her, "Wow, you are good! Really good! I'll give you that. But it's really hard to make a hero out of McTeeth. Cya." And with that he leaped for the next rooftop across the narrow street. Or tried to.

A stomach cramp hit just as he started his jump. He lacked both forward and upward momentum to make it all the way. Oh well, he'd died before. He wasn't going to lose his pouch, and he could spend some time planning how to spend his gold.

Oddly, he didn't fall. "Suspend."

McTeeth found himself floating in mid-air, and spewing the contents of his stomach down on the street. Several curious people were cursing him and moving out of the way.

Suzette glared at the thief, "I'm good, and you aren't going anywhere."

Titania started to climb to the roof, thought better of it, and glared from the window, "What are you going to do with him? Drop him or fry him?"

Suzette considered, "He's an 'adventurer', a 'player', you know? One of those people that die and come back easily from another world. I'm worried that if he dies he'll take my gold with him somehow. He's one of those stupid thief classes."

The red-haired witch cackled, "Oh, I have just the thing for that. Watch and learn deary. I created this spell back in my sorority days when we went hunting for dates to the year-end prom. All the boys tried to hide under cowls and layers of clothes so we couldn't find the handsome ones.

But not once I crafted this little conjuration."

You have been hit with Titania's Dastardly Dis-robing!

We recommend 'Eberhard’s Excellent Bauble of Minor Curse Reflection'. Sold where ever finer magical protections are sold. Have fun at the Prom!

Everything on McTeeth fell off, including most of his cloths. He was dangling in mid-air in only a pair of mis-matched socks and a pair of purple silk boxer shorts embroidered with Earl MacTavish’s coat of arms. The Earl had been looking for them for months, ever since they went missing from his room at an inn.

The last thing to drop was a small coin pouch, which to Suzette's and Titania’s eyes, glowed brightly, now that it wasn't hidden inside other clothing.

Suzette ran across the roof, dived off, and grabbed the pouch in mid-air. Then casually floated down to the ground. McTeeth fell past her, hitting the ground with the sound of a water melon being smashed.

Ozzy was moving around the area, casting his Cleanse cantrip to clean the street, "Great, I just get things cleaned up, and you drop another mess on me."

Suzette gave him a peck on his check, "Be a dear and gather up all his stuff. I need to find out where he has my gold. But I suspect it's in here." A few seconds later what was left of McTeeth disappeared, leaving behind some silk boxer shorts and a headstone.

Ozzy gathered everything up and they walked to the tavern, "Anything you need me to do other than sort through your would-be-thief's gear?"

Suzette thought for a bit, "I'm going to have a little talk with this guild that just came into town. You can stand behind me, glower and look intimidating. We can't have players stealing from the town."

The Butcher and the Barmaid had barely entered the tavern when a player ran up to Suzette, "OH, MY GOD! You're one of the fey! I can tell! You have an aura like my god, Frey, Lord of Light. All shiny and bright! This is so great. I'm Princezz Valentina Argente. I'm a guild leader. This is my guild."

Suzette took in the rapid-fire speaking, blond hair, cleric's robes with sparkly decorations, and staff topped with a unicorn carving. As the girl paused to catch her breath, Suzette interrupted her, "The guild leader? How convenient. Let's have a meeting with your officers in an hour. Don't be late." Before Val could continue talking, Suzette turned and went up the stairs to the upper floors, followed by Ozzy who firmly shut the door behind him.

Val turned to Strongarm and gave him a hug. "She likes me! We're going to be great friends, I can tell!"

The Baron and Baroness of Gadobhra had arrived just in time to see the end of the fight and McTeeth's fall to the cobblestones. Billy examined the headstone. "It seems our little barmaid has a thief problem. Luckily I can help her out with that. I have a thief problem as well."

Layla took his arm with her right hand, the left held a bottle of wine. Billy had a small picnic basket full of cheese with him. "Let us go enjoy a snack with our friends and offer her some of our wisdom."