Taming the Queen of Beasts

GAR 

Gar shuddered and raked a hand through his hair. "But—"

"It isn't what we would have chosen, Gar. For your sake, and El's, we've always tried to make sure one of us was here if the other had a difficult task. Just in case. But this… this is the reason we were created. I'm certain of it. And you… you're so strong. Both of you. You don't need us like you used to."

Gar gaped at him. Almost shoved him. He was joking, right? Gar felt like he'd only just found his father and now… now his father was giving up?

"Dad, you've walked through two wars already. You stifled a fucking uprising for the Creator's sake! You've crossed worlds without Protectors and… you're going to get through this too!"

His dad turned to face him and looked down at him, his eyes alight with fierce pride and strength. "I can't tell you how you just fed my heart, Gar. Thank you. I… I hope you're right. Of course I do. But if those experiences have shown me anything it's that I can't plan on that. This is like nothing I've seen before. And our purpose… I just pray for your mother's safety—pray that I can help her as she needs it. This is big, Gar. Bigger than anything we've faced before.

"Just in case… in case you're wrong, and in case this is all the time we get, I need to tell you again that I love you, Gar. I always have. Not just because you're my son and half of me… but because you're strong, and wild, and bold and I admire you. I admire your strength and your independence. I admire the way you carry yourself. I love your conviction. That speech you gave in the Veneration… son… you were stunning."

"Dad, don't—"

"I will, and you can't stop me," his father said with a surprising smile. Then he reached, putting his hand to Gar's shoulder and leaning in so they were almost nose to nose. "I am so proud of you."

Gar had to swallow over and over, fisting his hands at his sides as he fought the overwhelming wave of grief sweeping over him.

His father's eyes silvered with tears and Gar wanted to scream. "I am so, so glad that you found your mate, Gar. I know the joy that's to be found there. And I've watched you, even just in these days, give yourself completely. It's a sight to behold. An answer to prayer. I wish I'd learned as early as you to give myself that way."

"It's because you told me to!" Gar's voice was strangled and he swallowed. "I wouldn't have known—"

"Yes, you would. It's in your heart to love—you've shown that with the disformed all these years. And your mother. You would have gotten there without me, Gar. I know it. But I'm glad I could help. Under the circumstances… damn." His father cursed and wiped his eyes quickly. "I wish you didn't have to experience all these things together. But you're doing so great, Son."

"Dad, stop," he breathed.

But his father pulled him into a hug, and after a moment of resistance, Gar gave in, wrapping his arms around his father and burying his face in his shoulder.

His father kept talking, even when Gar began to twitch against fighting sobs, his deep, quiet voice full and vibrating with authority, and with pride.

"Take care of her, Son. Caring for her is caring for your own heart. Don't even forget that. And don't ever give up.

"You are the strong and smart, and the best kind of male. I am… so proud of you, Gar. So proud. Never doubt it. If that thought ever enters your head, you discard it. No matter what happens. No matter what you've done. I am proud of you for the male you've become, not for what you achieve. And no matter what happens in these days, I will watch you with pride and joy. Because you're doing this better than I ever did."

"No, that's stupid—"

"Listen to your elders, cub," his father growled good-naturedly.

Gar spluttered a laugh into his shoulder, and suddenly wished he was small again. Before they'd started fighting. When his father had been his hero—when he could run to him and his father, so huge and strong, would toss him into the air, then roll him to the ground and pretend to wrestle with him. When Gar would laugh and laugh, and—his throat caught on the memory and his father's grip tightened.

"I love you, Dad." The words were strangled and tight and he had to force them between his teeth, but he wouldn't allow his father to walk into this without hearing them. "I love you. And I can't—"

"Yes, you can," his father insisted, every ounce of his Alpha authority thrown behind those words. Then, when Gar shuddered, he softened. "Thank you for loving me, Gar. I know it was hard. It is the greatest regret of my life. Thank you for not giving up."

They clung, both weeping silently, then as if there had been a signal, they both stood back. His father clasped a hand to his neck and held his eyes.

"You are Alpha of the Protectors. You are the War Chief. And you are a good male, Gar. Your mother and I love you. Your mate loves you. And your sister loves you."

Gar tried to snort, but his nose was full of snot, so he just swallowed again.

"No matter what happens," his father said, hushed. "You have done well. And you'll do well again. And I'll still be proud. Do you believe me?"

Gar nodded and his father's fingers tightened, then his eyes snapped up to the stairs behind Gar because the sound of feet on the ceiling above them meant that whatever his mother was saying to Rika was over.

"Go hug your mother, Gar," his father whispered. "Hug her and hold her and tell her you'll never forget her. That's what she needs."

Then his father leaned in to kiss his temple and ruffle his hair the way he had when Gar was little.

Neither of them spoke as Gar turned and walked back up the stairs, his steps slow and heavy.