Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 20 – Do I Even Deserve To?

Why are you doing this again?!

Don’t do this to me!

…

Please!…

Please not again…

I didn’t know how long I would have been stuck in place, silently blaming everything I could. However, after standing there for only a few moments, my thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sharp screech of metal sliding over metal.

My ears reacted instantly, searching for the source of the sound. When I turned towards where I heard it coming from, all that I could see was a faint light accompanied by an occasional flash whenever I heard the noise.

Is she over there?

I’ll go to you.

Before I could even take a step, my question was answered when I heard a man shouting.

“Come on out already! *Grunt* I know you're back.”

That’s… not her…

…

“Didn’t you hear me?!” The shrill sound of metal clashing against metal echoed through the room again, “Get out here and deal with your companion!”

Why should I?…

…

I can just… wait here…

…

That’s right…

I… don’t n-need anything else…

…

I-I waited seven years…

I-I can w-wait some more…

I… I…

I…

…

..

.

Tears started running down my face, disappearing out of sight into the darkness.

Please…

…

“What did you do to that little girl?!”

Raynelle?…

“I *Grunt* told you, I didn’t do anything!” The loud rattle from chains being pulled taut filled the room, “She’s standing right there!”

“Then let me go!” Raynelle shouted, “Let me go to her!”

Why?…

…

Why… are you still here?

…

I-I don’t need you…

…

I…

“…need her…”

My knees slammed against the cold stone floor, but I didn’t feel any pain.

…

Suddenly, I heard the chains clash against the stone floor, followed by hurried footsteps heading my way.

“Kit! Where are you?!”

…

I couldn’t bring myself to respond, although that didn’t matter as soon after, I found myself being lifted into the air.

“A-are you okay?” Raynelle asked, “Nothing happened to you, right? You’re alright?”

“…”

“Just… Tell me… I don’t know what to do for you...” She gently brushed away my tears.

Please… Just leave me…

I have to…

“L-let’s just get you back to Ava, she’ll do… something…” She started walking with me cradled in her arms, “Just… please don’t cry…”

I… I…

I don’t know…

…

What do I do?…

I…

…

…

I… don’t want to wait any more…

Somehow, even more tears burst from my eyes. They just kept coming until, even if it wasn’t dark, I wouldn’t have been able to see anything around me.

“Hey, kid!” The man from before shouted, “If you ever come back, please come by yourself! She’s quite a handful.”

“Just shut it,” Raynelle snapped back, catching me off guard, “If you knew what she’s been through… you’d understand.”

But how do you know?

…

You don’t know anything about me.

…

I… don’t know anything about me.

“Ahhh, how many times do I have to tell you?! Nothing bad happened to her. Stop assuming things.”

He’s… right…

I grabbed onto Raynelle’s arm to stop her from going at the man any further.

“But…” Raynelle looked down at me, although I couldn’t make out her expression.

“Look, just leave… If you have to come back, come back later… neither of you is in your right mind at the moment,” I heard the sound of chains being dragged away from me, and then the temple doors flew open, filling the room with light, “And by the way, make sure your hood is pulled up… don’t want the wrong people to see you…”

Hastily, I returned my shadow to my hair and tails; I hadn’t even realised that my shadow had disappeared at some point.

“Let’s… just go… alright?” Raynelle pulled me closer.

F-fine…

…

But… I’ll come back…

I have to…

Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion hit me, as if everything that had happened throughout the day hit me all at once, but I continued to keep my eyes open.

“It’s okay, just go to sleep,” Raynelle pulled my hood over my face, “I’ll get you back to the inn, alright? You don’t have to worry.”

“…”

I didn’t respond and just let sleep fall over me while still holding onto one faint hope.

Maybe… she’ll be in my dream…

…

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. It felt like as soon as I closed my eyes, I was already opening them again, staring up at a wooden ceiling that had become familiar.

…

Why?…

Why weren’t you there?…

…

Sitting myself up, the first thing that I noticed was Ava strewn across the foot of the bed while fast asleep. Her hair and feathers were in complete disarray, sticking out all over the place.

I reached my hand out to brush down some of her feathers but ended up stopping myself before I did, as the memory of the first day I met her came to mind.

She… never touched my tail in my sleep…

I-I should do the same.

Deciding to leave her to her sleep, I carefully manoeuvred around Ava and slid off of the bed, barely landing on my feet before falling down onto my hands and knees.

What do I do now?…

…

I want to go back…

I looked myself over, staring down at the rags that still covered my body and my tail, which was admittedly doing far worse than Ava’s feathers. The only decent thing I had was the scarf that Raynelle gave me.

But… do I… even deserve to?

…

Running my fingers through my tail, it was impossible not to compare it to the memory of hers… It was like night and day.

I could never compare to her…

Why would she even want to see me again?

…

A-Aria said… that I could come back…

But…

…

No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t come up with a reason why a Goddess like her would ever want to see someone like me. Just from the pressure that I felt when I first saw her, it was clear that she just didn’t need someone like me. She could have whatever she wanted…

Why would she choose me?…

…

But… I need her…

…

I had already somehow held on for seven years, just hoping that I could meet her again. Now that I had finally met her again, I just couldn’t let her go.

I can’t wait another seven years…

…

Looking around the room, I saw a brush that Ava had brought with her a few days ago in an attempt to touch my tail. I had turned her down when she did, but she still decided to leave the brush in my room, which, at that moment, I was thankful for.

I-I’ll fix it…

I-I’m sure… If I-I look better… She’ll like me more…

…

She has to…

I-I need something…

I picked myself up off the floor and grabbed the brush off the nearby table before sitting myself back down on the floor with my pure white tail resting in my lap.

I guess I just-

“*Yelp*”

Instantly, my hand let go of the brush, but it stayed attached, dangling from my tail. As soon as I tried to run the brush through my tail, I felt an excruciating pain shoot up my spine as it pulled against the fur.

B-but… I-I have to…

I grabbed the brush and kept trying to force it through the fur, this time biting down on my hand to help bear the pain. Although, it didn’t help much…

“*Yelp*”

All it really achieved was muffling my cries of pain rather than stopping them.

Just go through!

As I kept pulling on the brush, tears started welling up in my eyes.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop! Don’t do it like that!” Someone shouted.

I turned around to see a blurry Ava barrelling towards me. As soon as she was in front of me, she grabbed my wrist, which caused me to let go of the brush.

“You’re just going to damage your fur like that!”

“…”

But… I need to…

I tried to pull my wrist out of her grip, but she wouldn’t budge.

“Look, I know you don’t want me to touch you, but please, let me at least teach you first.” Ava continued complaining at me, sounding genuinely panicked.

I need it now!…

I don’t want to wait anymore…

…

Looking at the brush hanging limply from my tail, I knew that there was only one way to fix this problem, but I was still reluctant to do it.

…

I looked up at Ava’s panicked face, then back down at the brush.

…

It’s f-for her…

I-I can do this…

…

I lifted the brush along with the attached tail using my free hand and held it out to Ava.

“Really?!” Ava asked, “Are you sure?”

I silently braced myself before nodding, and her face immediately lit up as she reached for the brush’s handle.

…

It’s for… Ovia…