Autopsy of a Mind

Chapter 98: Leaving Clues

The student didn't pester me again. When I went to my session with Dr. Knight the next day, Sebastian couldn't accompany me. He had been called to the police station. He fought me tooth and nail when I told him I could reschedule the appointment. So, there I was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Dr. Knight to be done with the current patient.

The door creaked open and I looked up. Glances were shared between the two patients and Dr. Knight peered out to usher me in. 

"Evie, how have you been?" he asked me warmly. 

"I've been okay. What about you? You look positively exhausted this evening," I commented. 

"It's my age, I think," he grumbled. "Working long days doesn't suit me anymore. Especially with patients who act like monkeys and don't finish my homework." I laughed as I pushed my hand into my bag. 

I placed the folder in front of him. "I don't know if you were referring to me like a monkey, but I would like to exclude myself from the group. There you go, my homework." I jerked my chin towards it. 

Dr. Knight groaned as he sat up and took the file. "You really put in a lot of effort into this." He flipped through the paper, noncommittally. I raised my brow in question. "What? If I could know you by just reading it myself, what use would this session be? Tell me how your week was."

I shrugged. "Worked, caught criminals. Put some sense into obnoxious people," I smiled. 

He gave a full-belly laugh. "I am interested in the last part," he confessed. "How were they obnoxious? And how did you put them into their place?" 

I reiterated the encounter with the student and fighting her opinion. Dr. Knight looked proud. 

"Evie, who should I thank for this?" he asked. "I suppose you." I scrunched my brow in confusion. "You defended yourself and your actions, Evie. When she placed the same evil vision of you, you fought back." He grinned. 

"I was just defending myself," I waved it off.

"No, this is huge." He flipped through the paper and stopped at a certain page. "Read this part out to me." I looked through and started reading. It was a long passage about my fears. I spoke about how I had watched people die without doing anything, how I had been just as guilty as Alicia. 

"I see what you mean," I admitted reluctantly. "But the feeling hasn't changed. It just infuriated me that she would speak of a situation she knew nothing about." 

"And that is why I am proud of you, Evie. At least when you were calling yourself Victim 4, you acknowledged how powerless you were in that scene. Only when you see yourself as a victim can you start to overcome the effect it had on you." 

"So, by saying that I am the victim, I am making progress?" I asked. "I always thought it was about acting strong and never giving in."

"That's a lot of bullshit people spew," he grunted. "If you don't evaluate yourself and let out your emotions, you will only make your situation worse."

"Do you want me to advertise that I am the victim?" I asked passively. 

"If you want to do that, fine. But you don't seem like the type. You are allowed to feel anger towards people and ask why you were the one who faced this situation. You can feel sad for your family, who were brutally murdered in front of you without feeling guilt that you couldn't help them. You... as you said in your own words, had no choice. A young girl being dragged into a world of cruelty. You didn't deserve that."

I didn't voice it, but I felt like I did. 

"I can see you thinking about it," Dr. Knight said. My head snapped up and I gave him a guilty smile. "Have you visited your family?" he asked. I froze and then shook my head. "Where are they buried?" he asked. 

I shifted uncomfortably. "I'll need to ask my aunt." I cleared my throat. 

"Okay. Moving on," I looked up in surprise. He gave me a small smile. "I'll grill you more in the future. For now, I will let you think about what I said." I nodded. "Now, tell me about your sleeping schedule. Did you try what I had told you?" 

I nodded enthusiastically and turned to the last page. "I have made a table of my routine, the time I went to bed, when I fell asleep and the dreams I have had." He looked over it.

"May I ask you a question?" I interjected. 

"Sure."

"You just glanced through the pages without reading but you still knew the contents of what I wrote. Is this a superpower?" I asked. 

He chuckled. "I've been doing this job for a very long time. I read exceptionally fast. And I don't go into the details, I brush over it to get the gist." He winked. "If you want to learn, I can teach you." 

"I would love to learn," I said eagerly. 

"Okay, the dreams seem consistent. Has it gotten better, though?" he asked. He did seem a little worried. 

"Yes, I found someone trustworthy to sleep beside me. Uh, as long as they stay awake, I seem to be fine. It just spirals down when he falls asleep." I sighed. 

"He? Boyfriend?" he asked curiously. I squinted my eyes and shook my head. 

"No, it's... it's Sebastian," I admitted. Dr. Knight's eyes widened. "I know... it sounds strange, but there is no one else I trust or know in town. I really want to get better." I looked down nervously. 

"If he is helping you, I won't say anything. Did he teach you anything?" Dr. Knight asked, avoiding the major point in this discussion. 

"He taught me how to breathe and get out of paralysis. He also helps me through the aftereffects. I think I have gotten better at not being scared to sleep. That was a huge problem that I had in the past. Now, I can prepare for sleep without dread."

He nodded in understanding. "Having someone trustworthy beside you reassures you that you will be safe from harm. I am glad it is working out for you." 

We spoke about sleeping arrangements and everything. He planned out how I needed to wean off. Overall, there were a lot of stick figures and pictures involved in the explanation. There was no jargon used and the explanation felt logical.

"I am happy you found someone who won't get scared. In patients of PTSD, night terrors usually lead to violent outbursts in real life. I don't know if it happened to you before this experiment, but for now, it has not happened. Keep a close eye on that. I will speak to Sebastian as well." Then he paused. 

"I know, it's unconventional." Granted, I had no other option. "I want to recover quickly. I feel safe with him and he understands me explicitly."

"You have a very trusting relationship. I don't mean to pry but are you in a romantic relationship?" he asked bluntly. I gawked and shook my head quickly. 

"I don't think I am capable of love, first of all. Secondly, Sebastian is not someone who considers relationships," I told him clearly. 

"I'll have to ask you to explain that," he commented, placing his chin in his palm as he waited for me to speak. 

"Which part?" I asked. 

"Both," he demanded. "Actually, start with the second. The first one needs a long conversation."

"You know Sebastian. He is a very rational person. He looks at other humans like people under microscopes. In my opinion, he has no such thoughts about me. I don't know about other women, but definitely not me." I scrunched my brow as I remembered. 

"Does that displease you?" he asked frankly. 

"Sorry?" I said too quickly. 

"The fact that he doesn't like you romantically, does that bother you?" I shook my head. 

"No, it's just that... He treats me differently. He is patient and gives me more space to grow. He helps me in every way possible. At times, it can be confusing." I stopped the thought. 

"Give me one example," Dr. Knight asked. 

"Uh, we went to watch a magic show. It was really crowded and he held my hand. I protested and told him someone might see but he didn't bother." I shrugged. "I know that he doesn't think of physical contact in such a way, but I study languages and interaction. For someone like me, an anomaly like him is perplexing."

"What does the way he interact with you tell you? If he was not an anomaly, that is," Dr. Knight corrected quickly. 

"That he was attracted to me," I replied frankly. 

"And you think that conclusion is not correct because Sebastian is different, is that right?"

I nodded, now confused about where this conversation was heading. 

"So, he shows signs of affection and protectiveness towards you. He is eager to teach you and is patient even when you are slow. But because you don't consider him like other people, you have concluded that he doesn't like you." He nodded sagely. 

I began to doubt how I should reply. 

"I don't see where this is headed," I admitted. 

"What if... What if Sebastian is not an anomaly?" He paused, raising his hand when he saw I was about to interject. "Sebastian is not a man who disregards such signs. He studies psychology and people. He is unable to emote well, but he is just like everyone else."

I thought about that for a second. "So, you think he likes me or something? Subconsciously?"

"I won't say I know what he feels. But an intelligent man like Sebastian doesn't leave clues. If he leaves clues..." he trailed off with a smile.