Casual Heroing

Chapter 31: Transactions

I wanted to shoot a joke saying that if she became my girlfriend, I would tell her the secret to multi-casting. But I have the distinct sensation that I would get punched silly at best.

I think that this soup is amazing, I say while theatrically ignoring Lucindas questions and blowing on the spoonful of hot soup.

Joey, you flat-eared she starts insulting me, but I keep smiling.

Oh man, leverage.

Im surprised by the quick turn of events. Im still catching my footing too. Our relationship just shifted quite a bit, didnt it? The stupid and silly human has learned a trick that most [Mages] will never figure out. And he has also employed his beautiful crush as his impromptu lawyer.

Truly delicious, I take another spoonful. I cant even taste the soup. The sweetness of this role-reversal is too overwhelming.

I know that Lucinda wants to murder me, but now I got an in. The negotiation thing was just the start. Without even knowing it, I got her tangled in my net.

Ok, lets backpedal for a second.

A part of me is very skeptical about this. Its not like it hasnt worked before, but this tactic wasnt always successful in the past. I do care about Lucinda and Im a bit scared that if I take this too far, I might upset her.

Also, Im not planning on hurting her either.

Will I tell her the secret of multi-casting? Sure.

Should I, considering the possible consequences of this? I dont care.

Will I tell her without making her suffer for it the tiniest bit? Oh, I dont think so.

This is a dance of back and forth, subtlety, and smashing things with a sledgehammer.

Ill tell you, I say while smiling sweetly. As soon as she starts relaxing and smiling back, I add with a wolfish grin, maybe. And there I put another spoonful of the hot soup in my mouth. This time I forgot to blow on it and its currently burning my tongue and my entire mouth, but I dont care. I go on as if nothing happened, while silently screaming in pain on the inside.

I can even pay you for it, Joey, she tells me with a serious tone.

First, I dont care about money that much. Second, I doubt that you have enough money to pay for it. It is my understanding that such a thing is extremely hard to accomplish. Not even some [Grand Magi] have mastered the proper technique, have they?

I have no idea whether what Im saying is true, but it makes me sound smarter, so.

Oh, by the way, I met Augustus, wonderful lad, I change topic, bored with all this magic stuff.

You what? she narrows her eyes. Did you tell him about the multi-casting?

What? No. We went for a big breakfast, basically my first lunch. We talked about Elves, Humans and stuff.

She can definitely smell that somethings off.

Joey, what did he say about me?

That you two are like brother and sister and that he wants to make sure Im not a crook. We liked each other and we should go for lunch tomorrow. You are welcome to join, by the way.

She slowly massages her temples with her eyes closed.

Okay, Joey. Listen to me. First, dont tell anyone about the multi-casting if you can. Its not something people would kill you for, but its still better to keep it under the lid. Second, Augustus better minds his own damn business when it comes to me. If you still want me for the negotiation with the bakeries, no funny business, is that clear?

I mean, I wouldnt mind having some fun? I venture my proposal.

Im serious. I dont want Augustus to bother you, she says with a resolute gaze.

Hes not bothering me! We had fun, for real! I think hes a wholesome guy!

Lucinda stares at me but I just shrug.

Its true. Lucinda, I dont mean any funny business, I swear. I am just interested, you know.

Interested? she moved her tongue over her lips.

Yes, Lucinda, interested, in you I wink.

She sighs and starts eating her soup without saying anything else.

However, theres a tinkle in her eyes that doesnt fool me. Shes thinking about it. Shes thinking about me.

I eat my soup in silence as well, occasionally staring at her beautiful face and her pointy ears, though.

Suddenly, I start thinking about Stan. I made sure that Antoninus got some food to him, and I will check on the guy later. I wonder how many homeless people are in this place.

Lucinda, how many homeless guys like Stan are there around the city? Like, beggars and such.

She raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised by the question.

I have no idea. Hundreds, I would say. Most of them are not allowed on some streets, but a few people gather supplies for them and make sure they have something to eat. During winter, the council and the mayor arrange a shelter or two for beggars. Having dead bodies lying around early in the morning doesnt make for happy citizens.

Oh.

Come on.

She sees the grimace on my face and asks: What?

Its just they are people. I mean, they smell, they are a bit stabby sometimes. But the joke about having dead bodies on the streets bothering citizens is a bit distasteful.

If they want to stay on the streets, let them. And if you want to help them, go ahead, Im not stopping you. Im just not in the mood to pity people who chose such a miserable fate. Go lay bricks or something if you need money to eat and a place to stay.

Oh man.

Oh, God.

Here we go.

In an instant, all my attraction for Lucinda goes down the drain.

Oh man, this is so unfair.

Please Lucinda, throw me a bone here.

Its not about pity. I mean, not in its current meaning. There were people where I come from that used to describe pity as piety, a different brand. Its about caring about others, making sure that no one suffers without a reason. Not everyone has to worry about those in need, but it would suffice not being mean about what they are going through. Thats all.

For Gods sake. Why do I care so much? Shes so hot. Why am I repulsed now?

I dont want to be a good person. I want to be a terrible person with a tremendously hot chick on my arm. Cant I have that, pretty please?

Alas, the answer is no.

Lucinda doesnt seem interested in replying to my statement and just eats her soup, probably thinking about my multi-casting ability.

Im not sure she knows that now she will never get it.

It is what it is.