Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter Why Jon likes Director Axlea, a Transcript

**Security Level 01, Compartmentalization Code JUSTFURY**

Session 32-1017-228J: Special Session Regarding Imminent Liberation of the Terran Republic:

Director of Federation Intelligence, Director Axlea: Gentlebeings, this is the absolute dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard come out of any of your voice holes and that is saying something. This is a joke, right? This has to be a fucking joke. Tell me that you assholes are kidding.

Head of the Federation Security Council, Councilor Gz-Kal: Please watch your language, Director, and yes this is the decision that the Federation Security Council and the Federation Defense Force have made. We will launch an attack upon the Terran Republic. Now is the perfect time to strike.

Chief of Staff, Federation Defense Force, General Mulxor: We are confident that we can achieve a quick victory and force-

Director Axlea (laughing): You are out of your fucking mind! A quick vic-

Councilor Gz-Kal: It was not your turn to speak. General Mulxor had the floor.

Director Axlea: I don’t fucking care who has the fucking floor. There is no such thing as a “quick victory” against the fucking Terrans. They don’t do that. They have never done that and they never will do that. A quick fucking victory? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You can’t seriously be this fucking stupid.

Councilor Gz-Kal: We have an obligation to intervene when such widespread suffering is taking place. The people of the Terran Republic deserve to be free. This so called Republic is in fact a despotic oligarchy comprised of the leadership of Zeus Industries and several other powerful-

Director Axlea: Cut the carpshit, councilor. There isn’t any press here to admire your plumage. Let’s call it what it is. Nobody here is happy with the new military alliance between the Empire and the Republic. I’m not happy with it. You aren’t happy with it. It sucks. Once they regain their strength they will definitely be stronger than we can ever hope to be without making some drastic and painful changes to our economy. It’s happening. Live with it. Besides, it’s really nothing more than a formality anyhow. All of our simulations have clearly predicted a military alliance when either the Empire or the Republic were actually threatened. They are too intertwined for anything else to take place. They have been all but the same economic entity almost since the moment they stopped shooting each other. The only chance we had to stop that was to get them to join but we fucked that all up didn’t we?

Security Council member Councilor Morgan: Hey. Legitimate grievances had to be addressed before any serious-

Director Axlea: Carpshit. Apparently unlike anyone else here I actually know what happened during the Sol Wars and to be honest them agreeing to not killing all of you was about the best thing that we could have reasonably asked for. There was no fucking way your “legitimate grievances” would be considered and before you even start there was also no fucking way we could have “liberated” the system either. These are holos of the surface of Terra, Mars, and Luna taken during the Terran War of Independence. Look at them. Look. This was the state of their system and they were not only still fucking fighting they were fucking winning. They were beating down the fucking Empire. They brought them to their knees. They brought them to their knees without their army, without their fleet, without a fraction of the industrial capacity that they have today. If you have never listened to me before do it now. We do not want a war with the Terran Republic.

General Mulxor: We have carefully considered all possible outcomes and tactics that the greatly weakened Republic can take and based on their standing army and navy and even with their overrated industrial capacity victory is assured. If you will actually read my strategic assessment you will clearly see-

Director Axlea: You can take your so called “strategic assessment” shove it repeatedly up your ass. It will be a much less savage of a fucking than you will get the second one of your ships enters Terran space.

General Mulxor: Even they, with all of their greatly overestimated combat ability cannot hope to prevail considering the difference in the size and strength of our fleets. They will be crushed in a matter of days.

Director Axlea: You have to be the absolutely the dumbest fucking slug to ever wear a uniform if you possibly think that. A matter of days? Are you fucking serious? You stupid-

Councilor Gz-Kal: Director! You will remember where you are and what your place is!

Director Axlea: My fucking place? My place is to safeguard the Federation and ensure that its interests are secure. That is really fucking hard to do when you assholes want to drive the whole thing off the cliff that is the Republic. These Terrans aren’t like our fat and pampered humans, these things-

Councilor Morgan: Just because you are for some reason afraid to-

Director Axlea: You are creatordamn right I’m afraid! These Terrans aren’t like us. You of all people, Councilor Morgan, should realize exactly what these monsters really are but you are too blinded by greed-

Council Morgan: Excuse me?

Director Axlea: I’m the Director of Federation Intelligence, both foreign and domestic. I, like anybody else here save the General, know full well who will be gaining the most from the (laughs) “victory”. It will be you and your associates. I seriously question why you are even here. If you had the barest shred of ethics you would recuse-

Councilor Gz-Kal: Director that is enough!

Director Axlea: (sighs) Look. It’s my job to know exactly what is going on in the Federation and unlike a lot of you I actually do my job and do it well. Certain individuals including many sitting here today have already started to carve up the Terran Republic for themselves and are apparently too blinded by the credits dancing before them to be thinking clearly. I won’t name any names and never will but this will not go well for you, for any of us. The Republic, its people, its military, and the pure adulterated evil that it is capable of should never be underestimated.

Councilor Gz-Kal: That evil is exactly why-

Director Axlea: (laughs) There is some evil that you seek and there is some evil that you want no part of and the Terrans are the latter. Have any of you actually studied the Terrans? I have. It’s my job. Those beings aren’t like us. Their history is one of pure hell and they were the winners each and every time. Here is a photo of a noted philanthropist and activist. Look behind her. Those are engraved human skulls on her bookshelf and she is one of the “good ones”. They kill each other for fun! Here, this is a diagram showing their per-capita rates of violent crime. Look at it. This is “normal” for them. Here is a photo of some Terran police. That’s not riot gear. They aren’t responding to some unusual freakish event. That is what they wear every single day and do you know why? It’s because they have to. Do you know what their favorite sports are? Tune into their sports channel at least once before we do this, please. Do you know what they consider a perfectly fine sport for not only their high schools but even their elementary schools? “Paintball.” It sounds a lot gentler than it is. It’s simulated ground combat using marker projectiles and they play for keeps. Speaking of their primary and secondary schools, tactics and strategy are part of their regular curriculum. That’s right. The average Terran civilian has more tactical training the day they graduate from their mandated education than most of our ground forces ever get and they are armed, all of them. It’s why their police wear combat armor. Furthermore, I’ve looked at your so called strategic assessment and you don’t even take civilians and civilian shipping into account and that is a huge mistake. These aren’t some long suffering populace who pray for our help. Save that carpshit for the press. These are some very well armed and well trained people who like things exactly the way that they are and will fight us. Those civilian vessels? All of them are armed by law. A Terran ship has to be armed or readily armable. At the very least they are fitted with “compliance tubes”, boxes or tubes pre-loaded with a missile completely ready and able to fire. You need to expect a lot of those compliance tubes and I mean a lot of them.

Councilor Gz-Kal: General is this true? Are all of them armed?

General Mulxor: Yes but I don’t consider an untrained undisciplined mob of civilians a threat to our well trained and equipped forces either on land or in space. Most will retreat or surrender when faced with a real threat. A few stray bullets or missiles won’t-

Director Axlea: (laughing) The Empire thought the same way not that long ago you know?

General Mulxor: The Empire didn’t know of the guided missile threat and we do. All of our vessels are perfectly capable of shooting down a rocket.

Director Axlea: A rocket, sure. How about a thousand of them all at once? People, this is going to be ugly. The most probable outcome is that we will lose and lose big. You say that you considered all possible tactics. You haven’t. We don’t think like they do. Not even I know what they will do but I know it will suck and that we aren’t ready for it. We simp-

Councilor Morgan: (sneering) You don’t know what they will do? I thought it was your job to know.

Director Axlea: I know my job, asswipe. I know them well enough to know that none of us, even you porkies, truly know what they are capable of, You-

Councilor Gz-Kal: (shouting) Director! Such language is uncalled for! That is a very distasteful slur and one that I am shocked, no outraged, to hear coming from you! This will be reported!

Director Axlea: Report away. When someone is acting like a slur I call them a slur, featherhead. We are standing on the brink of possibly the biggest mistake in centuries and you are focusing on my fucking language? Don’t you fucking get it? Billions of us are going to fucking die because you are blinded by pride, greed and convenience. They are going to murder us… by the billions. And this? (Director Axlea gestures at the tactical assessment) There is no mention of the Sovngarde, the Alduin, the Akatosh, or the Talos. Where are the carriers Malice and Spite? Only the carrier group Hostility is listed at half strength. You are missing some of their most dangerous capital ships!

General Mulxor: You claim to know your job give me the same courtesy. You should know that they are not present in any of the Republic systems or anywhere else. We assume that they were lost or are no longer spaceworthy. Your own reports concerning these vessels indicate that they were heavily damaged to the point of not being serviceable.

Director Axlea: (sighing heavily) General, have you ever heard of the Terran Grand Drydocks? We have never found them and we know for a fact-

General Mulxor: The Terran Grand Drydocks are a myth. If anything of that scale existed we would definitely know by now, if you were doing your job that is.

Director Axlea: Ok, I don’t know where they are. That being said I know for a fact that they exist. They exist and that is where all of those ships are currently being repaired. I also know that construction of at least one other carrier, the Retribution, was planned and underway and nothing like that has been found either. I’m telling you that those ships are still out there! It’s beyond stupid to-

General Mulxor: I’ve had enough and so has everyone else here. The attack on the Republic will take place.

Councilor Gz-Kal: Agreed. We are getting nowhere. Unless you have some actual intelligence, not some fairy tale, that drastically changes the strength of the Republic’s actual forces then we are done here. I trust you will do your part?

Director Axlea: (sighs) Idiots… Fuck. Ok. Yes. I will of course continue to do my job to the best of my ability regardless if I am actually listened to or not. I will support General Mulxor and the rest of the Defense Force as best as I can. Nothing will please me more than to admit I was wrong about this. Creators, I hope that I am wrong.

General Mulxor: I know that you are wrong, Director. When can I expect your report concerning current locations and strength of our enemy and any actual opinion free input concerning our current plan?

Director Axlea: You will get it first thing in the morning, General. You realize that all of you are about to fuck the Federation hard don’t you?

Councilor Gz-Kal: We have all tired of your opinions regarding this Director. From now on please restrict your statements to facts and figures and leave policy to those above you.

Director Axlea: Oh by all means, let the record show that I am in no way involved in this policy decision. This is all on you. If you will all excuse me, I have a very successful first strike to help plan… Fucking idiots…

Councilor Gz-Kal: Director, you are on notice. Continued disrespect or insubordination will threaten your position. The attack is approved and will proceed according to the timeline laid out by General Mulxor and the rest of the Federation Defense Force. This meeting is adjourned.

Director Axlea: Fine. For the record if you find someone better suited to my job, give it to them. I was eligible for retirement over ten years ago. The only reason that I am still here is that I just happen to give a shit about the Federation so fuck all of you. However, you might just want to wait to fire me for a little bit so you can throw me to the beach once this all blows up in your faces. Might be the only way to save your asses once the torches and gaff hooks come out.

Councilor Gz-Kal: I said that the meeting was adjourned, Director.

Transcriber’s note: The meeting was adjourned however Director Axlea continued to say some very rude, unprofessional, offensive, and disrespectful things as she left. She also struck the door with one of her transportation bot’s arms hard enough to damage it. This damage will be billed to Federation Intelligence.

**Security Level 01, Compartmentalization Code JUSTFURY**

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