Other world chimera [Naruto fanfic]

121. A broken soul

Dark, Tomoka could not only see it around her but she could feel it. This place is dark not only in a physical sense as there is an absolute lack of light but also in the metaphysical sense. Yet she felt familiar with the darkness. This was the deepest place within her mind, not, this was far beyond her mind, this was the very representation of her soul. 

“What is going on?”

“wHaT i-Is gO-O-inNg oN?” Hearing a creepy echo of her voice Tomoka turned around to see a copy of herself. However, this one’s eyes looked dead, soulless and yet she held an annoying cocky grin plastered on her face. At that moment Tomoka felt angry at her as it represented her arrogance. The very arrogance that made her complacent when fighting Danzo. 

“I don’t need such arrogance” As she said this a kunai appeared in Tomoka’s hand. Her eyes grew cold, merciless as she placed the kunai to this other self’s neck. 

“i d-DooN’t nEed sU-uCh aRRo-gAnnCe” Hearing it’s voice Tomoka felt disgusted. Just as she was about to finish it off she saw it. Behind this version hundreds, thousands or maybe even millions of corpses stood there. Each one of them represented a piece of herself she had killed. 

As she saw them, memories flooded her mind. Each one of them represented painful memories of the past. She had discarded what had made it hurt. She had killed that part of herself. Now looking at all of those corpses she couldn’t help but wonder. 

“Who am I?” As her voice sounded through the dark space of her soul she shattered. Like a mirror that had been smashed violently by its angry owner her body broke apart. As she looked at the many parts of glass floating in place barely making the shape of herself she realized. 

“I am not myself.” She was broken. She had been for a long time. Her phantoms were emotionless not because her jutsu had made them so but because she was. She had built her own personality like they had but it was all a lie they told themselves. 

At that moment Tomoka felt that she was better off dead instead of living like this. However, at that moment a fragment of her broken self shone. No, that fragment had been shining for the longest time, it was just that she hadn’t realized.  

Looking at the fragment she saw how it desperately tried to keep all the rest together. It was what had been holding her together all this time. Looking at it memories flooded into her mind. The memories of her time spent with Hinata and Nozomi. Happy memories. 

Unlike before they felt numb. Now that she wasn’t reacting according to her built personality she couldn’t feel the bursting love she had felt then. However, she could still feel it ever so faintly.

“I want it back.” She didn’t feel sad or annoyed. She only wanted to feel more of what was managing to leak through. She wanted to feel, she wanted to truly feel. 

At that moment the sea of corpses parted and a single one stepped forward. It looked like a fifteen year old Aurora. Her skin gray and her eyes empty, soulless. Around her neck bruises in the shape of fingers could be seen. This was the first corps to ever appear in this palace. Looking at it, Tomoka spoke again.

“I want my love back.” 

“i WiLl bE h-Urt ag-aGaiN!” The corpse responded. Its voice, as monotone as ever. Its expression, as dead as ever, and yet, it conveyed anger, a boiling fury like no other. 

“Perhaps, but until then we will be happy.” Tomoka began to cry as she could feel it again. Her ability to love was coming back and it hurt. It hurt so much to be reminded of her. Of her first love.