The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 133: Breakfast

Ozzy had no intention of climbing several flights of stairs to talk to Billy. He found a large scrap of wood, a piece of charcoal from a burnt building, and left him a message by propping it up just inside the front door.

"Billy, Job done, more later. Found a dungeon. Walk north, follow the smell of cow shit, look for big evil building. Across the moat is the entrance. Ozzy"

"There, that should keep the Baron happy, and you and I can go get breakfast."

Runt approved. The more people he ran into during a day, the more jobs he got assigned. Consequently, he and every other minion he had met got very good at avoiding Bosses and having a good excuse for not being around.

At first, he had assumed Ozzy was some small time Boss, but things just didn’t fit. Runt still couldn't figure Ozzy out. His Detect Predator skill just wasn't going off, in spite of seeing that the guy was both crazy and dangerous. He also didn't have much of a 'Boss' feel at all. Most of the time he even asked for Runt's help with something or for advice about how to do the job. Bosses rarely asked for advice, and if they did it was from some smarmy guy with the job of ‘Royal Advisor’ or ‘Head of Intelligence. No one cared what a minion thought.

Sure, some people always 'asked' you to do something. But asking with the threat of death for not doing the job immediately didn't count. So maybe the guy wasn't a Boss? But he was definitely a Butcher. The guy just didn't make sense. Runt was intrigued enough to go along with the 'free breakfast' deal. He'd end up working it off somehow, but he was really getting tired of frozen rat. There wasn't a lot to eat in the dungeon.

"Sounds good." Runt followed Ozzy out of the city, down the road, and into the little village of Sedgewick. The town was just starting to stir. Quite a few people were heading to the tavern and none of them felt like a Boss. Probably just the normal townsfolk, going about their business until an ogre or dragon appeared and sent them screaming. Runt just followed the Butcher, blending into the crowd, totally unnoticed.

Ozzy claimed a table in the back and took a seat, waving to several people. Within a minute or so someone came out of the kitchen with a huge tray of dishes easily balanced on one hand, a pot of something hot and fragrant in the other. Runt had just started to relax, hidden as he was in this back corner of the room, slumped down in his chair. As the woman got close, something started buzzing in his head. SHIT! A Boss! And he could only sit here and hope they didn't need anything done.

Then it got worse. She set down the platters of food and the pot of tea and Runt got a good look at her. Human, but she was God-touched. He could almost see it; the mark was so strong.

Betty set down the food and then spoke to Ozzy. "I hope you're hungry boys, I made a huge batch of griddle cakes this morning, and Suzette managed to get some syrup from one of the merchants. Here’s cakes, eggs, syrup, and tea. You yell if you need something else." She started to turn away, and then noticed Runt. A huge smile broke out on her face. "Oh lord, aren't you the cute one. You look like you've missed a few meals. You just yell and I’ll make sure you get enough to eat." She reached out and scratched behind one of Runt's ears. He tensed, and then relaxed. Wow, did that feel good. He barely noticed when the woman walked off.

Ozzy was piling food on his plate, like he was unaware of the Boss. "Who's that Ozzy?"

Ozzy spoke though a mouth-full of griddle cakes. "That's Betty, she's in charge of the kitchen. Nicest person you'll ever meet. Just don't get on her bad side. I've seen her put a walloping on someone she didn't like once. Beat his head soft with a bucket and told him to leave town."

Runt was relieved. That explained it. Cooks were always a Boss of their own kitchens. Damn though, with food this good, he'd work for her any day of the year. The fried bread was great, and the sticky stuff was even better. The eggs were a little weird though. They weren’t snake or manticore. He shoveled in the food, automatically guarding his plate and making sure no one was reaching for his portion. After three helpings of griddle cakes and eggs he started to relax and just kept eating slowly out of habit. A few bits might have ended up in his pocket. You never knew when or where your next meal would be.

Two other people came in and sat down at the table. Runt recognized them from the mud-wrestling match. Neither one was a boss, but one of them was God-touched too. That was really odd. Ozzy introduced him to Ben and Rolly. As Rolly started to dig in, Ozzy grabbed another dozen griddle cakes off the stack and put them on Runt's plate. He whispered to Runt “You want to get your share before Rolly starts eating." Runt could see why. The guy must have not have eaten for a few days, based on how he was putting it away. Runt finished his extra plateful, and then followed Ozzy as he got up to leave.

"Stay and eat if you like, Runt, I'm just off to open my shop for the day."

Runt was tempted, but he knew better. More food was good, but there were too many people in the room. Even if they were normal people, and he suspected a lot weren't, he didn't fit in well. Something always happened. It just came with being a minion. He hopped up and followed the Butcher. "Why, I'd love to see your shop Ozzy."

Runt was expecting some sort of abattoir or pit full of screaming souls. It turned out that the guy really did have the butcher shop he had stopped at before. A totally normal, boring, butcher shop. Runt had thought they were all extinct.

It was so quaint, with cuts of meat in a display case, an ice spell keeping them cold. Ozzy was hanging smoked sausages hanging from the ceiling. Why not raw sausage? And for some reason a line of adventurers standing outside his door holding dozens of dead rabbits and a couple of wild boars. As he watched, they dumped the carcasses and the smiling Butcher thanked them and paid out some cash for what to Runt's eye was a pitiful amount of meat.

"Well, time to get to work. I need to package the chops and rabbit parts ten to a package. There's cloth scraps and twine on the table. You mind tying it up as I butcher? Thanks."

Runt didn't mind, and it was something he knew how to do. Ozzy only took a few minutes to gut, skin and chop up the animals. He kept up with him and had all the neat packages done as the butcher finished up, and then used a spell to clean himself off. Runt watched how he did it, and got a horrible feeling.

"Oh shit, that's a light cantrip you used! Shitshitshit! No wonder you're so damned crazy! You work for the Light!"

Runt regretted the outburst immediately. That damned habit of talking to himself. But he'd been panicked. Butchers that worked for the Light were the worst! They went insane from the contradiction of living up to the impossible standards of the angels, and yet being given the job of slaughtering thousands in the wars. When a Dungeon Lord wanted to scare the little monsters, he told a story about a Butcher of Light.

Ozzy looked curious. "Naw, I'm staying away from that shit-show. Or maybe sideshow is a better term for it. Someone explained it to me as just a pissing contest between bored angels and demons that gets a lot of mortals involved. They tried that crap on me and I got my lawyer involved. They leave me alone now but part of the agreement was me learning one light and one dark cantrip. I took this one for cleaning up quick and a minor curse."

Runt was not convinced. "That is one bullshit story. Prove it. You can't have a Dark and a Light cantrip, both. I might just be a minion, but even I know that much. Ozzy shrugged and tossed the curse at Runt. Runt’s eyes got even wider. It really was a pitiful little thing. But still...It was a Dark spell.

"Ok, now that's messed up. Try not to mention or show off that Light spell around Gristle. You might explode his brain. He's really old school. The only thing that would drive him crazier than a Butcher with a Light spell is if you showed up one day with some slow-cooked pork and tried to swap recipes with him."

Ozzy cocked his head and gave Runt an odd look, and then an evil smile. "Got it. Some things I won't mention.

"By the way, Thanks for the help today and last night. Something else we don't tell Gristle about is how I don't like him not paying you. You work hard. Take this from me." Ozzy put down 5 silver coins on the counter next to Runt.

Runt went very still. Then he spoke in a low voice. "Damn me. Should have known better. You're just screwing with me. Fine. It's my fault for thinking for even a damned second you were different." Then he turned and quickly ran out the door and up the road.

Rolly was just coming in the door. "Ozzy, quick! Squirmie fell down the well."

Ozzy ran out the door. "Not now. I screwed something up. Got to go fix it." Rolly turned, laughed and ran after him.

They found Runt a half mile up the road, on the side, hidden in a hollow tree. Ozzy would have never found him without Rolly. Rolly just pointed at the tree and said something about a good shepherd always knowing where the lost lambs were. Ozzy approached the tree.

"Runt, I'm sorry. I screwed up and insulted you, or hurt your feelings, or did something wrong. I'm really clueless here and would like to set things straight."

A small voice came from the tree. "Don't fret about it. You buy me breakfast and then taunt me with money. It's all even."

Ozzy looked at Rolly, perplexed. Rolly spoke to the tree. "The big guy is a bit clueless at times. Tell you what? If you tell us what's going on, we'll both owe you a favor for the info? How's that?"

Runt hopped out of the tree and crossed his arms. "Fine, it's a deal. You get to ask questions until satisfied, and then you each owe me a favor. I'll be taking it in food at the tavern." He spit on his hand and offered it to Ozzy, who shook it. Then repeated with Rolly. "Ok, ask away, but let's be clear: You screw with me again, and it's war. You aren't bosses so your fair game as far as I'm concerned. And I can wait for years."

Ozzy and Rolly shared a look. Ozzy sat down on the ground. Rolly grabbed a seat on a rock. "We got it."

Runt leaned against the tree; arms crossed. "Ask your questions."

Ozzy thought for a second and then said. "Try to assume I don't know shit. I don't know how the world works for you and don't know the rules."

Runt nodded. "You're a dumbass as well as a smartass, got it. I was half-way to that assumption already. Ask a question." Runt was wondering where this was going.

"So why did me offering you money upset you?" Ozzy spoke as calmly as he could, trying to project the confusion he was feeling.

Runt snorted. "Because I can't take the money, dumbass. We all know that! I'm a minion, so it's just taunting with me, rubbing it in my face. Why are you even asking this? What the hell kind of game are playing?"

Rolly spoke up. "Runt, we don't know what a minion is. We figured you were sort of like us, a Contract Worker."

Runt stared at the two of them. "How can you not know....wait! What the hell is a Contract Worker."

Ozzy started to talk, but Rolly just kept going. "Easily explained. We needed jobs and couldn't find them in the world we were in, so we came here and signed a contract with the Baron to work for five years in exchange for some gold when we are done. Each of us got a job and the most basic skills to do it. I'm a shepherd, Ozzy here is a butcher. You met Betty the cook. Ozzy's girlfriend, the muddy one? is a Tavern Keeper."

Runt wasn't convinced. "Why not come here and adventure then? Run into the dungeons, get the gold, kill stuff, or die horribly? Isn't that what people from the other worlds do?"

Ozzy said. "Not enough money. We couldn't afford the trip to get here, or the cost to stay. So, we work for the Baron and do a little adventuring when we can. But I thought we got to ask the questions. Tell me about being a minion."

Runt was holding his head in his hands; this was so confusing. "What's to tell. I live in a dungeon. I'm level 1 forever and do every job someone gives me. I have to obey bosses, run from monsters, scrub the dungeon and fill in clueless fething butchers about how the world works."

"You're always level one?" Rolly didn't see that as fair at all.

Runt glared at the Contract Workers suspiciously. "You mean you aren't? Do you assholes get paid for working, and you gain levels?" Runt was glaring at the two of them.

"Oh hell, and you do a little adventuring? Can you kill bosses and get points? Is that how Mr.Crazyasssheepfondler killed so much stuff in one night? What level are you guys?"

Ozzy almost felt embarrassed. "Um...Level 8 right now, nearly 9."

Rolly added. "We'll probably finish up Tier 2 soon. Squirmie is anxious for his next evolution."

Runt looked from one to the other. "And how many years did that take?"

"Well, not even a year yet, just a few months." Ozzy could see Runt did not like that answer. Not at all. His face turned red, his body shook, and he looked like he was going to explode. Then he mumbled to himself 'just let it go.' All the anger bled out of him and he relaxed and smiled.

"Gosh, that's great guys."

Ozzy and Rolly looked at each other. Ozzy said, "Shit, we did it again, didn't we? What did we do to upset you?"

Runt kicked a rock, it soared through the air and hit a squirrel, killing it and knocking it to the ground. "Oh, nothing much. I've just been living in a dungeon for a good number of centuries, scraping away at what little skills a minion can get, and working my ass off. I can womp rats, exterminate bugs, and clean up a dungeon. I take any skill I can to increase my stats. Meanwhile you guys are zooming up in levels, eating decent food, and you'll get paid at the end."

“But it’s ok! You can’t stay angry when you’re a minion or it twists you up inside. Been there, tortured a lot of rats. Didn’t really like where I was headed. I’m glad you guys found a way to get ahead. Maybe one day when you’re riding around on Dragons or Rune-Beasts I’ll be able to tell the other minions I knew you back when you were just a lowly Contract Worker.”

Rolly whistled. "Shit, and I thought we had a bad deal. That sucks. Can you ever earn your way out of being a minion or get a class change?"

"Oh yeah, they had to give us a chance. Some rule or other. I've been working on my stats for centuries, most are already half-way to where they need to be, but I'll never earn enough corruption. I mean, I could, but I just don't want to. I'd get to go from minion to monster, but I don't want to be a monster. I'd be as much of an asshole as the guys I work for now."

Ozzy sat back thinking. "Rolly, have you had a chance to read through the contract we signed?"

Rolly called it up from memory. "Yeah, and I'm already ahead of you on that one. What are you thinking?"

Ozzy stood up and went over to Runt. "The other thing about Contract Workers is we like to use the rules to cheat. Had you ever considered signing a long-term contract with one of the world’s leading corporations? ACME offers some fine perks along with all the groat muffins you can eat."

Name: Runt

Class: Minion

Race: Dungeon Dweller

Level: 1

EP: Minion

Total: 0

Base

From Stats

Total

Health

500 +50xSTR

500

1000

Stamina

1000 + 100xCON

1500

2500

Mana

100 + 10 x(CHR+INT+WIS)

280

380

Stat:

Rank

Cap

EP

Bonus

Total

STR

10

15

5k

10

DEX

10

15

5k

10

AGI

9

15

4k

9

CON

15

15

12k

15

INT

8

15

3k

8

WIS

9

15

4k

9

CHR

10

15

5k

10

PER

9

15

4k

9

COR

5

100

1k

5

Skills

Stat

Level

EP

Minion Skill

Who's the Boss?

INT

5

1000

Minion Skill

Detect Predator

PER

5

1000

Minion Skill

"Not a threat, I taste bad, I can tell jokes!"

CHR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Avoid Bosses

PER

5

1000

Minion Skill

Grovel

CHR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Faster, minion, faster!

AGI

5

1000

Minion Skill

Carry Heavy Load

STR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Carry Multiple items without dropping them.

STR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Carry massive loads

STR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Walk it Off

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Roll with the Punch

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Acting

CHR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Read the Room

PER

5

1000

Minion Skill

Bring me the Brain!

WIS

5

1000

Minion Skill

Psychology

WIS

5

1000

Minion Skill

Just let it go

WIS

5

1000

Minion Skill

Cane

DEX

5

1000

Minion Skill

Snikt

DEX

5

1000

Minion Skill

Toss Rock

DEX

5

1000

Minion Skill

Confuse Monster

CHR

5

1000

Minion Skill

These aren't the droids you are looking for.

CHR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Womp rat

STR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Clean up the Dungeon

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Light/Extinguish Torch

INT

5

1000

Minion Skill

Blend into the Background

WIS

5

1000

Minion Skill

Exterminate Bugs

DEX

5

1000

Minion Skill

Swim through Rippy Fish

AGI

5

1000

Minion Skill

Jump through Flaming Hoops

AGI

5

1000

Minion Skill

Sprint

AGI

5

1000

Minion Skill

Thick Skinned

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Shift Blame

INT

5

1000

Minion Skill

Fix something that broke

DEX

5

1000

Minion Skill

Endure termperatures

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Hibernate

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Eternal Vigilance

PER

5

1000

Minion Skill

Eat Anything

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Poison Resistance

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Acid Resistance

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Physicl Resistance

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Fire Resistance

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Frost Resistance

CON

5

1000

Minion Skill

Torture Small Creature

COR

5

1000

Minion Skill

Pit Fighting

STR

5

1000

Minion Skill