His Rui

Chapter 791 Zhao Zhang Wei's Feelings

"Mother, I want to have Tanghulu."

Yi Huiqing smiled softly as she saw a young girl asking her mother to buy her a Tanghulu. She had some of the same memories in her mind when she was young.

Her eyes reflected peace as she looked at the crowded streets.

"Careful!"

Perhaps she was too lost and didn't notice when someone was about to collide with her. However, Zhao Zhang Wei had most of his attention on his wife so he immediately noticed it and pulled her towards himself.

Yi Huiqing blinked as she looked at the running children without any care and then shook her head. Then she turned to look at the man who just protected her.

The smile, however, vanished when she realized that she was too close to him. Her body stuck to his chest as he held her shoulder.

She looked away from his phoenix eyes waiting for him to remove his hands.

However, the man just moved forward without pulling his hand away.

"It is crowded. I am afraid that you will get lost or get injured."

A few moments later, she heard him say.

Yi Huiqing didn't say anything but the words 'I am afraid' surely made her feel lost for a moment.

Zhao Zhang Wei hid his smile seeing that she didn't resist.

Soon, his eyes found the place he had been looking for.

"Qingqing, do you want to buy a lantern?"

Yi Huiqing looked at the shops having beautiful lanterns and didn't what to say. Could she do that?

She didn't know if he would like it or not. After all, he was an Emperor.

Zhao Zhang Wei sighed when he saw that she didn't say anything. He held her hand and pulled her towards the shop.

"Young man, have you been to the Imperial City for the first time?"

The shopkeeper couldn't help but ask when he saw such a handsome face but it was somewhat unfamiliar. He was sure that he had never seen this man before.

Zhao Zhang Wei merely nodded his head and then paid him the money for the lantern and some other things.

They bought a beautiful red lantern.

Before flying it, Zhao Zhang Wei wrote something on the small piece of paper attached to the lantern with the brush and ink he had bought from the same shop.

Yi Huiqing held the lantern for him and looked at the sky. The cold wind was blowing making her veil move slightly.

When she looked down at the lantern again, her eyes went blank seeing the words written on the Lantern.

'May Zhang Wei and Qingqing stay together forever?

May Zhang Wei always love his Qingqing.'

"It's done."

Zhao Zhang Wei smiled calmly and stood up with the lantern. With his other hand, he helped his wife in standing up from the ground.

A few moments later, Yi Huiqing was looking at the lantern flying far in the sky with somewhat lost eyes.

She came out of her trance when she heard Zhao Zhang Wei's voice again.

"When I was six, once I had sneaked out of the Imperial Palace somehow on this same festival. At that time, I had wanted to fly the lantern but I didn't have any money with me to buy anything."

Yi Huiqing glanced at Zhao Zhang Wei only to find him looking at the sky. She also looked at the sky and didn't say anything.

She didn't know what she could say in response to his words.

Zhao Zhang Wei, however, continued.

"When I went back to the palace and met my mother after three months, I told her about my wish. She promised me that one day she would fly that lantern with me. That day, however, never came."

There was calm smile on Zhao Zhang Wei's lips when he said these words.

"She left this world very early. In the Imperial Palace, there was no one else who really cared for me except for her. I realized this after only a few days she left. Qin Wenya…tried to kill me many times. But she failed in her every attempt. When she wanted to send me away, Zhao Wang Lei refused to do so…perhaps because he knew that ministers would oppose this. That was only once when he protected me as a father. After that, he ignored silently how I was bullied by Zhao Zhuang Chen and his allies. Wenling…she would come sometimes and help me but with time, she also changed."

A sigh escaped Zhao Zhang Wei's lips when he talked about Zhou Wenling.

There was a few moments of silence before he continued.

"I didn't have the childhood a child would like to have. Even when I grew up, I was aware that Zhao Zhuang Chen wanted to suppress me. Even when you married me, I knew that Zhao Wang Lei did it intentionally to keep Yi Clan's power in check."

Zhao Zhang Wei knew that his words would surprise Yi Huiqing but today, he had decided to tell her everything.

"When I married you, I had thought that you will be the same as other concubines in my inner yard. But soon I realized that you were different."

"You had that emotion in your eyes whenever you would see me, that I had never seen before in someone else's eyes. You …you cared for me. I knew that like other concubines you didn't like when I went to some other woman's courtyard…but I also knew that your dislike was different from theirs."

Zhao Zhang Wei lowered his head. These and the things that were to come were the deepest secrets of his heart.

"That night, when you took the initiative…I couldn't do the same with you…what I used to do with other concubines. After that night, you became the first woman I ever slept with. I know you might not believe me but it had always been you …all along."

"After that night, I was very scared. I realized that you were forcing me to change so I stopped visiting you intentionally. Then a few days later, I was informed that you were pregnant with our child. I …I was very upset."

"Because…because I knew that I would not be able to save this child. Because I knew that Zhao Zhuang Chen would not let it stay alive and that was what happened."

"I couldn't gather the courage to visit you again for the next few months. I …I tried to think as if you never existed in Xinhe Palace. When later I visited you, I was relieved to see that you looked fine. You didn't even cry in front of me. You still had feelings for me and my selfish self which was just focusing on taking revenge for my mother's death again put aside your feelings."

"It was going well somehow …until the night of my mother's death anniversary. That night, I found myself in your courtyard, and …I again committed the mistake I should not have done for the second time at least. The next morning when I realized what I did, I wanted to kill myself. When I went back, I wanted to send you the soup that could stop you from being pregnant again but …then I was informed that it could have a negative impact on your fertility. And I couldn't send it."

"I knew that Zhao Zhuang Chen was going to poison you again so that our child would die but I couldn't do anything. I knew that if I did so, he will realize that you were different for me and then he would make you his target to hurt me. I didn't want that so I didn't do anything."

A bitter smile spread on Zhao Zhang Wei's lips when he said his next few words.

"The same thing happened but this time you were different when I visited you again after the loss of our child."

Finally, Zhao Zhang Wei dared to look at his wife.

His heart clenched when he saw that her eyes were full of tears.

Unconsciously, his own started to fill with tears as he whispered.

"You changed. I could feel that I made you so exhausted with your one-sided love that you no longer wanted anything except being left alone but …Qingqing I couldn't leave you alone."

"When you didn't care at all, I felt panicked. I wanted you to be just like before. I wanted you to be like me unconditionally."

A tear slid down both of their eyes at the same time and Zhao Zhang Wei lowered his head as he admitted.

"And I realized you mattered much more to me than I had thought."

When Zhao Zhang Wei raised his head again, his phoenix eyes were red and he whispered

"Qingqing…I lov…"

 "No!"

However, before Zhao Zhang Wei could finish, Yi Huuqing suddenly stepped back. Tears were streaming down her eyes as she shook her head again and again indicating to him not to speak.

"Don't…"

She said as she covered her face with her hands crying continuously.

She was scared.

She was scared to be moved by those words.

Yi Huiqing had thought that nothing could move her heart anymore after she had suffered through two miscarriages.

However…was she a fool to feel despair for this man when he told her about his life?

She felt his sorrow and she even wanted to comfort him knowing very well that he was nowhere when she needed some comfort in the last four years.

She must be a fool to be moved by all this.

"Qingqing…"

Zhao Zhang Wei couldn't see her like this and uncovered her face to wipe her tears.

"Qingqing, don't cry. I know you are angry. Hit me, punish me…I would never say anything."

Yi Huiqing looked at his panic-filled eyes through her blurry ones and whispered

"Would that make the pain disappear I had bottled inside my heart?"

Zhao Zhang Wei didn't have an answer and he could only hold her tightly closer to himself.

Yi Huiqing suddenly breathed in exhaustion.

"You have suffered a lot…I wish you had never gone through all this but …that doesn't make my sufferings any less, Zhao Zhang Wei."

Fresh tears rolled down her eyes when she said these words.

Zhao Zhang Wei heard her and wanted to say something. He never told her all this to make her feel that she was obliged to forgive him.

He knew he had been at fault. He told all this to her because he didn't want any kind of lies between them.

However, Yi Huiqing didn't let him say anything.

"Where do I stand with all this? I…I can't forgive you. At the same time…I don't know how to throw you out of my heart…What I am supposed to do with this dilemma that is making me crazy day by day, Zhao Zhang Wei?"