The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 140: Bunnies, and Cows, and Hell-Pigs, oh MY!

Quest Update

Quests completed:

-Sign rehung               Reward: 1 Butcher's Guild point

-Clean the Butchers Guild Hall        Reward: 2 Butcher's Guild points

-Repair the roof of the Butcher's Guild Hall   Reward: 2 Butcher's Guild points

-Repair the walls of the Butcher's Guild Hall  Reward: 10 Butcher's Guild points

-Fix the Guild Master's foot.          Reward: 1 Butcher's Guild point

Additonal Quest Completed: Obtain the blessing of a God of Butchery for the Guild Hall:  Reward: 8 Butcher's Guild Points

Your party includes 6 members. Each member receives 4 Guild Points to spend as they wish.

The new Guild Hall was twice the height of the old one. The walls were of white marble, mostly covered by ivy that had grown within minutes of the final work being done. Several oak trees had sprouted and were growing around the building, giving the area a more natural appearance. The inside walls were hung with freshly cleaned cleavers and knives that gleamed in the light of two golden lamps that had somehow survived the ruin of the old shrine. They had some dents, but still functioned. Gristle was thrilled to have the work finished, but had pestered Ozzy and Runt for details as to how the guild hall had acquired a patron goddess.

The sun was just coming up as the last of the work was done. Everyone was tired and it was decided that a small nap and some food would do them all good before they finally got to the job of butchering. Ozzy and Runt showed the others where to spend their points. "Grab the skills Chop Meat, Hack Bone, and Slaughter. Save the othe point for something else. We'll earn a few today."

The hunter's guild was a longer discussion, interrupted by ham sandwiches, boiled eggs, berry tarts, and a couple of bottles of wine.

Rolly was on his third sandwich - only fair since it was his ham.

"Betty and Granya are getting better at this. Even the muffins are better; are these raisins?" Rolly grabbed a couple of muffins for himself, and tossed two to Runt. Runt was sitting near a bush, off to the side. Rolly had seem him sneaking some of his food under it, and heard a couple of suspicious grunts. Runt nodded his thanks before carefully rolling a muffin into the bush when he thought no one was looking.

Suzette said "I'll pass on the compliments. They try hard. We just have such limited food types. Cheese, ham, some berries, and tons of eggs are nice, but we need to get more variety in the diet. At least we're starting to get a harvest of different vegetables in. I can't buy a lot from the merchants, there just isn't enough money. The butcher's guild dues really tapped us out for gold. Sad to say, I do miss Timmy's guild just for how much they liked going into the dungeon."

"A big upgrade from the groat muffins we had to eat at first," Ben was enjoying the break and a tart.

Runt grunted, "You'd appreciate those muffins more if you had to eat bugs and half charred meat for a few years." Ben grimaced at the thought.

Ozzy was, as usual, thinking about things. Suzette poked him hard in the side with a fork to get his attention, "What's the plan?"

Ozzy looked over at the pens, "I'd suggest we go hit the butchering for the day, and see how far we get. We could also go start on the hunting maybe? What are people thinking?

Even Rolly's head jerked at the harshness of the tone. Suzette's eyes narrowed, "You have a problem with us bug?"

Ozzy took her arm and pulled her back down beside him. It was a testament to how close they had gotten that he kept all of his fingers. Ozzy turned to Squirmie and in a calm voice said. "Explain it to us, oh fearless leader."

Runt stood up, "He's right, you know." The ex-minion began pacing back and forth.

"You don't know what it's like being a minion and having no access to skills unless you find some obscure niche by repeating something a thousand times. And when you get that skill, you max it out and go looking for more. This right here? It's like a hundred years of dungeon work just sitting there for the taking."

"That was a slick move we did with the Hunter's Guild. Now we milk it for everything we can before this city fills up with other people looking to do jobs. We need to push hard. You smartass contract workers have it too easy."

Suzette stood up, and this time Ozzy let her, "Sorry, Squirmie. You're right. Things have been getting better, but someone will come to take it away; maybe Momco or another corporation. Or maybe Billy reigns us in. Or players might take over somehow. Or an invasion of monsters appears. We should work on things while we can." She picked up the smallest cleaver they had borrowed from the guild.

Ben and Rolly nodded to Ozzy and grabbed cleavers. Ben asked, "So what's the new plan then?"

Ozzy looked over the skill lists one last time, "We all take the Skinning skill. As we butcher, we also skin. Later, we all take flensing, Hide Crafting, and Scrimshaw. We save as much of the hides as we can, and any tusks, huge claws, and bones we can use for Scrimshaw. There will be some animals that I can practice Boar Hunting on. When your STR is high enough, people can pick up Italian Billhook, and then Boar Hunting. We need to get a smith to make us some crude weapons to practice with. I can also teach people Caber Tossing."

"We butcher everything we can until the dungeon is filled with meat. There are parts we cut off that we'll save: Pork bellies, hams, wings."

Squirmie paused

Rolly shook his head, "Nope. Sorry buddy, you have to learn Boomerang. I've always wanted a pet I could play catch with using Boomerangs."

Ben answered his question, "A stick you throw that comes back when you miss, and does other tricky things. And before anyone asks, a Woomera is a tool used for throwing javelins much harder."

Ozzy's brow furrowed, "We can't use an Atlatly, but we can use a Woomera? More and more I think the list of stuff we can't do was written by a human who missed a few things. We can discuss that later. Time to go slaughter the stockyards. What's first Runt?"

"Oh, you'll love this one, smartass, we have to clear some killer bunnies to get to the stupid looking cows that are in front of the Hell Pigs."

Ben looked at Rolly and grinned, "Bunnies and Cows and Hell-Pigs, oh my," Rolly took his arm and they started skipping towards the stockyards.

"Bunnies and Cows and Hell-Pigs, oh my!""Bunnies and Cows and Hell-Pigs, oh my!""Bunnies and Cows and Hell-Pigs, oh my!"

Runt stuck his head into the bush, gave the large boar laying there one last scratch behind the ears and said, "You probably want to head back to the forest. This next part isn't going to be pretty to watch."

"Those are some darn, dangerous rabbits for sure," Ozzy was looking into a pen full of rabbits about two-feet high. They had snow white fur, huge teeth, and spiraling ivory horns jutting from their foreheads.

Spiral-Horned Jackalope

Level 6

Vicious, Omnivore, Cute

The plan was to let the rabbits out one at a time, kill them, have Rolly skin them, and let Suzette and Ben do the butchering. The plan went to hell from the start. The bunny hopped slowly out, sniffed the air, and turned its huge eyes on Ozzy. He'd never seen anything so cute and didn't really want to kill it.

He turned to say something to Rolly and the rabbit leaped for his throat. The only thing that saved Ozzy from taking two feet of ivory horn in his throat was a hastily thrown up forearm. The horn stuck all the way through his arm with the rabbit dangling by the horn, trying to kick him.

"DAMMIT THAT HURTS!"

Rolly walked over and hit the rabbit with the blunt edge of his cleaver, killing it, "Awesome, I got experience in Slaughter. Good plan Ozzy." He pulled the horn out of Ozzy's arm, healed the wound, and took it over to Ben to skin. Ozzy thought about it for a second.

"Guess this is a good time to practice blocking." He sighed heavily, "Let the next one out, Runt, and keep the band-aids handy, will you, Rolly."

Rolly thought this was a good plan, "You bait them into sticking you, I'll bash the bunny, heal you up, Ben can skin, and Suzy can chop it up."

Runt yelled over to Suzette, "Cut the horn off as close to the skull as you can and save them. They roast up real nice and the marrow is really tasty."

Ozzy wasn't thrilled with the plan. He did manage to block the rabbits, but almost always took a painful wound to his arms. Only if he perfectly blocked with his hands did he take no damage. That led him to just trying to punch the vicious little beasts in mid-air. When this worked, the rabbit lay stunned on the ground, and Rolly got more Slaughter experience. Over the next couple of hours, they cleared the pen of 203 Spiral -Horned Jackalopes. They switched jobs from time to time. Squirmie proved to be immediately skilled at both skinning and butchering, his six talons making quick work of the carcasses. Ben and Suzette struggled at first with the heavy cleavers, but quickly killed enough to raise their STR by two points. The difference between STR of 0 and STR of 2 proved to be a large benefit when butchering.

The next pen held more sedge beasts. This was straight forward for Ozzy. Each time a cow was released, he bulldogged it and restrained it. One of the others would kill it using Slaughter. In Suzette’s case it took several blows. The skinning now took less than half the time it had when Ozzy didn't have the skill, and there was less chance of putting defects in the hides. Many of the beasts had huge horns which were saved to practice carving and turn into drinking vessels.

After the sedge beasts was a large pen filled with huge pigs. A distinctive smell came from the pen: that odd smell that combines mud, pig shit, and something rotten. In the center of the pen was a huge wallow where many of the beasts lounged to get out of the heat of the day. Each pig was big enough to weigh in at close to a thousand pounds. Their coloring was an odd mottled pattern of bright pink with black patches. Red glowing eyes and foot-long tusks on both sows and boars gave them an evil look. The pigs crowded near the edge of the pen, testing the beams that made up the fence and squealing in anger.

Hell-Pig

Level 8

Charger, Demonic

Runt was working at the gate, setting up a chute that would allow only one pig out at a time, similar to what Ozzy used back in Sedgewick. Many of the pens had these attached to them, or could have them easily added with a few timbers. The pigs pretty much ignored his presence.

When Rolly and Squirmie walked up to get a better look, the pigs got nervous, and backed away from the fence. They gave confused looks at Rolly, and fearful ones at Squirmie, "These are cute. We should take some back to Sedgewick."

Ben walked over to get a better look. When he was ten feet from the fence, a dozen pigs charged, slamming into the fence and straining against it. Angry squeals filled the air as the pigs threw themselves against the fence time and again. Fury filled their eyes and a few had flames licking along their tusks and hooves. Ben stumbled backwards from the fence, "Holy Shit! They don't like me at all."

Runt laughed at him, "What part of 'Demonic' don't you understand? Pigs have a great sense of smell and you reek to high heaven of the Light."

It turned out the pigs hated Suzette just as much as they did Ben, and they didn't like Ozzy either. A couple actually turned their backs towards the Butcher, farting loudly and sending a blast of flaming, foul-smelling air his way. The message was clear: They hated the light, but traitors were equally bad.

"These look a bit tougher. Let's set up for a battle and see how it goes," Ozzy stood a bit away from the pen. Runt was going to try to let just one pig out at a time. Suzette and Ben were behind Ozzy, just in case the Hell-Pig went for one of them instead of him. After the first swine was in the chute, Rolly and Squirmie hopped up on the top rail, causing the rest of the heard to back off a bit, which gave Runt an easier time getting the gate closed.

"Better be ready, smartass, here it comes," Runt released the cage and the maddened Hell-Pig walked out, spotted Ozzy and charged at him. Flames burst from the pig’s mouth, coating its tusks as its hooves dug into the dirt, pushing it forward. Six feet away from Ozzy, the pig hit the end of his polearm as he braced and raised it into position. At first, he thought it was going to reach him, but the pig stopped after putting a full two feet of Ancient Billhook inside itself, where it jammed on its ribcage. The haft of the weapon bent, but held firm. The pig was big, but not as big as the Rat-Hydra or Ubermause. It wasn't a boss, just a very angry, demonic pig.

Suzette let loose with a Solar Arrow and Ben lashed with his whip. Both attacks did good damage with their radiance-based attacks. Ben was also using an odd-looking axe of some sort in his left hand. He brought it down on the pig, with little effect. Runt ran behind the pig, and coming up behind it, slammed his cane down on its skull with a double handed blow. The pig struggled on, but the fight was essentially over. Ozzy held it in place and everyone hit it until the beast died.

"That was tough, but great experience. I got points in Boar Hunting and Demon Slaying." Ozzy put his foot on the pig's shoulder and pulled hard to free his weapon."

Ben was curious, "These do count as demons then? Interesting. How much damage did that add?" Ozzy checked his notifications and shared with the group.

You have injured a Hell-Pig

Hell-Pig takes: 370 Damage (Current Health: 430/800)

Ancient Billhook: 120 base damage

STR bonus: 100 damage

Level Bonus: 40

Demon Slaying bonus: 55 damage

Blessing of Artemis the Huntress: 50 damage (Only if hunting wild animals or monstrous beasts or enemies of the gods.)

Boar Hunting Bonus: 5

Rolly slapped Ozzy on the back, "Nice hit! You took out nearly half of his health with that first hit. These are going to be fun. Can we keep a few pork bellies to make some bacon?"

Runt started hauling the pig over to be butchered, "You get to keep all that shit. The guys downstairs won't eat bacon or ham because it's made by wimpy smoke-butchers."

Rolly got a big grin, "I like those guys in the dungeon more and more - that's awesome. Let's kill more pigs!"

Suzette came up to Ozzy, glanced at his weapon, and then asked sweetly, in a voice that carried undercurrents of violence, "My, blessed by that goddess with the long legs, blonde hair, and other perfect assets. When were you going to mention the other woman?"

Alarm bells went off in Ozzy's head, "It's not like that!"

"Really? How is it then?" Ozzy started to explain that they'd just been drinking together when he accidentally became her supplicant, and realized how bad that sounded.

"Anything I say will come out wrong. But Hermes was sitting between us and can explain it all."

Suzette seemed to relax, "Fine, I'll bug the god of all things cool next time I see him. But no more marks from strange women, you understand me?!"

Ozzy was so happy to go back to fighting demonic pigs.

It took hours and hours of work to empty the pen of all the pigs. Each one was a struggle. Sometimes Ozzy was able to spear them correctly, other times they trampled and gored him, so the others had to heal him and kill the maddened swine. The tusks were razor sharp and injured him with ease even with his levels of mitigation.

Ben was looking at one that had been removed from a pig's skull, "You know, these things are hard as iron, and, pardon the pun, sharp as hell. Obviously magical and they have a cool shape with the curved look of the blade. Add a bit of wood for a handle and a leather wrap, and they'd be a nice dagger."

Suzette looked at one and saw what Ben was thinking about, "You're right. I can sell these in the tavern just by having a pair on the wall. And we could dump a lot of them to ACME for their shop in the capital. But only a few at a time – and don’t let Layla know where they come from."

She had another question for Ben, "Speaking of odd weapons, what the hell is that club you are hitting stuff with?"

Ben pulled out the weapon and handed it to her, "A slightly magical adze I got from a treasure chest - very primitive tool. Good for stripping bark, clearing brush, and planting 'taters. Some of the woodworkers and farmers use them. From what I can tell, anyone can use it. The stats are horrible as a weapon, but we don't have penalties. Add in some strength and levels, and it's good for bunny bopping."

His next words were said with a straight face, but his eyes watched for a reaction, "And it's a STR based skill, so I won't have to go mud wrestling with cows nearly as much as other people to gain STR points."

Suzette froze up for a second and then looked from Ben to the adze, "Best you keep hold of that, otherwise I may accidently beat you to death with it."

Ben smiled and another adze appeared from somewhere, "I'm always happy to help a pretty girl beat me up. Here you go."

Suzette took the weapon, "Ok, maybe I'll only wound you a little."

Butchering resumed. Rolly insisted on taking the charge a few times. The pigs raced at him, then hesitated a bit as they got close and realized what they were charging. Squirmie took advantage of the pause to shout and drop on them from above, sinking all six talons into the pig's back. Rolly countercharged and swung his weapons into the pig simultaneously, striking like some huge praying mantis. Immobilized and hurt, the others were able to add their attacks safely until the pig died.

Rolly offered to let Ben take a turn, but he humbly refused.

Seventy-three Hell-Pigs later, they were very tired. Only a couple hours of sleep and two days of constant work took its toll even on a Contract Worker. Ozzy had just finished loading the bunny horns, pork bellies, and hams into his sack when they all heard noise coming from the pen.

Suzette jumped to Ozzy's shoulders and took a look from there, "We must have missed a couple in the wallow, there's movement in the mud."

Runt scratched his head, "Huh, must have missed one. Oh well, just means it will fill up faster next time."

A large, pink snout emerged from the mud. VERY large. It was followed by an equally large sow. She was at least four times bigger than any other pig they had faced that day. She hurriedly looked around the empty pen and spied none of her progeny. Ozzy was just putting the last few hams in his bag when she laid eyes on him. Her eyes got very small and red. Smoke poured from her ears. She put her head in the air sending forth an ear-rending SQUEAL of pure rage. Then she charged the fence.

Suzette and Ben collapsed to their knees, covering their ears. Rolly caught Squirmie as he fell out of the sky. Runt had put his hands on his ears as soon as he saw the huge snout coming out of the mud. Ozzy swayed on his feet, and wiped a trickle of blood that was coming from one ear.

The sow rammed the wall of the pen, knocked timbers loose and climbed out. Then she turned to Ozzy and began to charge.