Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter A Mixed Bag of Concurrent Happenings

Dear Sandra and Malcolm Newson,

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you of the death of your daughter, Dawn Newson...

Jon rubbed his eyes. He never had gotten used to these letters. Technically it wasn’t his job anymore. Hell, technically speaking he had absolutely no business doing this.

Still…

Due to the circumstances surrounding her death I am not sure what you will be officially told. I am not sure what you will hear. That is why I am sending this message. You deserve to know the truth, what actually happened...

Jon clenched his jaw as he wrote. Each word was just another indictment of his failure. He had let Dawn down. He knew, he fucking knew, that he should have just grabbed her and dragged her away from that goddamn desk and had her reassigned but no, he was too busy playing bullshit politics to bother taking care of his men.

And now she was dead.

“You ok, Jon,” Skippy asked as she walked into his makeshift office with a cup of coffee and put it down on his desk. “You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit, Skippy,” Jon said quietly. “I let her down.”

“Hey, she was a grown woman. She made her own decisions. Don’t forget that,” Skippy said as she put her paw on Jon’s shoulder. “She was the one who got into bed with that spider. From what I hear she-”

“You don’t know what that bitch is like,” Jon said quietly. “If she sets her sights on you, you’re fucked.”

“She set her sights on you didn’t she and you aren’t fucked… well at least by her anyway,” Skippy chuckled. “She isn’t some god, Jon. She is just another dime store despot, that’s all she is and that’s all she will ever be.” She rubbed his shoulders. “We’re gonna see to that.”

“Doesn’t do Dawn any good though does it?” Jon said through his clenched teeth. “And it won’t do the God only knows how many other people that are going to fucking die because of her little plague.”

“People?” Skippy said with a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t think you guys considered porkies humans.”

“You know what I fucking mean,” Jon replied wearily. “Whether or not they are ‘human’ is a semantics game I have neither the time nor energy to play. A lot of people are going to die, badly, and a lot of them have done absolutely nothing wrong. Whether they are ‘human’ or not doesn’t matter. I am and we don’t play that shit.”

Jon took a sip of his coffee and looked up at Skippy, trying to smile.

“Darling,” He said as he rubbed his face in the fur of her arm, “I really need to finish this letter to Dawn’s parents and I’m going to be in a piss-poor mood for a little while. I appreciate you trying to help but right now I just need to be alone while I finish this.”

“Ok, Jon,” Skippy said with a smile as she leaned down to kiss him. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

With that Skippy turned and left the room.

***

Skippy walked into the main room of the safehouse where the rest of the crew was assembled. Most were cleaning their weapons or going over their power armor.

Ariana walked up.

“So...” she said somewhat unpleasantly, “You and the Colonel, huh?”

“Yeah,” Skippy replied. “There a problem?”

“Only jealousy,” Peter, a burly olive skinned man laughed. “The Sergeant-Major has had a hard-on for the Colonel since day one.”

“Oh go and fuck yourself, Tic-Tac!” Ariana said gesturing at him with her pinky finger as everyone laughed.

“Bet that’s why you took this bullshit embassy gig in the first place,” Peter said still laughing, “wasn’t it? I know it wasn’t your love for the fucking Feds.”

“Shut up!”

“And I’m a grower not a shower,” Peter said with more laughter. “It’s not tiny. It’s just shy, that’s all.”

“I hate to break it to you, sugar,” Karlinta said with a smirk as she was calibrating a suit’s servos, “I’ve seen you in the morning, even by Kalesh standards it isn’t much to brag about.”

Everybody burst into laughter except for Skippy who was just standing there a little confused.

“The Kalesh have tiny peckers!” Stephen, in a quite loud voice, explained.

“I prefer the term ‘efficiently designed’,” Toby chuckled. “I have never had any difficulty with what nature has provided me.”

“That’s cause you are packing some serious tuber, Gunny,” Karlinta laughed, her eyestalks waving back and forth.

“I beg your pardon!” Toby said in an offended tone.

“Oh come on,” Karlinta laughed. “You can’t keep a tap-root like the one you got tucked away a secret! Kaleshas talk you know! I hear it’s almost human!”

“Oh really?” Ariana asked with a grin. “Come on, Gunny, give us a peek!”

“Do not try to deflect your discomfiture upon me, Ariana,” Toby bristled. “I believe the topic of discussion is your unrequited lust for the Colonel, isn’t it?”

“Meh,” Ariana said dismissively. “The Colonel can yiff whoever or whatever he wants. I don’t fucking care.”

“Yiff?” Skippy asked.

Ariana tapped a few characters on her tablet.

“Here,” she said as she handed it to Skippy.

Skippy broke out into a fit of giggling as she scrolled through the images.

“Oh this is fantastic!” she snorted. “Hey! This one kinda looks like me!” she exclaimed holding up the tablet.

“Yeah, bunnies are always a classic,” Peggy, a beefy Nordic blonde, laughed. “I even dressed up like one for Halloween a couple of times.” She looked over at Skippy and grinned. “So you’re the Colonel’s bunny-girl?”

“No,” Skippy laughed, “I’m his Xvli lover.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Hopefully, I will have the opportunity to show you,” Skippy grinned.

***

Monarch paced back and forth as she prowled her office, each move causing the holographic inks adorning the wings of the hundreds of butterflies tattooed into her skin to shimmer. There was still no word from any of their operatives in the embassy.

Even worse, there was no word from Her Ladyship. The only thing they got from the embassy was that goddamned message over and over. No matter what they tried, no matter what filters they tried to use on the relays, they could only silence it for a few minutes at most before it started again.

She had spent hours trying to reassure their thralls, trying to keep everything together but without Her Ladyship…

She screamed in frustration and looked around for something to hit. Everything in the room was too valuable to destroy.

She screamed again.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” a timid voice announced over her communicator, “The Secretary of State wishes to speak with you. He says that it’s urgent.”

“It was urgent the last five times I talked to that motherfucker! Take a fucking message!” she shouted.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She scowled. The Secretary of State was beginning to crack. He might be a problem. She had the authority to “take care of it” if need be but he was valuable, too valuable to simply dispose of if there was any alternative.

“Wait. Wait,” she said into her communicator. “Put him through.”

“Mark, what is it now?… No, we still haven’t managed to stop the transmissions from the embassy. Nobody has… Look, it’s just one crackpot spouting nonsense. Just put together a statement or something. Tell them that it’s the ramblings of a rogue traitor or some shit. You’ve dealt with scandals before. What?... So what if they want a scan? Tell them to go and fuck themselves. Say it’s a security issue or something… Fucking tell them that porkies and the Feds keep genetic databases and we don’t. Make it a liberty issue! Do the whole freedom dance! Honestly, can’t you think for yourself for once… (sigh) Again with this nonsense? Her Ladyship herself has taken the treatments! If there was any risk at all do you honestly think she would have-… I know they have Crimson on tape saying that shit but we don’t see what’s going on behind the scenes do we? It wouldn’t surprise me if she was drugged or something… Calm… Calm down Mark… As long as you keep receiving the treatments there is absolutely nothing to worry about. I am taking the treatments too, you know. If there was anything wrong with them do you think I would-… Mark! Mark, we have had this exact same conversation how many times now? You and your wife are perfectly safe. There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. This Jon person is just trying to scare you and it sounds like he is doing a pretty damn good job of it too. Just find that asshole and shut him down. We can make him say whatever we want him to once we get our hands on him, right? Focus on that. Find him and this can all go away. Until then we just play things smart and do some basic damage control. We have most of the media in our pocket and we are already working up some really nice smear pieces. They are going to make a porkie out of that asshole! It will all be ok, Mark. Let us and the spin-doctors work our magic. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see! Have we ever let you down?… Look, Mark, the only way this can break is if we do so just stay strong and ride this out, ok? Now just take a few deep breaths and relax. If you do you will see this really isn’t that big of a deal… Right. We can handle this and we will! Now you try to have a good afternoon and feel free to give me a call whenever you need, ok?… And I promise I will tell you the second we hear from Her Ladyship. Tell the missus hi for me! Bye!”

Monarch snarled as she terminated the call. When it comes time to dispose of that asshole I shall claim the pleasure for myself, she thought as she kicked her chair across the room. Oh shit! Did she hear it crack? Goddammit! That’s an antique!

The door opened and Marrow walked in.

“Any word?” Monarch asked urgently.

“Nothing,” Marrow replied. “I have sent one of our best ships into the Federation where it will hide in a dead system near their capital. When we hear from her we will be able to move immediately.”

“Do you think…” Monarch asked quietly, “Do you think she’s alright?”

“If Jon managed to kill her he would put the body on display,” Marrow replied darkly. “We can only assume that she is ok and still in command. All we can do is wait until she sees fit to contact us.”

“The fact that she hasn’t though… With everything that is taking place?… She hasn’t...”

Marrow walked up and put his arms around Monarch.

“I know, Monarch,” he said holding her. “I’m frightened too. All we can do is have faith. If anyone can prevail it is her. We who are charged with her protection can sometimes forget that she is the mightiest of all of us. Whatever she faces now she has faced before and won,” he said as he tousled her hair affectionately. “She will prevail and she will reach out to us when she deems fit. Until then, let us view this as a test that she has laid out before us.”

Marrow smoothed her hair and straightened her sleeveless blouse.

“At the very least,” he continued, “We need to appear confident for the others. They are looking to us and we must show a calm, assured, confident demeanor to keep the rest in line. Her Ladyship is ok, her Ladyship is in control, and most importantly, her Ladyship is coming back.”

“Yes. Yes of course,” Monarch said quietly as she leaned into Marrow resting her head on his broad chest. “Everything is ok. She is just doing that horribly annoying thing she does sometimes… Right?”

“Absolutely,” Marrow smiled. “It’s her Ladyship. She is probably monitoring the whole affair, watching us at this very moment… and preparing her critique,” he laughed.

Monarch laughed a little.

“For once I would welcome her disapproval,” she said as she hugged Marrow again.

“Likewise,” he chuckled. “As long as she isn’t too displeased, of course.”

***

Harruux-ta lounged under the heat lamps in her limo as it made its way through the streets of New Brussels.

Her reptilian maw curled into a grim smile baring her long, carnivorous teeth.

This was going to be fun.

The limo stopped in front of the Republic Parliament building. She sighed as the heat lamps switched off. Terra was well within the nominal habitable range of her ancient species but definitely on the chilly side. She pulled her heated mantle over herself as she uncoiled her serpentine body and slid out of her vehicle. She paused to admire the architecture. These Terrans might be primitive savages but they could sure build the hell out of a building.

She slithered over the white marble steps of the entrance and into the cavernous halls of the seat of the Republic’s government.

Marble, so beautiful and so fucking cold, she thought with a grimace. She loved the look and feel of the substance but, as always, it felt like her very life was being sucked right out into the floor. She could wear a body stocking but she hated them, always did. She loved to feel the ground beneath her scales. It was worth a little chill to feel the incredible workmanship of the tile layers.

Terra was fantastic, so many textures! Her homeworld was too perfect, too clean, too… well everything for her tastes. Here she could feel grit and stones and cold tiles.

She hoped that everything would work out. She intensely disliked the Terrans but she loved Terra. Many of her kind marveled at the extreme folly of the Terrans trying to salvage this world when they had the technology to abandon it. Hell, they even had other inhabitable systems all of them with excellent worlds of their own. Nakamura-4 was even better than Terra itself on paper. Her kind simply could not fathom why the Terrans invested so much time, effort, and expense trying to repair this wasteland.

She, she got it. Terra was… special. One only had to wander its ancient dirty streets, fallow forests, blasted scrubland, and silty river beds to understand. This world was alive in ways that her homeworld never was. It was tough and it was dirty and it was cold but it was fucking beautiful. The fact that the Terrans recognized this and had poured so much love and devotion into their injured planet was perhaps their one redeeming feature. It made her unable to completely hate them.

She chuckled as she remembered that delightful news story from the White Star when the raiders completely lost their minds over a box of preserved semen samples much to the confusion of the reporter covering the incident. Hardened criminal scum was actually dancing and hugging each other over finding possible additional biodiversity! It was just too funny and so perfectly Terran in a very rare good way. They were vile animals but every now and then they just “knocked it out of the park” as they would say.

Please don’t make us blow it up, she thought to herself as she reached the comfort of a long rug in the middle of the hall. She shivered with delight. The warmth of the rug after the cold of the marble entryway was absolutely delicious!

Mark Guilderan was waiting beside the open door of his office.

“Ambassador!” he exclaimed. “How wonderful to see you!” he said with a big smile. That was another good thing about the Terrans. They smiled. More importantly they didn’t cringe when she did the same. Too many species shrink back at the slightest hint of teeth. She returned his smile with genuine pleasure and anticipation. How she was going to enjoy watching that smile just melt away.

She didn’t like Mark. She didn’t like him before all of this nonsense and she CERTAINLY did not like him now.

“Mark, It’s nice to see you as well. How is your lovely wife?” she asked. His wife was a “cow” in every sense of the word. You could almost hear her mind chewing cud if you got too close. She had once been trapped by some of that horrific “small talk” that all humans value so highly by that bovine harlot.

It had been the longest half hour of her life. Seriously, they should weaponize that. A few days of having to listen to that simpleton would bring her whole ancient and powerful race to its knees. It was awful.

“She is well, thank you,” Mark said happily. “We are celebrating our one hundredth anniversary this summer!”

Oh sweet embrace of the Abyss itself! Harruux-ta thought in absolute horror. A century with that… that woman… How many hours of her drivel had he been exposed to?!?

It actually explained a lot.

“Congratulations!” Harruux-ta exclaimed. “One hundred years… wow… With Karen… wow… That’s just… Amazing!”

“Doesn’t your kind engage in pair-bonding?” Mark asked as he pulled out a specially made lounge for her to coil upon.

“Yes, but usually not until later in life,” she replied as she curled up on the heated cushions. “We remain fertile throughout our entire lives and actually the quality of the clutches improves over the years. Raising children and what you call marriage is what we do in retirement where we can pass down our entire lifetime of wisdom and experience to our young.”

“But spending most of your life alone sounds horrible,” Mark said, “Nobody to greet you when you get home, nobody to talk to, nobody to cuddle up with at night...”

“Well solitude and the silence that it brings can be preferable sometimes,” Harruux-ta replied with the slightest smirk.

“I guess all species are different,” Mark said as he pulled out his tablet. “I just couldn’t imagine life without-”

“Yes, we are all different,” Harruux-ta said cutting him off. “our tolerance for ‘small talk’ for example...”

“Oh yes, down to business!” he said cheerfully. “That’s how you like things isn’t it? Ok. News of the terrible disease outbreak that is affecting the humans in the Federation has reached us and even though we do have our differences with both the Federation and humans in the Federation in particular we would like to offer our assistance during this terrible disaster. As you know our-”

“Not necessary,” Harruux-ta said interrupting him with a smile. “We respectfully decline any and all assistance from either the Republic or the Empire. This is a Federation issue and we will take care of our people. In fact, to protect your people, we have closed off our borders to the outside galaxy. As of now no traffic will be allowed into or out of the Federation.”

“But you must realize that our biological-”

“Your biological sciences are impressive but rest assured that the best minds in the Federation are already on the case. We will handle this on our own.”

“You must realize-”

“We do realize that this horrific incident is one created by the Federation humans within the Federation. It is a Federation issue that we will handle. We wouldn’t dream of exposing Republic humans to a plague of Federation design! Now if it wasn’t of Federation design that might change things. Do you have any information that sheds additional light on the matter?” she asked with a malicious smile.

“No! No… As you say it does appear to be created by humans in the Federation,” Mark said hastily. “All evidence clearly indicates that to be the case!”

“Well then there is no reason for you to risk exposing your people to a contagion that is already contained to only a few worlds. We are in the process of quarantining and treating the infected and are confident in our disaster protocols. It’s only a matter of time before this whole dreadful incident is properly contained and handled.”

“But the loss of human life is potentially catastrophic!”

“A Terran losing sleep over dead porkies?”

“This goes far beyond concepts like Terran, Federation, and Imperial. A contagion of this severity threatens all human life in the galaxy! We must-”

“Let’s just cut the crap shall we,” Harruux-ta said with a toothy sneer. “There is no way in hell that we are going to let you assholes use our people as guinea pigs. It’s not going to happen. The powers that be, the real powers behind the Federation, powers that you don’t want to encounter, have decided that we aren’t going to play your sick little game.”

“What the hell are you talking about!”

“You think we don’t know?" Harruux-ta sneered. "We know all about your little immortality treatment. We know you and your lovely wife have received it along with a truly depressing number of other people in the Republic. We know that it is flawed and that your boss, your real boss, is desperate to figure out a fix. We know that the plague was engineered by her and released via modified youth treatments to key figures in the Federation as well as by her agents actively releasing the pathogen into human population centers across Federation space. This is all being done for the sole reason of creating a vast number of humans with the symptoms of the cellular degradation that is all of your ultimate fate so that they can be researched en masse by the top medical and scientific minds of the galaxy in hopes that collectively they can create what Patricia’s own researchers can not, a fix for the terrible mistake that she has made.”

Mark recoiled as if he had been struck. How much of this was true? The treatment was flawed? It couldn’t be! Patricia herself had the treatments, right? Monarch wouldn’t lie to them would she?

“If you are referring to the ramblings of a clearly unhinged individual then you surprise me, Ambassador,” Mark replied.

“Oh yes, the entire Federation just decided to base its entire treatment of this situation just on the testimony of one Terran asshole,” Harruux-ta said sardonically. “Do you honestly think we are that fucking stupid? I know how your media likes to portray us but you of all people should know better. We know about the youth treatments. We also know that the symptoms of this mysterious plague that some college fucks somehow managed to engineer in their spare room just happens to exactly match the symptoms that would reasonably occur if someone fucked that youth treatment up. Oh and that plague? There is absolutely no way our humans could have created it. It’s quite simply beyond their current understanding of human biology. Fuck! It’s even giving us and the almighty Kalent fits. I have to hand it to you guys. It’s a fucking masterpiece!” Harruux-ta said as she sarcastically clapped two of her hands together. “Bravo!… or should I say Brava?”

Mark’s blood ran cold. He had been told that it was essential for the Federation to accept Republic assistance concerning the plague and was ordered to make it happen no matter what, but why was it so essential that the Republic aid the fucking porkies in the first place? It made no sense. It made no sense unless Harruux-ta was telling the God’s honest truth.

Oh!… Oh no!… Karen!

He had to think fast. He had to get this fucking snake to let the Republic in!

“You are honestly going to let Federation citizens die over a stupid theory that you can’t even prove? Let’s focus on facts. The plague is real. Your citizens are dying and we are willing and able to help. To refuse us isn’t only the height of folly it’s pure evil.”

Harruux-ta just tossed her head back and roared a savage roar. Startled, Mark shoved himself away from his desk and leapt to his feet.

“Sorry...sorry,” Harruux-ta said after a moment. “That was true Parvvux laughter. I’ve never done it in your presence before. Forgive me, it can be disconcerting to those not familiar with it.” she chuckled. “Evil. Good one. A fucking Terran lecturing me on good and evil. That’s almost as funny as the thought that such concerns have any bearing on decisions of state in the first place.”

She leaned forward.

“You want to focus on ‘facts’. Fine. Here are some facts. Fact: The humans in the Federation are a small population. Their contribution to the overall productivity and welfare of the Federation is almost non-existent. Fact: Despite their small contribution, they have been nothing but a major pain in our asses from day one. Fact: Every single human in the Federation could die and it would have absolutely no impact on the Federation as a whole. One system, one very minor system, would be seriously impacted and one other would feel their loss but quickly recover. Fact: After the Republic War many of our member species directly blame the humans for that war and the massive loss of life and property that resulted. Even we are calling them porkies these days. Nobody will miss them,” she said with a grin.

She paused and looked Mark right into the eyes.

“Killing off the fucking porkies? Awesome! That bitch just did us a favor. We aren’t working on a cure. We are just locking them up and letting this whole thing burn out. If there are any humans remaining after this then they will be nothing but a dispossessed, nearly extinct, minority with no representation, wealth, or power. We can sweep them right under the rug with the rest of this whole debacle and in a hundred years it will be like they never existed in the first place. They will be nothing but a footnote in history, a convenient scapegoat for a ruinous war. Tell your boss, your real boss, if she wants test subjects so she can fix her screw-up then she needs to make them here, in the Republic because you actually give a shit whether humans live or die. We do not.”

Mark sneered. He had her.

“You were a fool to say that here!” he exclaimed. “This room is tapped! I wonder how the porkies will feel when they find out where they really stand. They might be porkies but they are humans and they-”

Harruux-ta roared again.

“I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and write that idiocy up to you grasping at straws. I really love your idioms by the way,” she smiled. “Let’s explore that potential reality. I will be chastised and condemned for my hateful words and promptly fired. That might suck for me except we are a true post-scarcity society. Being recalled to my world in penniless disgrace will instantly give me a lifestyle much nicer than the one I endure here. I will miss Terra though. This planet is just so wonderful! You suck but your world… oh!” she coughed discretely. “Sorry, I digress. I pay the price for my big mouth and get sent home in disgrace, oh woe is me! Then all of this comes to the attention of the Federation public. We have no choice but to agree that yes, the plague is of Terran origin, not Federation. Then, we will prove its Terran origin along with its true source, Patricia Hu. We then toss the ball in your court. You can then either give us your boss, kiss further treatments goodbye, and then watch your wife slowly rot to death or you can refuse and we declare war, real war, way ahead of schedule before any real work can be done on the fix and once again, Karen rots.”

Harruux-ta bared her teeth in a display of aggression.

“You assholes were only right about one thing, the nature of our next war,” she said displaying her fangs. “It will go down exactly like you predicted. We won’t be coming to liberate, punish, or conquer. Our goal will be the complete and total extinction of all life in the Republic.”

“That’s a lot easier said than done, bitch,” Mark snarled. “You’ve already lost against us once.”

“True,” Harruux-ta replied calmly, “But last time the big boys stayed out of it. We, the Kalent, the Veiled Ones, and others left the Federation to fend for itself in a war that it started. This time, you will be meeting us. I do have to admit that part of me is looking forward to it. It would settle a long standing debate concerning which one of the elder races actually has the best navy. We finally have a foe good enough to where we could actually take some decent measurements!”

“We will take those measurements and shove them right up your ass! We can and will take all of you on!”

“Yes, and you may very well win but I can guarantee you that the war will take more time than you, your co-conspirators, and Patricia Hu herself has left. I also can’t help but wonder how your own people, you know, the delightfully volatile, incredibly well armed individuals that make up your population will feel about being dragged headlong into a system destroying war for the sole reason of propping up your worthless asses.”

“I have to applaud your boss,” Harruux-ta chuckled. “The fall of the Republic will go exactly as Patricia Hu predicted except for one tiny little detail, none of you will be around to rebuild that Terran Empire of your dreams. You will all either rot to death or be put up against the wall by your own people so go ahead, release the tapes. I find long delays distasteful and would much prefer if we just started this already.”

Mark just sat there in stunned silence.

She leaned back on her heated cushion.

“You probably don’t have the authority to actually make a decision on your own so I will give you the courtesy of returning to my embassy so you can run crying to your mommy and she can tell you what to do… oops… That’s right. You can’t reach her can you? I wonder what is going on in our Capital right now, don't you?” she asked with a huge fang laden grin.

Harruux-ta uncoiled herself from the wonderful lounge he had made for her.

“Lovely visiting with you as always, Mark,” she smiled. “Be sure to say hello to Karen for me. I do so hope you both can celebrate that anniversary this summer! Should you still be breathing I will be sure to send something really nice!”

Mark just watched helplessly as Harruux-ta slithered away. He managed to wait a few seconds after she was out of earshot and then he snarled and grabbed his communicator.

“Yes, this is Secretary of State Mark Guilderan! Put me through to Monarch immediately!”

***

As Harruux-ta left Parliament she paused and looked up at the beautiful blue sky and then intentionally slithered over some leaves and sighed.

She closed her eyes and prayed.

Please, Gods of my ancestors, hear my plea. Please protect this world. The Terrans are assholes but please, this wonderful planet, don’t have it suffer once again! Also… and I can’t believe I’m asking for this but help that asshole Jon win.

She opened her eyes, crawled into her limo, switched on the heat lamps, and sulked. What a mess. She pulled up the latest human news from the Federation and winced at the images of the quarantine encampments. What a horror.

There had to be another way but damned if she could come up with one. If only they could bring down this whole conspiracy before too many died then they could get the Republic involved. Maybe then they would have a chance especially if the Republic researchers were actually free of any influence from Patricia Hu and her little friends.

She closed her eyes again.

Gods of my ancestors hear my plea. Be with our humans. They are assholes but they are our assholes and I will miss the little shits if they are gone. Besides, they really piss off the Terrans. That has to be worth something, right?