Himitsu – Kuro no Chikai

Chapter 3, Part 1 – Turning Gears

Claude Cathedral. Today, in the church that was said to be the sacred place closest to Heaven since the founding of Alphine, a solemn wedding ceremony was taking place. Yes, it was the wedding between Miku, the daughter of the Cryinpt family, one of the five most prestigious families within the kingdom, and the son of Viscount Iceburg, the wealthy merchant noble from the neighboring kingdom of Folle.

Many people, not only from Velcant but also the neighboring Tard Region, had all come to the wedding between the two families, who were both well-known in high society, in order to give their blessings. Even the Cryinpt family, whose bloodline had once been in danger of becoming extinct due to the early death of their family head, had settled, saved by the marriage with the son of the Iceburg family, which would unite the two houses. For that reason, not only was the current family head, my mother, truly happy about the marriage, but so were all the servants from the Cryinpt mansion. Today… nearly the entire country was here to bless our wedding. Finally, my value of existence would be acknowledged. Today would be the day where I would shine the brightest in my life.

After finishing with greeting the majority of the guests, I went to take a break by myself in the garden behind the church. Since this morning, I had gone through numerous outfit checks and rehearsals of greetings, and spoken with the many acquaintances and guests who had already arrived, leaving me barely any time to catch my breath. I wanted to mentally prepare myself before the actual ceremony began. In this small, quiet garden.

Because of the fact that the main garden spread out in the front, there weren’t made people that came through this rear garden and the forest that extended behind it. However, because this garden wasn’t very cared for at all, it wasn’t a place many would go out of their way to come and see.

“Finally……”

I recalled the faces of those I’d seen gathered earlier. For the first time since we’ve started living together, I thought I’d seen my mother smile. It was still hard to have called that a genuine smile, but for someone who rarely even smiled calmly, it was something I had always wished to see. I had finally been able to make her happy. I had finally met her expectations.

At least, that was how it was supposed to have been.

“Am I…… happy?”

I simply wanted to be loved by mother. Although we weren’t related by blood, she was the one who had done her best to raise me until now. Even if it wasn’t out of actual love, I was fine with that. I had lived until now, putting all of my effort in continuing to meet her expectations, thinking it would be fine as long as I could be one day acknowledged for it. And today, that wish had finally come true….. and yet—

The emotions that came and went in my chest right now…… Although my wish had finally been granted, no emotions that resembled happiness or joy would come forth.

“Why……?”

Strange, unanswered emotions were swirling in the depths of my heart.

“Am I… really fine with this……?”

There was no one here right now. No one to listen to my words….. my true feelings. Things I had never talked to anyone about, even now.

I never outwardly showed my true feelings which I kept in the depths of my heart. Always, I kept a wall around my heart when facing others, being myself…… No, putting everything into acting as the person others wanted me to be, behaving appropriately as Miku, from the Cryinpt family. I knew, so well that it hurt, that being selfish, lazy, and narcissistic, wasn’t desired in this house.

I had to be the distinguished heir to the Cryinpt family, not merely some little girl that craved affection. Everyone believed that I could do everything flawlessly, but even since childhood, I had been a clumsy and a poor learner. That’s why I had been afraid. Afraid of being told that, if I remained as a useless child, I wasn’t needed here. I was afraid of becoming alone again, and so I’d poured my heart into studying. Putting in several peoples’ worth of painstaking effort, I finally became able to do many things. I had to become someone that could do anything. That’s why I pretended as if none of the painful and sad things existed, and “disposed” of them so that no one would find them. The following day, I would have to smile as if nothing had happened, and do everything perfectly.

But in reality, I have always wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to take me away from this harsh life.

In reality, I was a crybaby… selfish, lonely, and weak, and all I wanted was there to be someone to hold me, without asking for anything in return.

“Ah—”

A sudden gust blew, and the hair accessory that had been placed delicately on my head flew off. I chased after it in a panic. That hair accessory had been given to me by mother as a wedding gift. I couldn’t lose it. Holding up the hems of the long dress that made it difficult to run, I went in the direction in which the wind had blown. I arrived at the path that led into the small forest at the end of the rear garden, but the hair accessory was nowhere in sight. What was I to do……

“I was so sure that I saw it come around here……”

I had received it from mother…… Yes, the first thing that I had ever received from her. Although we had been together for so long, it was the first gift that she had ever given to me in person. From the mere realization of this fact, I became so sad that it felt like my heart would break. I felt like crying.

The strength left my body, and I sank to the ground in my dress.

“Is this yours?”

I heard a voice overhead, and lifted my face in response.

“……!”

The moment our eyes met, it felt like something had passed through my body at a tremendous speed. I sat there, frozen and unable to move. He lingered quietly in front of me, looking over at me with a gentle smile.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t find my voice. In this early afternoon, even the wind had stopped, and all I could hear was the noisy sound of my heartbeat.

“…… U-um……”

I had finally managed to speak, but instead of forming proper words, I had taken on a sheepish, suspicious behavior. No, this wasn’t like me at all……

“It’s a very pretty accessory,”

He told me, and gently placed on my head the thing that I had been searching for earlier.

“It suits you well.”

“!”

Every single one of his movements was etched into my memory in slow motion. The hair accessory that he had given back to me with graceful movements seemed to instantaneously change into the finest accessory. I couldn’t keep up with my violently swaying heart. When our gaze met again, he smiled by only creasing the corners of his eyes.

Beautiful blonde hair and sky blue eyes. His face was as neatly-chiseled as a sculpture, and although we had never met before, there was something nostalgic about it. Dressed in fully black, formal attire, he had a boyish youngness, but perhaps because of his beautiful appearance, he also somehow gave off an impression of being calm and mature. Was he around my age?

Before I realized, I had been staring at him for quite a long time. How disgraceful, to observe someone who I had only met for the first time. Furthermore, I had yet to thank them for picking up my hair accessory.

“Um, th-thank you so much for bringing this back to me.”

“Don’t mention it. I was just walking through here when it flew towards me.”

“……”

“……”

What was I to do? The conversation couldn’t go on. It was embarrassing whenever our eyes met, and I couldn’t look at him any longer. As I averted my gaze and looked downwards, he then sat down beside me.

“Ah! ……. Y-your clothes, they’ll get dirty!”

“Hm?”

“Your… those nice clothes of yours……”

He was in formal dress. Meaning that he must be one of the guests that had come to attend my wedding.

“Ahh….. Don’t pay it any mind,”

He said this, and lay down beside me, stretching out his arms and legs. I peered at his face in surprise, and he grinned boyishly.

“The sky looks so beautiful today.”

Hearing this, I looked up at the sky for the first time today. I felt like I had only been looking downwards since this morning.

“On a day like this, under this blue sky, I’d sure like to have tea with some delicious apple pie…”

“Eh……?”

“And then… I’d forget all about feeling gloomy, and cheer up,”

While speaking, he pulled out an apple from his pocket. All I could do was stare as he held it out to me.

“Unfortunately, I’ve never made apple pie before, so this is all I have with me today.”

“I-is this for me?”

“I thought it might cheer you up a bit. Since you seemed to be in poor spirits earlier……”

It was only when he said so that it came back to me. Right up until I’d met him, I had been feeling very depressed. I remembered how I had been wallowing in negative feelings I normally wouldn’t think of, and had almost felt like crying.

“…… Are you alright?”

“Y…… yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”

My mood had dropped again after suddenly being pulled back to reality.

“I grew this apple myself.”

“Oh? D-did you really……?”

“Yep. It’s very tasty, so have a bite.”

Saying this, the boy took another apple from his pocket, and took a huge bite out of it. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. It did indeed feel like I’d met him somewhere before……

I took a bite out of my own apple. It was delicious. For some reason, simply that alone overwhelmed me.

“……! Wh-what’s wrong?”

He suddenly looked over at me in concern, and not understanding the reason, I tilted my head. He turned towards me in a panic.

“I’m sorry…..! Um, does it hurt somewhere?”

“Huh……”

It was only when he mentioned so that I realized I was crying. After I’d bitten into this apple, the tears that I had been holding in spilled forth. Was it because the apple was so delicious……? Or was it because he was comforting me so kindly? The tears wouldn’t stop, and continued to flow.

I was then embraced, gently and consolingly, by warm arms.

“Ah……”

I cried in front of a stranger. Out loud. Like a small child, I cried without holding back within this gentle warmth. I really was a crybaby.

As I cried, he continued to stroke my head the entire time. He didn’t say or ask anything, simply remaining by my side.

How much time had passed? Worn-out from crying, I rubbed my eyes that must be swollen by now, and slowly lifted my face. He was sure to be confused, seeing someone who’d he just met suddenly burst out in tears like this. Slowly looking up, I saw that he was, for some reason, looking at me with a serious expression.

He must have been appalled at me. Thinking back on my actions since our meeting, I felt so embarrassed that I wanted to run away from here as quickly as I could.

“…… heh.”

“Eh?”

“Ahahaha—”

What was so funny? The moment our eyes met, he burst into laughter, as if he wouldn’t bear it any longer.

“Wh-what are you laughing at?”

It was mortifying. While it was true that I’d done some strange things…. He certainly did not have to laugh. Becoming slightly annoyed, I avoided eye contact and turned the other way.

“Haha. Sorry, sorry.”

“You can’t simply apologize. How impolite. Was my face really so strange?”

“No, I thought it was nice.”

“‘N-nice’……”

“You look so relaxed now, I mean.”

“……!”

I hadn’t realized it. I had broken down crying in front of him. However, after I’d finished, I felt like the heaviness that had been weighing down on my heart had lightened greatly.

“I was worried. When I first saw you, you looked so grim, as if you wanted to disappear somewhere.”

“Th-that was…”

“But I’m glad that you’re alright now.”

When I saw his smile, it felt like the tears might start again. He didn’t ask me anything. Without even knowing the reason, he simply held me close. Just seeing his smile cheered me up. Although he had a calm and cool atmosphere about him, he was subtly cheerful, and comforting to be around.

“So strange……”

“Eh?”

“No, it’s nothing. I was just thinking, we haven’t introduced ourselves yet…… I’m Miku.”

“You’re right, we haven’t. I’m Len. It’s nice to meet you, Miku.”

My heart started to pound again when he called my name. I spoke quickly to muffle the sound of my noisy heartbeat.

“What were you doing here, Len? Did you come to attend the wedding……?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’m a nobleman from the countryside of Tard, but…… Just for today, I wanted to come to meet the young lady of Cryinpt.”

“……!!”

“You’re just as beautiful as the rumors say… I was surprised.”

“Oh, no…”

My face reddened when he told me that I was beautiful. I have had many men tell me, countless times, how beautiful, and how gorgeous I was, but it was the first time I had ever felt so happy to hear it.

“I was worried since you looked so unhappy earlier, but it seems like you’re fine now,”

He said, and stood up. I followed suit, and also stood.

“….. Well, I’ll be going back now.”

“Eh….?”

“The truth is, I didn’t intend to actually attend the wedding….. I simply….wanted to catch a glimpse of you.”

“……”

“See you, Miku.”

At that moment, my hand moved on its own. I suddenly reached out and held onto the hem of his quality tuxedo.

“Ah……”

I was surprised by the involuntary moment, but even when I tried to let go, it was like my hand had turned to stone, and refused to budge. He slowly turned around. I didn’t want to see what expression he was making right now, and kept my gaze lowered.

“Miku……?”

“……”

“Miku….”

“……”

Forever, just like this. I wanted him to call my name with that slightly high-toned voice of his. I wanted him to gently hold me again, just like before. I knew what this was. This feeling…

“Will you…. come with me?”

I lifted my face, surprised at the words that he’d whispered softly, as if speaking to himself, and saw that Len was looking over with a somewhat troubled and pained expression. His eyes vividly showed his confusion. I was troubling him……

The wedding that would be taking place from now. People from all over the country were prepared to give their warm blessings, waiting for the protagonist to debut on stage. Both I, and the man in front of me, knew this all too well.

“…… Take me with you.”

If he told me that he’d only been joking…… Would he deceive me, and laugh at how easily I could say such whimsical things? I was anxious, and the sweat began to form on the hand that held onto his sleeve. Time had ever felt so long before. The silence was painful.

“……”

Just when I though Icould no longer stand the silence that made a second feel like an hour, and was about to let go, he suddenly grabbed by hand firmly. And so, we began to walk down the path that continued into the forest, opposite of the church. He walked ahead of me, and said nothing.

“……”

“Len……”

What kind of face did he have right now? Would he still be looking troubled? Perhaps, he only meant to walk with me to the middle of the forest and back to help clear my head……

Or, was he really…?

My heart beat fast in anticipation and worry. It quickened to match the speed of my footsteps.

After walking for a while, we arrived at a small hill. There was a carriage here. He finally turned around, and as before, he looked troubled, but he also wore a somewhat strange, unsatisfied expression.

“…… There’s really not much in Tard, you know. It’s in the country, after all, and we don’t have many conveniences or rich culture like here. The apples are very delicious, though. …… Still, are you, alright with that?”

The clear sky began to cloud over, and rain began to fall. I started to cry again, just a little bit.

“…. If the apples are delicious, then we can make delicious apple pies and have tea. That’s more than enough… to be happy.”

We hurriedly entered the carriage before the rain picked up. Would he think that my slightly damps cheeks were due to the rain? In the swaying carriage, we said nothing, and simply held hands. Beside me, he started outside the window at the cloudy sky the entire time.