Danmachi: Westward Cloud [Complete]

[Vol.2] Quest 127.5- Vulnerable

Affection, it’s something everyone wants in their lives.

To hug one's family and friends. To hold the one you love in your hands. These feelings are special to each person but are taken for granted.

Up to this point, Cirrus has considered himself a child soldier, a path he willingly walked down. Even if he didn’t wish for it, it was still bound to happen in this era.

He didn’t have many friends. The only ones he would consider friends would be Nox, Circe, and Eupheme. Fels and Lenoa felt more like a family than anything and Ouranos felt like a somewhat distant uncle who would look out for him but would let him tumble and fall for them to learn. Everyone he met was far away in other cities or even countries.

But what of Ai? Since that kiss traveling back to Orario, he thought about it and he found it hard. He had felt a strong emotion he had never really experienced. Even in his past life, he never really connected with the people he went on dates with as he did with Ai, but why? Why was she different?

He wondered how love felt.

Was it like how they portrayed it in the stories and movies? Was it so great that it caused Paris and Helen to elope back to Troy? Was it great enough to make anyone stupid and say such ridiculous stuff? 

Cirrus lay there with Ai in his arms, looking up at the tent, thinking. He turned to her to see her sleeping face.

"Fuu~" She breathes softly.

'Maybe this is it? Maybe this is love? To see someone in their most vulnerable state and simply want to hold them. Cherish them.'

A memory went through his head. He remembered one scene in particular in a movie. The name had long left him, but the words the man said were as clear as a red stain on white sheet.

"... but you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feelin’ like God put an angel on Earth just for you, who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her be there forever."

Seeing her sleeping face, he couldn’t help but see her vulnerability. Cirrus was already on high alert in case of monsters. But what about her? She was asleep like a log. So, he thought to himself:

‘… Can I be vulnerable like her? When was the last time I was willing to open up to another?'

He raised his open left hand and held it up. He could see the blood and death he had caused while acting as the Golden-Horned Demon. Forgiveness for what he did was something he couldn’t bring himself to do.

Acceptance was something he could do, and he did. He accepted what he was doing and made peace with himself, and those he killed will be the ones he carries with him.

‘I… I will one day have to tell you that part of my life… no, I hope that day never comes.’

"Hmm... Mm cold." Ai hugged him tightly.

The feeling of her warm flesh upon him made him think.

‘Maybe… maybe this is it. This warm, full feeling in the heart that makes me want to keep her.'

"Is this love?" He said it ever so softly into her ears and remembered her.

Her white hair got dirty after being knocked down, and the angry expression she had got up to fight him again. The tips of her fox ears twitched from the smallest of sounds and movements, her tail wagging based on her emotions. It was always easy to tell how she was based on it. Her amethyst eyes were as brilliant as the stars in the sky or the light shimmering off the sea. Her horrible and painful habit of head-butting you to greet you when she was a kid and rarely, even now. Her expression when she eats something sour, her dreadful smile, and puffed-up cheeks when she’s mad.

‘Her smile… that bright smile always makes my day… was that it?’

She hugged him even more tightly than before, and a sense of comfort overwhelmed him.

‘Ah...my stress and doubts wash away...I want this, I don't want to lose this. I can have this right? After everything I... I shouldn't have this companionship, this affection. I—No. I can be selfish about this.'

His eyes slowly closed as he hugged her tightly to never let her go and whispered into her ears…

"I love you."

As he falls asleep, her ears twitch.