Life in Vain: Jobless Reincarnation

24 – The Doubting Mother

It was just a small change. Zenith didn't notice at first, but as time went on, it was hard not to notice.

At the start, it was just Rudy. Since Roxy had left, Rudy had started leaving the house more. He always took the book that Zenith gave to him for his birthday... but he also always wore the scarf that Lilia knitted for him.

That was fine. Her son cherished whatever he was given and he adored Lilia as well, treating her like part of the family. And for all intents and purposes, she *was* family.

Unlike Zenith's real sister who she didn't have any meaningful connection with, Zenith felt like she had a true bond with Lilia. They both loved Rudy, cared for him as he grew up, and supported him in whatever he did.

But Zenith started to notice it.

Every time Rudy came back home, his scarf would be perfectly unscathed. On the other hand, the healing primer that Zenith gave him came back a little bit more beaten up each time.

The pages in the corner were bent and dog-eared. The cover was a bit scuffed, as if dropped a few times. A few pages were torn and ripped...

Zenith knew that it was a magic textbook. Because of that, it was bound to go through some wear and tear, especially if Rudy was using it to actually practice out on his adventures.

And yet seeing how Lilia's gift was in pristine condition each time while hers was beat up... Zenith would be lying if her heart didn't ache a bit when she saw that. Or that she didn't feel a bit jealous.

But that was fine. Zenith knew that Rudy loved her. Whenever he came back, Zenith was the first one he hugged. And whenever she cooked dinner, he would always thank her for the food.

So it was fine.

But then she started to notice something else.

Paul.

Her husband loved her. Zenith knew it. And he made that more than apparent with his very... intimate touches whenever they had the chance. And he made a good show of that at night too.

But she noticed that he was a bit different now. And not just around her.

Since Zenith wasn't really a morning person... and because Paul was so enthusiastic at night, she usually slept in.

Because of that, she tended to miss when Rudy set out for the day.

But Paul had stamina that was just as dumb as he was sometimes and could get up early. And since Lilia didn't have to deal with her husband's enthusiasm, she also got up early.

Zenith hated to doubt him. And she hated to doubt Lilia as well.

But she couldn't help but feel worried.

She and Paul had been doing it every night for the past five years. But in spite of that, there weren't any signs of another pregnancy.

He didn't seem to mind. And Zenith didn't either. They had a happy little family together with Rudy and Lilia. Maybe Rudy had actually been a divine miracle granted by Milis and she was fated to not have any more children.

That was a bit of a sad thought, but it was fine. She was happy enough as it was.

And she thought that Paul was as well.

But one morning she got up early. Paul had been a bit worn out the previous day because he went a bit harder on Rudy during sword training. Due to that, he stopped a bit early into the night. And as a result, Zenith wasn't as wornout.

So she got up early.

It was nice. For once, she could see Rudy off.

It still took her some effort to get up, but she managed to get dressed and head to the door to watch her son leave.

But before then, she saw her husband and Lilia.

It wasn't anything intimate. Paul didn't embrace her and Lilia didn't show any signs of crossing that line.

But Zenith could feel it.

The two stood there and watched Rudy set off with a warm atmosphere. Like a proper married couple should be.

There wasn't anything physical between them, but the air was soft. Gentle.

Not like with her and Paul.

Seeing that, she quietly went back to her room and pretended to sleep for a while.

...It was fine. It was just her imagination. There wasn't anything between them.

But after that morning, Zenith started to pay more attention. Both to Rudy and to her husband.

She took a few more days off from the clinic to stay at home and spend time with Rudy. And when she did, he stayed home with her to have fun and talk healing magic.

But one time she snuck home early to see how Rudy interacted with Lilia.

When she did, she saw her son happily sitting on Lilia's lap and chatting away while she patted his head.

A clear difference.

Whenever Rudy talked with Zenith, he always sat across from her. And he hugged her a lot, but he was always embarrassed when she tried to hold him like that.

Zenith thought that was just because he was growing up. But seeing how easily he did it with Lilia...

But fine. Zenith had to admit that Lilia spent more time with Rudy than she did. And Zenith had to admit that Lilia was the one who supported Rudy the entire time with unconditional love.

So she could accept that. And Rudy didn't show any signs that he loved Lilia *more* than Zenith. Just that he also loved her a lot.

So it was fine.

But then Zenith started to notice it.

Subtle. It was very subtle, but Paul started paying more attention to Lilia.

He gave her more smiles. He asked how she was doing. His eyes lit up just a bit when she smiled back. And when he watched Rudy and Lilia interact, Paul seemed to hold his head up a tiny bit more.

But it was fine.

Yes. It was fine.

But try as she might, a small voice kept whispering in her head. Thoughts she tried to ignore but couldn't.

'Why is he acting like that?'

'Are they having an affair?'

'Rudy thinks Lilia is like a mom too, doesn't he?'

'What if you really can't have any more children?'

'Do you really belong here?'

It was a picture-perfect happy family.

The supportive mother. The happy child. The proud father.

...But the woman in the picture wasn't her.

'If it continues like this...'

Zenith loved Paul. And Paul loved her.

...But Paul didn't *only* love her.

Milis taught that marriages were only between one man and one woman. And when Zenith married Paul, she tied him down with that. She said that she would only sleep with him if she was the only woman he looked at after that.

But this was Paul. He was a guy who had more lovers than she could count before she met him. And he was a guy whose nature was to be wild and chase after women.

If it wasn't for her, Zenith was sure of it. That guy would probably have a whole harem of lovers and over a dozen different children. No, he probably *did* have some bastard children somewhere in the world out there.

Yes. If it wasn't for her.

And seeing how Lilia and Paul were together. How perfect they looked...

'Why don't you just leave? They don't need you, right?'

"Mom?"

Zenith blinked and took a look around.

...Right. She was spending time with Rudy today. He wanted to talk with her about something and grabbed her to sit down at the dining room table. Her on one side and Rudy on the other, with the healing primer between them.

Rudy frowned and tilted his head. "Are you alright?"

"...I'm fine, Rudy." Zenith forced a smile.

"...You don't look fine."

Zenith sighed and said, "Mom's just... tired. There's been... a lot going on recently."

"...Are you really alright?"

Zenith looked at her son and then flinched, looking away.

They were there. The sharp and analytical green eyes that seemed to peer into people's souls.

Zenith couldn't face them at the moment, so she averted her gaze. "...I'm fine."

"Master Roxy told me that when girls say they're fine, they're not really fine." Rudy frowned and then walked around the table to sit next to Zenith.

Zenith let out a weak laugh and said, "Roxy taught you that, did she?"

"Mmhm. So..." Rudy tugged Zenith's shirt. "What's wrong, Mommy?"

Zenith flinched and looked down at Rudy. His sharp gaze was gone, replaced by one filled with soft concern. Those light green eyes were wide and round, almost like a puppy's.

"...Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to not go out anymore?"

Zenith let out a deep sigh and hugged Rudy. "...No. It's not that, Rudy. Mom... Mommy's just being stupid."

Rudy hugged her back and said, "You're not stupid, Mommy. You're my mom and I love you."

Zenith trembled.

They were just little words.

*My mom.*

*I love you.*

They were just a soft and gentle reminder.

Even so, to her who had been worrying so much...

Zenith hugged Rudy a little tighter and said, "Thank you, Rudy. Mommy loves you too."

Her chest felt warm. A cold chill she didn't realize she was feeling until that point faded away.

...What was she even worried about?

Rudy loved her. Zenith's sweet and smart son loved her.

...But...

"...Rudy."

"Hm?" Rudy looked up. "Yes, Mommy?"

The question was on the tip of her tongue.

'Do you love Miss Lilia like your Mom too?'

But she couldn't ask it. Whatever the answer was, Zenith knew it was something she shouldn't hear. So she shook her head and let out a soft smile. Patting Rudy's back, she said, "It's nothing, Rudy."

"...Alright, Mommy. But don't be sad, okay? I'm growing up a little, but Mommy is still Mommy. Nobody can replace you, okay?"

Zenith's eyes teared up a bit. She took a deep breath and then patted Rudy's back again. "...Okay. Rudy."

"Good. Then..." Rudy reached over and pulled the primer close. "Can Mommy look at this with me? I don't understand what the difference is between <Healing> and <Healing X>..."

Zenith brushed her eyes and smiled. "Of course. Now, the main difference is that starting from <Healing X>, mana itself heals the body..."