Autopsy of a Mind

Chapter 26: Yearning

The city was as busy as always. I was accompanying a group of seven tourists around. They were the rich Asians that were shown in movies. The families had come to City M to go to various universities for their open campus days; they were 'choosing' which graduate school would suit them best. It seemed that it was more of a vacation for them. On the sly, I heard them discussing which university they should invest in. I was rather disgusted by the method they were about to use to get their kid into university. I knew for a fact that they didn't know I could speak their language as they were very vocally speaking about me. Some of the younger boys in the group seemed ignorant of the inappropriateness of their words.

I had helped them visit the sightseeing locations across the state and finally come back to the city where I resided. Today, we were headed towards my alma mater. I was not sure if I would be allowed in so I had called ahead of time to make sure.

Apparently, I am a VIP of sorts on campus. No one knows why.

Possibly because I had continued to work freelance in my spare time and make some much needed extra cash that I was stowing away in my emergency fund. According to the elderly bank teller, not many youngsters these days think about emergencies or invest in their future endeavors. It was a mantra of a sort for me, make money, eat well, live a banal life and live for a very long time.

As we entered university, I heard the snickers from the younger generation, the awe of seeing a campus that size, them checking out other students and commenting on the 'excellent quality' of the campus. The parents seemed enthusiastic; they chirped among themselves about the infinite possibilities their children would have if they joined the university.

It was a brilliant university, no doubt, but I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.

I was greeted by the faces of juniors who seemed excited and asked me about my job. They were perplexed by why I didn't apply for a more serious job.

Recommendations were made to the central government to employ me as a translator, but I wasn't meant for that life. It was too high pressure, too unforgiving for me. And in this way, months had passed since I graduated.

Life was uneventful.

"When will we be arriving at the faculty of law?" one of the anxious individuals in the group chirped. I turned and politely told them the time estimate.

As we approached our destination, I saw a familiar figure creeping out of one of the buildings.

Department of Criminology.

I heaved a breath as I took in his appearance.

He hadn't seen me yet.

He was wearing a grey suit. I took in his features as I neared him.

His hair glowed red in the sunlight. I saw streaks of copper and bronze merged into the fiery color. Before, I had never paid attention to how he stood out. There was no turning away from him. His hair would catch your eyes, they would stun you, but his features were just as striking. His usually clean shaved face had the shadow of a rustic beard lingering on his chin. I staggered as I tried to move away from his line of sight.

I don't know why I did it, but it made me stand out further.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see him, I had thought about him sometimes since summer, but I had never thought that I would meet him ever again. I had his number, his email everything, but it didn't cross my mind that we would coincidentally meet on this huge campus one sunny day.

He stopped in his track and came towards me. It was almost as if I could see recognition flash in his eyes.

"Evie?" he called out. I sucked in a breath as I flickered my gaze back on him. I gulped as he neared.

"Mr. Butler," I squeaked. I extended my hand hoping that he would let me retain my dignity.

"What are you doing here?" he said once his feet were planted in front of mine. "I thought you had a new job." He sounded confused, and it was obvious. Guides were not supposed to enter campus grounds. They had students for that.

I heard mumbling from behind me, both men and women alike.

I paid no attention to them.

Mr. Butler fixed his glasses. He had never worn glasses before, so it took me by surprise. He noticed my stare and smiled.

"I had to stare at the laptop screen all day so I wear these anti-glare glasses." I blinked.

'His eyes are green.'

I shook my head internally to stop the train of thought.

'God, his eyes are pretty. How had I not noticed them before?'

"I am here for work." I choked out.

Why I was being so nervous around him, I don't know, but I didn't like how happy I was to see him again.

"You ended up working at the tourism company?"

I nodded.

"It has been about six months. I am primarily working within the city, but I think I will be sent outside very soon." I paused.

I looked at him baffled.

'Why are we talking in Mandarin?' I wondered.

And then I understood. There was complete silence behind me. I turned to see the wide-eyed tourists.

I had been busted. They now knew that I had understood every word they had said and I was mortified. Even they looked a bit ashamed.

"What's wrong?" Mr. Butler injected.

"Nothing, Mr. Butler just" he scrunched his brow as he saw me struggle.

"Sebastian," he injected.

I started.

"Urm Sebastian" I croaked out, unused to the feeling of his name on my tongue. "They didn't know I could speak their language," I laughed nervously.

He nodded, a sly look flashing across his eyes as he looked past me.

Perplexed, I looked back towards the crowd to see the rude boys looking anywhere but meeting our eyes.

Instantly, I understood what had happened.

"I have to get going," I told him. I sounded dejected even to myself.

He smiled and moved aside, making way for the group.

I stayed silent as I passed him. And then when I was farther away, I began chatting with the others in English again.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out as the group was talking to a college student.

Sebastian.

It was Sebastian.

'I am glad you are enjoying your work. But I hope you will stay safe.' He had texted me.

I scrunched my brow as I tried to discern his words.

Whispered words floated into my ears.

"I think he heard us talking about the guide. Do you think she heard us?"

'What had they said?' I wondered.

"Safe to say we won't be getting any tonight," one of them joked. I froze on spot.

He must have heard their remarks. And he must have been meaning to protect me in a small way.

I grew warm.

I let my fingers fly over the keypad.

'Thank you. I will take care.' I sent it.

In a moment of impulse, I send him a text asking him to stay safe.

In afterthought, he was someone who was equipped to overcome difficulties.

His words came back to me again.

People with the knowledge set capable of helping others.

Sebastian Butler had the knowledge to dissect the minds of criminals and ensure that they get put behind bars. He had the authority, the presence to demand that he be taken seriously. He had the skills to save lives.

And here I was, crying and feeling sorry for being incapable even though I had not tried to achieve this goal this pursuit of knowledge.

I stubbed the idea as it came to me. There was no use entangling myself in that frame of mind. I was better off living as far away from the morbid Mr. Butler as possible.

I sighed as I went about my job again.

I couldn't wait to get home and forget about the day.

That night I dreamt of my family, but this time the copper hair and green eyes featured prominently. I saw him watching from far away as my family was slaughtered. I saw him sitting beside me as I curled up in the bathroom hoping to survive.

There was no comfort in him being there. Just yearning.

It would have been so much better if he was the one taking on the case all those years ago.

Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have suffered so much.

Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have let it fuck my life up.

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