My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

When Yanshu arrived, Noble Consort Zhou's chestnut cakes had already been placed on the kang table in the imperial study.0

She quickly glanced over, seeing that the food box lid had not yet been opened and there were no dishes in front of the emperor. It seemed he had not yet had a chance to eat, so she quietly felt relieved.0

However, Noble Consort Zhou asked her with a look of disdain, "Why has Li Beauty come over as well?"0

She had just spent a great deal of effort, using the Empress Dowager's name to gain entry to this imperial study. How was it that this cheap woman was called in by His Majesty with just one announcement?0

Yanshu hurriedly bowed to the emperor and her, saying, "This concubine just found a tassel in the hall that seems to be Your Majesty's, so I rushed to bring it to you."0

As she spoke, she presented a purple tassel she had hastily grabbed from the hall earlier.0

Tsk, this color - one glance and you could tell it wasn't for a man's use.0

But Yanshu had no choice. She was in a hurry to save the emperor; how could she have time to choose colors?0

Noble Consort Zhou, however, thought she had come to brag about the emperor staying in her chambers again last night. Her eyes were practically shooting sparks.0

However, the emperor did not expose her lie. He made a sound of acknowledgment and put the tassel away.0

Yanshu's heart steadied, and she casually said, "By the way, Your Majesty, you had persimmon cakes for breakfast today. The imperial physician has advised against eating chestnuts, as the two foods don't mix well and may cause stomach pain."0

[Oh Emperor, this is all I can do to help you. Those chestnut cakes contain a love potion. Other men who eat it will become lustful, but if you eat it, your meridians will become chaotic and you'll suffer internal injuries!]0

Yuwen Lan inwardly paused.0

He had already learned from Noble Consort Zhou's thoughts that there was something wrong with the pastries.0

But he didn't know it would be such a vicious substance. Was it true or false?0

And how did she know such details? She even knew what would happen if he ate it?0

Meanwhile, Noble Consort Zhou's face was turning green. What she had brought today were precisely chestnut cakes. What was this cheap woman implying?0

She said, "Starting today, I'm fasting for three days. These chestnut cakes were sent by me on the Empress Dowager's behalf, worried that Your Majesty might be hungry. I've never heard that chestnut cakes and persimmon cakes don't mix well."0

As she spoke, she shot a threatening glare at Yanshu.0

You cheap woman, if you dare ruin my plans again, I'll have you torn to pieces!0

However, it was too late. The emperor was already addressing Yanshu, "I nearly forgot. Fortunately, you reminded me."0

He then turned to Noble Consort Zhou, "The Empress Dowager is thoughtful, but unfortunately, I cannot eat these chestnut cakes today."0

Noble Consort Zhou secretly clenched her fists, but could only smile and say, "As long as Your Majesty is well."0

Yet in her heart, she was gnashing her teeth and cursing, [Yanshu, you cheap woman, I will definitely turn you into human swine!!!]0

Human swine?0

Yuwen Lan temporarily set aside his doubts about Yanshu and said to Noble Consort Zhou, "I recall that Duke Cheng'en looked unwell a few days ago. It seems his qi and blood might be deficient. These chestnut cakes are good for that. Let's bestow them on Duke Cheng'en."0

At these words, even Yanshu was stunned.0

Give them to Duke Cheng'en?0

This... this is a great idea!!!0

Just not sure if that old man can handle it?0

Noble Consort Zhou hurriedly said, "But Your Majesty, these were sent by the Empress Dowager for you."0

Yuwen Lan smiled, "Is Duke Cheng'en an outsider?"0

Noble Consort Zhou choked, then said, "But in this weather, they might be cold by the time they're delivered."0

Yuwen Lan looked at her and said, "I'll have the guards deliver them at full speed. The Duke of Cheng'en's Mansion isn't far; they won't get cold."0

Noble Consort Zhou finally panicked and repeatedly said, "Perhaps we shouldn't, it's too much trouble..."0

Yanshu quickly added fuel to the fire, "Noble Consort is too modest. Pastries bestowed by Your Majesty are a great honor. Duke Cheng'en will surely be grateful and feel extremely honored."0

As soon as she finished speaking, Yuwen Lan nodded and directly ordered Fu Hai, "Have someone deliver these chestnut cakes from Noble Consort to Duke Cheng'en. Remember to go at full speed so the pastries don't get cold."0

Fu Hai quickly agreed, took the food box, and went out to find someone.0

Noble Consort Zhou could only suppress her urgent anger and say, "This concubine thanks Your Majesty for the honor on behalf of my father. This concubine won't disturb Your Majesty further and will take her leave."0

With that, she hurriedly left.0

Yuwen Lan looked at Yanshu, pondering how to ask her questions, but saw that she too was in a hurry, saying, "This concubine won't disturb Your Majesty either and will take her leave."0

Damn, I need to hurry back and watch the drama unfold, see what happens to that old Duke Cheng'en after eating those chestnut cakes!0

And with that, she also left the hall.0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

She said... watch the drama unfold?0

He remembered she had said something similar the night before last.0

What exactly was this... drama?0

Meanwhile, Noble Consort Zhou rushed back to Zhongcui Palace in a panic. She immediately ordered her eunuch Zhou Laishun, "Quickly send someone to the Duke of Cheng'en's Mansion and tell my father not to eat those chestnut cakes!"0

Zhou Laishun agreed and hurried out to find someone.0

However, they were ultimately a step too slow. By the time the message was delivered, Duke Cheng'en had already eaten two cakes, overjoyed at receiving such an honor from the emperor.0

Tsk, this was a gift bestowed by the emperor, an immense favor from heaven!!!0

Noble Consort Zhou fretted for an hour until noon when Zhou Laishun finally returned with news.0

"Your Grace, by the time our people arrived, the Duke had already eaten half of the chestnut cakes..."0

What!0

Noble Consort Zhou immediately asked, "How is my father?"0

"Well..."0

Zhou Laishun was terribly embarrassed and had to lean in close to whisper his report.0

Noble Consort Zhou was about to die of anger. She immediately smashed a nearby blue and white porcelain vase.0

Zhou Laishun hurried to comfort her, "Please don't worry, Your Grace. Fortunately, the doctor arrived in time and has already given the Duke some medicine. With a few days of rest, he should be fine."0

Noble Consort Zhou gritted her teeth and said, "Yanshu!"0

If it weren't for her interference today, how could this situation have occurred?0

Her father was suffering outside the palace, and she herself couldn't even speak of her grievances!0

Just as she finished speaking, a palace maid announced from outside, "Your Grace, Fu Hai from Qianming Palace has arrived."0

Fu Hai is here?0

Noble Consort Zhou's heart tightened.0

Fu Hai had never come to Zhongcui Palace before. Could it be... that the emperor had noticed something and was coming to question her?0

Although she felt extremely guilty, she couldn't refuse to see him. She hurriedly composed herself, tidied her clothes and makeup, and said, "Quickly invite him in."0

The palace maid outside quickly agreed, lifted the cotton curtain, and Fu Hai entered carrying a scroll.0

The moment he stepped into the hall, Fu Hai immediately noticed the shattered vase on the floor. He quickly played dumb and exclaimed, "Which clumsy servant dropped this, breaking such a fine vase and upsetting Noble Consort?"0

Noble Consort Zhou felt a bit better and forced a smile, saying, "It was just that clumsy Xiuyun. I'll punish her to sweep the courtyard later. What brings Fu Hai here?"0

Fu Hai hurriedly presented the scroll in his hands, saying, "This servant comes on His Majesty's orders to deliver this to Noble Consort. His Majesty said it must be hung in the hall for Noble Consort to study carefully."0

A scroll?0

Noble Consort Zhou was stunned.0

This was the first time His Majesty had bestowed a gift on her.0

She had heard that the previous emperor would bestow palace instruction paintings on consorts at the end of each year as a sign of favor. Could this be one?0

Her heart leaped with joy, and her previous anger instantly dissipated. She smiled and said, "Thank His Majesty for this gift. This concubine will certainly study it carefully."0

She then ordered someone to reward Fu Hai.0

Fu Hai thanked her and took his leave, thinking he'd better leave quickly to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.0

No sooner had Fu Hai left than Consort An, who had received the news, rushed over.0

Looking at the scroll displayed on the table, she said enviously, "Is this the palace instruction painting? You're the first to receive one since the new emperor ascended the throne. It shows your position in His Majesty's heart."0

Noble Consort Zhou's head was already in the clouds. She said proudly, "As the head of the inner palace, of course His Majesty would bestow it on me first."0

"Naturally," Consort An nodded in agreement. Then, curious, she asked, "I wonder which story His Majesty has bestowed? Please let this concubine have a look too."0

Noble Consort Zhou was eager to know herself, so she ordered a palace maid, "Open the scroll."0

The maid complied, carefully doing as instructed.0

Consort An hurried forward to look, but was stunned.0

It wasn't a painting at all, but two lines of poetry:0

"Those who commit ten evils will receive evil retribution; those who perform ten good deeds will receive good rewards."0

Everyone was dumbfounded.0

Noble Consort Zhou was also stunned. "What... what does this mean? Is it saying that I have evil thoughts and am unforgivably wicked?"0

The hall fell silent for a moment. Consort An forced herself to comfort her, "Noble Consort is overthinking. This is just an old poem..."0

"You think I don't know that!" Noble Consort Zhou gritted her teeth. But isn't this exactly what the poem means!0

"That Yanshu, to actually make His Majesty humiliate me like this. I definitely won't let her get away with it!"0

Noble Consort Zhou hurriedly advised, "Your Highness, while this matter is indeed excessive, she is currently in favor. It would be unwise to anger His Majesty."0

Noble Consort Zhou angrily retorted, "So I'm just supposed to be infuriated to death?!" And there was still the matter of the chestnut cakes!0

After fuming for a while, she suddenly turned to Consort An with a cold smile and said, "The other day, the Empress Dowager praised your intelligence in front of me. I've treated you well, so now it's time for you to think of a way for me to get rid of that tramp Li Yanshu."0

Consort An hesitated, not daring to refuse, and could only respond, "To share Your Highness's worries is my duty."0

...0

After leaving Zhongcui Palace, Consort An returned to her own chambers, lost in thought the whole way.0

Her maid Liu Di worriedly said, "With Noble Consort Zhou pressuring you like this, what will you do..."0

Everyone in the palace knew that Li Beauty was currently in favor. Harming her would be like opposing His Majesty! And last time, Consort Li was even banished to the Cold Palace!0

But Consort An didn't let her continue, only saying, "I know what I'm doing."0

Her grandfather, the Minister of Rites, was an old official of the Empress Dowager, so she naturally relied on the Empress Dowager's support in the palace. If she didn't listen to Noble Consort Zhou, wouldn't that be like asking for trouble?0

Liu Di was still concerned, "But if it's exposed, won't you end up like Consort Li?"0

At that time, Consort Li was loyal to Consort Ning, but when things went wrong, Consort Ning pushed all the blame onto Consort Li.0

Consort An sighed, "At critical moments, everyone will abandon the cart to save the horse. But Consort Li was foolish; I won't be like her."0

Suddenly remembering something, she asked, "By the way, who was sitting at the same table as Li Beauty on the night of the New Year's Eve banquet?"0

...0

That night, the Imperial Guard came to report to the Emperor about the situation at the Duke of Cheng'en's Mansion.0

"Your Majesty, after eating two chestnut cakes today, the Duke of Cheng'en began showing symptoms within 15 minutes. He spent two hours in his concubine's chambers, and when he emerged, he was completely exhausted. It's unclear if he'll be able to attend the ceremony at Fengxian Hall the day after tomorrow."0

Yuwen Lan understood.0

That foolish woman Zhou's actions today were enough to warrant confiscation of property and stripping of titles.0

But today she was acting under the Empress Dowager's banner. If he were to pursue the matter, the Empress Dowager would surely come to her defense.0

So, he might as well let it ferment for a while longer. It wouldn't be too late to settle accounts in a couple of days.0

However, at the same time, he found himself puzzled once again.0

Yanshu had verified this matter as well.0

What kind of powers did she possess?0

Surely she couldn't have planted spies in Zhongcui Palace?0

And what exactly was this "melon" she spoke of?0

After pondering for a while, he couldn't help but summon the young eunuch Fu Bao and asked, "What has Li Beauty been doing today?"0

Fu Bao honestly replied, "Apart from coming to Qianming Palace, Li Beauty didn't leave her chambers after returning."0

Yuwen Lan asked again, "Then... how was her appetite?"0

He had been eating vegetarian food all day and wondered if she had been craving any delicacies.0

Fu Bao said, "Li Beauty's three meals were as usual, but just now she ordered some supper from the imperial kitchen."0

Supper?0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow. So when he wasn't around, she felt free to eat supper?0

Curiously, he asked, "What kind of supper?"0

Fu Bao was also puzzled and said, "Li Beauty asked for some tofu, eggplant, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and so on, but they were all raw."0

"Raw?"0

Fu Bao nodded and added, "Oh, and Li Beauty also asked for two steamed buns."0

Steamed buns?0

Yuwen Lan frowned. What did she want these for?0

Had she gone mad with hunger?0

After thinking for a moment, he suddenly said, "I'm going out for a while."0

Fu Bao was startled and was about to remind the Emperor that it was currently the fasting period and he shouldn't go to the harem...0

But before he could speak, his master Fu Hai stopped him with a glance.0

— This was the Emperor. The whole world belonged to him, couldn't he do whatever he wanted?0

Fu Bao immediately understood and quickly lowered his head, not daring to say more.0

Fu Hai hurriedly brought an outer robe for the Emperor to put on and personally escorted him to the hall entrance.0

At this moment, they heard the Emperor say in a deep voice, "Keep your mouths shut."0

The two hurriedly agreed.0

In the quiet of the night, Yuwen Lan made his way to Ganlu Palace. He didn't see any palace servants guarding the entrance.0

The lights inside were still on.0

As he walked a few steps further, he faintly smelled a fragrant aroma. Looking carefully, he saw that a window in the hall was open, and he could vaguely hear voices.0

The closer he got, the more distinct the aroma became.0

He simply walked up the steps and pushed open the door.0

Inside the hall, there was a haze of smoke.0

"These potato slices are ready, eat them quickly. Mmm, the tofu is so tender, it would be even better with some spice. Oh, and add some steamed bun slices, crispy from grilling..."0

It was clearly her voice.0

Yuwen Lan followed the sound and discovered that below the window, several people were gathered around a charcoal brazier with an iron plate on top, sizzling with something cooking.0

The fragrant aroma was coming from there.0

"Your Majesty!"0

Rendong, Lianxin, and the others were the first to see him. They stood up in fright, their faces turning pale.0

And the person who was still frying tofu finally raised her head and noticed him.0

Yanshu looked surprised and said, "Your Majesty? Why have you come?"0

Why had he come?0

Yuwen Lan glanced at the delicious food on the iron plate. The tofu was golden, sprinkled with some red chili powder and yellow Sichuan pepper powder, which looked quite appealing when mixed together.0

There were also some potato slices, golden and glistening with oil.0

Next to the charcoal brazier were a few roasted sweet potatoes, emitting a sweet aroma...0

Yuwen Lan turned his gaze to her, clearly seeing the remnants of seasoning on her lips.0

Hmph, she seemed to be enjoying herself quite well in his absence.0

However, after looking around, he didn't find any... melons.0

Winter melon, pumpkin, watermelon, gourd - none of these were in the hall.0

As he was puzzled, he heard her muttering in her mind, [Why is he looking at me like that? It's just some teppanyaki, is that against the law?]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

True, there was no palace rule forbidding midnight snacks.0

And because of the three days of vegetarian diet, many people in the palace would have extra meals at night.0

But doing it like this... Yuwen Lan had never seen before.0

He said, "What are you doing?"0

Yanshu smiled gently and said, "This concubine is eating teppanyaki. Would Your Majesty like to try some?"0

Teppanyaki?0

Yuwen Lan frowned slightly. So this was it, sitting by the charcoal brazier, grilling and eating on the spot?0

He tried asking, "Is it just these dishes? Nothing else?"0

Yanshu thought to herself, why is he asking like this? Is he trying to catch her out? To see if she had broken the fast and eaten meat?0

She said, "Currently the palace is observing a fast, even the imperial kitchen has no meat dishes. This concubine truly only has vegetables here."0

Yuwen Lan didn't understand what she meant by "catching her out."0

But clearly this wasn't what he wanted to know.0

So he asked again, "You haven't eaten any melons or fruits?"0

Melons and fruits?0

Yanshu was increasingly confused.0

At this time of year, apart from tangerines and apples, there weren't many other fruits in the palace. The few honeydew melons available were reserved for the Empress Dowager and him. Even if she wanted to eat some, she couldn't get her hands on any!0

However, she had certainly enjoyed her fill of the juicy "melon" today.0

Tsk tsk, that old lecher Duke Cheng'en had been set up by his own unfortunate daughter. Today he had truly almost died in his concubine's bed.0

The way that old pervert had fallen from grace - just thinking about how he was carried out of bed with his face twisted and eyes unfocused made her want to laugh herself to death, hahahahaha.0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0