Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 1 – My Chance

*Thud*

Pain…

I felt… pain…

Slowly, my eyelids opened, and I was greeted by something I thought I would never see again.

Something lined with cobblestones and caked in a layer of mud. The floor. It was the floor.

My arms started to try and lift me up off of the ground. It felt strange to move my body again, but despite that, what my mind was focused on was the sharp pain in my palm where it was being poked by a stone.

Just how long has it been since I could feel something?

While it should’ve hurt, such a mild inconvenience was surprisingly reassuring. It meant that this might be more than just a dream.

After putting in a surprising amount of effort, I finally managed to prop myself up against a wall. Almost immediately after I relaxed my arms, my mind started trying to understand what was going on.

Where am I?

My eyes looked around the area, trying to pick out anything remotely familiar. But with no luck. There were two walls made from large stone bricks, the one that I was leaning against and one only about two steps in front. To my right, there was a dead end, and to my left was an opening that let a small amount of sunlight in. It was an alley, a dark, damp alley.

Since there was nothing that I recognised, I just moved on to the next question on my mind, hoping that would be more helpful.

Who am I?

I pulled myself over to a nearby puddle, slowly starting to get the hang of moving my limbs again.

What stared back at me through the muddy water was a young girl with pale grey eyes. She was probably no older than seven years old. She had a delicate face framed by pure white hair. However, by far, the most striking feature had to be the two large fox ears adorning the top of her head, although there definitely was some competition coming from the fluffy tail waving just behind her head.

What am I?

After seeing my reflection, I tried to think back to what I looked like before, but there was nothing. I couldn’t remember what I looked like before now. In a panic, I tried to think back and recall anything about myself.

What was I doing before now?

Where did I live?

What was my name?

But again, there was just nothing. I can’t remember…

It’s not that I don’t remember anything, but there is nothing specific. Whenever I tried to remember who I was, all I recalled was white noise, as if the information had been scrubbed from my mind.

Then what am I supposed to do now?

…

…

“Maybe this is a good thing,” I mumbled to myself.

I might not know who I am or where in the world I might be, but I can just start my life now. Even if I don’t remember who I was, that doesn’t matter. I can just be whoever I want to be. This is a chance to start over.

This was a chance. My chance.

With this newfound surge of confidence, I pulled myself off the floor and onto my feet. Carefully, I lifted one foot and then set it down in front of me while still leaning my shoulder against the wall for support.

“Just one step at a time.”

It’s going to take a while for me to get my sense of balance back, but I had to start somewhere.

These small steps are the thing that is going to take me into my new life.

Well, admittedly, what I did was more of a clumsy shuffle than any kind of gallant stride, but either way, I made my way out of the alley, ready to confront whatever was out there.

What I saw in front of me was a bustling shopping district lined with decorative storefronts. The bottom floors of the buildings were built from the same simple grey bricks as the walls in the alley, but the rest of the floors had this timber-framed look, although the woodwork was clearly far above what you would expect for a simple house.

Out of the stores that I could see, there was an extravagant boutique, a small bakery, a jeweller, a tailor, and so many more. There was so much to look at it was impossible to focus on any one storefront.

At that moment, I was immediately caught off guard by the sound of a horse’s hooves clopping against the cobbles along with a low rattle. I pushed off the wall that I was using as a support to get a better view outside of the alley.

Right as I did that, a bright red carriage pulled by two huge horses came into view. I stood there stunned, following the carriage as it passed me, trying to catch a glimpse of who was in it. I was so absorbed by the sight that I stopped paying attention to anything else around me.

*Thud*

Without warning, I found my forehead planted against the floor once again. Except this time, it was accompanied by a sharp pain in the side of my head.

“Disgusting little heretic.”

I painfully rolled myself over to try and see the person who had just said that.

Stood over me was a large bulbous man, and I mean large in every sense of the word. I doubt he could’ve even made it into the alley I had just come from. The man was sporting a poorly sized three-piece suit; you could see his shirt poking out between the buttons on his waistcoat.

He was cleaning his cane off with a handkerchief that had been stained a deep shade of red.

“Tsk, this had better come off.”

I tried to get up and run away, but as soon as I got back on my feet, I was met with a sharp pain on the other side of my head.

*Thud*

I was back on the floor.

“Why can’t we just kill these heretics?” the man spat at me.

He looked like he was about to take another swing at me, but fortunately, he was interrupted.

“W-we need to move on soon, o-or you will be late for your visit to the temple”, an unknown voice sheepishly squeaked out.

“Tsk, fine. But first, I need to procure a new cane. It would not be appropriate to bring that, thing’s, blood into the temple.”

“Y-yes, my Lord”

He started to turn away from me, but just before he started to walk away with his attendant, he made sure to throw the stained handkerchief at me.

“I also need to buy a new handkerchief!” He barked, “I can’t use this one anymore.”

“Y-yes, my Lord, right away.”

With that final remark, he finally left me alone, crumpled on the floor.

Tears were streaming uncontrollably from my eyelids, mixing with the blood strewn haphazardly across the floor.

I just lay there… Crying…

My mind swirled with thoughts that questioned and condemned my prior confidence.

Am I not allowed to just live my life?

Why did I even try?

…

What else am I supposed to do?

…

The sun had started to set, and I was still just lying on the floor. My wounds had stopped bleeding at some point, but I didn’t have the strength or the resolve to get back up on my feet.

Nobody came to help; everyone just ignored me. I was, alone.

What can I even do?

Survive?

Can I even do that?

Summoning whatever strength I had left, I slowly and painfully dragged my body over the cobblestones back into the alley. Out of view, where nobody would find me. I made my way all the way to the dead end at the far end of the alley and curled up in the darkest corner.

Maybe if I make it another day, things will change.

As my eyelids started to feel heavy, my tail waved in front of my face, so I grabbed it in a tight hug.

At least I have this much…

With that last thought, I finally closed my eyes, hoping deep down that all of this was just a passing nightmare and nothing more.