Fallen Lightbringers' Return

Chapter 4: The Past Lee Dojin

"Hmm, this is a pain in the ass." Lee Dojin chewed on the chicken bone. After years of only eating rotten monster carcasses and plants that may or may not be poisonous, the taste of fast food was heavenly. He took another chicken wingthe fried smell tantalizing his sensesand stuffed it into his mouth; the oily crunch of the batter, mixed with that slightly tangy egg tartar sauce was a dream. He ripped through the white flesh with his teeth, leaving not a single edible part behind. He thought about the times when he had to eat wallpaper glue to survivesuch days were no more. No matter his future decisions, he had to stack up on food when the apocalypse happened.

In the meanwhile, he continued fiddled with his phone. "Damn it, that's not the password either. How annoying."

It was the morning of a new day, and he sat in his room, trying to find out more about himself. Well, not himself, but more like his past self, the one that resided in this body prior. However, that proved to be a lot harder than initially anticipated.

He browsed through the shelves, finding nothing of value. "But anyway, don't I live a comfortable life?" He analyzed his surroundings. His room was a lot bigger than he had lived before. His walls were made of hard cement, instead of the wood, he was used to. His bed was soft, and the sheets were big enough to cover him. The door fit perfectly in the frames, which he was rather thankful for. He still remembered, in the winter, when his old wooden door contracted to leave a gaping slit at the bottom, and the barrages of freezing wind entered, he always would catch a cold.

The only thing that bothered him was the family pictures hung around the bed-stand. There was no fatheras if he did not exist. From childhood until now, it was only his mother. But that didn't bother Lee Dojin. Instead, it was the facial expressions of the parallel him in the many pictures. Even though he had a lot more than the current him. The boy did not appear happy. Rather, in every photo, he frowned with his head down, appearing somber. His bangs kept hiding his eyes. Lee Dojin and he may have the same features, but they could not be any more different.

He bit through the chicken bone and spat it out. "Che, why is he so gloomy all the time?"

As he was about to inspect other places, he noticed a piece of paper sticking out from behind a picture. It was of his middle-school graduation. Taking it out, wondering what it was, his curiosity turned into surprise. It was a tattered book with a title: Diary.

"Haha, jackpot." He immediately started flipping through the notebook. "Hmm, boring. No, that's not it. Oh, that happened to him too? How funny. Nope, still irrelevant. Hoh, that is interesting." Lee Dojin read through his childhood, sometimes laughing, sometimes angry, sometimes pitying him, but always entertained. It was like reading a very long joke. That guy was the complete opposite of him.

While Lee Dojin was strong-willed, overbearing, arrogant, and prideful, the boy in this universe was passive, meek, and conflict-averse.

He flipped to the high-school chapter. The one written most recently. And seeing how his appearance was that of one just beginning university too, it fit pretty well. He grinned. "Now, let me see what Lee Dojin in this world tries to be." However, his grin faded, reading the first page.

[Why is it always me? They ganged up on me again today. Even though I don't have any money either. Even though I just want to go to school silently. Why do the strong always gang up on us weak?]

[I write again. They made me stand in the locker today. The teacher was furious since I wasn't at school. Hyejin tried to stand up for me again, but of course, no one wants to listen. I wish she did not talk to me anymore. It's fine, I don't want her to be hurt. It's fine.]

[Mom can't pay rent again today. I can't do this.]

[Hello, it's me again, writing because I cannot sleep. All the thoughts of ending it all leave me haunted, making it hard for me to concentrate on nothing; The time comes creeping too fast for me to keep up, and now it already is 4 am. Should I not go to school today? My mind is slow, I feel drowned in mud, I'm tired. I rested, but I'm still tired. I've coped, for years, by feeling nothing, but the fragile dam has brokenand I cannot stop it]

[I'm not craving for attention, I only wish someone would listen (or pretend they did). I don't need tipswhat I want is to vent, so I can at least treat the symptoms since the cause is already lost. Every day, I'm reminded that there's no point living in this world. I believe in rebirth, but I never hope to see it, since life itself is suffering.]

[I'm scared]

[I'm scared of death and pain, too cowardly to end it. What stops me is the means to do so. Though, if I had to choose, I would like to jump off a high building; because I would like to feel free one last time.]

[I won't end it, yet. But the limit hovers above me, and I think it is high-time to do so. I've reached overtime with no playbook. My sense of existence is fading, and I want to fade with it. Still, here I am.]

[I hate it here]

[...]

Lee Dojin closed the book. For a while, he stood there, unmoving. "This isn't a joke anymore." He brushed his hair aside. "Shit, the moods all ruined." He thought about the past Lee Dojin, the boy who wanted to disappear without any pain. In a way, he had gotten his last wish, even though Lee Dojin would have never agreed with him. However, that was just the way The Mirage was. As much as it was the enemy, it did grant many opportunities; For many, it had fulfilled the wishes of a lifetimethough it was up to them to decide whether it was worth it or not.

Lee Dojin hid the book behind the frame again. This was not a thing his mother should see. No, maybe she bears responsibility too, overlooking the suffering of her son. That, he won't deny. However, that was all in the past. The people residing in this body weren't the same anymore. The person now would never allow this to happen again.

He took his jacketone he did not borrow this timeand left for the door. His mother who stood in the kitchen walked up to him. She wore a pink apron and had her hair done in a bun. "Oh, where are you going Dojin? I thought you were ill, did you get better?"

"Uh," Lee Dojin suddenly remembered that he faked a stomachache since he did not want to go to school. In the first place. who took volunteer lessons in the holidays? No, even if he wished to go, he didn't know where it was anyway. "No, I'm just going to the convenience store then take a walk."

"Okay, but don't eat that pre-packaged food, you hear me? I'm sure that's why you got ill in the first place!" She waved the wooden spoon at Lee Dojin. It was nice to hear someone reprimanding him after such a long time.

Closing the door behind him. He walked out. Ever since he arrived, every time he was outside, he took a deep breath, enjoying the air. While many complained about the fine dust and smog, Lee Dojin could not help but feel that this was the freshest air he had ever breathed. If only they knew what would happen in less than a few weeks from now, they would never dare complain.

"I feel bad lying to her, but school can wait for now." Lee Dojin strolled around while thinking.

As previously mentioned, although the official start of the First Advent (and with it, the apocalypse) will be around 20 days from now on, there were some people who were able to start early, gaining powers and skills before anyone else. Entering the Mirage World early was mostly luck, but a select few got in due to knowledge. Lee Dojin would be of the latter one.

The first official start had been aptly named tutorial. Where Lee Dojin would traverse was known differently:

Trailer.

That's what the people referred to as the beginning before the beginning. Thinking about this, Lee Dojin the distaste from the diary left had started to wash out a little bit. Still, he also felt frustrated, thinking of how the system set people on such an unfair advantage right from the start. He wished to stop by the convenience store first, stuffing himself fill with food, since they would soon be a scarcity. Right in the vicinity of the entrance, there stood four boys, chatting loudly and scaring the customers away. "Should they not be in school doing voluntary lessons?"

Lee Dojin was about to walk past them and buy some Ramen, but the voice of one boy stopped him.

"Oh, no way Lee Dojin?" The boy's eyes opened wide. "What a surprise!"

Lee Dojin tilted his head. Did he know these people in his previous life? "Hello," he greeted curtly.

The other boys slowly realized who he was and surrounded him. "No way, is that all you have to say? And here I thought I'd not get to see you during new years." One person even placed his arm around Lee Dojin. "You little shit, I was just short on cash, why don't you cough up?" His friends chuckled like hyenas.

"Oh, that is how it is. It's you guys." Lee Dojin laughed loudly, his shrill voice surprising the boys around him. "Oh, how fitting. I was looking for a place to vent."