Never Marry a Man With Two Tintins

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In the shadow of the surrounding slum houses, amidst the poverty and shabbiness of the slums, the youth looked really eye-catching.

This young boy looked very good. His skin was like white jade and he had a pair of slender and lively phoenix eyes. His silver-white, almost bluish hair, fell to his shoulders. He wore a blue brocade shirt embroidered with an inconspicuous dark pattern with dark blue silk thread. His scabbard was set with several pearls, which looked very expensive at first glance. Judging from his clothes, this boy should be male.

Cheng Nuo secretly glanced at the youth then moved his eyes away quickly, now on guard. The pattern on his clothes was the same flower he had seen on Bai Rui's door!

He didn't slow down in his footsteps, ready to walk around the youth. Unexpectedly, he stumbled. He reacted quite quickly, using his hands to prop himself up on the ground, but still cut a sorry figure.

"Ha ha ha…" The boy burst into sweet, melodious laughter, grabbing his own stomach. "Too weak! Just like a rabbit… I wondered, the person Bai Rui favored, how strong would he be?"

Blue veins appeared on Cheng Nuo's forehead and he quickly stood up. In this world, there were many brain-damaged children. Remembering Bai Rui's nervous expression, Cheng Nuo wisely chose to swallow down his anger. He bowed his head timidly and continued walking forward.

He knew that when he was facing Chu Yunxuan, Bai Rui remained calm, but the expression on his face changed when he saw the flower, which showed that this boy was much more difficult to deal with than the Lan Yue Camp!

"Stop." The boy smiled, and his blue eyes were cold. "Who are you?"

Cheng Nuo slowly turned, lowered his eyes and whispered: "A resident here, Cheng Nuo."

Originally, they were about the same height, but he looked shorter because he slouched down and bowed his head.

The youth suddenly felt that this was uninteresting. Although Cheng Nuo was not as dirty and smelly as other residents here, he was just an ordinary person. A piece of trash like this was a waste of time. Thinking that Cheng Nuo was not worth bothering with, he was bored to death, but after some more thought, he immediately sneered.

Cheng Nuo sensed something cold behind him then a strange thing sprang out of the ground, shocking him into opening his eyes wide.

It was a silver-gray python with red eyes, four meters long and as thick as a man's thighs.

At that time when he stumbled accidentally, was it actually this young man who made him trip? Could it have been this snake?

Before he could react, the snake's tail snapped forward, wrapping around his legs and ankles.

Cold air penetrated his thin clothing. Like falling into ice, Cheng Nuo instantly felt cold and began to shiver. His teeth chattered and his whole body felt frozen.

****! There's no such type of snake on Earth!

The young man crossed his arms and slowly walked over to him. He smiled very proudly: "I saw you carrying something to Bai Rui. He didn't throw it out. He didn't kill you when you entered… how do you like my ice snake? Doesn't it feel good? Hmph. Who are you? What your relationship with Bai Rui? If you dare to lie, I will let the snake swallow you."

Cheng Nuo's face had turned blue and white. With great difficulty, he managed to speak through his chattering teeth: "I… I am only slightly acquainted with him… Last time… he saved me… This time I was thanking him…"

The young man squatted down and pinched Cheng Nuo's face with two thin fingers. He examined Cheng Nuo again and once again determined that he really was just an ordinary person. That Bai Rui boy has always aimed high so this weak little chicken shouldn't have any relationship with him.

If there was anything unusual about this weak little chicken, it was only that his hair color and eyes were a rare black color. Especially from this angle, his eyes were like lustrous black gems, clear and transparent, like bright stars.

He had an idea. This place was poor and stinky. There's no fun to be had here but he could temporarily get a pet to make his bed and cook for him while he was on the road. Those eyes were worth collecting and a living container was always best, therefore he could keep his little life for now.

Having decided on this, the youth smiled and took back the ice snake. It shrank down until it was small enough to curl around his wrist. At first glance, it looked like a jade bracelet.

He spoke in a condescending manner to Cheng Nuo: "Get up, take me to a place where I can eat."

Cheng Nuo's body shook for a while before he was able to get up. Just now his head felt like it was frozen! He secretly swore in his heart and walked in front of the boy, sighing a little in relief.

This damned child may be even more vicious than Chang Chun!

At home, there was leftover vegetable fritters and half a pot of soup. Liu Guang had also gone out to hunt and would probably come back in the afternoon but Cheng Nuo still dare not lead this brat to his home. What if Liu Guang got involved?

Then he remembered the old man who had died. His shack was at the entrance of the village. No one was living there right now. Cheng Nuo walked towards that place and he said in a timid little whisper: " I don't have anything to eat in my home…"

"I have the ingredients," the boy said lazily. "If you can't swallow it down, I will cook you and feed you to my ice snake."

Cheng Nuo felt that the soles of his feet were cold. His intuition told him that the boy wasn't joking. ****! The children in this world are too vicious! Cute children like Liu Guang were really rare.

During the day, most of the residents of the slums went to the mountains to hunt and forage for wild vegetables, or they went to the garbage dump to scavenge items, so there were very few people in the village. The two of them walked all the way to the shack without any problems. The boy frowned when he saw the place: "It's really dirty and stinky."

He looked around then kicked Cheng Nuo: "Use your clothes to wipe the bench clean."

Cheng Nuo found it extremely difficult to keep his anger under control. He secretly gritted his teeth and walked over to the bench then rubbed it with his sleeves. The boy swung his legs over the side and sat down on the bench. He threw an interspatial storage bag to Cheng Nuo, saying: "Four dishes. One soup, two meat, and two vegetable dishes. Make it quick."

Cheng Nuo took a deep breath and told himself to be patient. He opened the storage bag curiously. It had a large dimensional space inside that was full of a lot of things. It had all kinds of fresh meat and vegetables as well as bowls, plates, pots, and pans, all placed neatly in their own compartments.

He had already cooked many times during his time in this world so he silently made the fire and prepared the ingredients swiftly. He acted casual and said: "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

The boy smiled and said: "If you speak nonsense again, I will make it so that you won't ever be able to say a word again. Remember, when you speak to me, call me master."

Cheng Nuo quickly closed his mouth, screaming in his heart, you little ****er! You devil child! Sooner or later someone will teach you how to behave properly!

The boy was idle and bored. He looked at Cheng Nuo's forbearing expression, thinking it was funny. He thought that Cheng Nuo probably wasn't convinced and he laughed: "Now say it. Remember, say it loudly. Your tone must be cheerful and not too harsh on the ear."

Cheng Nuo looked at the snake-shaped bracelet and shouted loudly: "Master."

When the boy looked at Cheng Nuo's docile and submissive look, he suddenly felt bored. He looked into the distance and stuck his legs out, humming a popular song. Cheng Nuo gnashed his teeth. If he had some insecticide on hand, he certainly wouldn't hesitate to add it to the pot.

Soon he had finished cooking two dishes, vinegar-glazed Chinese cabbage and pork ribs yam stew. Cheng Nuo put them on the dinner table then continued cooking. The boy lazily put his chopstick in his mouth and his slender phoenix eyes suddenly widened slightly. He smiled and said: "Ah, the taste is passable."

Cheng Nuo continued cooking as though he hadn't heard anything, using his spatula to flip over the food angrily. **** that little devil brat!

As he cooked, his mind wandered and he thought of how to make the think Liu Guang put on a few more pounds. His food was a lot more elaborate compared to the other slum dwellers' food. The residents of this world seemed to be less concerned about their diet. The food they ate in the town was also very simple.

The boy was dissatisfied: "At this time, you should say 'thank you for your appreciation'."

Cheng Nuo said expressionlessly: "Thank you for your appreciation." Thank you! ****ing thank you and eighteen generations of your ancestors!

The boy smiled and started eating.

Cheng Nuo cooked a dish of stir-fried pork fillet with wood ear, plus a dish of stir-fried vegetables. He also made a cream of mushroom soup. He served all of these to the boy who ate very slowly but ate a lot. The ate until all four dishes and the soup were all completely gone.

After an hour, the boy finally finished. He took out a silver handkerchief and wiped his hand and face. He threw it on the ground then said to Cheng Nuo: "Okay, come here. Since I am going to make you my pet servant, I will give you something good."

Cheng Nuo said, "What?"

From somewhere, Cheng Nuo knew not where the boy pulled out a small worm. The worm in his palm was as big as a maggot. Its body was soft and it looked very ugly. It glowed green in the sunlight.

The boy pinched it with his fingers and held it up to the sun. Holding his chin, he laughed and said: "I won this worm from someone in my family. It's taking up space so it would be better to give it to you as a reward and to stop you from doing anything clever on the road. Be obedient, come here."

When he said the last two words, he was smiling and his tone was very gentle. Cheng Nuo couldn't help but shiver.

Was it a Gu worm? Based on what he said, this was not a good thing!

(蛊 gǔ - A legendary venomous insect. According to legends, a Gu is made by putting a lot of venomous insects, snakes, worms, etc. together in a large vase or any enclosed place. The venomous creatures, having no other food, will start eating each other. The Gu is the last one that survives. Having absorbed all of the other creatures' venom, it will become a sort of super venomous creature. This is just fictional. Don't try this at home.)

Cheng Nuo gnashed his teeth secretly then looked up at the boy and smiled. "Since it is such a good thing, it would be a waste to use it on me. Just following the master and having meat to eat is good."

****! I, your father, want to eat your meat!

(Eat meat - just an idiom meaning "never want for anything.")

When the boy saw his submissive look, he smiled cheerfully: "Ah, before I thought you looked like a rabbit but now you look like a dog. What's your name? Hmm, forget it, I will give you a new name. You will be called … Wangcai. It's fine, the worm won't be wasted. When it's placed in a human body it will spawn every month and I will get more worms."

(Wangcai 旺财 - This is a common name for dogs in China. It means "good fortune.")

When Cheng Nuo heard this he almost puked.

****! Your mom is a rabbit! Your family are all dogs! The name "Wangcai" should be branded on your neck!

The boy's face suddenly became cold and he said: "Wangcai, be obedient. Come."

Cheng Nuo took a deep breath and slowly walked over.

The boy was gestured at his feet, as though Cheng Nuo was a puppy, indicating that he should kneel in front of him.

The anger in Cheng Nuo's heart has reached the boiling point. He gripped the storage bag tightly and as he knelt, he took out a bag of flour then flung it at the boy's head.

After all, the boy was still young and inexperienced. He reflexively used his sword to slice the thing that was thrown. As a result, the flour got into his eyes and made his cough.

While he was swinging his sword at the flour, Cheng Nuo ran off.

The boy looked at the flour, his heart full of anger. He crushed the worm in his hand and ran after Cheng Nuo with his sword in his hand.

He decided that it would be better to just pop out those eyes!

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Translator's Notes:

Most of the dishes that Cheng Nuo cooked can easily be pictured if you are a little bit familiar with Chinese cuisine except for 醋溜白菜 - cù liù bái cài - vinegar-glazed Chinese cabbage. It is a simple vegetarian dish from Shandong region which is famous for the production of good quality vinegar. It looks like the image below. The recipe is in the linked image source.

Image source:

丹凤眼 - dān fèng yǎn - phoenix eyes. This refers to eyes whose outer corners incline upwards. This trait is considered beautiful. This image below is an example of phoenix eyes.

By Tksteven - Own work, ,