Slow Prison Life

Noblewoman Hosts a Fun Party

Prince Elliott set down his teacup and stared up at the ceiling while resting his chin in his hand.

“I’ve been thinking.......in order to corner Rachel, how about we try asking some of the girls who were at odds with her for help? I’ve heard that women are better at using biting words and breaking hearts.”

All of his followers gathered around him drinking tea fell silent for a moment........and then grew extremely noisy the next.

“Did His Highness just come up with a decent idea.........!?”

“Did you know he could have such deep thoughts!?”

“Who are you, and what’s with this incite!?”

This condescending attitude from his subordinates struck like a bolt of lightning..........without George here, they all had to come up with their own tsukkomis, making Elliott want to cry just a little.

While watching such an Elliott begin to kick his other subordinates about, Wolanski had a thought.

Eh? It took him this long to think of this?

Now returning to the main topic.

Quite an impressive list was made when all the girls who had aggressively tried to sell themselves with ‘Choose me instead of Rachel’ and all the girls from families with an ax to grind with the Ferguson families were lined up. Almost thirty of them to be exact.

“Yosh! If we use all of these girls to torture her, then surely even Rachel will die! Kukuku.......yosh, let’s contact them right away!”

“RIGHT!!”

While all the men there were getting excited thinking they had finally come up with a sure-fire strategy, Margaret tried speaking up in a fearful voice.

“Um.........it had nothing to do with me, but.........”

“Hahaha, Margaret is so gentle! However, Rachel is someone who always does as she pleases. If we are going to corner her, then we need to give it everything we’ve got in one shot!”

“I see.......”

Elliott was so excited that Margaret found it impossible to say anything else.

At least, there’s no way she could say something like, “she already smashed half the girls on that list.......”

♠

Elliott’s posse returned after finishing their mission.

“Your Highness, we hit up those noble girls..........well somehow, all the girls who were trying to steal Your Highness away from Rachel have recently all locked themselves in their houses, and apparently they have no plans on coming out to the royal palace at all.”

“Why’s that? It used to be whenever it came to me they would take whatever opportunities they could get in order to sell themselves.”

The reason was standing uneasily right next to him.

“Also, as for the girls from factions who go against the Ferguson house.......it seems that there is a tea party today, so all those girls are already near the royal palace.”

“Eh?”

Elliott tilted his head to the side.

The royal palace was certainly large, but there’s no way he wouldn’t have heard about such a large event. A place near the castle where the the prince wouldn’t have heard about it normally.........

And after thinking that far ahead, Elliott remembered that there was only one place recently where mysterious events would be happening.

♠

After rushing to the dungeon, the men found the Prison Guard sitting at a desk just outside the dungeon’s entrance. As soon as they saw the necktie he was wearing over his usual dirty work clothes, they knew something was going on again.

“Ah, Your Highness”

“What’s going on today!?”

With a look as if he had successfully escaped reality plastered over his face, the Prison Guard handed over a small leaflet.

“Today’s meeting is by reservation only. Please present any advance tickets you bought ahead of time.”

“What do you mean ‘advance ticket’ for a party!?”

“Today is meant to be a fun condolences party.........let’s me see, I think it was supposed to be, ‘For the sake of the poor Rachel Ferguson who has been thrown in jail under false charges, we shall be showcasing some of the best performers ever trained in the capitol’? I can’t read, so I’m not sure what the flyer says exactly.”

“And you’re not just letting it happen, but working the reception desk as well!?”

“Haa..........honestly, recently I’ve started to think that it’s useless to even try and go against that girl........”

“Prisoners aren’t supposed to train prison guards!”

Elliott pushed past the Prison Guard and placed his hand on the door.

“Ah! Your Highness, entrance is forbidden unless you have a ticket.”

“Yeah, back off! Remember that you work for me!”

Elliott took the lead heading down the steps........but once they reached the bottom, the men found a large curtain which had been set up to form a sort-of dressing room, a stage using that curtain as a backdrop, and a magician up on top of said stage making an announcement.

“And knocking on this box.........Tadah! My wonderful assistant Haley appears from within the drawer!”

For some reason Rachel’s pet was acting as the magician’s assistant.

The magician basked in the audience’s applause, taking off his silk hat and giving them all a bow, before immediately announcing his next trick. The man looked really familiar, but he didn’t seem to be one of the Duke’s retainers.

Wolanski started clapping his hands.

“Ah, that guy just now is James Matisse from the super popular Central Circus! Awesome, it’s my first time seeing him perform at someone’s home.”

“He’s not visiting someone’s home, he’s here!?”

Looking in front of the stage the men were able to see that some guest seating had been set up, chairs and desks crowded together filled with noble girls who were watching the act. There were also several girls gathered around a table, sharing a spot of tea, and talking mostly amongst themselves paying only a little attention to the act on stage. There were many girls gathered here including the ones that Elliott’s group had originally planned on contacting before. If they had to guess, there were probably almost forty people here.¹

Even though Elliott’s group had arrived, the girls in the room paid them no mind, focusing so intently on the stage that it took the Prince slightly aback.

“H, hey........aren’t these girls strangely excited about this?”

“Your Highness.........all of the noble girls gathered here are of a high social status, too high to be found simply walking around town. Although their parents may have brought them to the Grand Theater or an opera, this is almost certainly their first time seeing a street performance that the regular masses are able to enjoy.”

“But to get this excited about it.........”

But, right now wasn’t the time to worry about that.

“Oi Rachel, I never said you could hold a performance here!”

Ignoring the intense boos he was getting, the Prince broke through the stage set up in front of the stairs and charged right to the cell bars at the back of the room where he was met with a surprised look from Rachel and a, “You’re saying something so unexpected!”

“After all Your Highness, I never set up any performance.”

“So what’s all this then!?”

“It is what it is.”

Rachel laughed as if she was unable to contain the overwhelming joy she felt.

“You see, all my friends came to visit me, and it all unexpectedly turned into a condolence party........”

“Don’t lie so easily! Didn’t you make fliers, and sell tickets in advance!?”

“Oh my, I wonder if the order was reversed. Well, it’s a trivial detail.”

“What scale are you using to think that’s trivial!?”

While Elliott was busy arguing with Rachel, Wolanski received a warning from the magician.

“Pardon me customer, please be quiet during the performance.”

“Ah, sorry.”

“We won’t be quiet! This show is over, so get out! And don’t apologize!”

As Elliott turned on the magician, the jeering and protests from the noble girls in the audience grew louder.

“Despot!”

“I’ve had trouble sleeping all week waiting for this!”

“Shut up! You’re all a part of Rachel’s scheme!”

Elliott started shouting back at the angry protests, completely forgetting that his original plan was to get their help to defeat Rachel.

While all this was going on, the curtain behind the magician stirred, and a middle-aged man stepped out from behind them.

“Huh? Is it already time for me to come out?”

“Eh, comedian John Smith? The one famous for his amazing parody songs!? Uwaa, I want to see him too!”

“Thank you~!”

“No, you’re not getting a turn! And Wolanski, what did you come here for!?”

♠

Unable to rely on his subordinates, Elliott stood alone in his efforts to get an army of noble girls to leave.

“Your Highness, why are you making a scene during our fun party!?”

“That’s right! Everyone here, has been so anxiously looking forward to today!”

“Mu, the daughter of Duke Gordon and the daughter of Marquis Tuft”

Elliott was immediately confronted by two passionate objections, both from high-ranking daughters whose fathers should have been against Duke Ferguson. They weren’t people he could just order around without hearing what they have to say.

Elliott was taken aback being faced with such troublesome opponents, but he resolved himself to wreck Rachel’s scheme.

“This is a prison! Rachel was put in here to punish her, so such a show.........”

“I don’t care about something like that!”

“That’s right. That’s enough tedious talk, so just retreat already.”

“Wh, What!?”

Interrupted before he could finish what he was saying, Elliott’s eyes started swimming as the noble girls tried to get him to leave with force.

“Quickly go back!”

“That’s right! If you keep pushing the schedule back like this........then Adam Stuart’s turn will be shortened!”

“Eh!?”

“Is that true, Katherine!?”

At the Marquis’s daughter Katherine Taft spoke, all the other noble girls stood up in unison.

“Come Your Highness, quickly go back!”

“Shortening Adam’s time is a crime worthy of death!”

“Go home already!”

“You’re a hindrance!”

“Ehh!?”

Elliott unconsciously took a step back when confronted by the intensity of the crowd.

“A, Adam!? Awesome, I can see him live!?”

“Margaret!?”

Seeing the woman he loved get so excited about another man hurt Elliott quite a bit.

“O, oi..........what kind of person is this Adam for him to bring out such wild enthusiasm?”

Elliott secretly turned to Wolanski as did the rest of his followers who clearly had no idea who he was either.

“He’s a hugely popular actor from the Central Theater. He’s a handsome man with chiseled features, well defined muscles that seem to bulge out no matter what he’s wearing, and an adult charm that just oozes sex appeal. All the women in the capitol are unable to take their eyes off of him.”

“Eh? What’s an actor going to do on such a narrow stage?”

Even Wolanski was stumped by that question, so the young noble daughter of the Gordon family exasperatedly explained it to them.

“Today Adam is performing a special strip show!”

“Hah?”

From about halfway through, Elliott couldn’t help but think that the words he was hearing were actually coming from a language originating in a different dimension.

“A man strip?”

“Don’t lump our show together with the act you nasty men want to see! Obviously that last piece will be protected no matter what!? But, to have that tempered body on full display, and the happiness that comes with being able to appreciate it from up close........! For today everybody, we’ve all dreamed about sticking a twist² in Adam’s boomerang underwear and spent the entire night folding bills just for the occasion!”

“Hah............?”

While Elliott was unable to understand what was going on at all, Margaret tried giving him some additional information while breathing heavily through her nose.

“Being an actor is still an unstable profession, so many of them will try and get a noble or rich person as a patron! But Adam is able to sell so well, he doesn’t need any kind of mistress contracts, private performances, or pillow deals! For him to make not just a house(?) call, but even a NSFW strip show..........the extent of Rachel’s influence, it’s truly incredible!”

“I, I guess I get it..........?”

Elliott didn’t really get it.

However, at least now he understood why all the noble girls gathered here were staring so intently with bloodshot eyes. Rachel, she had once again shown her immorality, using the evils of money to get a popular actor to visit her and curry favor with the noble daughters who would ordinarily stand against her.

And so Elliott.......

“Okay, you all........”

continued trying to persuade everyone.........

“quickly leave!”

“We didn’t pay to see your face!”

“ADAM~!!!”

and his heart was promptly shattered.

“Wh, What’s with these girls.......”

“They’re already so excited, they can no longer recognize who they’re talking to or what house they’re from........”

“D, damn........”

If a punishment was to be given out, then it would have to be delivered to everyone present........and there are so many of them, it would be almost impossible to confirm which house every girl came from.

In addition, the reason for their punishment would be because they ignored the prince due to how excited they were for a strip show.........there’s no way they would be able to explain that to the King.........

Moreover.

“I want to see~, I want to see Adam~!”

Margaret wanted to sink her teeth into this as well.

“Margaret!?”

But then, things don’t always work as well in the real world as they do in theory.

“Hey you, you can’t just come in and see this for free!?”

“Yeah! We had to go through a lot of hardship to get these tickets!”

“That’s~..........”

Having not bought a ticket in advance, Margaret was rejected by the other noble girls.

“Please, let me in~”

“NO!”

But Margaret was a fighter! And she wasn’t above begging either.

“M, Margaret. Even without seeing something like this........”

Elliot tried calling out to such a shameful Margaret to try and bring her back home........but at that time,

“Now now, everyone”

a goddess of salvationRachel descended.

“After all, Margaret would like to see Adam as well right?”

“Yes! I want to see, please let me see!”

“O, Oi Margaret..........”

Rachel motioned over to a single empty chair.

“The truth is I actually kept a spare seat just in case. If you’d like, I would be more than happy to allow Margaret to have it.”

“Really!?”

“Oi, Margaret!?”

Rachel nodded her head with a smile like that of the Holy Mother’s.

“Yes. Everyone here has had their hearts stolen away by Adam’s smile. So, comrade Margaret, please take a seat.”

“Thank you!”

“Margaret!?”

Margaret sat down without hearing Elliott’s voice and joy clearly spread across her face when Rachel offered out her hand. Two gold coins were resting in her palm.

“And I shall give you these as well.”

“Um? Gold coins?”

Knowing that all the other noble girls were straining their ears listening as well, Rachel lowered her voice to quietly explain to Margaret.

“Adam will be wearing elastic boomerang underwear.........normally you would give your twist by just sliding a banknote into his pants........but a coin, if you were to slip in a particularly heavy gold coin instead”

“.........if I did?”

“A heavy gold coin in pants that would stretch........then that, what an amazing sight.......”

“An amazing sight!?”

All at once the other noble girls grew even more excited.

“I never thought of that!”

“That......too great!”

“Y, you all........”

While Elliott was shocked by what he saw, Margaret knelt down before Rachel and politely received the gold coins.

“O, Oi.........Margaret?”

“Ga..........”

“Ga?”

“God exists underground!”

“Margaret!?”

prison life v2 7

“Oi, you’re all being irresponsible........!?”

Elliott raised his voice trying to take control of the situation.

But at that time, a handsome young man whose muscles looked like they were about to rip apart the suit he was wearing stepped forward.

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

Elliott’s words were pulverized by the loud cheers of the noble girls.

The truly dandy young man performed the familiar gesture of blowing a kiss to one of the noble girls in the audience before giving them all a cool laugh.

“Hello, kittens. The show will start in just a minute; do you mind waiting?”

“Oi, you too............”

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

Elliott tried to stop Adam, but he was blown over by the girls’ chorus of cries that hit his back like a tsunami.

Acting cautiously, Elliott realized that now that the noble girls had seen Adam, his presence didn’t even register in their eyes.

“You all, don’t be unreasonable.........!”

“ADAM! ADAM! ADAM~!”

“...........hey, listen...........”

“ADAM! ADAM! ADAM~!”

♠

The Prison Guard greeted Elliott’s group after they came out from the dungeon looking completely exhausted.

“Something wrong?”

“No, His Highness is.........”

Elliott fell to his hands and knees, deep tears of regret flowing down his cheeks.

“Damn.......I’m a handsome guy too........when they were at the castle they were all going ‘Kyaa Kyaa’ over me too........damn it all, an actor in my territory.....

“So you lost a match in handsomeness then.”

“It’s not like it was a match to begin with!?”

“Aah, you had a bad opponent is all it was.”

“I’m amazing too after all!”

“So it was a match after all then..........?”

“That’s right!”

As Elliott continued to put the cart before the horse, the Prison Guard held out his collection box.

“My apologies Your Highness. Because you’re like that........and since it was standing room, feel free to pay me as much as you’d like?”

“So there were same-day tickets then!?”

“Your Highness, you’re getting side-tracked again.”

1. So it’s probably a little late to say this, but I am officially having a hard time picturing how large this dungeon is actually supposed to be.

2. A twist is money you throw at a performer. Not just money you give to strippers, but also money you would hand out to a musician playing on the street or other things like that.