I am Really a Superstar

The next day.

In the morning.

At a US Department of Defense press conference.

The press conference was being held to answer questions on the recent public concerns about defense budget overspending and weapons exports. But before they could even answer a few questions, a female reporter from one of the well-known American media outlets raised her hand and stood up to ask a question.

The female reporter asked, “Is America’s latest laser weaponry really ineffective against a smog-ridden China?”

The DOD official was clearly taken back. “Huh?”

The female reporter asked again, “Is China’s kelp really the nemesis of our nuclear submarines?”

The DOD official was stunned. “What?”

The female reporter raised yet another question. “With China so smoggy, can our paratroopers parachute onto the mainland?”

Smog?

Kelp?

Parachute?

The entire venue was quiet!

The reporters at the press conference were speechless.

The American people were speechless.

People around the world were speechless.

In the end, that DOD official did not answer the female reporter’s questions during the live broadcast. This was because he did not know how to answer her. He probably had not seen the interview on the Central TV International Channel. However, from the laughter of the reporters present, it could be seen that many of them knew what this was about. The program that Zhang Ye was on had attracted a lot of discussion in many countries around the world. Some people thought that he was talking nonsense, but others felt that Zhang Ye’s claims were reasonable. Whether it was the smog or kelp, they all had a scientific basis to them.

This was also why a lot of people didn’t know what to do.

Because even though they knew this guy was fucking bullshitting, there was no way they could refute his nonsense!

…

In China.

The online stores were selling their products like hotcakes again.

[“Smog that stops lasers” cup]

[“Smog that stops guided missiles” cell phone case]

[“Smog that stops paratroopers” mask]

And so on and so forth. All of these products were sold out.

On Weibo.

“I’ve had such a good laugh these past two days.”

“Me too, the entire world has been tickled funny by Zhang Ye!”

“The funniest thing to happen was the DOD’s press conference. Did anyone see it?”

“Hahahaha, I watched that!”

“Zhang Ye’s bullshit has arrived in America!”

“They really took it seriously?!”

“The US DOD officials were probably stunned by those questions!”

“That’s right, these new strategic weapons have all been made kaput by Face-smacking Zhang with a single sentence. This guy’s bullshitting skills are astonishing!”

“There’s still another episode tonight!”

“Right, it’s the final episode!”

“I’m really anticipating it!”

“Let’s see what he will say today! Hahaha!”

“I love Zhang Ye!”

“I love him too! This fellow is always able to bring laughter to people!”

…

In the morning.

At Central TV.

Zhang Ye was on the phone with General Li.

“As I was saying, Professor Zhang.”

“What is it, Old Li?”

“It’s the last episode. Can you stop fooling around?”

“I wasn’t fooling around.”

“Can’t you be more serious at the appropriate times?”

“I’ve always been serious.”

A distance away, the Central TV International Channel’s staff were all exuberant. This was due to the fact that their viewership ratings achieved yet another high. It was so high that it was shocking!

Domestically!

Abroad!

The viewership ratings had exploded!

Actually, in China, a lot of people just treated this as a passing matter that amused them. They did not care about what Zhang Ye said, nor if his methods were feasible. They only knew that due to the Zhang Ye effect, the world was becoming more and more receptive towards China. This was something that no celebrity in the history of China had achieved before, as even the US DOD had been confused by Zhang Ye’s claims. Who else could do something like that?

…

That same night.

The show started.

Parties gathered from all over.

The entire world was watching.

…

At Zhang Ye’s parents’ house.

His father said, “It’s on.”

His mother said angrily, “If this kid spouts nonsense again today, I’ll beat him to death!”

His father also felt somewhat helpless.

…

At Spring Garden’s place.

“It’s starting, it’s starting!”

“Hahahaha, it’s finally beginning!”

“Let’s see what strategic weapons will fall to Zhang Ye’s claims today!”

…

At Zhang Ye’s Studio.

“I really have to take my hat off to Director Zhang.”

“Director Zhang has been pushed into the global limelight these few days!”

“It’s a good thing. Our popularity is going to grow again.”

…

India.

“It’s starting!”

“Let’s see how this fellow is going to bullshit today!”

“Who cares about submarines and lasers? The greatest combat strength in the world is the aircraft carrier!”

“Yeah, build an aircraft carrier if you’re so capable!”

…

America.

“Nothing the Chinese say makes any sense.”

“That’s right. As long as we have aircraft carriers, any theories they come up with are hogwash.”

“The Chinese do not have any aircraft carriers yet, right?”

…

On TV.

Yu Yingyi had put on a heavier makeup today, while Chi Xue who hardly put on any makeup usually was requested by the program team to dress up a little more. This was because they knew that it wasn’t just the locals who were watching CTV International. The overseas viewership numbers had exploded to a new high. Therefore, just by sitting there, they were responsible for portraying the image of China. Of course, Zhang Ye still kept to his usual look. He didn’t put any makeup on, and he was still dressed in those clothes. He rarely bothered about his appearance. However, in the current situation, this fellow probably did not have much of an image to speak of anyway.

Zhang Ye.

Bullshit king.

These two words had been associated with him by many of the audience members both at home and abroad.

Yu Yingyi smiled and said, “Welcome to this episode of our Army Day Special. We meet again. I read some news this morning about the US DOD’s press conference that took place recently. Did you hear about it, Fellow Chi?”

Chi Xue gave a wry smile. “I saw it too.”

Yu Yingyi laughed and said, “Fellow Zhang’s battle tactics have astonished a lot of people, and many netizens around the world are debating about them. Fellow Zhang, what is your opinion on this?”

Zhang Ye said nonchalantly, “It’s good to debate over such things. Being involved in the military and weapons development, there are times when we cannot just confine ourselves to technology. A battle can be fought in many ways. I am only offering everyone something to think about. Some might agree, while others would disagree. All of this is to be expected.”

Chi Xue shook her head. “I think I still have my reservations regarding Fellow Zhang’s conjectures.”

Yu Yingyi said, “Looks like Fellow Chi and Fellow Zhang’s debate will continue today.”

Chi Xue nodded. “That’s right, I still insist on sticking with technology.”

Zhang Ye said, “It’s not wrong to stick with technology, but there are times when it would take time to catch up with technology. Let me offer you an example. Take for example that China has been embroiled in a war and our technology is as-is. The weapons and equipment that we have are just what we have, with only that many fighter jets and tanks available. How will we fight the war? How are we going to use the existing weapons to effectively attack the enemy? I think this is what we have to consider.”

Chi Xue said, “These words are quite sensible.”

Yu Yingyi said, “Speaking of war, there is a term that we cannot avoid: aircraft carriers.”

Chi Xue acknowledged her and said, “We still can’t build our own aircraft carriers at the moment. This is where there is a difference in technology levels and we have to admit it.”

Yu Yingyi said, “An expert once said, ‘Whoever has aircraft carriers shall rule the world.’”

Chi Xue said, “In modern warfare, under the circumstances of not resorting to nuclear weapons, I agree with that statement.”

Yu Yingyi asked, “What about Fellow Zhang?”

Zhang Ye smiled. “I disagree.”

Chi Xue started bickering with him again. “I also would like to see our Chinese military growing stronger and have the most advanced weapons in the world. But based on our current technology, we still can’t do that. There’s no way to avoid the issue that our weakness is in not having any aircraft carriers. I also know that our military has been sparing no efforts in this area of research. I didn’t have a chance to participate in this project, but I believe Fellow Zhang should have, right? You definitely know how important an aircraft carrier is to a country’s military.”

Zhang Ye said, “An aircraft carrier is indeed very important, but it is not invincible. It can still get blown up.”

But Chi Xue said, “How would it get blown up? With guided missiles and bombing? But have you considered the presence of the carrier’s destroyer escort? Do you think they’re there on a sightseeing tour? There are jamming systems, interceptor missiles, and a large array of defense systems aboard an aircraft carrier, and this is not taking into account the aircraft on the carrier yet. If an aircraft carrier is so easily sunk, it wouldn’t be called an aircraft carrier.”

Zhang Ye shook his head. “I feel that you have deified the aircraft carrier.”

Chi Xue said in annoyance, “What ways do you have to deal with them?”

Yu Yingyi had a bad feeling about this. “Fellow Zhang has thought up another new strategy?”

Zhang Ye thought about it for a moment before saying, “Of course I have.”

Chi Xue wasn’t convinced. “What method do you have?”

Zhang Ye said shockingly, “Meteorites!”

In this moment.

In this instant.

The world fell silent again!

Countless people around the world felt their jaws drop!

No one could have expected this fellow to blurt out something like that!

Yu Yingyi said in a stunned manner, “M-Meteorites?”

Zhang Ye continued, “It is the nemesis of an aircraft carrier. For example, I’ll provide a train of thought here. We can create a massive meteor shower to do it. But how do we create something like that? We can use rockets to transport a large number of rocks or similar materials into space. Then, with great planning, we can determine the direction that the aircraft carrier is traveling in to determine the target’s location. By detonating the rocket, we can create a dense meteor shower that will strike a devastating blow to the aircraft carrier and its aircraft!”

Chi Xue said in shock, “Impossible!”

Zhang Ye smiled and asked, “Why is it impossible? What are meteors? They’re just rocks. Its biggest advantage lies in the fact that it is not a guided missile and does not react to electromagnetism. So what if the aircraft carrier deploys its jamming systems? An EMP? Go ahead and try! They’re just rocks, so how are you going to jam them? If they send out their destroyers to intercept the attack? Those are rocks, hundreds of thousands of rocks. Try intercepting those. Even if you can intercept 10 or a 100, could you intercept 10,000? A 100,000? In the face of a meteor shower, what is the use of technology? It’s basically useless.”

Chi Xue said, “This—”

Yu Yingyi said, “Does a meteor shower have such power?”

Zhang Ye said, “Of course it does. When the rocks fall, they do so at speeds of Mach 10 to Mach 30. What does that mean? It means that even if an egg-sized rock were to fall down to earth, it would penetrate a 15 to 20 cm-thick steel plate!” He gestured with his hands. “What would that mean for an aircraft carrier? Even if just five rocks were to hit the carrier, it would immediately sink!”

…

The final episode ended its broadcast!

The entire world was thrown into disarray as a result!

Nobody knew how to react to Zhang Ye’s bullshit!

First, he talked about kelp that entangled submarines!

Then, he talked about smog that stopped lasers!

And now?

He’s fucking talking about meteorites destroying carriers?

Teacher Zhang! Would you die if you don’t bullshit like this?!