Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 536: The Most Hurtful Words Are Often Spoken Unintentionally

In Yoshiwara, in Kawaki's room.

"What? Social practice?" Holding a game controller, Kawaki stared intently at the monitor before him and replied casually.

"It's an assignment from my friend May at the private school," Kagura said indistinctly while munching loudly on the chips on the table, "She said she wants to visit Yorozuya."

"So, what about it?" Kawaki asked without turning his head, "What does it have to do with me? Why doesn't that friend of yours, May, just go directly to Yorozuya?"

"But they heard that I have an uncle who is supported by a bunch of women and does nothing all day but plays games, and they are very curious," Kagura continued, "So they also want to see what the daily life of such a freeloader looks like."

Hearing Kagura's words, Kawaki's face instantly tightened, and after taking a deep breath...

"Get out—!!"

...

At Yorozuya.

"It's my friend May's assignment from private school. She wants to visit Yorozuya," Kagura explained from the sofa.

"Don't just accept such troublesome requests so casually," Kawaki said, resting his head on his hands with an impatient look.

Shinpachi, sitting on the opposite sofa, piped up, "They said they want to see our work, but we don't have any tasks today."

"Not just today; we never have any," Kawaki said, picking his nose with his pinky, and muttered in agreement.

"Children full of dreams shouldn't see this dark side of society," Shinpachi advised.

"I don't want that! Uncle refused their request to visit and see the daily life of a freeloader who lives off women without any guilt. Are you going to refuse me, too?!" Kagura suddenly lay on the sofa, burying her head and swinging her legs while throwing a tantrum, "I want them to think, 'It's so great that Kagura-chan works at Yorozuya'! Come on, do something, you two slowpokes!"

"Don't just casually say such hurtful things," Kawaki retorted expressionlessly.

"Suddenly, I feel kind of sorry for Kawaki-san... Although what you said needs to be corrected, but. It's still pretty sad," Shinpachi adjusted his glasses and quietly murmured, "If it were me, I'd probably be angry too..."

Ding dong...

"They're here!" At the sound of the doorbell, Kagura quickly exited the sofa, excitedly exclaimed, and then turned to Shinpachi and Kawaki, reminding them, "Both of you, put on a grown-up act, and don't do anything weird!"

With that, Kagura rushed to the entryway and opened the door, while Shinpachi, looking helpless, got up from the sofa and strode towards the door.

"Welcome, May-chan!" Kagura greeted the six young children standing outside the door.

"I'm sorry to bother you during such a busy time," the leader, a little girl wearing a light purple yukata embroidered with floral petals, said politely.

"Please take care of us!" ×5

Besides one child who looked a bit dizzy and was sniffling—Daigorou—the other children said in unison.

"This is our strategist and commander for Eastern tactics, Strategist Shimura," Kagura introduced Shinpachi to the children who had just stepped inside.

"Eastern tactics commander?!" Shinpachi stared wide-eyed at Kagura in surprise.

"Just shut up and go along with me," Kagura gestured for silence, then whispered very softly, "Just say some cool-sounding stuff."

"Ah—," May gasped softly, "Eastern tactics commander, what exactly does Yorozuya do? Is it the kind of job where you're supported by women and useless to society, only needing to play games?"

"That... the person you mentioned is Kagura-chan's uncle. Yorozuya isn't that kind of workplace, but speaking of which, Kawaki-san's reputation seems to be getting worse, turning into someone completely useless to society..." Shinpachi muttered, then stepped aside to let the children in, giving an awkward smile, "But speaking of what Yorozuya does, the president will explain that. Anyway, please come in first."

Bang bang!

"President," Kagura knocked on the sliding door between the entryway and the living room, "The children we talked about last time are here to visit. Can they come in?"

After speaking, Kagura slid the door open, and what she saw was Kawaki, back turned to everyone, squatting on the floor, cutting toilet paper with a small cutting machine on the table, pretending to be busy with the task at hand, his face smudged with beard stubble.

Looking at Kawaki, still busy with the drawings behind the desk, Shinpachi silently criticized in his heart: [How... it seems like it's turned into some kind of small workshop.]

"Uh, president..." Shinpachi stepped forward to speak but was preemptively interrupted by Kawaki, who had just stood up.

"No!" Kawaki stood up, throwing the newly completed assembly of a wooden stick, toilet paper, and a handkerchief paper box to the side, sighed, and shook his head, pretending to be distressed, "Naked (toilet paper) can't fit into Solid (handkerchief paper)."

(Note ①: Naked Snake and Solid Snake are code names for the father and son special agents, protagonists of the Metal Gear Solid series. Note ②: Fit into JACK. 'Game' BIGBOSS 'Naked Snake' is the real name.)

"Uh, president..." Shinpachi hadn't finished speaking when Kawaki squatted down again and interrupted without turning back, "Can you please close the door quickly? The Patriots that were just heated will cool and solidify!"

(Note: Patriots from 'Metal Gear Solid' are mentioned here mainly because 'Patriots' is a core plot theme starting from the series' third game.)

"Ah, I'm sorry!" May quickly apologized, then hurriedly turned around to close the sliding door.

[What the heck are Patriots?!] Shinpachi silently complained in his heart, [Although I don't know exactly what's going on, it looks super crafty, President!]

"Uh..." May cautiously took a couple of steps forward, tentatively addressing Kawaki, who was still fiddling with the assembly of the handkerchief paper box, toilet paper, and wooden stick, "We came to observe your work."

"Are you from the Calcutta faction or the Mesopotamian faction?" Kawaki asked without turning back.

"Huh?" May was puzzled.

"If you've come here, you must be either from the Calcutta or the Mesopotamian faction, right?" Kawaki continued, pulling on the towel paper without turning back.

Hearing this, a somewhat timid May glanced at Shinpachi for help.

[Who knows!] Shinpachi turned away, an involuntary frown appearing at the corners of his eyes, simultaneously thinking, [Even if you ask for my help, I have no idea!]

"I... I'm from the Calcutta faction!" May answered weakly.

"I... I am too," a little boy timidly raised his hand in agreement.

"I am too..."

Seeing this, except for Daigorou, the rest of the children resolutely echoed.

[Just randomly claiming it!] Shinpachi wildly complained in his mind, [Randomly turned into the Calcutta faction!]

"Is that so... the Calcutta faction," Kawaki paused, chuckled softly, and remarked, "Unexpectedly, little devils grow up."

Then... three minutes later, Kawaki carried a wooden tray with six cups of hot coffee and placed it on the low table in front of the sofa.

"Come on, drink it while it's hot, as Calcutta should," Kawaki invited, then sat on the sofa.

"Ah! Thank you!" May quickly expressed her gratitude.

"Is this Calcutta?"

"It seems like coffee!"

The children all looked at the coffee on the table in surprise.

[Why not ask if it was a coffee faction from the start?!] Shinpachi, standing behind Kawaki, internally raged, [I feel a bit fired up!]

"I used to be a proud member of the Calcutta faction, but now I've completely become a Mesopotamian," Kawaki said, picking up a box of strawberry milk, pretending to be profound, "But I think it's precisely because of experiencing that bitterness that I became who I am today in the Mesopotamian faction."

With that, Kawaki tilted his head back and started drinking deeply.

[This uncle is speaking some incomprehensible stuff that has no substance!] Shinpachi criticized in his heart.

"Can I ask a question?" a boy holding coffee, dressed in dark clothes, raised his hand to inquire, "What exactly does Yorozuya do?"

"Well, although it's hard to explain in a few words," Kawaki said, putting down his strawberry milk, picking up the hammer-shaped wooden stick with toilet paper and a handkerchief paper box assembled into an unclear object, and placing it on the table, "Basically, it involves manufacturing and selling this sort of Patriots from a secret society!"

[In plain terms, isn't it just a store selling Patriots?!] Shinpachi angrily thought.

"This Patriot..." the boy seemed a bit stuck.

"It's Patriots!" Kawaki corrected.

"What exactly are Patriots used for?"

"Ha ha ha..." Kawaki spread his hands, shook his head, pretending to be helpless, and chuckled, "You do ask some interesting questions~ This is too amusing; he's asking where Patriots are used, Kagura-kun?"

"Children's imagination can always give you a fright, President," Kagura covered her face with one hand, shrugging her shoulders, and replied in a pretended helpless tone.

[What are these two doing? It's irritating to watch!] A vein throbbed on Shinpachi's forehead.