Sorcerer’s Handbook

Chapter 337: Somethings Wrong

Ashe felt that something was increasingly wrong lately.

Although the city of Vamora had always been quite strange—Ashe had never been to a place that felt right—where one could encounter the Memory Loss Fun House in the Virtual Realm or worry about being drained to death by a night attack while living with a Bewitcher.

But the recent strangeness was more like “waking up to find your roommate has turned into a girl.”

First, there was waking up. Since he couldn’t enter the Virtual Realm lately, Ashe had to sleep soundly. However, every time he woke up, he found an extra cake in his room. The type of cake varied daily: red velvet, Black Forest, White Forest, mousse, and so on. Ashe even suspected that Senhaeser was trying to feed him into a Lala Fatty before eating him.

But none of the others seemed to have this treatment; only his room produced a cake every day.

Something’s wrong.

Then there was Lise. Ashe noticed that his Advanced Substitute was depleting faster and faster. Lise always said she wasn’t doing anything, but she was almost consuming three Substitutes a day. Ashe even suspected she was conducting forbidden human experiments with them.

Very wrong.

Even Annan had some issues. Occasionally, when Ashe met Annan in the canteen, she would happily pat him on the shoulder, head, or butt—she seemed to enjoy physical contact with Ashe, as if they were very familiar with each other, despite only being in a streetlight and laborer relationship.

Moreover, Ashe felt that every woman he met seemed to like him. When buying drinks in the canteen, the Siren lady would purposely scratch his palm; while playing games in the game pod, the administrator lady would remind Ashe to rest, drink water, and eat snacks every hour. Sometimes, when Ashe was busy gaming, she would feed him directly.

There were many more instances like these, causing Ashe to repeatedly check his status information to confirm his profession was “Eternal Wanderer/social drifter” and not something like “Walking Hormone,” “Legendary Mud Entertainer of the Mud House,” or “Human Shaped Hypnotic Spray.”

Although Ashe thought he looked decent, he felt it was a bit of a stretch to compare himself to Igor, who could charm people of all ages and genders like a guaranteed winner. Yet his popularity was almost catching up to a gold coin.

Could it be that Senhaeser was into his disheveled, world-weary Corporate Slave look?

But this feeling of being the center of attention was really quite delightful. Ashe would sometimes find himself smiling in his sleep. He never realized how useful good looks could be, and he somewhat regretted not getting a full face makeover from the raven healer.

Still, something was very wrong.

Finally, last night, Ashe saw Igor in the canteen and decided to sit across from him with his tray. Then something truly unbelievable happened—

Igor actually ran away!

The Con Artist didn’t even finish his Lala Fatty. As soon as Ashe sat down, Igor hurriedly left, not even bothering to call him “Ashe bro”!

Ashe thought back and suddenly realized that the Con Artist seemed to have been avoiding him these past few days. There were several times they almost met in the hallway, but each time Igor would take a different route to avoid him. Ashe had initially thought Igor was just in a hurry, but now that he thought about it, Igor was clearly avoiding him!

Something very wrong had definitely happened!

“So, I wanted to ask if any of you have any clues.”

In Ashe’s room, Ashe, Harvey, and Lise sat around a table, sharing the strawberry cheesecake that had just appeared there.

Maybe it was a side effect of the Blood Moon candy, but Harvey had developed quite a sweet tooth. However, he didn’t like eating cake directly; instead, he dipped catnip into it and ate it like fries.

The necromancer said nonchalantly, “Igor never called you ‘Ashe bro’ before, did he?”

“He might not have said it, but I know he respects me deep down,” Ashe replied. “Now, he won’t even talk to me, and that’s what worries me.”

Lise, who was picking out all the strawberries to eat them one by one, mumbled, “Dad, did you do something to offend Aunt Bukin?”

“I didn’t…” Ashe suddenly recalled bursting into the bathroom a few days ago and having a deep ‘conversation’ with Igor while he was bathing: “…do anything like that (super softly).”

“If you offended Aunt Bukin, why don’t you pick a time to apologize to him?” Lise suggested. “For example, you could burst in while he’s bathing; he’s sure to forgive you.”

Ashe looked at Lise in surprise and gave her a thumbs-up. “You actually thought the same thing as me. No wonder you’re my daughter!”

“Right?!”

“But…” Ashe hesitated, “I don’t think it’s quite appropriate.”

“Why not?” Lise asked. “Is apologizing not appropriate? It can’t be that bursting in on Aunt Bukin while he’s bathing is inappropriate, right? You’re not exactly a good guy, Dad.”

Ashe playfully punched Lise on the head and said, “How should I put this… it just feels… a bit dangerous.”

“What kind of danger?” Harvey asked, chewing on his cake-dipped catnip, making a crunching sound. “You’re not afraid of Igor with clothes on, but you’re afraid of Igor without clothes?”

“But I still feel that Igor in the bath is quite dangerous.” Ashe crossed his arms and closed his eyes as if trying to foresee something. “Mainly, I feel like Igor is enduring something. I have a strong premonition that if I provoke him…”

He thought for a while. “Something bad might happen.”

Harvey and Lise exchanged a glance, unable to figure out what bad thing Igor could do to Ashe.

After all, Igor wasn’t a sorcerer proficient in combat. The most he could do was hypnotize Ashe.

And the ways he had teased Ashe in the past were always the same: making him run naked in the canteen, calling Qenna his wife, or calling Annan his daughter.

Even if all three things happened at once, Ashe didn’t seem like someone who would mind such things.

There’s no way Igor would beat Ashe up, right?

“Then let’s move on to the next topic.” Harvey said. “Regarding Ashe suddenly becoming popular with women, I propose three possibilities: Ashe’s hallucination, Ashe being hypnotized by Igor to experience hallucinations, Ashe having hallucinations due to Beauty Mist poisoning, or Ashe having hallucinations because of soul damage.”

Since soul damage required him to sleep for eight full hours, making it impossible to have his usual two-hour Corporate Slave nap, Ashe had habitually shared his Virtual Realm demise with the others.

Lise raised her hand, seriously correcting, “Uncle Harvey, you actually proposed four points!”

Ashe’s face darkened. “Actually, there’s only one point… and it’s definitely not just my imagination! At least, not entirely!”

Harvey pondered for a moment. “I can’t really say for sure, given that we’re both guys and my taste is more advanced. You wouldn’t accept my evaluation. Lise, why don’t you give your opinion? You have to trust your daughter, right?”

Ashe turned to Lise. She calmly swallowed a mouthful of cake and let out a small burp.

She wiped her hands with a napkin, then grabbed Ashe’s sleeve, her nose twitching and her eyes welling up with tears, full of sympathy and pity.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Let’s not have a stepmom, alright? I promise I won’t mention a stepmom in front of you anymore. Please don’t torture yourself like this. It breaks my heart…”

Ashe started to undo his belt. “Harvey, do you know any Healing Miracles? Can you fix a whipped butt?”