Millennial Mage

Chapter 476: A Lot to Think About

Tala and Rane dropped off the twins in Arconaven while Terry wandered about, ‘buying’ things with Alat’s assistance.

It wasn’t a long goodbye as they’d prepared for the separation over the last days, but it still was a bit bittersweet for Tala. She wouldn’t say that she’d gotten used to having them along—they hadn’t been around for nearly long enough for that to be the case—but they had been a pleasant disruption to what was becoming a bit of a rote routine for Tala.

That was probably their intention. They wanted to set their presence—this time with them—apart from the various meet-ups with the siblings.

-That stands to reason, yeah. Nalac is a clever one.-

Tala took the time to have a few words with the twins’ masters. They seemed like good people, and they had successfully brought several magelings to Mage and then on to Bound in the last century or so. They themselves weren’t quite Fused, but they were well on their way. They actually worked as sort of Archon functionaries, filling in as Mage Protectors for either the mining districts or Guard patrols at need, working with the Constructionists, and doing other tasks throughout the city on behalf of other Mages. In truth, they were the perfect masters for magelings who were unsure about what they wanted to do in the future.

That comforted Tala, as she was not interested in learning that her siblings had founted…

Surprisingly—at least to Tala—Metti Zuccat asked to be taken to the local teleportation tower to head off to the Academy. Illie and Nalac celebrated with her, and even came to see her off, clearly having formed a bit of a connection during their few days together.

Well, that solves Master Simon and Mistress Petra’s concerns. She made a choice.

-That she did.-

Tala almost convinced Rane to go back to Alefast through the mountains, but when they looked at a map—and he was tracing the path that they would need to take—his finger paused near a cluster of higher peaks, and he paled. “I think we should go back the way that we came.”

Tala pressed just a bit, “Oh? What’s up with those mountains?”

“Well…” He hesitated, obviously conflicted.

She was about to tell him that he didn’t have to say if he didn’t want to or couldn’t for some reason, but he seemed to have gathered his thoughts, because he continued before she could say anything further.

“Well, that is supposedly the location of several very powerful creatures of magic. If rumor is to be believed, they might even be one, single being of immense power.”

“Something worth fighting?”

Rane immediately shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

“We could go around that one area then?” Tala suggested hopefully.

“We could, but it would make the return trip quite a bit longer, and we’re already behind schedule for our return. We’ve notified Master Grediv, but I don’t really want to delay longer.” He hesitated. “Even so, we could delay again, if you need.”

Tala sighed, shrugged, and shook her head. “Alright, then. You’re probably right. We can explore the mountains later.”

He gave a hesitant smile. “I’d like that.”

The trip back to Alefast was utterly uneventful, until they came through the pass and looked down on the city below them.

Rane had stopped, looking off toward the east. “Are you alright with a minor detour?” He looked conflicted, as if he were still making up his mind about whether or not he actually wanted to go. “Your…facing of your past has highlighted something for me, and I think I might be capable of finally doing it, with you at my side. Enar is… he’s had these memories queued up for a while, and I think facing them again where it happened will have a better outcome.”

She almost teased him about delays, but something in his tone was more serious than usual. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

He smiled and gave her a quick, grateful kiss. He then glanced toward Terry. “Are you okay with the detour?”

Terry flickered about a few times, then squawked his assent.

Rane stepped toward the bird—likely to scratch his head in thanks—but Terry flickered backward, trilling in mock panic.

Tala chuckled and Rane rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to kiss you, Terry.”

Terry gave him a playfully incredulous look before flickering to the big man’s shoulder and headbutting his cheek.

“Thank you, Terry.”

Terry responded with a descending series of notes that conveyed something in the neighborhood of, ‘Of course. What did you expect?’

Without further delay, they headed to the east.

A couple of hours later, Rane came to a stop seemingly in the middle of nowhere, at the base of a small hill.

Tala immediately knew that it was specifically chosen—rather than just a random place to stop—because her threefold sight could see four skeletons in the ground, arranged as if for a proper burial.

It only took Tala a moment to figure out what this place was. Oh.

-Oh, rust…- Tala got the feeling of Alat looking somewhere she couldn’t see. -I’m going to be working with Enar. This will be harder for Rane, but Enar won’t be untouched, here. You’re on your own for a bit, Tala.-

There were the scattered bones of burn wolves about, clearly having been pulled apart and gnawed on by other predators after death.

Or Rane blew the canines apart when he took things seriously. That was possible, but she didn’t really feel like it was appropriate to ask.

She likely wouldn’t have seen them at all—their magic was long since faded—if not for her threefold sight.

She almost said something, but then she remembered how much she’d appreciated Rane’s silent presence in the clearing north of Marliweather.

She moved over to stand beside him, leaning against him to convey her presence and support.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him. His voice was quiet. “You’ve already figured out what this place is, I assume?”

She nodded, somehow knowing that that was enough.

His eyes seemed to unfocus, something she couldn’t see passing before his perception. Enar was taking him through some key memories, showing him something that he’d been hiding from. As he watched, Rane began to speak, clearly processing out loud, “This is where my arrogance and folly cost the lives of part of a family. I know that—in a way—it is Master Grediv who allowed them to die by not interfering, but by doing so, he saved others who have been under my charge since, and will be in the future. It’s like letting a child get a small, minor burn to teach them to keep a respectful distance from fire. No one wants a child to be burned, but if they won’t listen—and they're of an age to understand—sometimes natural consequences are the best teacher.” He let out a great, billowing sigh. “The deaths of these four were my natural consequences. They suffered for my lesson.”

Tala made a sound of understanding.

“I never told you, but while I was here, Master Grediv was off saving the rest of the caravan that had fallen to an attack from a magical creature. The passengers had scattered in all directions as the Mage Protectors had tried—and failed—to drive the beast away. He’d arrived to relieve them, and had been going toe to toe with a Refined level threat while I refused to engage with arcane beasts.” He grimaced. “He probably could have dealt with them even so, but that might have allowed others to die. He probably could have done it all, but he entrusted four, here, to me.”

Tala rested her head against his shoulder. “You don’t have to justify his actions.”

“I know.” Rane sighed again. “I don’t like them, but I understand them. It was a brutal choice he made, partially to allow me to learn a brutal lesson—though, I am assuming he knew I would fail. He probably hoped that his words had been enough, that I would take things seriously, and they would be safeguarded until he was free. And for myself, I like to think that I could have been taught the lesson another way, but I remember my own stubbornness. I remember him trying other ways.”

“Does this still weigh on you?” She gestured toward the graves where small stone plaques rested in the grass.

“Yes, but…” He sighed. “I think I struggle with it more because I see how much it helped me. It’s an evil I am responsible for, and I profited from it.”

“That’s a bleak way of putting it. I think it is more honest to say that you grew because you recognized the failure.”

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“Even so, it is an ill that I genuinely can’t wish hadn’t happened. I just wouldn’t be me if it hadn’t.”

“You can wish that it hadn’t needed to happen, that you could have grown by other means.”

“I do that… it just feels hollow.”

“There was a reason this was dredged up by my recent… experiences. Isn’t this like my having grown because I was an Eskau?”

He huffed. “To a much lesser extent, if so?”

She gently poked him in the side. “Are you saying the evil I did was so much more than yours?”

He looked down at her, eyes widening. “Not at all, no! I meant that you suffered far more than I have.”

“Yet those who died for my growth were killed by my own hand, at my volition. Yours died because you didn’t interfere.” Tala felt a heaviness try to settle on her once again, to draw her into sadness, but she rejected that. She had accepted her choices. She was an Eskau of the House of Blood, for better or worse. While she would deal with the ramifications of that eventually, for now she would not let that part of herself weigh her down and cause her to turn the topic of conversation to her. This was about Rane. “But we aren’t here for me. I didn’t mean for my teasing to turn the topic to my past.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it, giving a slow nod and a grateful smile.

They stood in silence for a long moment.

Terry was off hunting, taking advantage of their detour to enjoy himself, so they were alone. Something about that was wonderful.

They loved having Terry around, and this wasn’t really a good place for an intimate conversation by any means, but something about being alone together seemed to calm them both, drawing away stress and angst in an almost supernatural way.

Finally, Rane took another deep breath and spoke to the graves, “I was going to come here to apologize, but after being here, after really thinking about it, I think that that would be hollow, meaningless. Instead, thank you. Your sacrifice has resulted in me gaining much. You did not choose to give your lives for my lesson, but you did. I don’t have the right words, but thank you. Your deaths have led to the saving of many, as much as they shouldn’t have been necessary.”

Tala put her arm around his waist and squeezed gently.

He looked down at her. “Was that… silly? Wrong? Arrogant?”

“I don’t know, but I think the heart behind it was good.”

“Thank you.” He seemed to relax a bit more at that, and with that final solidification of acceptance of his past, his aura finally bled toward green, as if with the bursting of a dam. He didn’t catch up to Tala, but he made a definitive step forward.

-Oh, wow, Enar is doing so much better. He’d had those memories on deck… for a while. Rane refusing to go through them had just left them in Enar’s foremost thoughts.- She let out a contented sigh. -Not anymore.-

I’m glad. But Tala wasn’t really focused on Alat at that moment. “Thank you for being willing to share this struggle with me.”

Rane smiled down at her. “Of course, I don’t want to hide anything from you. I love you.”

Tala squeezed in close, only partially muffling her voice against his chest, “I love you, too.”

A few quick kisses later, Tala and Rane turned toward Alefast and headed home.

* * *

Tala found herself utterly floored when Karsa Zuccat returned from the Academy the following summer.

It was just after Tala and Rane returned from Mita and Akli’s wedding, which the girls had done as a joint affair, each marrying their husband side-by-side, even if different bonding rooms had been used after the combined ceremony.

They had acted reservedly grateful for Tala’s attendance, and she had actually felt like they were opening up to her a bit by the time that she’d had to leave.

But that had been more than a week prior, and now, Karsa was back.

The little girl who had left—and visited a couple of times—was all grown up, an Academy graduate and in need of a master. The girl had opted to graduate a year earlier than she’d had to, feeling confident in the head start her upbringing had given her.

She wanted to move and be based out of Marliweather to be near Anna for the first time in quite a while, but she agreed to stay in the sanctum until the fall.

This was partially because Tala wasn’t planning on heading to that city until then, when her own sibling—Sella—likely would be departing for the Academy, and Tala wanted to be there for her last sibling’s choice. Additionally, Nea had arranged for her wedding to be a few days prior, to take advantage of all the Academy siblings returning, as had become the tradition. Even Illie and Nalac were taking a caravan down from Arconaven with their masters for the festivities.

No one had commented on the fact that they hadn’t come down for Mita and Akli’s wedding. The two sets of twins—with only Miro between them—had never really been the best of friends, even if they had gotten along well enough when they had to.

How is time moving so fast? How has it been seven years since Karsa left for the Academy? That just doesn’t seem possible.

-Well, when you keep busy—even doing good things—time flies by. It’s not like you have changes in your own body to mark the passing of years either.-

We’re advancing, Tala tried to counter.

-True, but on the scale of years, rather than weeks or months. Our previous speed of advancement has set our mind in a perception of rapidity that is most likely adding to our misperception of the passage of time.-

Huh… Yeah, I think that I can see that, yeah.

Karsa’s return had the Zuccats discussing their long term plans in general yet again. Master Simon and Mistress Petra weren’t on death’s door by any means, but they were beginning to show their age, even if not physically.

They were a bit more methodical and deliberate than they had been, a bit more risk-averse. That made sense, as they were hoping to see as many of their grandkids be born before they died as possible, and their last daughter had only just left for the Academy less than a year earlier.

Karsa’s presence was a touchpoint in time, and the fact that Tala felt like she just blinked and they were on their way to Marliweather to drop Karsa off was even more telling to her.

I’m starting to see the passage of time like an immortal.

-Well, you are an immortal, so any way of seeing time that you experience is seeing it like an immortal.-

…You know what I meant.

-Of course I do, but it still bore stating.-

Tala sighed. That caught Terry’s attention from where he was flickering along beside her in the wilds, north of Bandfast.

Terry cawed questioningly at her.

She smiled his way and called out. “Time feels like it’s whipping by.”

He squawked his agreement, but there was a note of something else to it.

“You think we need a change?”

He chirped an affirmative.

“We need to progress? Experience new things?”

He flickered to her shoulder—resizing as appropriate—and bobbed his agreement.

She grimaced. “I am trying to advance.”

Terry gave her a flat look, then turned and stared toward where Rane was moving through the wilderness off to their left.

“Things are good with Rane.” A smile pulled at her lips. “Things are comfortable, almost easy. I like where we are.”

He trilled in a way that conveyed something like, ‘That’s what I mean.’

“Well, I’m glad that you like him, too.”

Terry stared at her in disbelief, clearly uncertain how she’d missed what he was trying to convey.

-I’ve let him know that you understood him well enough, but you are being purposely obtuse.-

…I dislike you sometimes.

-We all struggle with self-dislike on occasion. You’ll get over it in time. Just don’t do anything drastic or irreversible before you let the feeling settle out. We are still inching toward Paragon, after all. Part of that is accepting yourself for exactly who you are and who you want to be.-

Tala just growled, even as Terry flickered away to go after some poor arcanous creature that he’d sensed.

Terry’s going to need better prey soon. I can feel him getting frustrated at how easy hunting is these days. It was never particularly hard, but now it’s just laughably simple for him.

-Yeah. That would be a good thing to address… after you progress things with —-

And that’s enough of that.

Alat started to object, but Tala cut her off.

It has to be me, Alat. It can’t come from another’s prodding, or expectations. He understands that. I’m… I’m not quite ready yet. When I’m ready, it will happen. Until then, stop pushing.

-Alright. I’ll leave you be, then.-

Thank you. She turned her focus within her threefold sight to watch Rane.

She found herself wishing she could be leaning against him, his arm around her waist, her head on his shoulder.

She didn’t want to shuttle people around.

She didn’t want to be going to her sister’s weddings.

Tala shook her head, berating herself for the very idea. No, that’s not true. Don’t be grumpy, Tala. You decided to go, and you will be very glad you did. They’ll only get married once, and all too soon they’ll be gone. Plus, you can see Mita and Akli again, solidifying the foundation that you’ve begun to build—before it’s too late.

Tala felt a pulling in her chest at that, and water came to her eyes.

Her family was aging. Her siblings were getting older, and some would live very, very short lives.

She didn’t want to invest in them, just to lose them.

Alat tentatively spoke into Tala’s mind, clearly sensing that Tala was open to the communication. -It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.-

That’s a trite phrase.

-But no less true for it.-

An eternity without those you love might stand in opposition to that. It’s easy for a mundane person to say such things.

-True, you are looking at an eternity without some of those you love. Others will be with you as long as you live, barring disasters.-

Her eyes flicked to Rane yet again. But will that be enough? What if he dies, too?

-You have to decide if that fear of loss is more important than the potential for gain. And you are right. That decision must be yours.-

Tala fell into silence, then. Alat was right. She had a lot to think about.