Slow Prison Life

Noblewoman Keeps a Pet

In the backyard of the castle, an elderly man wearing fine tailored clothes and another man in the prime of his life were taking a walk. Just from hearing their voices you could tell it was the Archduke/Prime Minister combo.

“I heard about it. Apparently that potter promised to immediately make a replacement jar for the one that had been split in half the other day?”

“Umu, he felt sorry for me after hearing the story. He’s prioritizing this order over ones he’s already taken.......after that, he’s going to be laid up for a while. It puts my mind at ease just a bit.”

As the men were talking they came to the bank of the pond, and the Archduke glanced up at a tree growing by the water’s edge.

“Oh, the fruits have ripened.”

Clusters of small red fruits the size of a child’s hand had grown all throughout the tree’s crown. It was quite the good harvest causing the Archduke to narrow his eyes in delight.

“I planted this crab apple tree almost ten years ago thinking that some delicious fruit next to the watering hole would attract more birds.”

“Your Highness......I heard people really couldn’t eat crab apples because of their taste, but do birds favor them then?”

“This is a special pollinated breed of crab apples. I mixed together some regular McIntosh apples with the crab apples. I planted some of the typical McIntosh and.........hmm, this year’s batch is almost ready to eat. I can already almost see the teeth marks on them.”

“That’s right huh.............um, isn’t there actually something up there?”

The Archduke quickly looked over where the Prime Minister was pointing at.

“Hoh, what lovely white fluff.”

“Yes, that fluffy hair really looks soft.........a monkey?”

The two men turned their heads to look at each other before rubbing their eyes and taking another look up towards the tree.

Sure enough, up at the tree’s top was a monkey leaping from one branch to another. It’s whole body was covered in short, light hair and a tail that was almost thirty centimeters in length. For some reason that monkey was carrying a basket on its back, picking and choosing the tastiest looking apples touched by sunlight and tossing them in his basket.

“A monkey............is it”

“It really is, a monkey. I have never heard of a monkey coming by the royal palace before.”

He was probably a monkey somebody kept to help carry tools around. But even so, what was it doing running around the royal palace on its own..........

The monkey continued to show good workmanship in its harvesting, only stopping at one point to nibble on a fruit for himself. He made to throw away the leftover core after finishing off the sweet flesh........when he noticed the two men watching him.

A minute passed as the monkey and the men continued just staring at each other.

The monkey eventually began plucking some good-looking fruits near him and suddenly threw five or six of them at the men’s faces.

“Uwah!?”

“Why!?”

After the monkey was finished tossing his apples, he winked at the men, giving them a thumbs up with a large grin plastered across its face.

That face, it was almost as if,

{You guys hungry? It’s my treat, so eat up.}

he was saying something like that.

Once the monkey had filled his basket, he skipped along the branches and jumped down off of the tree.

“Oh my, that monkey........he’s so manly.”¹

“Quite, it really makes your heart pound.”

The Archduke and Prime Minister watched the monkey as it landed on the ground.........and with his mission done, they saw him off as he ran across the lawn on his hands and feet, heading right into the ventilation window Enrique(temporary name) had disappeared to so long ago.

From inside they could just make out the words of a young woman.

“Well Haley, you picked a lot. Good boy, thank you.”

The Archduke and Prime Minister shared another look.

“He seems more reliable than Elliott doesn’t he?”

“It seems like Miss Rachel finally found herself a good man.”

♠

Prince Elliott was in a foul mood.

“Damn......I couldn’t protect Sykes.........”

The rest of his followers were in tears over the information as well.

“I went to see him off during yesterday’s departure........he looked like his spirit had been completely drained, like a bull that’s fully realized its about to be pulled into a slaughterhouse........ah, the tears are.......”

Wolanski looked up to the ceiling with a grief-stricken expression.

“At least......at least if Miss Evans were to start rubbing against him, Sykes might be able to float.........”

“No he won’t.”

Elliott loaded all of his irritation into a fist and slammed it into his desk.

“Damn, this is all Rachel’s fault! Isn’t calling Martina against the rules!? To think the damage to the royal palace and the knight’s order would be so large........plus, everyone keeps saying that woman is our responsibility............”

Swirling unpleasant thoughts made everyone in the room quiet down, the only noise disrupting the silence being one man’s sniffling nose. That somber atmosphere inside Elliott’s office was only disrupted thanks to the sudden entrance of a chamberlain carrying an urgent memo from the Archduke himself.

“What does His Highness the Archduke want?”

“.......it’s Rachel again........”

“.........I figured”

Once he had finished reading, Elliott angrily threw the memo aside, slamming his hand onto his desk.

“That bastard, this time she’s taking fruit from the backyard..........she’s trained a monkey to harvest apples from a tree!”

“........................huh?”

♠

Noticing the clumsy footsteps of Elliott that she had grown so accustomed to, Rachel raised her head from the book she was reading while lying back on her recliner.

“It’s Your Highness, you’re here later than usual.”

“Thanks to you! ..........You, this is how you react when your prince has come!? Stand up and bow!”

“I would if I could, but I have this child.”

Elliott looked inside the cell after hearing Rachel’s strange and emotionless response......finding a small monkey sleeping on top of Rachel’s belly.

Its mouth was moving slightly, looking like it was having a good, deep sleep on top of a mattress rather than the daughter of a noble.

Or well, something just as good.

“........Oi, you’re not saying you can’t stand up and greet me because you don’t want to wake up that monkey are you?”

“It just can’t be helped. For pet owners, their pets are more important than anything else in the world.”

“It can’t be helped at all!? Don’t think that type of self-indulgence will work in regular society!”

“Your Highness shouldn’t be making such a sound argument, it gives a ba~d feeling.”

“We aren’t even talking about pets anymore are we!? Isn’t that an insult perfectly aimed at me!?”

All of the ruckus ended up causing the monkey sleeping on top of Rachel to open his eyes. He noticed some rare guests while still feeling a little drowsy.

Elliott and the monkey’s eyes met.

“So then Rachel, who is this guy?”

“This child? He’s the white-tailed monkey Haley. Haley, can you say hello?”

Following Rachel’s words, the monkey took a look at his master before turning his head back to Elliott and raising his right hand.

{Yo}

“That’s not it Haley. That’s for people you’re close to.”

Realizing his mistake Haley stood up and started smacking his ass while sticking it up at Elliott.

{Don’t you ever come here again?}

“It’s not like that either? Haley, take a proper look at the other party and say hello.”

Haley stared closely at Elliott before standing up, putting both thumbs into his ears, and while keeping his other fingers unfurled, stuck out his tongue to give him a raspberry.

{Stupid Stupid}

“I’m sorry Your Highness. It looks like he can’t remember how to do it.”

“And yet his bad intentions got through just fine! Is this monkey your relative or something!? How have you been teaching him!?”

“Very carefully and with lots of love.”

“Did you not teach him manners!? Common sense!?”

“You flatterer”

Elliott pointed towards the now yawning monkey.

“In the first place, why is this guy here!?”

Rachel put her hand to her cheek and smiled with a small laugh.

“It seems like he got lonely at my mansion, so he came here to meet with me.”

Hearing her say it as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Elliott calculated the distance between the Ferguson ducal mansion and the royal palace in his head. It was roughly thirty minutes by carriage.

“You’re lying!? Isn’t there a considerable distance between your home and here!? That monkey should have never made it here!”

The monkey pulled out a hand-drawn map that had been folded in half.

“Apparently a maid drew out a map, and he followed the path laid out for him.”

“What is the gatekeeper doing!? Don’t just let the monkey through!”

“The gates here are practically open doors, ahahahaha”

“Isn’t this the royal palace!? It’s not something you should be laughing about!?

Elliott coughed and readjusted himself.

“I received a complaint that your monkey took some fruit grown for the birds without permission.”

Elliott pointed towards the monkey that was blankly staring back at him.

“You can’t keep a pet while in prison! Throw it away!”

“I, can’t toss him away because I cannot leave myself.”

“Then let him go home on his own!”

Hearing the Prince’s orders, Rachel and her monkey hugged each other close.

“Haley, did you hear? His Highness wants to force you out into the city on your own......isn’t he just terrible? Doesn’t he have any empathy? What if you were to get lost and end up dead on the street? What will happen to this country if such a person were to end up as our next king? Our future really is bleak.”

“Ook............”

Elliott began angrily yelling at the master and servant who were embracing each other with tears in their eyes.

“Didn’t you already make it all the way here by yourself!? If this small animal can make it to the royal palace one way, can’t he return home with no problem!?”

“Oh how surprising, he came to a logical conclusion.”

“Ook”

“You were using crocodile tears together!? What a skillful pet, huh!?”

As Elliott was raging on his own, Haley walked over to the iron bars, climbing up and suddenly presenting the prince with a crab apple.

“Hm? What?”

“Ook. Ookeke”

Elliott unconsciously took the apple in hand while the monkey was saying something to him he didn’t understand. Pulling open the book she was reading before, Rachel offered him a translation.

“{Because you took one too, you’re complicit}, is what he’s saying.”

“Is this guy really a monkey!?”

The monkey climbed back on Rachel’s belly as she sat back in her recliner. Sprawled across Rachel, he started using Rachel’s chest as a pillow before glancing back at Elliott.

“Hm?”

Holding Elliott’s gaze, the monkey purposely bounced his head against his master’s chest, emphasizing what he was feeling while giving Elliott a meaningful grin.

“.........this guy”

The monkey went a step forward, sticking his tongue out at Elliott, putting his thumb to his nose and fluttering his outstretched fingers in a taunt.

“You, you son of a bitch!”

Rachel glanced over Elliott who had so suddenly started to yell.

“What’s happened so suddenly, Your Highness?”

“This primate is trying to make a monkey out of me!”

“Are you implying that a monkey said something to you?”

“No, but!? This guy just made me an accomplice!”

“I just told you that on my own accord. Please use some common sense.”

“Common sense coming from you.......”

“A monkey can’t do something like that. Your Highness really has a persecution complex.”

“Damn.........! Fu, well then! Obviously a monkey isn’t on the same level as me!”

Bluffing his strength while looking down on the monkey, the monkey returned a provocative smirk after watching him get scolded by Rachel.

“This son of a bitch.......”

While Elliott was grinding his teeth, the monkey noticed something behind Elliott and peeked around him. Margaret had arrived......

The monkey’s eyes had opened wide in shock, but soon an evil laugh came out of his mouth as he peered back into Elliott’s downturned glare.

{Wow, you have those kinds of hobbies!? Uwaaa, what poor taste!}

“Bastard! Come out here so I can beat you to death!”

“Again, what is it Your Highness......”

“This primate is doing everything he can to make me and Margaret seem stupid!”

“Eh, me!?”

Hearing her name suddenly called out left Margaret quite surprised. But seeing the monkey further in the room brought a bright smile to her face.

prison life v2 6

“Uwaa, such a cute monkey~!”

With Margaret’s excited voice filling the room, the monkey made a cute face while waving his fluffy tail about.

“So what did this child do?”

“Gu.........!?”

There’s no way the prince’s heart would allow him to say it out loud.

“.........it’s impossible for me to say it to another person in all sorts of ways.”

“Your Highness.........in this short amount of time, just how well did you come to understand a monkey...........”

Th prince’s followers were all starting to look at him with suspicion as well.

“No, that’s not........”

And hearing the pitiful attempt to give an explanation, Rachel decided to kick him while he was down.

“Monkeys can’t speak in a specific language, so you obviously cannot understand what they’re trying to say in fine detail........but maybe His Highness unconsciously thinks the monkey is saying something because he identifies with him so well.”

“Gugu........!?”

Elliott was grinding his teeth, surrounded by people who didn’t understand, as the monkey in front of him was making an evil grin, shaking his fist at the prince.

{Finished already? Hey, you finished already?}

“Bastaaaaaaaaard! It’s already unforgivable, so get ready to become rust on my saber!”

Not caring if the edge was going to get nicked, Elliott drew out his blade and started randomly swinging it at the bars of the cell.

“Your Highness, what happened!?”

“Please get a hold of yourself! Calm yourself, calm yourself!”

“Ah, if only Sykes were here for times like this......”

The hanger-ons were all making a clamor, trying to pin down Elliott who had flown into a rage.

“Elliott, please calm down!”

Elliott overexerted himself to the point where every breath he took was a stunted wheeze with Margaret desperately clinging to his waist before the prince finally began to back off a little.

“What happened!?”

“That primate, that primate is screwing with me..........!”

“The monkey is just lying down, not doing much of anything.”

“That guy is a crafty piece of shit! It’s only when nobody else is looking..........!”

Elliott turned his eyes back to the cell as he spoke, but when he looked, he found that that shady monkey was no longer resting on Rachel’s stomach.

“Huh? That guy, where.........!?”

Elliott’s eyes involuntarily started searching around, before long finding the monkey on the floor right next to the cell bars.

The monkey was squatting down low on the ground, carefully lifting the edge of Margaret’s skirt so he could peer underneath. When he noticed Elliott’s gaze, the monkey pointed to some white cloth as if to convey a message.

{They’re white.}

“They’re white!?”

“What’s white?”

“Eh!? No, that.........”

Elliott was stuck trying to give Margaret an answer when she had heard his outburst but didn’t notice the monkey. There was absolutely no way he was going to admit that a monkey had told him the color of her panties.

Elliott was acting dubiously, and besides his close allies, even Rachel’s gaze was starting to hurt.

How could he explain though when nobody would ever believe that a monkey could show such human-like behavior. He started chewing on his lip worried about what he could say.........

Elliott suddenly noticed the monkey was leaning its elbow against his leg, and when their eyes met, the monkey put out its hands and shrugged his shoulders.

{You’ve found yourself in quite the sticky situation}

“Who do you think’s fault this is, you primaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!!”

“KYAAAAAAAA!?”

Elliott began wildly brandishing his saber at his own feet. Margaret screamed while his followers scrambled to get out of the way.

“Your Highness, calm down!”

“A doctor, somebody call a doctor!”

The monkey was just able to avoid the blade’s edge, retreating back to the safety of the other side of the jail cell and jumping into Rachel’s bosom.

“Haley, are you all right!?”

“Ook........ook, ook, ookeke............ook? Ook, ook............”

The monkey was making an adorable face as tears streamed down its cheeks, and with his head buried in Rachel’s chest, he was making all kinds of hand signals and motions to indicate just how much Elliott had scared him.

“Oh, poor Haley. You must have been so frightened.........were you scared?”

“Ook..........”

“Your Highness! Picking a fight with an ordinary monkey is too low!”

“Oh, I will! This primate thinks he can just keep having his fun.........!?”

“What are you saying this monkey has done!? He’s tugged on some people’s clothes a little and taken a few things? Such crimes and you go right for your sword..........!”

“That’s right Elliott! Isn’t everything Rachel just said correct?”

“Margaret, I was........”

“Your Highness.......maybe you should settle down for a bit? Come on, let’s return to your office and have some tea.........”

“You guys too!?”

No one would believe him.

“Ookeke.........”

“There there Haley. Did you have to suffer a terrible experience? Do you want to cry? Good boy good boy, I’m here for you.”

“Elliott, you know you can’t just bully a monkey right? Hmph!”

“Your Highness, this saber won’t be able to cut anything anymore........how are you going to explain this to your instructor?”

While all of his followers joined together in rebuking him, Elliott’s gaze locked with the monkey still hugging Rachel’s chest. At an angle where nobody else could see, that primate Haley was making a wicked smile to pronounce his victory.

“.......I’m the one who wants to cryyyyyyyyyyyy!!”

Elliott’s shout echoed throughout the prison.

♠

When Elliott’s group finally returned, the Archduke who just so happened to cross their path spoke up.

“How was it? Did you ask Miss Rachel about the monkey?”

“That is........”

As all of his aides turned to look back at him, Elliott’s resentment bubbled over into another shout.

“It’s FINE!”

“I didn’t mean it like that..........”

“............that’s how it went.”

♠

Rachel pulled out some supplies Haley had brought with him when he arrived the other day. From them she gave Haley a rare tropical fruit called a banana.

“Yes, here’s your reward Haley. You did a good job.”

“Ookeke!”

Rachel’s the owner, so of course she understands Haley’s true nature.

♠

A few days later

The Archduke was sitting at his desk, rolling around a crab apple in front of him.

“Let’s just say that it’s His Highness’s share............his yearly stipend is being given to the monkey.”

“I, I don’t think he would’ve wanted his share anyway..........”

1. I really wanted to write down “What a bro” here, but I figured some old politicians wouldn’t say something like that. At least they’re saying it in my mind.