My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

Yanshu hadn't expected to be promoted to the rank of Consort.0

After all, she knew that a consort's rank in the harem was closely tied to her family's status - the higher the rank, the higher her family's position.0

For example, the former Consort Li came from Earl Yongliang's Mansion, while the current Consort An's grandfather was the Minister of Rites.0

But her father was just an Assistant Magistrate in a small county...0

Yuwen Lan heard her doubts and smiled, saying, "I will also transfer your father to work in the capital and move your whole family to the imperial city."0

Yanshu was shocked: "!!!"0

Even her father was getting promoted?0

And her family would all move to the capital?0

Didn't this mean she might have a chance to see her grandmother, parents and brother in the future?!0

Just then, she heard Yuwen Lan say, "If there's an opportunity, I can arrange for you to meet them."0

Yanshu couldn't help exclaiming in delight, "Is Your Majesty telling the truth?"0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow and smiled, "Why would I need to deceive you?"0

Yanshu was so happy she couldn't stop grinning. She quickly said, "This humble consort thanks Your Majesty for your great kindness!"0

Although it wasn't a lot of money, she preferred this even more!0

She could finally see her family again!0

Yuwen Lan's lips curled into a smile as he asked, "Are you happy now?"0

"Yes," Yanshu said, trying hard to keep her smile from being too exaggerated.0

Hehe, it seems this injury wasn't suffered in vain. The saying "fortune favors the bold" really is true.0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0

Fortune favors the bold???0

Then he heard her think: [So no matter what situation I'm in from now on, even if it means risking my life, I've got to hold tight to this golden thigh! Go for it!!!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Is it really necessary to go that far?0

True to the emperor's word, by afternoon, the imperial edict promoting her to consort had been issued.0

Hu An, the head eunuch of the Department of Imperial Ceremonies, came in his official robes holding the edict, smiling at Yanshu and saying, "Please receive the imperial edict, my lady."0

Yanshu complied. Since she was still "injured," she knelt on the ground supported on either side by Rendong and Lianxin, and respectfully said, "This humble consort receives the edict."0

Hu An then read aloud above her head: "By the grace of Heaven, the Emperor decrees: Lady Li of Noble Deportment is virtuous and talented, outstanding in beauty and character, noble in personality, quick-witted in nature. She is hereby granted the title of Consort Yi. May she be diligent and respectful in the palace, further displaying the glory of the imperial harem. By imperial order!"0

Yanshu kowtowed and said, "This humble consort thanks His Majesty for his great kindness."0

Tsk, the officials who draft these edicts really are talented!0

Look at all these fancy words - so unique. Especially that last line - she probably couldn't even write some of those characters.0

After musing on this, Rendong and Lianxin carefully helped her up, and the palace maids around her began to offer congratulations: "Congratulations to Consort Yi."0

Yanshu was also delighted and quickly told Rendong to reward everyone.0

Ahem, now that she'd been promoted, her monthly allowance had tripled. She wasn't short on money anymore!0

Everyone was happy, and Hu An also left cheerfully with his reward to report back, thinking to himself as he walked:0

She was only promoted to Noble Lady on the 12th of the last lunar month, and now she's been made a consort on the 6th of the first month - this is rare even in the history of the palace!0

Her future prospects are limitless!0

On the 6th day of the first lunar month, the New Year's holiday for the imperial court was over. All government offices resumed operations, and the emperor became busy again.0

At the start of the new year, Yuwen Lan issued five decrees in succession, covering taxes, imperial examinations, water conservancy, official transfers, and more.0

As a result, Hanlin Academy Scholar Zou Mozhong had been busy drafting edicts and imperial orders in the imperial study.0

Seeing that it was almost noon and official business was finally winding down, Scholar Zou seized the opportunity to ask, "Your Majesty, have you had any news lately of that Carefree Young Master?"0

Carefree Young Master?0

Yuwen Lan was a bit surprised and asked, "Do you need something from her?"0

Scholar Zou hurriedly said, "Your subject does indeed have a matter... Now that the New Year has passed, I wonder if this young master has any new works coming out? Many booksellers have been hounding me for information, wanting to print and sell new stories. People both in and outside the city are eagerly anticipating them."0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0

There are actually booksellers chasing after Yanshu's stories?0

He said, "Is that really true?"0

Zou Mozhong said with a serious face, "How could your subject dare to speak falsely before Your Majesty? Some booksellers have already doubled their prices, and some have even come to my home with gifts, all hoping to get their hands on the Carefree Young Master's manuscripts."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

This was truly beyond his expectations.0

He coughed and said, "...She's been feeling unwell recently and isn't able to write."0

Scholar Zou immediately looked worried and said, "She's ill? What kind of illness? Is it serious? Has she seen a doctor? Should I send someone to check on her?"0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

He could only say, "That's not necessary. She's already seen a doctor and just needs to rest for a few days to recover."0

Scholar Zou finally relaxed a little.0

Then he asked again, "Well... does this young master need any money? If there's a need, please tell Your Majesty to let her know she can ask me..."0

Before he could finish, he saw the emperor's brow furrow. "Why do you ask such a thing?"0

Scholar Zou hurriedly explained, "Your subject just noticed that this young master always seems in a rush for book fees, so I thought perhaps her family circumstances might not be very good. And now that she's fallen ill... In any case, we can't let such a talented person go hungry."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

What? Poor family circumstances???0

He felt quite speechless, but couldn't explain the real situation to Zou Mozhong. After holding back for a while, he could only say, "She's not short of money. There's no need to worry."0

"That's good, that's good."0

Scholar Zou finally set his mind at ease. After thinking for a moment, he asked again, "Well, doesn't this young master have any manuscripts already written? The booksellers are really quite anxious. If there are any, we could print those first."0

This...0

Yuwen Lan thought for a moment and said, "I'll have to ask her."0

Yanshu was also very busy today.0

After receiving the promotion edict in the morning, palace maids from the Imperial Wardrobe Bureau came to take her measurements, preparing to make various everyday and formal outfits for her new rank.0

As soon as the Wardrobe Bureau people left, the Office of Imperial Treasures sent her several sets of jewelry, all exquisitely crafted and extraordinary.0

She had just put away the jewelry and hadn't even eaten lunch when she saw Fu Hai arrive, followed by two young eunuchs, each carrying a box.0

Yanshu asked curiously, "What brings Eunuch Fu here?"0

Fu Hai smiled like a flower and said, "This servant comes on His Majesty's orders to bring treasures for Consort Yi."0

Treasures?0

Yanshu was a bit confused, but could only say, "This humble consort thanks His Majesty for his kindness."0

Then she asked curiously, "What exactly is it?"0

Fu Hai smiled and said, "My lady will know when you open the boxes."0

Tsk, still being mysterious?0

Yanshu thought to herself, fine, she'd open them. The emperor wouldn't possibly give her two boxes of silver.0

So she told Rendong to open the boxes.0

But the moment the lids were lifted, her eyes were nearly blinded by the glare.0

It wasn't silver indeed, it was gold!!!0

That's right!0

Two boxes of genuine gold ingots! Glittering and shining, almost blinding her eyes!!!0

Yanshu was stunned.0

After a long while, she finally remembered to ask Fu Hai, "This... this... why has His Majesty given me these?"0

Was this some kind of hidden benefit of being a consort?0

Fu Hai was actually a bit confused himself, only knowing that as soon as Scholar Zou had left, His Majesty had ordered him to bring these over.0

He could only tell her, "Naturally, it's because His Majesty is considerate of my lady and has specially bestowed these upon you."0

He's being considerate of her?0

Yanshu thought to herself, could this be compensation for her injury?0

Well, that's fine too!!!0

In any case, this was given to her by him! It's not like she stole it!0

Today was truly an auspicious day. First a promotion and now money, the good news just kept coming one after another, almost too much to handle!0

Yanshu was beaming with joy and quickly told Rendong to reward Fu Hai.0

Ha, she wasn't just not short of money now! She was suddenly rich!0

Just these two boxes of gold ingots were enough for her to live comfortably for two lifetimes!0

She had to say, this injury was really worth it!0

She'd be happy even if it left a scar!0

Fu Hai also smiled as he accepted the reward and thanked her, thinking to himself as he walked out:0

In the past, when emperors bestowed gifts on favored consorts, it was usually jewelry, silk, or various rare treasures.0

This emperor is something else - the other day he gave a golden bowl, and today he directly gave two boxes of gold ingots!0

The key is, this consort is also happy with it. Look how delighted she was just now, her eyes almost disappeared from smiling so much.0

Tsk tsk, you couldn't find a more perfectly matched pair even if heaven made them.0

They're so compatible!0

With two boxes of gold ingots falling from the sky, Yanshu was overjoyed.0

Even her bland recuperation meal at noon tasted delicious.0

Ha, what did it matter if there was less oil and salt now?0

In the future, she'd be able to eat and drink to her heart's content!!!0

After being promoted to a consort, the food would definitely be better!0

Feeling delighted after lunch, she woke up from her nap with a smile.0

Haha, now it seemed that as long as she clung tightly to the emperor's thigh, she would have money, power, and status. Happiness could be completely ignored.0

Yanshu remained cheerful for most of the day. Even when Yuwen Lan came in the evening, she still had a bright smile on her face.0

"This concubine greets Your Majesty," she said, bowing sideways with one hand, her voice much sweeter than before.0

Tsk tsk, this was her golden meal ticket!0

Look at him, so sturdy, so tall, so handsome and dashing!!!0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

How did this turn into a rhyme?0

And was "golden meal ticket" referring to him?0

Ahem, hearing that made him blush a little...0

However, seeing her like this put him in a good mood as well. He asked gently, "How is your wound? Have you been changing the dressing regularly?"0

Yanshu nodded quickly, "Thank you for Your Majesty's concern. This concubine's wound is much better now. The imperial physician has been coming to change the dressing on time. He says it should heal in two or three days."0

Yuwen Lan nodded slightly and continued, "Recover quickly so you can do what you want. Today I heard that many booksellers outside want to publish your stories. But since you're still unwell, I had to tell them to wait a while longer."0

Upon hearing this, Yanshu was surprised. "Is what Your Majesty said true? Many booksellers want to publish this concubine's stories?"0

Yuwen Lan nodded leisurely, "Of course it's true. Why would I lie to you?"0

But she suddenly became anxious, "Then how could Your Majesty refuse such a good opportunity? This concubine only injured her right hand. If necessary, I could write with my left hand!"0

Yuwen Lan: "??? You can write with your left hand?"0

"Yes!" Yanshu nodded eagerly, "It would just be slower. If worst comes to worst, this concubine could even write by holding the brush in her mouth."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Write by holding the brush in her mouth?0

Come to think of it, her right-handed writing was barely legible as it was.0

If she wrote with her mouth, would it even be readable?0

Tsk, feeling a bit afraid she might actually try writing with her mouth, he decided to stop teasing her and told her the truth, "They asked if you have any manuscripts already written. If so, they could take those first."0

"I do, I do!" Yanshu immediately nodded and ran to her desk to fetch a large stack of papers to show him.0

"These are all stories I've already written. Any of them would be fine to publish."0

Yuwen Lan took them and looked through them, seeing there were four or five stories.0

The title of the one on top was "The Shrew's Clever Handling of the Philanderer."0

He raised an eyebrow, "This title seems quite different from your previous ones. What is it about?"0

Yanshu cleared her throat and explained, "This story is about a merchant who appears proper on the surface but actually loves visiting brothels. Every time he leaves home on business, he stays in the red-light district, having such a good time that he forgets to return home. He even lavishly tips the prostitutes, but when it comes to household expenses, he's extremely stingy."0

"..."0

Yuwen Lan secretly wondered if this was talking about Xie Pei, the Southwestern Communications Commissioner.0

He remembered hearing her say during the ice festival banquet that this man loved visiting brothels.0

Moreover, that Xie Pei did indeed maintain a frugal appearance.0

Sometimes he even wore old clothes to court, creating an image of being poor and honest.0

So it turned out this man was actually two-faced?0

He grew curious and asked, "Then why is his wife called a 'shrew'?"0

Yanshu gave a knowing smile and said, "That's just a reverse psychology technique to attract readers. Actually, his wife is quite virtuous. She's frugal in managing the household and works hard to raise the children. Because her husband doesn't give her enough money for household expenses, she even weaves and embroiders to earn extra money to supplement the family income."0

Yuwen Lan said, "Indeed virtuous. It's a pity to work so hard for such a man. It's really not worth it."0

Yanshu said, "Exactly! The most infuriating part is that this man doesn't show any gratitude. Every time he comes back from the brothels, he nitpicks at his wife, complaining about this and that!"0

Yuwen Lan asked again, "Could it be that his wife doesn't know he frequents such places?"0

Yanshu replied, "At first she didn't know, but eventually she found out. After the initial shock and heartbreak, this lady finally came to her senses."0

Came to her senses?0

Yuwen Lan thought to himself, according to her usual pattern, wouldn't this lady first divorce her husband and then work hard to establish her own business?0

However, he saw her give a dark smile and say, "This lady felt that all her past suffering had been in vain. In a fit of anger, she hired someone to pretend to be a robber and beat up her husband just as he was about to go out philandering. They beat him until his arms and legs were broken, leaving him unable to take care of himself."0

Yuwen Lan: "??? Then what happened?"0

Yanshu continued, "After being beaten, of course he couldn't go philandering anymore. When he was carried back home, his wife took care of him, feeding him, giving him water, even helping him use the toilet, attending to his every need."0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0

What kind of development was this?0

He listened as she went on, "It was only then that this man realized how good his wife was. Moved by her actions, he vowed to mend his ways and live a good life with his wife from then on."0

Yuwen Lan frowned, "Is it just a story of a prodigal son returning home?"0

"Of course not," Yanshu gave another knowing smile and continued, "Just as he was finally recovering after three months, he forgot the vow he had made and started flirting with those prostitutes again. When his wife discovered this, she was finally furious beyond measure. So she had someone tamper with her husband's carriage. The next time her husband went out, the carriage had an accident and fell down a hillside."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

"Did he die?" he asked.0

But he saw her smile contemptuously, "Wouldn't that be too easy for him?"0

"This lady had already prepared people to wait in the surrounding area. As soon as the accident happened, they went forward to rescue him, so this man had a narrow escape from death."0

"However, his injuries were even more severe than last time. He lost one eye, one arm was broken, one ear became deaf, and one leg was crippled."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Brutal.0

But the story wasn't over yet.0

He heard her continue, "This time his wife refused to take care of him. She left him in a corner of the house, like a cat or dog, left to fend for himself. When she remembered, she would throw him a steamed bun. After enduring this for half a year, the man was finally able to get out of bed, but with a lame leg, blind eye, and deaf ear, he couldn't even go out if he wanted to. He could only stay at home obediently, like an invalid."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

It seemed this was finally the ending.0

He was silent for a moment, then said, "This story is quite different from your previous ones."0

Yanshu asked, "Does Your Majesty find it a bit dark?"0

"Indeed," Yuwen Lan nodded, then asked her, "Why did you choose this direction?"0

Yanshu gave a wicked smile and said, "Because fighting violence with violence is also a kind of catharsis, so occasionally changing the style might be good. Who knows, maybe readers will like it!"0

She then added, "Why don't Your Majesty take this story to the booksellers and see how readers respond?"0

"Alright," Yuwen Lan nodded, then said, "It's getting late, you should rest."0

As he spoke, he seemed to be preparing to wash up.0

Yanshu: "???"0

Did this mean he was planning to sleep here?0

She quickly said, "But this concubine's injury hasn't healed yet."0

Hey, her hand was still bandaged! Wouldn't it be too inhumane to squeeze in with her like this?0

Yuwen Lan pretended not to hear and only said, "Don't worry, I won't touch you."0

Saying this, he entered the bathroom.0

— Because of her injury, he hadn't come for several days, so that place had become uncomfortable again.0

Heaven knows how anxious he was?0

Now seeing that she was a bit better, of course he had to hurry over.0

Yanshu, however, didn't understand and stood there in a daze for a while. Seeing there was really no way out, she had no choice but to call Rendong and the others in to make the bed and spread the bedding. She also sent someone to Qianming Palace to fetch his morning court robes for tomorrow.0

Well, where in the world do free lunches fall from the sky?0

Since she had been promoted, she had to work, right? In the adult world, there's no such thing as "easy," alas.0

Yuwen Lan, who was bathing in the bathroom: "???"0

Work? Work?0

Did it have to be like this???0

When everything was ready and Yuwen Lan came out after washing, the two of them got into bed.0

True to his word, Yuwen Lan didn't touch her even with a finger. He only said, "Sleep," and closed his eyes.0

— Whether it was psychological or not, he felt that this bed was more comfortable than the imperial bed in Qianming Palace.0

As for Yanshu, she was even more carefree. Although she had been complaining about him earlier, it didn't take long before she was sound asleep.0

Lulled by her long and peaceful breathing, Yuwen Lan also gradually drifted off to sleep.0

Unlike his previous dreams, this time he dreamed of entering a peach orchard.0

The warm sunlight shone overhead, and a gentle breeze caressed his body. Yuwen Lan strolled leisurely through the peach orchard, seeing clusters of peach blossoms adorning the branches. Some even had peaches growing among them, creating a fantastical scene like a fairyland.0

Suddenly, two peaches fell from a branch. His heart tightened, and he quickly reached out to catch them, successfully cradling them in his arms.0

To his surprise, the peaches were soft and fluffy, just like clouds...0

Yuwen Lan woke from his dream to find that Yanshu had somehow snuggled into his arms.0

They were face to face, and looking down, he saw that indeed, two "peaches" were in his embrace.0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

He wondered how he could have such a strange dream out of nowhere.0

Wasn't someone complaining about being crowded earlier before sleep?0

Looking again, he saw her injured arm draped over his shoulder, as if embracing a large tree.0

Yuwen Lan thought to himself, could she be treating him like a tree hollow again?0

It was still early, and the night remained deep.0

He wanted to move her arm back but feared touching her wound.0

After some thought, he decided to let it be, closed his eyes, and went back to sleep.0

Unexpectedly, she pressed even closer.0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

He tried calling out softly, "Yanshu..."0

But there was no response.0

Right, this girl wouldn't wake up until she'd had enough sleep.0

He had no choice but to give up.0

However, the peach orchard from his dream seemed to press tightly against his chest...0

Yuwen Lan reached out and embraced her.0

Mmm, it felt quite nice.0

He curled his lips into a smile and finally fell asleep again.0

The next morning when Yuwen Lan woke up, he found that... he had indeed recovered even more.0

And, unprecedentedly so.0

Yes, better than any time before.0

Could it be thanks to the peach orchard?0

But before he could ponder further, Fu Hai was already reminding him from outside the hall, "Your Majesty, there's a court session today."0

He responded with a sound of acknowledgment and got out of bed first.0

Yuwen Lan was in a very good mood today, walking briskly back to Qianming Palace to hold court. After the court session ended, he didn't forget to give Yanshu's manuscript to Zou Mozhong.0

Zou Mozhong quickly read through it once, praising it effusively again, and hurriedly took the manuscript to the book merchant.0

However, just two days later, as Yanshu was eating breakfast, she heard the system say, [Someone is reporting you to the emperor.]0

Yanshu was startled, [What? Reporting me? For what?]0

The system said, [Your new story is once again extraordinary, so someone has taken it personally, saying your story is too dark and might corrupt the common people. They're currently memorializing against you in court.]0

Yanshu immediately became interested—0

Previously, Wei Ruzhang had only secretly arrested people, but now someone was actually openly memorializing against her because of a story?0

Meanwhile, in the court—0

Xie Pei, the Southwestern Communications Commissioner, said, "Your Majesty, recently there's a person called 'Carefree Young Master' who has written several unorthodox stories, attempting to sensationalize. According to what I know, the stories from this person's pen are all shocking, and even seem to encourage women to harm their husbands. Their intentions are malicious, and I humbly request Your Majesty to arrest this person."0

Yuwen Lan secretly raised an eyebrow, but before he could speak, Hanlin Academy Scholar Zou Mozhong immediately refuted, "Lord Xie must have misunderstood. As far as I know, the story you mentioned about a woman harming her husband is called 'The Clever Evil Wife's Treatment of a Philanderer'. It's actually a story about evil being repaid with evil."0

"In the story, a merchant has a virtuous wife, but he still goes out seeking pleasure. He pretends to be an upright person on the surface while secretly despising his lawfully wedded wife. Since the law can't do anything about such a hypocritical person, his wife had no choice but to resort to this strategy. Not everyone is as unscrupulous as this merchant, so how could it be accused of 'encouraging wives to harm their husbands'?"0

Wang Huaijin, the Vice Minister of Rites, also smiled and said, "Indeed, these stories are all fictional. Moreover, most of the people reading these stories are men. Few women are literate, let alone reading stories. Lord Xie is overthinking it."0

Unexpectedly, Xie Pei immediately jumped up and said, "Lord Wang speaks too lightly of it. Women may not be very literate, but what if storytellers take these stories to recite? Then not only women, but children and the elderly will all know about these unorthodox and shocking stories!"0

Zou Mozhong shook his head again and said, "Haven't storytellers been telling tales since ancient times? Isn't King Zhou killing his wife and son in 'Investiture of the Gods' shocking enough? How many people have imitated him in later generations?"0

Wang Huaijin also looked puzzled and said, "Exactly, it's just a story, something for entertainment. Why is Lord Xie making such a big fuss about it?"0

As these words fell, everyone secretly muttered in their hearts—0

[There are so many stories in the world, why is Xie Pei so worked up about this one? Could the story be about him?]0

Yuwen Lan, sitting on the dragon throne, heard everyone's thoughts and spoke before Xie Pei could open his mouth again, "Lord Xie's opinion alone is not enough to explain the issue. I have also read these stories and didn't find anything wrong with them."0

Hearing this, Xie Pei was stunned.0

What? The emperor had read them?0

Then, then, then, would he suspect...0

But before he could say anything else, he heard the emperor say, "Court is dismissed."0

And then he left the throne.0

Meanwhile, in Ganlu Palace, Yanshu, who had learned about the whole process through the system, slapped the table and picked up her pen again.0

How dare they say she's corrupting social morals?0

Hmph, she had originally planned to leave this person some dignity, but now they can't blame her for not being polite!0