I Will Live As An Actor

Chapter 35

The light of the fish-attracting lamp illuminated the night sea, and the sound of crashing waves filled the harbor. A solitary lighthouse beam pointed at one spot.

Im already so nervous!

People in Namhang were excitedly watching the Acting Awards show. It was no wondera boy known as the son of Namhang was appearing on a nationwide live broadcast. Despite their tired faces from a long day, there was no sign of fatigue on the fishermens faces. They all gathered with each a snack in hand, looking quite endearing.

If Yeongguk sweeps all the awards, the others will be so disappointed!

Right! I also think hell win! Yeongguks acting was excellent. If they dont give him at least one award, I wont let it go!

But hes just a child actor. Should he really get an award?

Hey, watch your mouth! Whats wrong with being a child actor? Come here, and Ill teach you a lesson myself!

The merchants gazes turned to the source of the cold water. Thats when it happened.

Mom, its Yeongguk! He appeared!

On an unexpected stage, like the song titled Young Girl, his pure and innocent singing touched peoples hearts. How could the singing be so poetic, like the lingering emotion of the night sea? Look, not only the people of Namhang but also the live audience at the awards ceremony were sincerely enjoying the performance. It would have been a lie to say they werent proud of the boy who occasionally smiled at the live camera like an experienced singer.

Ha! Yeongguk learned that song from me! Hes doing a great job!

Where! Hey, stop lying. You should watch what you say! He learned all of that from me. I taught him all those boat songs!

Everyone, be quiet! Yeongguks on again!

People turned their heads at the harsh words of the wife and merchants.

Ill become a great actor with this small heart!

As the boy spoke his acceptance speech, the admiration of Namhang burst out. Who did he take after that he could speak so eloquently, like a clear mountain stream? The merchants were so absorbed in the television that they even forgot to drink their soju. Even among famous actors, Yeongguk did not lose his shine. The hosts following words made their hearts race more than the sound of a ship docking at the pier.

Now its time to choose the best newcomer of the year. Many candidates have been nominated. Choosing just one person from such fierce competition must have been difficult. Lets reveal this years Newcomer Award!

Though no one spoke, they all looked like they were eagerly awaiting the outcome. Among them, Yeongguks mother clasped her hands, praying.

* * *

Me?

If he said he wasnt surprised, it would be a lie. Since he appeared as a child actor, he didnt even expect an award. He was already grateful for winning the Best Couple Award, but now he also received the Newcomer Award. Yeon Su was already jumping for joy, and other actors, including Park Suyeong, were also happy. All except for a single person, Yang Minjeong, whose eyes were filled with disappointment.

Yeongguk! Hurry up and go on stage!

Under the urging of PD Yoo, he moved his feet. As the stage approached, his heart raced wildly. The Newcomer Award was meaningful to all actors, including himself. He didnt receive the Newcomer Award in his previous life. When his name was on the supporting roles after passing through many bit parts, he was already labeled as an old newcomer. Amidst the applause, he stood in front of the brightly lit microphone. Everyone was waiting for his acceptance speech.

Im not sure if I really deserve the Newcomer Award. There are so many people Im grateful for.

His choked-up voice continued. He had received so much love that he felt embarrassed to just say thank you to those who made bold decisions, like the PD Yoo Myeonghan, Writer Choi Eunsuk, and the filming crew who liked him throughout the shoot. However, the person he thought of the most was just one: his mother, who was no doubt watching her son from Namhang right now.

Since I was young, I grew up surrounded by sailors, so Ive got a strong accent. I know I should speak in the standard Seoul dialect when Im receiving an award, but I want to speak comfortably since Im talking to my mother. My mom only knows me.

My past life was the same. My elderly mother had neatly collected and stored the newspaper articles featuring me. I regretted not finding them earlier when I discovered them in an album with some hidden cash in the closet, but it was already too late. I was sure it was the same now. Until the day she dies, she will probably watch me on the TV screen with a proud smile.

Mom, thank you so much for raising me. Theres so much I want to say, but I cant even say a word. Youre probably watching right now, so please live happily from now on. Ill be sure to repay you this time. I miss you the most right now.

I looked towards the live camera. A surge of emotions welled up. Why couldnt I have done this in my past life? Why did I only push my mother away in the shadow of poverty? I never once mentioned my mothers name, even when I won the Best Actor award at the ceremony. The immense guilt made my lips tremble.

Mom.

I called her as if I had returned to my childhood.

* * *

Youve grown up a lot.

National actor Ahn Junghyeon gave a short nod as if he was proud of the boys image on the screen. Director Baek Janghun also had a pleased smile on his lips.

Hyung, do you remember when I first attended an awards ceremony?

You mean when you were shaking and trembling?

No, I was just a little nervous and stuttered a bit. I had just turned thirty at the time. I had done quite a bit of filming, but my hands and feet felt numb when I stood on the awards stage. Thats when I experienced the sensation of everything turning white in front of my eyes.

Being an actor didnt mean you were always composed, especially at an awards ceremony, where emotions tended to be overwhelming as your hard work was recognized and celebrated. However, the boy was different. Although his emotions were intense, he remained steady, like an old tree standing tall.

I saw some edited footage from the movie youre filming now.

Did Kim, the driver, show you? How was it?

Its like having a shot of soju. Theres something about it that made my heart feel warm. Its amazing to see a kid with no experience in commercial films acting so naturally. Its both scary and exciting.

Being an actor was always a competitive job. Some competed with actors with similar images, while others competed with themselves. Thats how they grew.

I cant wait to see how hell grow in the future. Hyung, you said it before, you prefer a wildflower that grows in a barren wasteland rather than a sapling that grows in fertile soil.

National actor Ahn Junghyeon explained further as he set down his teacup.

I feel the same way when I see him. Hes the kind of actor youve always wanted, someone with a persona close to a wildflower. I feel this way, so I cant imagine how much you must be looking forward to it, especially considering how long youve been searching for that flower.

On the last day of the year, snowflakes fluttered down. Under the tiled roof, an old pine tree twisted and turned in the winter wind. Baek Janghun and Ahn Junghyeon understood each others thoughts, making the phrase a match made in heaven seem fitting.

I wonder how lovely the scent will be when the wildflower blooms.

* * *

Kid, youre the best!

Park Suyeong gave a thumbs-up as she welcomed him. Faintly smeared mascara was visible under her eyes. The others were the same as if they were celebrating their own successes. Its an emotion I couldnt experience in my past life because I was always obsessed with acting and didnt have time to look around. I never received such warmth and blessings from my colleagues.

Am I allowed to be this happy?

I wondered. In my past life, didnt I only focus on one path and neglect everything around me? Complicated emotions stirred in my chest as I pondered this.

Oppa!

Yeon Su hugged me tightly. I could feel relief from her tiny hands gripping my shoulders as if comforting me. Yes, it was telling me that this moment was not a dream. I gently put down Yeon Su and stroked her forehead.

Look at you, all messy.

Yeon Sus face was smeared with tear stains as if she was the actress he had once struggled to face in his past life. Taking out a handkerchief, I wiped her face; like magic, her cheeks turned rosy. PD Yoo Myeonghan and Writer Choi Eunsuk looked at her with loving, parental eyes.

Wow! Are you guys really dating?

What are you talking about? Just wipe the smudged makeup under your eyes. Youre going to ruin your outfit.

Its not like Im going to be in broadcast

Nevertheless, Park Suyeong hurriedly fixed the mascara smudging her eye area. And as if it were a lie, her name was announced as the Best Supporting Actress winner. Although it wasnt the grand prize, it was undoubtedly the biggest honor a supporting actress could receive.

Noona!

I jumped up from my seat and hugged Park Suyeong. Her face, which was usually calm and composed, couldnt hide her surprise. She went up on stage and presented more tears than I had seen before, sobbing loudly. It was, after all, the place where her acting was recognized by everyone. The Man of August swept the acting awards as if it were a record-breaking miniseries at the KBC Broadcasting Station.

Its only natural for celebration to follow the Acting Awards. The connection that began in the warm sunshine of summer had finally reached the first snow of winter. We were together, listening to the chimes of the last day of the year. The people of Namhang Market were surely with us in spirit at this moment, like the grains of sand on the white beach sticking close to each other.

Oppa! What are you doing? Hurry and make a wish!

A wish?

Yeon Su, who wanted to pray with her hands together as the chimes rang, looked absolutely adorable. Her innocent prayer made her seem even more endearing. As fireworks burst brilliantly at that moment, the bell-ringing ceremony was carried out on a large screen. As the clear and pure sound awakened the beginning of a new millennium, I made my wish.

I will live as an actor.

My past life and determination were the same, but the meaning differed. As the chimes ended, I could see the faces of those around me as I half-opened my eyes. Happiness wasnt difficult, just like this. As the coldest winter passed and the warmth of spring began, my past lifes scenes flitted by, and a new life began to sprout.

And then

Three years have passed.

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